I stomped my foot on the ground with my arms held to my sides and my hands outwards away from my body.
"But I am a boy!" I screamed at the girls laughing infront of me.
"No offense Katie but there is nuuuu way you are a boy. Your just way girly." Brenda was, as usual, just being mean.
"My name is Kurt and your being mean to me."
"Katie enough already your gonna make me pee my panties." Carla was on the ground rolling around.
It has been like this from the first day I stepped into kindergarden. I was mistaken for a girl by the teacher. Let me correct that, not mistaken. She was convinced after my being there five minutes I was a girl and seperated me from the other boys. I have tried repeatedly over the years to correct this misunderstanding. I'm still trying. Currently the girls were yet again teasing me. I never once wore a dam dress to school, a skirt once but that was because I ripped my pants on the schoolbus.
However confirmation was coming up which all the girls were going on and on about what pretty dresses they are going to be wearing. They of course asked me and when I said I was gonna wear the nice pant suit mom bought me. Well lets just say it didn't go over well.
"Oh come on Katie at least tell us what your dress looks like. I bet it is really pretty on you." Nancy was the brainy one and even she is totally convinced I am just another girl.
"Its not a dress its a pant suit with a dress shirt."
"Boys wear shirts. Girls wear blouses Katie."Like I didn't know that!
"You, you, you, gaaaaaa!" I just walked away trying in vain to not swing my hips. It was a constant struggle over the summer the girls in my class had gone from stick figures to well girls. Unfortunately this damnable body of mine did the same thing. I didn't want breast buds yet there they were. Worse I had the biggest in class and I flatly refuse to wear a bra! The teachers have sent me home with notes a few times for mom to get me one. I actually have two of the feminine things in the back of a drawer at home and refuse to wear them. Mom of course has told me to wear them for various reasons. I don't care how red my chest gets I am not some damb girl and won't wear one.
I walked as swiftly as a I could maybe this time I can actually use the boys bathroom to pee.
"Young lady stop right there." I knew better but I kept going towards the boys bathroom door. I got maybe three more steps before Miss Haroldson clamped a vise like grip onto my arm.
"Lemme go I need to pee."
"Katie you know better! You will use the girls room just like all the other girls now scoot!" With a good shove and a pat I was pushed towards the girls room again. I walked towards the stupid door.
"Katie why are you not wearing your bra? I know your mother bought you one I was right there with her."
"Boys don't wear bras."
"Not this again. Katie your a pretty young girl. There is no reason to pretend to be a boy."
"But I am a boy!" She just walked up and put her hand over my left boobie.
"This tells me your a young lady."
"That's not my fault!"
She just sighed heavily. "Katie I know its scary when your breasts bud and how all the feelings your experiencing are very scary but you must be a brave little girl and put on your smile. They will soon be big enough that you cannot continue being a tomboy. Your a girl whether you like it or not. So please stop this "I'm a boy" nonsense. None of your teachers and your classmates believe it. It will cause you a pain that I am not sure you can endure. Okay."
I mumbled an okay with my head down and my hands clasped infront of me. It is not fair! I just want to be like the other boys but nobody will believe me. I went into the girls room and opened the stall. I pulled down my pants and y fronts. I looked at the seat and thought I should pee on it just to prove I am a boy. Sighed and sat down to pee instead it was so humiliating. I used some toilet paper to wipe my self down as of course sitting I dribbled all under myself.
I flushed and looked down at myself I still had just a small penis barely anything but it was my constant proof that I was indeed male. Still no sign of balls though. Mom says its nothing to worry about they will come in time. Until that time every day I look more and more like the girls in school. Heck I even had two folds of skin between my legs with no opening like the girls have. However In my underwear it does give the impression I have an inny like the girls.
I was near tears again, dam things keep coming so easy lately. I clasped my hands infront of me and prayed yet again like I do everyday for god to make me like the older boys with tbe black hairy arms legs and that mysterious bulge inbetween their legs. And like always I recieved no sigh that god listened.
