Although everyone calls me that now Hailey is not really my name. I was born Hal Markes a normal boy and I was till about the age of 8. That's when everything changed.
I didn't think anything of it at the time but it started with my parents fighting, a usual occurrence in those days. It seemed like all they had done was fight since as long as I could remember. They got marriage counseling even but it didn't really seem to help all that much. They would just fight in even tones which was worse than the yelling. Alot worse as we kids were walking on eggshells the whole time.
It is just my older brother Howard and me. He was a good brother always trying to teach me all those things brothers seem to know. How to throw a ball properly, how to bat a ball, ride a bicycle, even how to run better. I was happy and would follow him around all the time. I was 8 and he was 12 and was growing his first mustache, or trying anyways.
Mom and dad always fought over the same thing. She wanted a daughter, Dad did not want another child as they could not afford it. His argument was that it would be more than just one more child before they got lucky with a girl. In those days my Mom was a stay at home mother and dad was the bread winner. His job was ok for an office job. I do not remember what it involved but I do know it was on the legal side of things. What? Most of the men I saw on tv at the time in offices were connected to the moffia in some way.
This argument took place on a saturday morning as Howard and myself were watching the morning cartoons infront of the tv. Mom and dad called me into the kitchen so with a look at my brother I went. I didn't know why I was there I hadn't done anything wrong. Mom and dad asked me to stand there and I did. I was just in my pajamas at the time. Little boy pajamas brown with green collar and small teddy bears on them. No slippers. My hair was not short short but a kind of longish style that needed another haircut.
They just stared at me for awhile until dad said "Fine do whatever you want with him" and walked away. I didn't know then but at the time as far as Dad was concerned his son Hal was dead. However for the first time I saw my mother's face breakout in the biggest smile ever. I was a little scared my mother never smiled. She walked up to me and just hugged me tightly, another thing she didn't do. The whispered "I love you Hailey" was something I just didn't get at the time.
The rest of that first day was sort of weird. Mom and dad actually talked. Just talked no yelling, no fighting actual talking. Neither Howard or myself knew what that was about but we agreed that it was a good thing. Mom called me into the kitchen often for little things. She spent an hour or two measuring for all sorts of things. We were playing in the back yard when mom called me in as she said we were going shopping.
Shopping usualy meant running to the grocery store and pushing around a trolley for mom to throw stuff in. After we would carry the paper bags, no plastic in those days, into the kitchen while trying to not bust the bags. Today was different, Mom took just me and not Howard as well, She made me put on the one tshirt I had that was yellow. It was a gift from someone and I almost never wore it. It made me look like a girl so I didn't wear it. I was also instructed to put on my shorts. Another thing I almost never wore as they were green and a little to tight in the crotch. Everytime I walked in them it pushed things down below up into me.
I waited downstairs for mom and Howard, being my brother, said I looked like a girl. I already knew that. I just pouted on the couch when Mom came downstairs with a large garbage bag. I should have paid more attention at the time to that bag. Mom and got into the car, we only had one. While dad took Howard out back of the house to do something. Well he was the older brother and I actually wanted to be with him.
Mom first drove to a discount store, she dropped the bag off in a bin inside the front door and dragged me around the store looking at clothes. We were not in the boys section so I wasn't paying any attention. She would pull out things here and there and hold them up to me while I just pushed around the cart. Sometimes she would ask my opinion of this or that and to be nice I would say it looked nice. Many of the stuff looked a little small for mom but I figured if it kept that smile on her face I would be nice and not get her upset.
We had been in the store for around an hour before she was satisfied with whatever it was she was buying and we then went to the changeroom. This is were I got the first impact of what was going on. The changerooms we went to were for girls not the boys and Mom pulled a few items from the cart and told me to try them on. I tried to tell mom that these were girl clothes I saw that smile slip off her face and I cringed. I don't know why but I was apologizing to mom for something I hadn't really done. She just hugged me "Hailey I know your scared but this is for the best." again that name. I figured Mom had lost it and to keep the peace I just played along like it was a costume for Halloween instead.
