Pink Angel

I saw her standing forlornly in the corner of the store, her price marked as “half-off”, and I simply had to bring her home. She was a Christmas lawn ornament, a life-size announcing angel with trumpet ready to blow, lit up in pink in honor of breast cancer research.

I put brought her home, and set her in my tiny front yard, and then went inside. I was all alone now, and felt desperate for company, so at the start or at the finish of every day, I found myself sitting on my front step, talking to my new guest.

Sometimes, I would just say something like “I’ve got to go to work, Angel. Look after the place while I’m gone?” or at the end of the day, I would tell her what happened at work that day, and end by saying, “Thanks for listening, Angel. Have a good night.”

This went on for a week, then on my day off, I sat on my porch, and said, “Angel, I guess you’ve figured out I dont have a lot of company. I’ve been alone now for almost a year, since my wife kicked me out.”

I looked down at the dress I was wearing, and said, “Maybe that’s a shock, that I’m a male. Or at least my body is.”

I sighed, remembering what happened when I told my wife about my gender struggle.

“She called me a pervert, and said, I would never corrupt my child. Then she kicked me out.”

I wept, and said “I haven’t seen her or my daughter since.”

I tried to wipe the tears from my eyes, and said, “You want to know something funny, Angel? I still love her. And I miss my daughter more than life. But I had to do something about this being a girl thing. I couldn’t live like I was.”

I sat there for a while, and then said, “Anyway, I better go in and make some supper. Thanks for listening, Angel.”

Days went by, and on my next day off, I took advantage of the nice weather to sit on my steps again, and talk to my new friend.

“Its been a weird winter, Angel. No snow, and it really hasn't even been all that cold yet. Hard to believe that Christmas is only twenty days away.”

“I should go and get my daughter a gift, even if I don’t know if she’ll get it. I might just end up leaving it on her step without my name on it, maybe then her mother will let her keep whatever I get for her.”

I sighed, buttoned up my coat, and took off shopping.

Over the next week, the cold weather moved in, so my time on the steps got less, but I still greeted my angel when I was going and coming, even if I couldn’t stand still long enough to do much more. I found I missed talking to her, and my loneliness seemed even greater.

“Christmas is a time for families, they say, Angel.” I said one day, as I shivered on my doorstep. “Which makes it all the harder for those of us who have none.”

Despite the colder weather, the snow had stayed away, leaving everything looking brown and dead, only adding to my gloomy mood as the days went by.

Finally, it was the night before Christmas, and as I prepared for an empty holiday, I wept. “You know what I wish, Angel?” I asked my new friend during a break in my day. “I just wish I knew if my daughter was okay. I wish my wife could forgive me for needing to transition. And I wish I knew if God loved me, since it feels like nobody else does.”

I went back inside, and got ready for bed, and cried myself to sleep.

Christmas morning, I woke up, and looked out my window. “Its ... snowed!” I laughed, despite my internal pain. The ground was covered in a white blanket, and somehow everything seemed made so much more beautiful for it.

I put on a coat, went outside, and picked up a handful of snow in front of my angel, saying, “Isnt it pretty, Angel?”

Then I thought of my daughter, probably playing in the snow at the same moment and I sobered.

“I just hope she’s enjoying it. She deserves to have fun, something her mother has trouble with, because she’s so over-protective.”

Suddenly, I didnt really feel like playing anymore, and I went back in, and curled up on my couch to watch Christmas specials.

I lost track of time until the doorbell jerked me out of my semi-conscious state. I went to the door, and was flabbergasted to see my wife and daughter standing there.

“Linda?” I said once I could make my mouth move.

“I want you to come to our house for Christmas dinner. Please, Donna?”

I was shocked to hear her call me that, instead of insisting on using my male name. but I said, “I ... I’d love to come.”

I got ready as quickly as I could, and we went over to her house. Once we got there, my daughter said, “I... I couldn’t open my presents until you got here.”

“Go ahead, sweetheart. I got one for you too.” I said.

Later, after presents had been exchanged and a meal enjoyed, I said to my wife, “Thank you for this What changed your mind?”

“God’s been speaking to me, Donna. I’m .... not sure what it means, but I knew I hadn’t been fair to you, and I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you, dear. Its not an easy thing to understand, even for me, much less for you. So what happens now?”

“I’m not sure. I cant be married to a woman, its just not in me. But I wont stop you from seeing our daughter. And maybe we can be friends.”

“Friends sounds good to me, Linda. You look lovely by the way.”

“Thanks. And as weird as it is to say it, so do you.”

“Thank you.”

Finally, it was time for me to go, and I gave her my phone number. “Give me a call, and we’ll work out something about me having time with Karen.”

“That sounds good. Good night, Donna.”

She gave me a kiss on the cheek, and I got a hug from Karen, and then I made my way home. Once I got there, I paused and looked at my pink angel and I said, “Today was the best Christmas I have ever had, Angel.”

I could have sworn the light by her right eye blinked, like she was winking at me.

I shook my head, and said, “Thanks. And thank your Boss for me too.”

The light blinked again, and then shone steady.

I smiled, and then went inside. I went to my room, got on my knees, and said, “Thanks, God. Now I can face the future.”

And starting the next morning, that’s exactly what I did.