Growing up whenever we went out to someplace dressy or special I never had to wear a tie like other boys my age. Just a nice shirt and pants were fine.
That's not to say that mom was happy when I did. Usually she would just frown at me and say something like" Oh Jay" shake her head and shoo me out the door.
Don't get the wrong idea. I was an only child to my mom and dad. Dad was a workaholic till I was about nine or ten when he went to work and never came back.
Mom was very sad for a long time but we never seemed to have much problem with money as far as I could tell.
It's wasn't till I reached the age of nineteen that I found out dear old dad got to work and, apparently collapsed at his desk, the only reason I have found was a aneurysm but it wasn't because of blood pressure or stuff. Not even from cancer. Something about a very small piercing that hit him at some point and it just happen to burst at that point.
I did a bunch of looking into this. It's interesting and rare. What happened or where I do not not know in regards to my dad. My best guess is while driving with his window open, some hydraulic powered machine a breach of a hose occurred and the tiny sliver of material acted very much like a bullet and pierced his skull at incredibly high speed.
It probably didn't even bleed. Kind of a totally freak accident. It would be like a really tiny grain of sand traveling at mach plus speed. It would pierce a foot thick piece of metal. It's actually the basis of the water jet metal cutters. These factory only machines can cut through a foot thick of high carbon steel with a machined surface cut. Actually if the metal on these machines is not held stock still the cut is so smooth and small it can weld itself together.
Right right..back to my story.. But it's so interesting...
oh heck the old british made rolls Royce engines are made with such tolerances that the engines do not require head gaskets and...Okay I get it...
But the new ceramic taps....
Sigh back to the story...
Yes I have a bit of a problem with being too smart for my own good. A problem with higher than normal iq is we get distracted so easily.
But... My dad passing in such a way did leave us with a nest egg. I'm not sure how much mom got as she never told me. I have a trust fund that I do have to wait for a few more months to get the rest but my college or university was paid for even if I hadn't gotten a nice grant/scholarship for my engineering degrees. I have three, and yes one is a masters.
I have a masters in general engineering, a phd in mechanical engineering and a bachelors in electrical engineering. In case your wondering my worst subject was English. I use spellchecker and other programs to get stuff right..or close too. Now today in university the course and degrees I took have changed so don't even bother looking them up.
In layman's terms, love that one, I am an engineering in many broad fields and can legally build just about anything I want. My place has a workshop. Well my current place. My old place I had a basement that was a workshop.
Eh hemmm...So my current place is six acres of private wooded lot with a building that would be a three car garage if it had a door big enough to accept a car. The big door is just too small for most vehicles. Tall but not very wide. There is a hoist system in the shop that will just reach outside of that door. I have a few computer controlled machines, a fair amount of stock, and a bin that I get hauled away when it's full of scrap.
That's the metal side. There is also the electronic lab by itself and my woodshop next to that with a very good dust system.
My custom made house is very comfy. It's based off of the state side colonial house. Just built a bit more...hefty.
Triple pane double hung sash windows inside and out. There is two panes seperated by about six inches. Walls are twelve inches thick with closed cell foam. ie it is up to standard of r60 or so. I have no heat loss on house. Actually even in winter I have heat gain if anything. Double the standard hvac system takes care of everything else. Although to be truthful it barely ever turns on and will probably last decades.
All year long my house stays comfy without an energy cost. Hey it's an engineers home!.
I do produce my own power. Which is understandable since I work for an energy company. We develope better ways to make electricity. Or at least I do.
To give you an idea. Most wind power is done with generators. Ie it is direct current. However automobiles have used alternators in place of generators for decades to save space. So why not on wind machines? It was my thesis in uni. My prototype powers all my needs in the shop.
That is not to say wind power is my only power source. I also have geo thermal generation which is too complicated to explain. I have solar on ever south facing roof, which is most of them. I do not have a storage facility. I don't need it. However i do make enough power that in essence. My home costs me nothing. My excess power, which is a fair amount, pays for my taxes. Rural homes have their own water and sewage. My is no different in the middle of my front forest is a lagoon. One end of that lagoon is where my neighbors pile their yard waste and I pile sawdust from the mill. Good compost.
Oh yea that. I build a custom bandsaw mill for cutting my own wood. Stupid lumber yards don't cut wood to true inch dimensions. So I cut my own, and my few neighbors. A day of cutting once or twice a year provides all the lumber we need. They dry it for me. Makes a lot of saw dust. Though I have been visiting some other sawmills and looking at history. Which is why in my shop is a half built steam system that I work on when I can't sleep. Not up to ninety nine efficiency yet, but I'll get there.