The first item was a denim dress which fit ok I though but mom was critical about this or that. She had me change tshirt to a white one with frilly edges that had red piping on the outside edges. There was some small heart prints on it as well. Moms 'Aww that's so cute on you Hailey' was embarrassing. But she kept had me putting things on their was little girl 'cute' skirts and a few tops. Eventually it was at an end and mom went up to pay the cashier. There was quite a few outfits now that I think about it.
The next stope was Kmart again the girls section where I asked if I could go look at toys. Mom said that was okay but to be careful. I was happily looking at all the G.I.joe figurines and the new Transformers in their clear plastic and reading the info for each one off the back. You could always tell the real transformers from the fake by the little chest emblem that when you held your finger over them would reveal if they were Autobot or Decepticon.
I was smiling and reading when some bigger boy came over and grabbed it from me. I didn't notice Mom and another women come up behind me as the boy said to me.
"These are for boys go look at the dolls girlie."
"But I am a boy!"
"Hailey! He is right you shouldn't be looking at those toys! The girls section is right over here."
"Enough young lady! We have put up with your tomboy ways for far to long it's time you started acting like the girl you are." the smile on moms face was gone.
"But Mommie I am not a girl I am a boy and my name is Hal."
"That's it young lady come here." she had her finger pointed down beside her and I knew what was coming from that look. I started to cry even before I got there and sure enough I got a spanking. Worse yet I actually peed a little while getting spanked. You try holding it in while getting paddled and see how well you do.
Mom of course noticed what I had done. She asked the other lady to go out to our car and get the small bag from the back seat while she would take care of my little problem in the bathroom. I was openly crying or sniffling and the boy was laughing at me. Not loudly as his mom would give him one if he went to far and he knew it.
I just buried my face into moms shoulder and she pushed the cart sniffling away and trying to hide. Getting spanked in the store was a very embarrassing thing for any child. I didn't notice mom talk to some lady about accident but I did notice we went into the woman's washroom. I hadn't been in here since I was 5. Mom had a bag with her of course. I found out while I had been starring at all the toys she had gone to the checkout already. She made me sit down to pee on the toilet, that was the first time I had to do that since I was potty trained. I told mom I could stand up to do it and she said little girls do not stand to pee they sit.
While I sat she took off my shorts, socks, running shoes, underwear, and tshirt which had gotten damp as well, mostly from my tears I think. She then wiped me with a small cloth so that I would not stink of pee. When I finished she made me wipe my self down below instead of just wiggling it. Next she dressed me a pair of girls panties and a girls undershirt called a camisole. She had me stand after she had wiggled some whit tights up to my knees. I begged her to stop as I was boy but she would have none of it asked me if I wanted another spanking. I didn't of course so she pulled them up to my waist. She then put a small half slip on me and left me in the stall crying while she took the tags and stickers to the trash. I heard the door of the washroom open and some mumbling in low tones.
Mom came back with that little white girls shirt and the red denim dress, which I learned is called a jumper. She put this on me. She then made me put on some small black sandals called Mary Janes.
"Oh Hailey you look so pretty there is no reason for you to cry honey." I couldn't help it I hugged my mother and cried even more into her shoulder. I didn't want to be a girl and couldn't understand why she was doing this to me. She picked me up and carried me out to the counter where she sat me down and proceeded to brush my hair. A lady came in with her daughter in tow and her face softened at the sight of me.
"Aww why are you crying honey you look so pretty." she asked.
"Someone had a small accident while shopping and is a little upset over being so dressed up" mom mouthed tomboy at her. This seemed to mollify here in some way as she just gave me a small kiss on the cheek and walked away. I guess girls at my age do things like this alot. Her daughter who was in a similar outfit kept reaching for her ears as her mother told her to stop playing with them.
Mom and the lady whos name was Jane talked about the trials of tomboyish daughters not wanting to be dressed up and other stuff. The little girl Ashley, who is older than me at the age of 9 was had just her ears done for the first time and was still not liking that she couldn't go play with the boys in the neighborhood. Mom finished brushing my hair and put me on the floor. I went to Ashley and asked her if it hurt. She said it sorta pinched a bit but didn't really hurt that much.
We left the bathroom soon after and people kept stopping us to tell mom how pretty I was. I broke down in tears a few more times nobody could see I was a boy. I felt so alone. I begged mom to let me be a boy again but she wasn't listening I even tried to stand my ground but she just pulled me along in her viselike grip. It was after another one of my little tantrums that she pulled me aside from peoples view and crouched down to my height.
