A College Outing Part 2

She was woken the next morning by Alice at her door. “Tracy, there’s somebody on the phone for you. They want a quote for the university paper.”

“I’m not here.”

“Really? You’re turning down a chance to be in the paper? Suit yourself, but I’d never do that.”

She told the person on the phone that Tracy refused to comment on whatever it was and hung up.

“Aren’t you running late for class?”

“I...I don’t feel well. I am not going today.”

Alice looked at her, and then shrugged. “Fine. It’s your life.”

A few moments later, Alice left, and Tracy laid back down, weeping. About a half-hour later, Mary knocked gently, and said, “Tracy?”

“Please go away.”

“Tracy, please. something is happening, and I need to talk to you.”

“I can’t deal with it right now. Maybe later.”

“Please. I need to talk to you. The college newspaper website is saying some things about you”

Tracy got up, and came to the door, and opened it. Mary came into the room, and Tracy said to her, “What...what are they saying?”

“I... I don’t even know how to put this. Please, just turn on your laptop, and check the website.”

Mary closed Tracy’s bedroom door and sat on her bed while she waited for her to check the website. It took a few minutes for everything to load up.

When the computer loaded up, she pulled up the paper’s website. And right in the center of the page, there was a picture of her. And under that, a picture from her high school yearbook, from before she’d started living as a woman. The headline proclaimed “Female student actually male!”

Tracy scanned the article. Apparently a “secret source” informed the newspaper that she was male. The reporter assigned to the story did a few quick Internet searches and quickly found her name-change documents, which led him to her high school pictures.

The article asked the student body to sign an online petition to ban her from the college. Next to the article, there was a counter of how many people had already signed. Out of a school of 11,000 students, there were already 2648 signatures.

“I’m sorry, Tracy,” Mary told her. “What kind of asshole would tell that to the newspaper?”

“His name is Todd. He’s a creepy boy in a couple of my classes. He was harassing me last night, and he... and he....”

“That’s okay Tracy. I think I can guess. He found out the truth the hard way, right?”

Tracy nodded.

“Okay. We will get through this, together. Why don’t you tell me your story?”

“It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“It does to me. Please”

“All right. See, I always knew I wasn’t like other boys, but for a few years, that didn’t matter. At the time, my parents actually thought it was cute and funny to see me playing with dolls or dressing up in girl’s clothes. Which was good, because most kids didn’t want anything to do with me, and it had got to the point I only went out when i had to.

Then, my dad and mom started listening to preachers on the radio on Sunday nights. One Sunday, they were listening, and some preacher came on, and started calling down judgment on homosexuals and other “perverts”. I was playing ballerina that day, and my dad looked at me, and decided he had to ‘save’ me.

Needless to say, his treatments didn’t work. I grew more depressed, and eventually attempted suicide, and ended up in the hospital. Then I got my first break. The doctor who was treating me there also does gender counseling, and she helped me see myself as something other than a freak or a abomination. She got me away from my folks, helped me get the last of my schooling done, and called the dean of this college to get me admitted as a woman.

But its all over. Now, everyone knows, and the dean will have no choice but to expel me. Its over. I might as well just....die.”

“Listen! I do NOT want to hear that from you. You are a precious young woman, and I do not want to see you throw that away. We will fight any attempt to expel you. It is not over, not by a long shot. I have an idea, but before I try and make it work, I want your promise you will NOT harm yourself or do anything silly while I am gone.”

“I …. I promise. But I don’t understand. Except the doctor, and the dean, nobody has ever been on my side before. Why would you want to help someone like me?”

“Let me tell you a story. I had a friend once. We were not related, and we never went out on a date together, but we were as close as any pair of lovers, or any brother and sister. Then, one day, he came to me, and said he was really a girl inside. I am sorry to say, I freaked. I called him names, I told him I didn’t want to hear from him again, and I shut him out of my life. For six months I refused to have any contact with him, and then, I got the news that he had jumped off a bridge, and died.

I … I lost my best friend, and it was my fault. I started studying transgender issues, and learned as much as I could. I promised myself that if I ever had the chance to help someone else, I would not fail again.

Then, you came to the house, and even though you act all girl, there are a few hints that made me wonder, and finally I was pretty sure you were like my friend. I mean, how many girls don’t remember to bring tampons to college? But I decided I wouldn’t bring up the subject unless you did, so I wouldn't scare you off.

So you see, I am not repulsed. I am not really even surprised. And I want to help.”

“But.... what can we do?”

