Sweet Dreams-29…Oh Crap! WTF?

Chapter 29

If your life flashes before your eyes I fucking protest. Who said Slipknot could produce the video for my life?

The Drive-By… with my Daddy…I was little and I was on my big wheel just going down the alley and Daddy was there watching my from the bar’s red fire door smoking and talking to these guys that’d come up and they’s like do this secret handshake and stuff.

~Huh…looks like a hand off, seems like Dad was a dealer.~

Can I have some Brown Sugar for my Damper 4.

Chapter 4

Have you ever had one of those times where it’s reality and yet it’s so not? I’m sitting here all bed messy with this stunning guy that just being near him makes me breathy and he’s feeding me Hot damper with butter and golden syrup on it and it’s good, he’s good and…

How? How can this guy be real? I’ve know construction guys and contractors all my life and Rudy is nothing like them.

You ever meet someone with an aura like hot spices in a pan. That holy it’s hard to breathe thing…or remember to breathe thing.

FTL-10...Faster Than Life.

Chapter 10

*Two months later…

I’m in line up at the mess listening to people talking about stuff and sort of daydreaming in my own right as we’re heading into the Soleil system. We’re getting shore leave being here at the halfway point in out milk-run tour and we’re resupplying and we’re going to be doing a few things here.

Arooo….5

Chapter 5

It’s almost funny enough to make me laugh even with every damned thing that’s going on is that. I might have only changed not that long ago really the first thought in my head as we took another turn and then another side street was.

“What a good boy.” Chapter 1?

Chapter 1?

“When I was born…they looked at me and said.”
“What a good boy, what a smart boy, what a strong boy.”

………………..

And there’s more to the song and it really and it’s a really great tune actually and I’m a fan of The Bare-naked Ladies ever since I heard them when I was ten at a neighborhood dance at the boys and girl club.

Sweet Dreams-27...Oh Crap! WTF?

Chapter 27

The rest of the day gets pretty hectic. It’s Saturday so both Alex and I have to work. Saturday’s a good shift for me at work because it’s one a really full day from nine until nine and it’s also the day that we get some new inventory for the store. I’m really getting into working for Hali too she’s actually helping me get some of the girl stuff down. I guess I’m sort of naturally girly though I never thought so just…punk…goth…sorta weird. I mean some of the gay kids and the odd kids would get beat on every once in awhile but those that were truly weird like me most of the time got ignored.

I’m going through skirts and holding some up to me looking in the mirrors. Hali has this folding changing screen thing that’s like three full length mirrors very useful in a clothing place.

“Hey, you think back in my old school they didn’t really think of me as a weird kid but a weird girl?”

Lead Shoes-9

Chapter 9

My grounding was for the rest of the summer.

Mom, didn’t come down hard, hard on me but there were extra chores. Like raking up the lawn and scrubbing the floor with the swiffer. And there was her taking me with her to the bar but not like the times I usually got to go but I got to be stationed behind the dishwasher they had for the bar glasses and I got to clean all of them…plus wash and polish the tables.

Covered Bridges-3.

Chapter 3

The good thing about being a woman is crying. I lived a lot of my life before becoming me holding everything back because when you were that kid that was me in school and you cried everything was ten times worse.

Last night sucked.

I was hurting and alone and bawled myself to sleep and feel better for doing it, for getting the shit out of my system. And it took me a lot of years to get to where I can cry without feeling guilty about it.

Sweet Dreams-26…Holy F#*K did I just get A Life?

Chapter 26

I love every moment now; I love every second of this now. I can’t even process not feeling that this isn’t something that’s right, deeply and truly right as we make love. I moan in his ear as he sinks into me with long strokes that fill me up with hardness and silk and pleasure and heat.

Jem…Chapter 24

Chapter 24

*Adam…

What the fuck!?

What the fucking hell is going on with shit now….I know…I know what caused the whole fucking thing.

Fucking Jason Powers…

I hate that little cocksucker with a passion.

Why? He started it when we were kids. There’s just a way life is sometimes. So people are poor, some are rich, what comes up must come down, water is wet, the sky is blue. And the Marshall family doesn’t just own Hardy Point but we pretty much fucking built it!

Everyone else got it. Everyone else played by the rules. They gave respect where it was due.

Evanescence 22

Chapter 22

I wake up feeling very lazy and good, there’s that just right feeling of being warm and cared for and held that parts of me are just basking in semi- awake. I’ve several lesbian parts to my other lives and my other selves that are still sort of trying to make peace with my heterosexuality.

Yes me, now I’m a transgendered woman but I’m into men. Okay I’m into one man and that’s the guy I’m with now.

Shaun.

Images 34

Chapter 34

I’m groggy when I wake up in the Hospital and my family is all around me. My heads hurting in that headachy way that’s sort of like having low blood sugar. I look at Taylor and he’s got that smile on his face but he’s sort of worried looking too.

“Hey.” I give him a smile and a sleepy murmur.