I go to work three days a week for meetings and to work on specifics in my lab at work, it's shared by someone with even less involvement with life around them than me. Ie Jim gets distracted easier than I do and is way more specific when he describes something than me. We get along great!
He has a bad tendency to sleep in the lab though. There has been times where I am not sure if he has gone home for a month. He does eat regularly. He has to diabetes, other than that he shuts out all distractions. Brilliant but clueless is a good description of Jim. His personal laptop is a Pentium if it helps.
So that means during my downtime I try to relax with my hobby. My hobby is not woodworking, well it is but not THAT hobby.
I wear women's clothing. Dresses, skirts, makeup, and whatnot. I have two bedrooms. In the spare bedroom is my guy stuff. I don't spend time in there except to get ready for work or going out to mill. The mill is on the front old section of my property. Where the original small dilapidated house and shed were when I bought the place. They both burnt down a week after I bought the place no loss. Some local kid did it while smoking drugs. Very sad his funeral was interesting.
I have a gate on property that is shut most of the time. I have an old style phone in my den. What I don't really need an office. My cousin is an accountant. Everything else is automatic. Grocery's I dress in androgynous women clothes that could pass as mens. Everyone know's me as Jay anyways.
As for me, when I was younger I kept my hair short all the time as it was easy to wash and style, not that style was a big thing for me. School was school. I went did my work slept through many classes. Friends? I think I had some but it wasn't a big time for me. Didn't go out for after school stuff. Not even sure my school had after school stuff. It should have but I don't remember their being any.
I do know my fascination for women's clothing came at a young age. One of my girl cousins had this big thing at one time and her special dress, all satin and poofy, got stored in my closet for some reason. It was not mine but i did try it on a few times. Probably the only reason I learned how to replace a zipper was because of that dress.
Mom's old makeup and lingerie were used on occasion. Why she had some that were too small for her is beyond me.
I have never been that big either. I stand about five feet seven inches. What that is in meters or whatever the metric equivalent is not sure. My doctor didn't like metric. I weigh about hundred forty pounds depending on day. I bicycle regularly to and from work on clear warm days and ski in winter. Work is not in the city but more on the outskirts of the city. An hour gets me there on skis. Thirty minutes in summer on bike without sweating.
Being pudgy when I was young, actually now that I think about it some of that hasn't gone away. Err where was I oh yes my "breasts" gynocemastica not a biggy. I do not really need to stuff a bra if I have a good push up. Not real women's breasts but enough that I need to wear baggy sweaters when I present as a guy.
Most days as soon as I got home I went to my bedroom, where all the girls stuff is, and got into a nice bubble bath, dried, powdered and slipped into one of my favorite dresses. I call them house dresses. Simple print A line dresses short sleeves heart neckline.
On this day it was a purple dress with yellow and pink flowers. I had on my apron and was working on my bread, I make my own. When the doorbell to my house rang. Did I jump and scream? Yes with my gate closed nobody ever visits me. Unknown to me the gate closed and opened again.
Was I caught? Well yes since my kitchen is not far from the door so anyone walking up would have seen me through windows. Nervous and shaking I went to the door.
It was my neighbor Emily. Her husband was a turner.
"Hey Jay! Sorry to bother you but as cliche as this is would it be possible to get a cup of sugar?" She asked. She didn't bat an eyelid at my state of dress. I was wearing some makeup but not much. My hair was also in a simple pony tail. I grew it out in uni and like it long.
"Uh sure won't you come in?" please please say no.
"Sure love too. What you makin?" Emily said as she was already walking into my kitchen.
"Nice place you have love the kitchen."
"Bread." Kinda hard to deny that with the big wood bread bowl of dough and flour on counter. I could almost feel the pee in my panties, I wore a pad it just felt, right to do so. This one will need changing. Going up to my mostly finished oak pantry I pulled out my ceramic crock of sugar and dumped out a cup into a Ziploc bag for her. Just take it and go please!
"Aww hun thanks you saved me. My car is broke and I'm making a cake myself for Sam's birthday." Sam is her daughter a sweet little thing.
Okay now is time to go.
"Oh that is a nice bowl and your dough looks so even. How do you do it?" or not.
"I just follow the recipe and make sure my water is just nice. Real butter also helps."
"Not corn oil margarine?"
"No the butter has the best mix of good and bad cholesterol and good and bad fatty acids. It's also a good probotic. It's actually healthier for you that anything else. Just get unsalted butter. It's best to get organic butter that is done in a churn here." I pulled out some butter that i got from the outdoor market and some of the store bought stuff.