I pulled up my y fronts and my pants wondering what it felt like to wear jeans that fit. I would look at the boys alot lately and admire their muscles , they way most of their jeans fit showing off their bulges. It wasn't fair I wanted to look like that. I exited the stall and there in the mirror was me. The girl me that everyone saw. Red hair cut close but still somehow feminine. The heart shaped face that all the women said was cute. Slender neck, leading to my plain light blue t shirt. And low and behold standing out for all to see was those stupid breasts. I couldn't even punch them anymore it hurt to much. I hated those breasts. And the nipples which used to be flat and small were larger and poking out the front of my t shirt. I knew I could put on a bra and hide the nipples in it but then the straps showed and the girls would snap them on me.
I didn't notice one of the older girls as I was focused on my stupid chest. She was putting on some of her makeup that was spread out of her purse on the counter. I will never understand why girls have to put that junk on their faces. Its like wearing mud on your face I would just want to wash it off all the time. Yuck girls are weird.
"Oh hi Katie. So it was you that Miss Haroldson was giving the lecture at before. I should have known."
"Yeah it was me she wont let me use the boys room like the other boys."
"Ewww gross why would you want to have boys look at you in there thats just weird. Hey cheer up come here and Ill let you use my mascara on those lovely lashes of yours. The boys will adore it." She was smiling like this was the best gift in the world to offer me. Yuck.
"Your loss. But if you don't wear a bra soon your gonna have all the boys drooling over your breasts you know."
"I don't wanna wear one. The girls will just snap the straps again." I started to cry.
"Oh come here you poor thing." I don't know why the girls do this but its one thing I do like. Hugs make me feel better enough to go on. Its one thing about the school I like. I heard bigger towns have way more students and you don't really know everyone. That seems strange to me but I guess in a bigger town I could blend in better. Surely there has to be other boys like me somewhere.
I sniffled into her shoulder for a bit more then she wiped my face with a damp tissue much like mom does. When I opened my eyes I just caught her bring the mascara brush towards my eyes. I back away shaking my head.
"Oh common Katie you know you want to. Shesh when I was your age"That wasn't that long ago I thought" I couldn't wait to wear makeup. It was all my mom could do to prevent me." I thought to myself maybe girls when they got old like mom got smart and didn't wear makeup anymore. mmm not, I have seen mom put on makeup a few times before she leaves for work. Girls!
I made my excuses to Betty with a thanks for the shoulder and left. I shuffled to my classroom I was early, again, and went to my seat near the teachers desk.
This year I had a cool teacher. Not an old fuddy dud but this guy was still old maybe in his twenties. Mr. Sizzler, who we jokedly called Mr. Sister. Was a nice guy always patiently explaining what something was. It was no surprise that this year my grades had improved either thanks to him.
"Oh hi Katie always early as usual. Be a good girl and clean off the blackboard for me would you. I have to finish these tests before class starts." With that he turned his head back to the flimsy on his desk marking away with his stinky marker. I cleaned off the blackboard, which wasn't really black but white, as it showed the picture from projector better when you did. Some of the older girls said that they used to be actual blackboards but got painted white to update the schools look.
I knew that it was school policy to not use calculators, phones, computers, or pdas in our classes. So that was why we had projectors and alot of pencils instead. In a way I kinda understood what they meant by it being better to learn how to do math on our own. I saw some poor lady at the store in town once who was totally lost without a functioning till.
Our town has one store not far from the gas station/garage but also close to the better restaurant. The one in the hotel wasn't as good. Mom worked at the restaurant as a waitress and the store part time on weekends.
In social studies we had learn that this town was once a stopping point for the railroad and the logging canals which just grew till it was big enough for one church and one school. Our church and school serviced a much bigger area than just our town. Some kids spent an hour on the bus each day. Me I was on for three stops as our house wasn't that far away. Mom told me it was safer to take the bus but I could have easily walked to and from school. But Mom was insistent that there was bad men who would hurt me in ways I couldn't understand.
She never told me what that was exactly but when she did she got this weird look on her face. I tried to not bring it up as she usually cried late at night and it made me feel awful.
I got home at my usual time to an empty house. The nice thing about small towns is everyone knows everyone so you can leave your house unlocked and nobody will break in, the bad thing is you might as well post your daily activities on the board in the post office.
Our home is not that big really since its the second house the main house is where the farmer lives, don't ask me where his farm is I don't know. I do know sometimes he comes home with his truck and it stinks so bad even with the windows closed I get a headache.
