Dorothy Colleen

a dog's life

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just about anybody who has had a pet can tell you they sneak their way into your heart, and losing them is a grief as large as any grief you can suffer.

Well, we are getting close to that point with our dog, Little Lady.

Her one back leg is causing her such pain she cannot put any weight on it, and she collapses or limps continually.

I believe it is arthritis, as it seems to get worse at night and on colder days, but we're going to try and find out for sure.

sad dream

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I had a sad dream last night.

I dreamed that I was visiting a school, and had promised a kid I would see him in his class, only I got lost, lost my copy of Lord of the Rings which I had been carrying with me, and eventually left the school after all the classes were done and I had been told I had disappointed the kid, and then I tried to go home but found a gigantic hill behind the school that I tried to climb and failed.

Lest we forget ...

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In honor of Remembrance day, let me share a story about my grandfather.

My grandfather served in WW II with the "Calgary tanks", and as such was on the front lines of almost every battle involving Canadians.

He helped fight Rommel in Africa, helped invade Italy, and much more.

He was wounded several times. pieces of shrapnel were permanently lodged in his lungs, and in his shoulder.

He had been told, as most were, that the war would be over in months, but served six years. In the process, he missed his small children growing up.

I am looking for a story

I am trying to track down a story, and could use some help.

The story featured "fey" like creatures who put people into the past in different bodies, among other things. The story focused on one guy who found himself in the body of a mute girl being hunted by these creatures, and Peter Pan was involved, as were aliens.

Anybody remember this story?

my daughter is heartbroken

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Got some bad news.

Sam had an allergy attack last week, and we just got back the blood tests. It turns out its her cats, and Sam is heartbroken.

She's been given a week to find a home for the 3 kittens, and I really hope we can find them loving homes.

Sighs ...

Because I guess things werent interesting enough here

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Because, I guess the universe decided things weren't interesting enough around here, i found out tonight that my brother has an enlarged prostrate, and while they haven't said the "c" word yet, its looking like its headed in that direction. You add in my dog having walking issues, my mom now has high blood pressure, and I'm ... well, I'm me, and I could stand having a little less stress ...

Sighs.

Hugs, prayers, and positive vibes accepted.

accomplishing stuff despite anxiety

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Well, I beat my anxiety, and got stuff accomplished today. I got my blood work done, got some questions answered about Canada Pension, and best of all, got my report for October done for emergency financial aid, which has been beating me silly all week.

Yay !!!!!

Poser

Poser

I have done some crazy stuff in my life, but this ... takes the cake.

No, I’m not going to go into what else I’ve done. They are tales for another day, and this is the story I want to tell today, the story of my craziest, and most recent moment of madness.

It started when I went to the local college to look at some continuing education classes. I was struggling a little with my job, and thought maybe I could find something that would lead to something better once I had the training.

And then I saw David.

Burned my face today

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I had a "I cant believe I was that stupid" moment today.

I had been fighting depression and being sick for the last week, so I hadnt shaved.

So I thought I would use nair to get the hair down to the point where I could get a blade through it.

unfortunately, I messed up, got some on my cheek, and burned myself.

sighs ...

my life is hard enough, I really should stop trying to make it harder ...

having an unlikable protagonist

okay, just for fun, I want to talk about making an unlikable protagonist.

Now, most stories dont do this. After all, the protagonist is usually supposed to be someone the audience cheers for.

But some stories do have an unlikable protagonist, so lets see if we can find out how that can work.

did my human book thing

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okay so I did my human book thing, and I think it went well. I got thanked by several of the students as well as the organizers for my participation.

Only bad thing was after it was over, it was only noon, but I basically had just enough spoons to get home, take my dog for a walk, and then I was done ...

I am going to be a human book.

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I have volunteered with The University of Alberta department of Medicine as a "human book" - basically a way for medical students a chance to meet some real people who might be their patients in a few years, and in this case help them understand the needs of the LGBT community.

I went to the orientation today, and tomorrow morning I will be available for the students to speak

Wish me luck ...

apparent terror attack here

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Well, imagine my surprise to wake up this morning and find out Edmonton suffered an (alleged) terror attack.

Details are still coming in, but so far it seems that no one was killed, but several people were injured including at least one police officer, and a suspect is in custody.

