The appointment at the Doctor's

The best stories start at the beginning so I guess that is where I have to start.

When I was little I knew something was wrong from an early age. Things didn't make sense but since I have that thing, that outie, that pe... I can't even spell it. Well you get the general idea. It's between my legs and has two bumps on either side. Anyways because of that I was supposed to be a boy. At least that was what I was told from an early age.

Growing up was difficult as it seemed my instincts were defective. What boys were supposed to do or want was, to me anyways, wrong. There is really no better word for it. Thankfully I had an older brother who I could just copy, which I did day in and out taking what he did and making it my own.

This was a sacrifice in many ways. By the time I was 7 my hips and buttocks started to fatten up while my waist didn't. At age 10 to my utter horror I had to start shaving my face. How many 10 year old boys do you really see shaving. When I was 12 I was shaving just about daily but my chest got itchy and somewhat painful.

I noticed and didn't tell my parents that I was getting bumps, I was thrilled though I honestly didn't know why. My father however found out and dragged me to the doctor.

"Its just gynocemastia. Here put him on testosterone for a month and that should take care of it." My dad was happy and had the prescription filled at the clinic. I however was depressed. The next month was not fun as I was inexplicably angry all the time at both girls and boys. I got into alot of trouble as I got into fights with both. Not arguments fights. Kicking slapping punching all that.

A year later from that I had to go to the bathroom alot during one week. What I pooped out wasn't normal. I could tell that but I didn't know what it was as I am color blind. Red and brown look exactly the same to me. From that point on every month I would have to sit on the toilet a few times a day for a week. The cramps were painful and annoying but I just "manned up" and didn't complain. My parents thought it was a reaction to something and just ignored it.

It was about this time that I first started to have a dying need to get pretty. Not crossdress or look like a girl get pretty. I tried to deny it you can guess how well that worked. I got caught one day all dressed up in one of my much older sister's old dresses. Dad was furious and laid down the law. Mom just shrugged and told me to not do it again.

I tried for years and years to be"a good boy" for my parents. I hid my emotions and yearnings to get pretty as much as possible. I couldn't stop that feeling no matter how hard I tried.

At the age of 30 I got hit with an abnormal surge of something. My breast tissue grew 2 inches in a week. It really hurt and they were incredibly sensitive. I saw the doctor of course. The same doctor I had had since I was little. Even though I complained regularly about having the "runs" every month to him for years it fell on deaf ears.

"Your a boy and boys cannot have girl parts!" was his general thinking.

He retired and I saw this doctor and told her everything I had told him over the years. She was furious that I had been ignored. She asked me some questions. Such as how often I had to pee, about once every 2 hours sometimes more. How often did my "pretty" episodes happen about a week before "the runs"? Just about everytime. Did I ever skip? yes sometimes nothing for 3 months up to 6 months but when I did finally go it was messy, painful, and lasted a full week sometimes 2 weeks.

Last week I was sent for a lower abdominal ultrasound. No biggie I though just checking for cancer or abnormal growths. I was so wrong.

"I don't know how to tell you this but your insides are female. Only your outsides are male." She tried nicely. I freaked out though and ran away.

I sat at home in the dark for days with the curtains drawn, yes I made them, and not talking to anyone. I foolishly left my sister as a secondary contact with the doctor. She came pounding on my door with my brother. I of course didn't answer which is why my brother is now installing me a new door and doorframe.

So here I sit with my worried sister beside me waiting in the doctors waiting room for my appointment to see her again. My family wants to see the proof of my female insides.

I am scared silly and I am not sure why. I have to go as the nurse is here maybe I will write more in you later. Ttfn Julie.

"Jules Macroy? The doctor will see you now."

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