Since I had no homework I walked over to garden of the main house where Mrs. Peel, yes that is really her name, was tending with the ever present weeds in her garden. It is not one of those flower gardens , what a bad name, its a real garden with peas, corn, lettuce tomatoes cabbage, turnips, cucumbers, brussel sprouts,yuck, and potatoes , radishes and carrots are usually picked earlier and planted a second time if possible.
"Katie are those grub clothes or school clothes?" She didn't even look up from her garden.
"Go get changed and then come help me with the weeds. Why don't you wear the dress I gave you its warm enough today and its an old one of my Missy. And you better put on a bra as well young lady!"
"No buts now hurry up then you can help me clean the vegetables for supper."
I sauntered back to my house and took off my school clothes. I pulled out the yellow summer dress that she had talked about. It was an older dress I guess and the skirt had a slight dark stain, The shoulder straps had a bit of wear on it. I sighed and put it back in the closet. Mrs. Peel has been trying to get me to wear a dress for years. Two weeks ago she gave me this dress after I had spilt water all over myself helping her in her kitchen. She and the farmer had three children. Missy who was now in highschool as a junior, Teddy and Todd the twin boys who were almost twenty and that helped their da on the farm. Missy was well, a girly girl. She had a Ton of outfits and spent way too much time playing on her face and hair. Or dating boys. In our town it was ... unseemly for a boy and a girl to do anything more than kiss on a date. I knew from experience some boy would drive her home from the highschool in the next town usually after supper was served.
I pulled out one of Missys old yellow tops, her favorite color, and a pair of denim cut off shorts. Since they were girls shorts I knew I would get the look from Mrs. Peel if I wore y fronts so I picked out of pair of very plain panties from that drawer to go with them. Yes THAT drawer that had nothing but girl underwear in it. I looked at the bra strap for a second before closing the drawer. I removed my school clothes and pulled on the panties. Id rather get the panties dirty and ruined than my y fronts. The bad thing is that the outfit made me look very much like a girl. My nipples of course showed like bullets through the top but I really didn't care. I put on the plastic summer sandals that I used in the garden on my way out the door. Yes I left all my other clothes on the floor in my room I am not a neat freak like my mother.
I went back to the garden and started to pull the small weeds and dump them into the middle to be tilled. Of course Mrs. Peel noticed my omission.
"What!" Play innocent maybe she will just shake her head and leave me be.
A gloved hand with a bit of weed green and dirt grabbed my arm and pulled me along back to my house. Guess she didn't fall for it. Had to try.
"You know what go put on your bra. My god if one of the boys saw you so indescently dressed... How your mother can let you get away...' Ok she was sputtering. I behaved right...wrong.
"I don't wanna wear a stupid bra. I am a b.." I didn't get to finish.
"Katie! Enough! You be a good girl and put on your bra ....NOW!"
She isn't my mom but I still don't know why or how. One minute I am outside with her and the next I am in my room with the much hated bra in hand. It is a very simple bra with slightly padded cups and no wire. No frilly lace, gods I couldn't stand the stuff. It was well a boys bra in its plainess. Its not even white its more of a grey than anything else.
"Katie take off your top and I will help you put it on."
"EAYAAAAAA" I didn't know she was there and let loose a very girly scream.
"Oh Katie I'm sorry sweetie."
Once my heartrate slowed down enough I retrieved the bra from the model desk no worse for wear. I kinda hoped it would get wrecked. No such luck. She made me remove my top and then bend forward so that my breast fell into the cups. Next she had me bend my arms around my back with the straps. I lost the stupid things before I got to the middle of my back like three times before she just grabbed them and hooked them in place. Next she fiddled with the straps on the shoulders making them tight. I did the twisty uncomfortable feeling thing with my shoulders a bit. She just told me to stop fidgeting and put on my top.
As I walked back to the garden I kept fidgeting the bra straps seemed to want to compress my shoulders and was bugging the heck out of me. Mrs. Peel kept telling me to stop fidgeting and that I would get used to it soon enough. I didn't want to get used to it. I tried really hard to forget about it as I pulled weed after weed. I even made a little game out of pulling weeds. I wear the bra, I burn the bra. The last weed of course was wear the bra. I hated that weed and actively looked for another much to the amusement of Mrs. Peel when I told her why.
"Thats just the lords way of saying you should be a good little girl and wear her bra without complaint. Now help me pick a few fresh veggies for supper."
