Understanding Rachel, Part 5

Rachel looked at her phone in shock as though it was responsible for what just happened. Her best friend Tayna had screamed at her, and then hung up on her.

Rachel began to feel the wetness of tears run down her cheeks, as she replayed the conversation over in her mind, and began to chastise herself for her behavior.

“Just because I think she’d be happier as a girl doesnt make me automatically right. Sure, I’m convinced that it's the rape that keeps her from accepting her girl side, but what if I’m wrong? I’d be no better than the people who tried to tell me I couldnt ever be a woman and I should just man up.”

“I mean, sure, she’s told me about the last time she tried stuffing Tanya into the closet, and how instead she ended up being literally unable to put on anything but skirts for more than a year. But if Martin is what she wants to be, then I will support HIM.”

“I have to phone him back and apologize.”

Rachel redialed the number and heard it ring.

“I hope he’ll pick up.”

Finally, just when Rachel was about to give up, she heard, “Hello?”

“I ... I just wanted to say I’m sorry. If you dont feel like being Tanya and need to be Martin, then I should be friend enough to accept that, and support you and not pull you down. Its.... Its not my place to decide for you who you should be. Its my job as your friend to love you no matter what you call yourself or what you wear.”

“I’m sorry too, Rachel. I know I’m really a girl, and that its Martin that’s the mask, but I... I’m just not ready yet. If I hadnt been dressing like Tanya, I wouldnt have been ... “

“Hon, it wasnt your fault, and I dont think it had anything to do with your presentation or your gender. Boys get raped too, you know. I was.”

“You were never a boy, no matter what you looked like Rachel.”

“Maybe. But my brother was abused by the same guy I was, and he’s definitely all guy.”

“But it hurts so much, Rachel. I cant be a guy, and I cant be a girl and....”

“I know hon. I know. I was there too, remember? And you helped me get through it. Let me help you in return.”

Tayna cried, and Rachel cried as well, and eventually both said “talk to you later”, and hung up.

Rachel put back the phone on its hook, and smiled through her tears.

“One crisis down. I wonder what’s tomorrow’s will be?”

She wiped her eyes, and got ready for her night shift.

“I guess I’ll find out, in time.”