"Oh this one is good!" then she tasted the store bought" This one not so good."
"That one is store bought and not as healthy for you as this home made one. They killed the probotics during processing"
It was small chit chat like this or small talk before she decided it was time to go. Surprisingly the clock said only five minutes had passed. Felt more like an hour.
Not once was how I was dressed came up. I figured she would give me a look or something but nothing. While she had been talking I had punched down my dough for the second rise. I buttered it and covered it with a clean dish cloth.
Once I was sure she had left I locked my doors went to my basement and breathed. I guess it was a panic attack of some sort. I mean here I was a guy dressed as a girl. Not the most attractive girl. Still dressed as one and nothing happened. I guess after a bit I sorta fell asleep on my nice comfy couch.
It's a purple and white velvet type of couch. I got it from a neighbor who was throwing it out back when I lived in a shitty apartment while going to uni.
The back of the couch was broken but some glue and some more wood was a reinforcement and a fair amount of staples it was as good as new. I've slept so much on that couch that I have had to steam it a few times for mites.
Yes if you use a piece of furniture there are these tiny mites that invade it to eat your human dead skin that everyone leaves behind. Just clean it often and they die. There is a steam cleaning shampoo that also helps. I also do my mattress once a month or so. The spare bedroom I haven't needed to do. My men's bedroom I have done twice.
I also have my projector setup near that couch with a nice soundsystem. And no it is not a dolby surround system. This is kinda a hodge podge of various amps, subwoofers, speakers, and other components, including but not limited to an lp, cd, dvd, laserdisc, beta, and vcr.
Hey I like some of my old videos and music!
Two of the subs are set behind the couch. I get the full experience when watching a movie!
To be fair the other half of the basement has a gaming room of sorts. It's new. The server is the next room over. The game room has my vivo in it. Waiting for the star trek game, sigh.
Still so comfy...
Emily walked into her house with the bag of sugar. She was still smiling to herself as she went back to mixing the ingredents for her cake for little Samantha.
"Bout time she started to dress like a woman. Can't wait to tell the girls at church that Jaci-lynn is getting over that tom boy stage! Now ..hmm Brad's boy? Nah she would never go for him."
"Guess we should call her Jacy instead of Jay now?"
When I did manage to get back upstairs I had a really large mound of dough in my bowl. Not ruined but instead of bread guess I had a bunch of pizza dough. I vacuum sealed the packages of dough before putting them in freezer.
That, however was lastnight where I slept like crap. I knew I had to get ready for work fast as I had a meeting this morning. The only problem was that I was most of the way to work, running slightly late, when I realized I made a huge mistake.
Instead of my usual dress shirt, wrinkled, under a sweater, and dress pants with black running shoes I was wearing makeup, had my hair all styled up, Jewellery of pearl earrings and small necklace, ladies watch.
I had nylons on into a pair of nice brown pumps. Worse than the oh so comfy lingerie was that I was wearing a embroidered white blouse, open collar, in a brown skirt suit that went to my knees while sitting. It was not work attire. Well it was but it wasn't.
I was so screwed! I knew I would get fired!
BUT...as much as I knew I should turn around, or call in sick, or even visit Walmart and get some normal guy clothes I couldn't. I kept driving to work!
I got to work and tried to not turn off the car, I did. I tried to not get out. I did. I walked sorta stiff legged into work. Like I was walking with my hips but I was trying to hold back. I was pretty sure my white blouse underarms are totally soaked.
I made my way to my office expecting a nasty comment at any time. Alright not really an office as it's just a desk in a cubicle in my lab. Still it's a place to put my stuff. Today it was my stupid purse and my blazer exposing my delicate arms in the short sleeve blouse that does little to keep me warm. Anyone could see that I was wearing a lace camisole under my blouse.
"Hey Jay is that you?"
"Is something wrong? I just wanna ...Woah hot date tonight?" Jim asked.
Looking down at my hands I noticed I even polished my nails, badly to be truthful. "Uh no...I kinda didn't pay attention this morning and... I uh.."
"Hey hey." He patted my shoulder." It's okay I know you women sometimes get these days were you want to be all prettied up. Frankly I was beginning to wonder if you were a lesbian."
"What? Jim! No you hhhaa..." I was speachless.
"Relax Jay...no I suppose today it would be more correct to call you Jacilynn. "
"But butt but.."