There will be those who use this as justification for bigoted attacks on immigrants or Muslims in general, but I believe most Canadians are smart enough to see through such things.

Still, positive vibes and prayers are appreciated, so keep em coming.

major accomplishment today

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I had a major accomplishment today.

I was able to go to my bank and get a direct deposit form filled out and a printout of my account history for the last three months, - both of which I need for my application for emergency assistance.

Why is that a major accomplishment?

Because for the three days prior to today, I have been planning to do this, only to be foiled by massive levels of anxiety.

So despite still having that anxiety today, the fact I was able to get this done is a major thing.

a unwelcome visit from Mr. Nasty

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I am having a particularly unpleasant visitor at the moment - Mr. Nasty himself, the "voice" who tells me how worthless I am.

So even though it feels like I've been doing this a lot lately, i once again am asking for any positive messages you can send me.

Thank you to all who read this little blog and support me.

roadblock

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Okay so today did not go well. It started with me oversleeping because somehow last night I accidentally set my clock wrong, then I carved a fairly good sized whole in my face shaving, then I went to welfare only to be told my doctor's note isnt what I need because it covers too short a period of time.

Sighs ... roadblocks are no fun ...

good news/bad news day

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Well, today is been kinda a good news/bad news day.

First, the good news is I saw my psychologist and got both a letter for Welfare and his promise to complete forms for my application for handicapped assistance and send it in for me.

On the bad news, we had to go over some of the more painful parts of my history, and so i am slightly shaky, and its snowing, which is activating my arthritis.

Ah, well.

Inch by inch, I move forward

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So I was able to get a doctor's note about not being able to work, but it took so long, I was not able to see someone at welfare about emergency assistance.

However, i did get an appointment for Wednesday, so that will do, and I see my psychologist and hopefully get my evaluation from him tomorrow.

Inch by inch, I move forward ...

Re-reading SEE

I am re-reading Somewhere Else Entirely by Penny Lane, and I can highly recommend it if you havent read it (or even if you have). Its a long story, so be prepared to get hooked for some time, though.

Here is a link:

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/24164/somewhere-else-ent...

a dream has left me shaken

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A dream I had last night has left me shaken.

In the dream, I was back in elementary school (although I seemed to be the age I am now), and while I found some of the material far too easy, I was struggling in the class because the teachers and students seemed to be speaking in a kind of code that left me isolated, confused, and increasingly angry.

Said that way, it sounds a LOT like my real elementary school experience.

About the only good thing about the dream was people called me Dorothy, but still, I find myself being very upset about it.

an encouragement to give

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Its been a bad year (or two) for disasters. Locally, last year we had a massive fire in Fort McMurry, and this year its British Colombia's turn to have terrible fires. In the states, California is also fighting fires, while Texas is just beginning the cleanup from hurricane Harvey, and apparently there is another hurricane building that is expected to hit Florida.

That's not even counting disasters elsewhere in the world.

a story of mine appeared in my church bulletin

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I am pleased to announce that a story of mine - "Tears from a bottle" has now been published in my church's monthly bulletin. If you're curious about the story, you can read it here:

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/35262/tears-from-bottle

sorry the story is so short

Just an apology for the fact my latest piece is so short. I kept hoping I could expand it, but I was seriously stuck, and my muse kept wanting to work on this other piece based on my dream instead. So I figured I'd put it out there, and hopefully if there is interest I'll add to it or make a sequel or something, assuming my muse lets me.

At least I'm writing again, so there is that ...

A M.Y.T.H.-ing Witch - A M.Y.T.H. prequel

M.Y.T.H.-ing Witch (A M.Y.T.H. prequel)

I can say it, I messed up. But it wasn’t all my fault. I trusted the wrong person.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

My name is Sabrina, and I’m a witch.

Nope, don’t have a broomstick. Although I guess I could, if I really wanted to make one.

Witches are actually a subset of the race known as the Magi. There are three main subsets - Witches, Warlocks, and Wizards.

weird dream that might be a story

Had a weird dream last night that might make a good story. In the dream two ex soldiers go to a hotel bar to meet a third former soldier who had transitioned to female. The reason for the reunion was some supernatural evil they had survived as soldiers had returned, and they wanted to fight it together.

real life is sucking, so I am writing at a snails pace

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It's been a tough week. Dealing with my car needing repairs, my mom being under the weather on her week off, and my dog spending more and more time sleeping has ratcheted up the tension. To make things worse, my councilor cant see me until September 18th, my social worker is on vacation until the 8th, and it seems like every day there is another bit of bad news in the world.