“Well... my idea was to contact David Patterson. If anybody could sway the students to your side, it would be him, and I know he would be sympathetic. And I do work on his campaign..”

“May...maybe. He does go to the gay and lesbian support group. But that doesn’t mean he can accept someone like me.”

“I think he will. Let me try, and remember, I have your promise.”

Tracy watched Mary leave, and fell back on to her bed. Despair and hope fought each other in her head. She hugged her pillow, and waited.

What felt like hours later, but was actually only a few minutes, Mary knocked on Tracy’s ajar door and pushed it open. “I just got off the phone with David,” she announced happily. “He’s already working on an anti-discrimination rally. He is going to start it at the student nominee representative speeches this afternoon. He’d like you to be there, if you can.”

“I’d rather not go to school right now.”

“I understand,” Mary smiled at Tracy. “But if you’d like to see it anyway, the school is streaming it live for the students who don’t want to be there in person. David suggested it this morning, after he read the paper. The dean loved the idea and the AV department was glad to set it up. I don’t think any of them know what he’s going to do, though.”

“Thank you, Mary.”

“Don’t thank me yet. Anyway, I’ve got to go to class until 1. Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone, ok?”

Tracy promised she wouldn’t and told Mary she just planned to take a nice long bath and maybe call her old councilor. Mary agreed that a relaxing bath might be a good idea and bid her farewell for a few hours.

Tracy did just what she promised. Since James was the only one home, she asked if she could tie up the bathroom for an hour or two. He mumbled a “yeah, go ahead,” but was obviously refusing to look at her.

The bath was nice and warm. She added some Jasmine scented bubbles to the water to make it more relaxing. She closed her eyes and tried to calm down.

She was woken by an urgent knock on the bathroom door. “Tracy? Are you ok in there?” Mary’s worried voice called through the door.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I must have fallen asleep.” She climbed out of the bathtub and pulled out the drain stopper. “I’ll be right out.” She dried herself off quickly and dressed in a set of clean clothes she’d taken with her into the bathroom.

Mary was waiting for her when Tracy opened the door. Tracy saw Mary’s eyes flick to her wrists, which were unharmed, if a little waterlogged.

Mary breathed a sigh of relief. “I thought you’d gone and hurt yourself. James said you went in the bath a little after 10 and hadn’t made a sound since. That’s over 3 hours! I was worried about you...”

Tracy looked into Mary’s eyes. They were filled with a compassion she’d never seen before. Not even her wonderful councilor had cared about her the same way that Mary was caring about her now. She recalled brief moments she thought her parents cared about her, but those moments were overshadowed in her memory by their more recent disappointment and resentment of her.

“I’m fine, Mary. I just didn’t sleep well last night.”

Mary wrapped her arms around Tracy and pulled her into a tight hug. “Everything will be ok,” she promised.

“What time is it?” Tracy asked.

“1:20. Why?”

“Aren’t the speeches suppose to start at 1?”

“Right. Is your laptop on? I hope we didn’t miss David’s speech.”

“I turned it off before I got in the bath. It’ll only take a couple minutes to turn back on though.”

“No, it’s fine. My desktop is one in my room. We can watch it there.”

The girls made their way to Mary’s room. Mary shook the mouse and her computer screen obediently turned on. She already had Firefox open, so she just clicked on a bookmark to take her to the college’s homepage. Twenty seconds later, the video was streaming. Tracy reached over and changed the video to full screen.

It was still the vice presidential nominees speaking, so David had not been up yet. But he was soon. Tracy turned the volume down so that she and Mary could talk while they waited.

“How did you know her?” Tracy asked.

“Hmm?”

“Your friend. The one you told me about this morning.”

“His name was Marvin. I don’t know what he called himself as a girl. I wouldn’t let him tell me.”

“Why not?”

“I suppose I didn’t want to hear it. It would have made it real. At least if I didn’t know his name, I could pretend it didn’t exist,” she admitted. “I know it was stupid of me, but I was 17, and my best friend had just told me something that I’d always been taught was one of the most horrible things a person could do.”

“Oh,” Tracy sighed.

“My family was never religious, but we were pretty conservative. My father was retired Air Force, and my mother was from Mississippi. Not a very accepting couple. And I was raised to be just like them. I probably would be too, if it wasn’t for Marvin.”

“How did you find out she killed herself?”

“His parents contacted me. The said his suicide note specifically apologized to me, but it didn’t say what for. They wanted to find out. I didn’t tell them, but I knew what he was apologising for. It was for something shouldn’t have had to be sorry for. I’m the one who should have apologised, and now it’s too late.” Mary’s voice was shaking.