A few turned out to be a rather large pot worth. We went inside and washed our hands and the veggies, also my feet and knees. I don't know how she can pull weeks and veggies without getting her dress, she always wears a dress in her garden, feet and knees dirty.
Todd came in while we were cleaning the veggies and squeezed my butt.
"Looking good Katie."He is so lucky. I wanna be like him ignoring the 'womens work' in the kitchen to go and sit infront of the television. But then I would also probably get stuck with going to the farm and doing all that icky stuff like the cows pigs turkeys ducks and stuff.
Oh yeah the farm itself is a working farm with a huge barn for the cows, a second big barn for the pigs, and two smaller barns for the turkeys, ducks and chickens. No horses. There is a shower onsite in one of the new barns with a break room. Its not an old fashioned farm. It supplies alot of the fresh meats for the town. As well as grain for flour and sugar beets. The town fathers had at one point made a section for doing this to be self sufficient town. So the town itself pays for a fair share of the meats. There is a flour mill and sugar beat plant not too far from the farm. Mrs. Peels family has been supplying all these needs for decades. Its kinda cool when you think about it. Our school even took a day trip to go through the farm and how the animals all worked to supply the town and then the sugar beat plant, which is pretty huge and modernized. The flour mill is however a bit dated and not used as much as it used to be. Some families around the area still prefer to have their wheat ground by the two big stones.
The town I live in has a rather heavy mennonite/omish influence. There is not obvious people who are of either religious background. But there is a few older 'prissy' ladies who do look the part but don't act or speak it. No old horse drawn carriages or black cowls that cover the women or anything drastic like that but there is a strong ideal that women should wear dresses. Church for me is always a pain as just about every woman gives me dirty looks.
Much like the look Mrs. Peel is giving me. I guess I missed something.
"I said can you peel the potatoes and then chop them up into this pot."
"Oh sorry." I grabbed the pot and peeled some of last years potatoes into the pot one or two were squishy so I had to toss these into the rubbish box. I have heard tell that city folk go on about how modern they are with their compost boxes and stuff. We townsfolk just call it a rubbish pile thats in a small dip out back of the yard. It gets tilled over every spring and then emptied into the garden or any dips in the main yard. More than a few animals have tried to use the rubbish pile which is why its so far from the house. Bones are usually found dug out and cracked open. One we even found a dead badger and skunk who had killed each other around it. It stunk for weeks. The small yard tractor is for clearing the snow,tilling the pit and garden or more often to put a layer of dirt over the pile.
In the cellar I grabbed a jar of sour pickles and one of the sausages that Mr. Creepy, I mean Mr. Cresly makes for us. Its good sausage. I just don't like the way he looks at me with hungry eyes. If we need some animal put down in the town Mr. Cresly does it. He is the town trapper/hunter. Nobody likes him really. But he does make good sausage so people reluctantly go to him for it. He does help out at the farm during slaughter time. So I guess he gets alot of the stuff for the sausage then. He has a big stainless shop where he makes the sausage, hams, bacon and stuff. Most of it the store buys though. I have even helped mom on occasion in the store wrapping up the monthly packages of meats with brown wax paper. The store has this huge walk in freezer. It also has a cold room not far from the freezer where many of the local jams and jellies are stored. If you are not a townie you wont really know of all the stuff in the back tourists get some of it in fancy small jars.
Yeah one of the things our town is know for is local produce. People from the city drive miles and miles to get here to shop the local produce. So the town is always busy on weekends. Saturdays are market day for the tourists we setup a market of local produce that many of the towns people setup stalls to hawk their wares outside the store. The side of main street is usually packed with cars from about 7 am to 9 pm. Mom gets some good tips on Saturday so its only during winter that we can go shopping in the big malls of the city.
Sundays are spent with bakesales and other assorted stuff in summer. Many of which I get constantly looked down upon for not wearing a dress. I have come home in Moms arms crying more than a few times. Mom does her best to prevent it but she is not always available.
It seems her favorite saying is " I will not force my child to be anything other than what she or he wants." I don't really understand what that means. And when I ask mom she just tells me when I am old enough to understand fully she will explain. Until then I am supposed to just behave and be brave.
Ok people im stopping and saving this for now as i have some stuff to do ill update later.
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