I dont wanna do this anymore ....

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I dont wanna do this anymore ...

This one is based on "Unfaithful" by Rihanna, which can be found here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rp4UwPZfRis&ob=av2e

This one has some strong themes, read with caution

Story of my life,

knowing I dont have the right

to live the truth buried deep in me

The sorrow in my soul

I know you think its wrong

but staying this way will kill me

I tried to be a man

promised you my love

That’s the reason I’m so blue

A storm is rolling in

cause you’d be gone again

Unless I hide the truth

But I know I’m transgender

and it kills me inside

You know I cant be happy

trying to be a guy

Can’t you see I’m dying?

(chorus)

I dont wanna do this anymore

will you really be the reason why

I’m afraid you’ll walk out the door

make me die a little more inside

I dont wanna hurt you oh no

But I just cant live a lie

and do you wanna be

a murderer

(verse 2)

I can see you always stare

checking my nails and hair

make me hide another day

but if I gave you just a peek

could you accept reality

There’s nothing in me to hate

I try to hold on

Pretend I’m not a girl

A lie I’m to tired to tell

If you could only know

That I’m about to blow

And I know it very well

cause I know I’m transgender

and it kills me inside

trying to be happy

pretending to be a guy

Cant you see I’m dying

(Repeat chorus)

love lost, now mistrust

you might as well take a gun and

put it to my head

Get it over with

I cant do this anymore

(Anymore)

(Repeat chorus)

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Comments

Hiding in plain sight...

Andrea Lena's picture

...how painful to deny who we are every day; seems to be a theme in my head today. I've grown so tired as well, and the only thing that keeps me going is the knowing inside of who I truly am. Will it ever end? I don't know, but I haven't given up hope, but in the mean time, I remember that Andrea is who I really am, even if she doesn't get out. Thank you for helping me know I'm not alone, Dorothy!


Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena

  

To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L'Engle
Love, Andrea Lena

no, not alone, 'Drea

lots of us hide, at least for a time. We both have reasons why we are afraid of a transition - you with your wife, me with my daughter, but there is always hope. Thank you for commenting.

Dorothycolleen

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I dont wanna do this anymore ...

One should always be true about who and what they are.

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine
    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

I guess because I was so lucky

I will never understand why people are not strong enough to live their true lives.I have spent my entire life showing the world who I am. Yes, I was called nasty names, and that did make me cry, but I never cried in front of my abusers or those with small, closed minds. I have been threatened but I just walked on like nothing ever happened. I did this, because my Grandma Dolly taught me to never show fear in another's eyes because they may see that as a weakness and try to take advantage of me. So my whole life I have shown the world who Barbara Lynn Terry is. Someone quite a while ago, asked me how long have I been gay. I simply told him that I am not gay, I am transgendered and I continued on. When I looked back he was scratching his head and talking to himself. LOL.

Being transgendered is definitely not for sissies and we have to be strong minded at all times, and have our wits about us. Being a woman isn't about wearing the clothes, the makeup, the nail polish, swaying your hips or having a cute feminine name. Being a woman is about attitude, discipline, courage.

When you are proud to be who you are (courage), then you can dress to the nines and go out and show the world who you are (attitude), and when you go clubbing you can enter the club with your head held high like you own the place (discipline). This is what it takes to be a transwoman in the 21st century.

So Ladies, get up off of that cold closet floor, open the door, smooth out your skirt or dress, and walk with the pride of being the best person you know how to be.

These lyrics are so true of many of our community. But you either live a lie, or break it off and go live the truth. You cannot do both.

"With confidence and forbearance, we will have the strength to move forward."

Love & hugs,
Barbara

"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."

"With confidence and forbearance, we will have the strength to move forward."

Love & hugs,
Barbara

"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."

I admire your courage, Barbra

Wish I was more like you, but not all of us can live out out of the closet full time. To give just two examples, there's 'Drea, who has to consider the feelings of her wife; and then there's me, facing the almost certainty of losing my child. But thanks so much for commenting, and keep being the amazing example you are!

Dorothycolleen

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