"Anyways your too young for me. Don;t worry Bev would kill me." He said so while obviously fingering his ring finger. He and Beverly had been married for years. Honestly I have no idea when and I'm not sure they do either. She has an eye glued to her microscope most of the time in a lab on the other side of town. He drives a beat up car, she drives a scooter or bicycles like me. She's a neat freak, he is a slob. They get along like two peas in a pod. I have never seen a completely clueless but so in love couple. When the two are together they forget everything and everyone else. It's made for some interesting christmas parties. And no that is really TMI so no telling.
So yes Jim is safe for a girl to be around. Wait a minute what I am thinking!
"Here check my figures I think I got the ratio right but I may have messed up the carry of the sign."
I know I have computers. Nice ones too but sometimes it's easier to just grab the old Texas Instrument calc and do it manually. Which is what I did for the next two hours totally forgetting how I was dressed while we worked.
In case your wondering, yes he did make a mistake not in the steam constant rate of expansion not the torgue like he though.
Oh that well we are kinda working on getting maximum efficiency out of a steam unit. It's not a turbine as such. It's not really a regular engine either. It's all ceramic and takes the space of a microwave, okay a big microwave, but so far it does deliver about a kilo of power on just about anything we run on it. Still it's not ..RIGHT.
Alright maybe shooting for ninety nine percent efficiency is a bit high for a steam system. And it's years from production but it seems to work.
We just have to get there the latest tests show us at ninety one point six efficiency. One of the earlier models is being used in the bosses boat. Something like a gallon of canola oil gets him some three days of constant fishing. That one was uh i forget it was the eighty or seventy ef..
Speaking of boss...
"Jim, Jay...wow girl"he's flamboyantly gay," Jim would you and Ms. Keyys care to join us in the conference room where you were supposed to be ten minutes ago." He said it nicely. I still blushed deep red as until that moment I was so involved I forgot how I was dressed.
I hurried to my desk and grabbed my blazer, the conference room is usually ice cold. Probably why it's used for office parties and meetings and nothing else.
Rushing to catch up with the guys while putting on my blazer. Why do us women have to wear such restrive...What the hell am I thinking! Your a guy Jay!
I did make it to the door mostly presentable. I forget my purse behind me and looked to Jim before entering. He just smiled and waved me in. Holding my head down in shame I entered the room.
"Holy smokes. She wow."
"Excuse what happened to the tomboy slob Jay is she not joining us?" Oh gods! Wait... they thought I was a gir...but I never..
"Yes Ladies and gentlemen, and I mean that in sarcasim, Jay will not be joining us today in her place is the uh well it's just Jacilynn or Ms. Keyys if you will"
"Good one Doug. Sloppy save but good one." That was Patty from accounting. Who also happens to be one of the key share holders to the company. Not the top one but still a big one. She is probably worth a ton of money yet she acts, dresses, and seems to be a receptionist. Yes she even part times as one when Keldeep is off somewhere. Attending these meetings is about the only time she wears her VIP hat.
What I never claimed most of us were normal? Hell I'm probably the most normal woman here!... Wait a minute JAY YOUR A GUY!
Our esteemed chairman is out 'networking'. He is playing golf and losing as needed. Contrary to popular belief most of the business done behind the scenes is not done in bars or meeting rooms. It's done on a gold course or the 'reserved' section of a clubhouse. He does it really well. We never lack for money or investors. He does come by at least once a day and does office work three days a week...usually.
I know he has a cabin somewhere too. Again it's for work not vacation. Bill is a workaholic. It just looks like he is goofing off. He is very good at it. When he is in the office for an investors meeting the guy is so focused and holds that touch of 'important person' power so well. Hell when he interview me along with Patty I peed my panties when I met them. Yes I wore panties, and a pad. I'm not that stupid. Okay so I was nervous as hell and forgot I was wearing them at the time. Still I make it a practice to wear them when something important is coming up.
Uhhhheee alright I fibbed. I only wear mens underwear when I go home err I mean to mom's ...actually I haven't even done that in the last two years...I think. Do I even have any left?
The meeting was weird, well for me anyways. It was like everyone was happy I was dressed as a girl. Of course the impression they gave that I was actually a women to begin with didn't help me much. Well it did but I guess it didn't. At the end of the day Patty was waiting for me, I was so sure she had a final paycheck and a nice pink slip with my name it on.
"So glad to see you dressed nicely. We"uh oh" hope that this will not be the last time." She walked away before I could pick my jaw off the floor. It wasn't a "you better wear a dress and skirt from now on" but more of a "stop being a tomboy slob" thing.
I need a drink.