All of this has slowed my writing to a snail's pace, so no more MYTH for a bit.

I could use all the hugs you guys can give ...

my car is in the shop, and my muse is not cooperating

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well, in case I didn't have enough stress, my car is now in the shop being repaired, which will wipe out what little of my bank account I have left. The anxiety over this has caused my muse to go hiding, so I cant say when or even if I'll have something new for you guys, and I'm sorry.

Anybody got a hug or two they can spare?

the end of my barefoot summer

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When I was young, one of the more odd ways the genders differed was that men did not go without socks if they were wearing shoes. This was really hammered home for me when an actor on a TV show broke that stereotype, and people acted like he had taken up dancing in a pink tutu.

So deeply ingrained in me was this idea, along with a lack of confidence in my own lower parts, that even when I wore women's clothes, I always wore at least nylons with them. This continued even after I donated the last of my male clothes and had gone full time - socks or nylons were a must.

needing some positive vibes and hugs

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Well, a day that was supposed to be a triumph for me quickly turned into a near disaster, with me ending up struggling with suicidal thoughts.

I went down to the Canadian government office with my name change document and got the change done, but unfortunately, they dont deal with taxes, and told me I will have to contact Revenue Canada myself.

Then I went to the bank that has my car loan to give them my change of name, and went into my purse for the document ... only to discover it was missing.

Doctor's Log 3 "The dark huggle"

Doctor’s log 3: “The anti-huggle”

Excerpt from the personal logs of Doctor Dorothy “Dottie” Bellion

Stardate: Classified.

I belong to the best crew in Starfleet.

I knew that, but in case I needed to be reminded, they proved themselves again.

It all started with why I invented the huggle generator in the first place. See, I suffered some ... traumatic experiences young, and one of the few things that helped me process that was the unwavering support of our family dog.

in my dreams, I am not a nice person

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what would you do if a dream told you you were a bad person?

This happened to me last night.

It started as what would make an interesting story on Big Closet, with me as a worker in a palace who switches bodies with a princess.

But then things got dark.

the switch is undone, but the result was that the princess got to know the real me, and didn't like what she saw, and showed me the darkness I try to keep hidden.

my subconscious is trying to kill me.

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I think my subconscious is trying to kill me.

Today is the second day in the last three I have almost thrown myself off my bed in my sleep, waking up just in time to prevent crashing into my bookcase at bone breaking speeds.

Sighs ...

delays, delays, delays

As Marvin the Martian would say, "Delays, delays"

In my case, this refers to a new chapter in the MYTH series. A bad combination of "trying to do real life stuff while in pain", and "Muse on vacation" has meant I am no closer to finishing chapter 3 than i have been for a bit.

My apologies. At least some of the other writers who have expressed interest are coming up with interesting ideas ...

Healing progress

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I have spent time today considering my healing.

That I have healed much, especially in the last couple of years, has become obvious to me. I still have far to go, but I am further down the road than I ever dreamed possible.

This healing would not have been possible without all the support I've received, so thanks to all of you.

Visitor from my dreams

Visitor from my dreams

Author's note: I read a writer's prompt on facebook, and it went something like "She came to me in my dreams, and in my nightmares", and my muse took it from there ...

At first, i thought she was a nightmare, the girl in my dreams.

For I was a boy, or supposed to be. So where could this girl I dreamed of being come from?

Then there were the nightmares in truth, but she was not the monster in them, but rather a victim - a prisoner, tormented and captive.

I was brought to tears today

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I was brought to tears in church today.

See, we had a special service for pets today, and my pastor asked if I would be temporarily in charge of her dog while she conducted the service. To help keep the dog close to me she gave me a handful of treats to give out during the service.

Well, it didnt take the dog long to figure out what I had in my hand, and so became my best friend, sitting beside me and occasionally trying to sniff my hands to see which one had the treats. When I put my face close to his in response to this, he licked me.

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