It was Tracy’s turn to hold Mary and calm her down. It took a few minutes for Mary to get control back and wipe away her tears. “I’m sorry,” she told Tracy.

“You’ve never done anything to me that you need to apologize for.”

Mary was about to argue when she noticed that David was stepping up to the microphone. She turned the volume back up so that the two of them could hear his speech.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for coming to hear our speeches this afternoon. I know we’re each supposed to give a speech on why we are the perfect person for the position we are running for, but I’d like to use my speech time for another message I think is important to get across.

Let me start over.

Ladies and Gentlemen. Funny words, aren’t they? I can look out across this crowd right now and guess which of you are the Ladies and which of you are the Gentlemen. But there are about three thousand of you in this building. There are at least six of you I would be wrong about.

The term is transgender. I’m sure you’re all familiar with the idea. Our own school newspaper graciously attacked a student for being transgender. You know the girl I’m talking about.

Tracy Morrison chose not to come today. Do you blame her? Would you want to come to school if the thing you hated most about yourself suddenly became public knowledge?”

He paused to let this sink in.

“Tracy was extremely brave. Braver than most people in this room. Definitely much braver than I am. She had the courage to try to be happy.

Many of you knew her, at least a little bit. You’ve seen her in your classes. You’ve talked to her in the halls. Can you honestly say she deserves what happened to her?

Would you have treated her that way if she were black? What about if she was disabled?

Don’t laugh! You know she’s been the butt of every joke made today.”

The room silenced at his harsh tone. Everybody in the room was attentive. Some held their eyes down in shame, others locked their gaze on David waiting for the next thing he’d say.

“I don’t care what the newspaper wrote about her. She’s not a ‘pervert.’ She’s not a ‘freak.’ She is an extraordinary young woman.”

He waited for somebody to make a smart ass remark, and he wasn’t disappointed. It was less than 10 seconds before a boy stood up in the fourth row back. “Girls don’t have dicks!”

His comment was met with whoops and hollers from a bunch of people in the audience.

“I was hoping you might say that, actually.” he said calmly into the microphone. “Annette Kaufman, please join me at the front of the room.”

A woman stood up and walked up to the stage. She was wearing her cheerleaders outfit and a scowl on her face. “Please tell everybody your story.”

Annette took the microphone from David. “My name is Annette, but most of you know that. You’ve voted me class president both last year and the year before. You voted me Most Beautiful in my freshman yearbook. I’m an officer in four different clubs on campus.”

She paused.

“But I haven’t always been called Annette. I started going by Annette in middle school. My parents moved across the country, just so I could do it. Before that, I want by Nathan.”

There was a collective gasp from the room.

“Surprised?” She asked. “I was lucky enough to undergo corrective surgery when I was only 18. Before I came to college. But I used to be just like Tracy. I used to have a ‘dick’ as you so bluntly called it.”

She handed the microphone back to David. “I’d like to call up somebody else you all know. She has a confession to make. Nancy Nobel, please come join me at the front of the room.”

Another girl stood up. She was in the front row already, so she didn’t have the uncomfortable walk that Annette had to deal with. David handed her the microphone.

“Until today, David was the only person in the world that knew what I’m about to tell you. He asked me if I was ready to come out to the world,” she told them. “I am ready to do whatever it takes to stop the hate. Like Tracy, I am also transgender. But I was born as a baby girl. I have wanted to be boy my entire life. And starting tomorrow, I am going to come to school as a man.”

An idea struck him suddenly. “In fact, we all come to school tomorrow in the other sex’s clothes. Show your support for ending discrimination. Show your support for Tracy! We could call it Opposite Day!”

Soon, more and more people were volunteering to come to school as the opposite sex. At first, it was mostly girls, but then after a couple of boys agreed, and the girls pressured their boyfriends, who eventually caved in. Finally, it seemed like virtually everyone at the rally had agreed to come to school as the opposite gender.

Tracy watched the broadcast with growing amazement, and for the first time in a long while, tears of joy streamed down her face. “I....I can’t believe it. All these people, and they are supporting.... me?”

“You deserve it Tracy. You going to come back to classes tomorrow?”

“Yes! With all these people behind me, I can tell Todd I am not afraid anymore. In fact, I think I will press charges for sexual assault against him.”

“Good for you! But there is one thing you need to do before class tomorrow”

“What is that?”