After a rather grueling day at work I was just hoping for quiet night at home. Fat chance as I was pulling up it was obvious Emily told someone. In this case there was three guys in trucks with what looked to be fresh cut trees. Sure they needed some spruce and birch cut into boards....
"DUDE!" Before you think badly. Brett called everyone dude. I'm not entirely sure he ever puts the caps on his solvents if you get my meaning.
"Sure thing lil lady."
Did I mention that the local bar is a country bar? No well the owner of said bar that doesn't even do woodworking is here in his truck with what looks to be a maple in the back. He is a big John Wayne fan.
I just hung my head. MEN! Wait..what the hell is wrong with me today? Jay your a friggin GUY!
"Bring them to the mill. I'll get some grubs on."
I should mention that today is a very warm evening. The guys are not wearing shirts. Well Bud is, the bar owner, but he is also like three hundred pounds. His wife is worse. TMI to see what is under that shirt.
I unlocked the gate and drove to my house. Kinda hard to hide my man boobies on a day like today. Normally I wear a bra cami and aline black skirt. It exposes some skin. Today I chose to wear a tank top flannel that was designed to be worn tied up and a pair of denim shorts. It left my middrift bare and same with legs. Was it girlie? Only thing I didn't wear was a white cowboy hat. Nope don't have one.
Why dress like that? I just didn't give a dam after my day.
I cut up their planks. The spruce turned out to be a black walnut. The birch was a birch and was nice wood. The maple was half rotten but the outer was ok so he got some alright maple firewood.
I generally don't take any wood from the guys but today I did take a slab or two of the black walnut. Hey its nice wood!
I give the rest, including the slabs, back to the guys. I also gave Bud, Brett, and Wiess(everyone calls him Wiess don't ask) a load of compost too. It smells but is great for gardens. That and I wanted to get rid of some of it.
When I got off the loader after dumping the compost into their tarps' yeah putting sopping wet compost ontop of fresh cut wood is NOT a good idea. I got some ultra slimy stinky black maple firewood back at the house. It's a fungus that will grow on fresh maple if it is not done properly. Not one of my best moments. Anyways inside the mill as I did the shutdown Brett left another slab of his walnut for me. And wrote with my good white paint marker his phone number on it. Prick.
I had a homemade pizza that night.
The rest of the week was pretty much a similar occurrence. I wore a dress, it was stinking hot, to work on Wednesday. Nobody make a big deal out of it. I got compliments but not a single bad remark. I should say I wore my normal clothes on Tuesday, Patty gave me a look as soon as I got in. And gave me the turn around finger. The local store had a nice skirt I was sorta trying not to buy. It was enough to grudgingly get into work. On Thursday and Friday I wore slacks and jeans. Women's as I just can't fit my fat ass and hips into men's. Well I can they sit on my hips and the pockets are useless.
I even went shopping in a dress on Saturday. Did I love it? Well yes and no. I was having a harder and harder time with wearing men's clothing. I had fully intended to stop wearing women's clothes. I got partway out of the second bedroom and couldn't stand it anymore and in my haste to get the awful things off probably ripped a few things. Wearing the dress felt..I don't know comfy, no that doesn't describe it. Normal??
The next three weeks I wore more and more feminine things. I don't think I even wore pants or jeans, denim skirt excepted, in all that time.
For some reason I just hated pants. In a fit of depression one day I took all my guy stuff and threw it into my stove and burnt it all.
Was it smart? Probably not. I had fully intended to do that to my normal clothes. When did women's clothes become normal? I couldn't though.
My second bedroom became more of a simple bedroom. Heck I repainted it pink for crying out loud!
Thus when Mum phoned and told me to come to her place for dinner I was a wreck.
I tried on everything I had in an effort to be her son.
I failed so miserably!
In the end I wore a nice simple black dress. Nope not the lbd that was a little to skimpy for dinner with your mother.
Mom was on her porch as I walked up after getting out of my car.
"I see your finally over that tom boy stage. Let's go make dinner"
Sniffling I followed mum inside. "Mum I'm sorry I ..I.."
"What ever for dear? It's nice to finally see my daughter accept her femininity."
"But mother"where did that come from?" I'm supposed to be your son!"
"Dear dear Jay. We knew from when you were little that you were not our son."
"But I tried to dress as a son for you for all that time! Why didn't you say anything?"
"We wanted you to do it yourself. Why do you think I bought you that nice party dress for your tenth birthday?"
At that point I just broke down and cried for a long time.
Mother and daughter bonded very well that night after a long long long time of holding themselves back from hurting the other.
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