"Hailey honey I know your scared but there is no reason to be. There is nothing wrong with being a girl."
"But Mom my name isn't Hailey it's Hal I am a boy not a girl. Please can't we go back home I don't wanna be a girl anymore."
"Thats enough young lady! You are a girl and from now on you will act like one you WILL NOT BE A TOMBOY anymore. Are WE Clear?" Mom was getting mad. I could tell another spanking was not far off. I tried really hard to not cry and be a good boy. I figured I had done something wrong and Mommy was mad at me for it.
She continued to pull me around the Mall from place to place getting little things here and there. A purse which I threw on the ground as I didn't want a purse. That got me a spanking. Panties have even less to protect my bum than boys undies do. It was while I was recovering from this I got pulled into a salon in the mall. Mom told the girls I was being stubborn and needed my ears pierced and a perm. I tried to run away when I was told that but they caught me and kicking and screaming I was put into a chair. Mom's face was thunderous.
I had to sit there for an hour as my hair was curled into rollers and some smelly stuff was rubbed into my scalp. I almost didn't notice the ear piercings which didn't really take all that long. I must have been tired as I fell asleep in my chair and was only woken up when they shook me awake.
"Wake up princess we are all done. She that pretty girl in the mirror thats you honey." the hair lady said. No it wasn't me it was a little girl. My eyes had be changed somehow maybe the eyebrows I am not sure. My hands had been painted and my head was a mass of cute girly curls.
There was no way anyone would see me as a boy now. I started to sniffle at the look and they thought it was because I was happy. I just gave up at this point as my boyness was lost. The only real choice for me now was to be Hailey for Mommy, she insisted I call her that, and to behave as a girl.
The trip home I pouted the whole way. I couldn't face my brother howard now, not with the way I looked. Mom pulled into the driveway and I hopped out the otherside ready to grab the bags like usual when mom stopped me. She said only boys grabbed the bags and to wait for my brother and dad to get them for us. Which they did. Howard just looked at me with sad eyes and Daddy wouldn't even look at me. I tried to not cry but it was really hard.
That night and the following days were all an endless education in girlhood. I was left with no choice in the matter. The plus side Mom and Dad didn't fight anymore. Howard called me Hailey all the time after he confessed he didn't want to risk mom making him a girl too. I didn't understand anything I was a good boy why was I being made into a girl. It was an answer I would not get for some time.
During that first week mom brought me to a rather seedy looking doctor's office. I was sitting in the grimy waiting room with its hard plastic chairs and no magazines when I got sleepy. I must have fallen into a deep sleep cause when I next woke up I was laying on a table in one of those disposable paper gowns. I was in a dim room that smelled of disinfectant. When I moved I felt a pain from down below. I moved my hand to check what was going on when I encountered a bandage. I was about to rip them off when mom came into the room.
"Hailey leave that alone! The nice doctor fixed your defect so that you will no longer confuse yourself as a boy. You are to leave that in place for the next few days don't worry there is a little baggie that we change and empty every few hours." I was now scared. She had chopped off my penis!.
The healing took almost 2 weeks of that summer many of the days I just lay in my new girlie canopy bed surrounded by plush stuffed toys. I cried off and on. I couldn't believe mom had really done this to me. When the bandages came off I saw in the mirror that my penis and testicles were gone and in their place was a small slit. I didn't listen to the mean doctor as he told mom all about using creams on the skin to allow for growth and stuff.
I tried to retreat into myself but mommy would just spank me each time I tried. It took me awhile to accept that I was now a girl. I hoped that someone would rescue me but it never happened. Day after day I became more of a girl in body but not mind or spirit.
Before I knew it 4 years had passed with me going to school as Hailey. I hated that name so much but none of the teachers would believe me after yet another mean doctor and mom convinced them it was a minor delusion and to not reinforce it or something like that. Everyday mom would stick a patch on my back before I went to school. Always in a pleated skirt and white blouse.
As you can see I have girly breasts and hips but really officer I am a boy. Mommy did this to me. This is wrong can you hide me from Mommy and Daddy. I don't wanna be a girl anymore its too hard.
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