“Where are we going to find boy clothes for you to wear for opposite day?”

“You really see me as a woman, don’t you?”

“Of course.”

“Well, since I threw everything male away when I left my hometown, there is only one thing to do...”

“Shopping!” both girls said together, and laughed.

Shopping for men's clothes was surreal to Tracy. She could vividly remember the first time she ventured out in public dressed as a girl, trying to find some clothes with the little bit of money she had stashed away. She had been convinced that at any moment, someone would point her out and start a lynch mob. But no one paid her any mind at all, except store clerks, who called her “miss” without exception.

That experience gave her the courage to really make a go for it, and she had told the doctor on her next visit she was ready to start a real-life test. But her councilor had cautioned her about moving too fast, and in retrospect, she was grateful. This shopping trip, on the other hand, was full of giggles from Mary, and she found her laughter infectious.

The best moment was when they went into one store, and Mary told the clerk about Opposite Day, and asking him if he thought Tracy would pass as a boy. The clerk said “No way. She is way too pretty” Tracy left the store on cloud nine.

She thought, “Was it only this morning that I thought my life was over? How could so much change in such a short time?”

As they were leaving the mall, Tracy turned to Mary, and said “Wait. I can’t wear male clothes. I will fail my real-life test.”

“I don’t know how that works Tracy, but you must have someone you could ask. As far as I can see, there will be a lot of girls dressed as guys for the day, including me, so I can’t see how it would affect your status.”

‘Well, I could call the councilor and ask.”

“Good girl.”

They made their way back to the parking lot and climbed into Mary’s car. “Would you mind if I borrowed your cellphone? I forgot mine at home.”

“Sure. It’s in my purse, small pocket.”

Tracy found Mary’s cellphone and dialed the number she had memorized by heart. It rang twice before “Good afternoon. Dr. Corbet speaking.”

“Hey Dr. Corbet, it’s Tracy.”

“Well hey Tracy. How’s college?”

“It was okay, but something has come up. I got outed.”

“Oh no! Are you okay?”

“I am now. And I am getting some great support, including one of the most popular students organizing a ‘opposite day’ where everyone will be encouraged to spend the day dressed as the other gender.”

“Sounds like a very remarkable student.”

“He is. But I have a question. Can I go to the event dressed as a male, or will that cause me to fail my real-life test?”

“That depends. Can you tell me a little bit more about the event?”

“The boy asked all the students to come to school dressed as the other gender to show support for the transgender community in general, and for me in particular.”

“But you’ll still be interacting with people as a woman? You won’t be expected to be male?”

“No, it’s just wearing different clothes, that’s all. And I wont be the only one. For example, my friend Mary is here, and she just bought some male clothes for the event tomorrow. There are a few hundred girls who promised. And a few hundred boys promised to dress as girls too.”

“Then I don’t see why it would make you fail the test. You would still be a woman to society, just dressed as a boy for the day.”

“Thanks. I better go now, I’m using my roommate’s phone and I don’t want to burn all her minutes.”

“Good luck. and let me know how it goes.”

“I will, thank you. Bye Dr. Corbet.” She then hung up the phone, and passed it back to Mary.

Mary took the phone back, and for a moment, their hands touched. To Tracy, it was like getting a static shock, but one that was inside, not out. “No. Stop it Tracy. It’s your your imagination..”

They rode the rest of way back to the boarding house. Soon, it was suppertime, and all the housemates managed to gather together for a meal, which was rare considering their conflicting schedules.

James came over to Tracy, and said “I... I am sorry about how i acted this morning. I got invited to the rally by Nancy. When she made her announcement... well, I was shocked. but then, afterward, she told me about the hell she went through growing up. And.. I love her. She’s my best friend and I don’t know what I’d do without her. I cant hate her because of her history. So I had to re-evaluate how I was treating you. And that’s why I am going to wear girl’s clothes tomorrow.”

Robert came over, and put his arms out, and said “can I give you hug? I imagine you have had a tough day.”

“Thank you.... thank you both”

Soon, the two boys were laughingly sharing the outfits they had cobbled together for tomorrow,
but Tracy thought Alice was still aloof.

Finally, Tracy went toward her room, and Mary walked with her. Mary gave Tracy’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze, Tracy was again struck at her own reaction to Mary’s touch. She blushed, and quickly went into her room, and closed the door behind her. She was practically trembling, completely unsure of what she was feeling, or why.

With that confusion, and with the anxiety over tomorrow, she found it difficult to sleep, but eventually she managed.