“Hey back.” He says as he leans over to kiss me.

I love getting kissed like this in bed and with Taylor being all tender and sweet. I’m not a fan of having it happen in a hospital bed again.

“So what’d did I miss?”

Lead Shoes-8

Chapter 8

I’m still kind of laughing because well…

I just went nuts on somebody and I’ve never gone nuts on someone before in my life. I mean before it was ignore being ignored. Take the looks, take the whispered little comments. Just take it, take it, take it.

But Sammi’s my friend, one of my only friends and I’ll effing die before people get away with treating my friends like dirt! (sob!)

Okay crying now.

I hurt.

Ow, I think I skinned something and my hands hurt from using the crutch.

Sammi comes running out. “Oh fuck! Kayla? Are you okay?”

Jem-20

Chapter 20

I get up early despite it being a late night because my brain just won’t turn off. I actually feel sore and achy but it doesn’t matter because at the same time I really feel good. It’s so one of those my heart is feeling better than my body and carrying me above and beyond.

I slip out of bed and pad through the house making the morning coffee and doing up a batch of French toast with the homemade bread. That done along with some bacon in the oven to warm I get the camera phone and make my way upstairs recording myself for our sites.

“Hey it’s Jem, it’s about six twenty in the morning and I’ve just got to show you something amazingly cool about one of the band. Her name’s Roxy and she’s our drummer and I’ll show you all why.”

Don’t Blame Me I’m A Martian-13

Chapter 13

*Cheyenne…

I never expected to run into them…not this soon and the contact just…god I could feel their soul calling to mine…there was an instant spark between us and I’m scared. God I’m scared.

Oh yeah we have or had a creator belief too but I guess It doesn’t matter. I’ve been here on earth ever since I was a toddler.

We’ve been set adrift as a people, and when I… I was sent here when the Loci of Dylan’s spiked. I never expected to meet one…a Shuan the fourth gender.

Dylan’s just…

My Super Secret Life-19.

Chapter 19

*Alexis…

I wake up feeling like I’ve been through a beat down and my room’s dark and my body just hurts. My stomach hurts from crying so much. I slide out of bed and there’s still some of Ty that’s leaked out of me.

Enough to get me bawling again.

Emotional, yeah…usually I’m Matt and by almost social definition told to not act femme…and femme isn’t camp. A genetic male being female in his sensuality isn’t camp and swishy.

Yeah, I’m Bi in my sexuality but really in my sensuality I’m a girl.

Charlie…10

Chapter 10

Sable’s in the window and she’s looking down at me hand over her mouth and she’s all smiley and teary and I can’t help but to feel so right about myself. I never knew that a girl can look at you and it changes everything.

Right now my genetic gender doesn’t even register.

She’s there a few minutes before she runs from the window and outside. She’s got a long pink striped baseball jersey nightshirt on.

One minute she’s there and the next minute she’s in my arms and she’s kissing me and I’m kissing her but she jumped in my arms and I’m still holding her off the ground and then instead of setting her down I sweep her up and carry her back inside because it’s cold out here.

My Super Secret Life…Diamond-4

Chapter 4

It took me awhile to get out of the showers. Just to get myself moving not getting a shower, least not in public. I’m not ready for that really after my encounter with…Nickolas…or Shroud.

I get to the quarters we’ve been assigned. It’s a condo really and a lot nicer than our place at home. Heck my room alone has a huge bed specially built for my density but there’s a media nook/office spot and a full bathroom with those fancy whirlpool tubs and a separate shower. Plus a closet that’s almost another room.

Sweet Dreams-25...Holy F#*K, Did I just get A Life?

Chapter 25

I run to go get Alex and almost bounce into his arms because…well I think there might be something of this sort of weird truce, respect, like dislike thing with me and Adam.
And while that’s really cool.

He might just actually let Alex go to art school. I’m more happy about that than anything.

I mean if he really meant it.

But me, a lawyer?

Actually, makes sense. I’m pretty mouthy.

Alex smiles that Alex half smile. “Hey…S’up beautiful?”

Bridges 25

Chapter 25

I’d like to have been able to be one of those people that say that things just went great once they made their decision to transition and I’ve kept my head pretty low really. I really, really wanted to feel complete ever since I came face to face with who I really was. Counseling and research and the daydreams and fantasies are all totally out the window right now.

Cass comes over and she presses her body up against mine and she starts to kiss me…which is awesome but torture too. She smells like her pancakes, sausage and coffee. Tastes like it too. Me…I haven’t had anything but water.

Today’s the day.

My SRS surgery and oh god I’m flat out scared.

My Super Secret Life…Diamond-3.

Chapter 3

My Mom looks at me and sighs. “Honestly honey I don’t know. I suppose we play it by ear with these folks and see what their doctors can tell us.”

“Okay, I guess there not a lot of choice in the matter is there huh.”

“It really doesn’t look like it.”

Images 33

Chapter 33

Billy gets the disc back to the city cop and we all end up in the office getting a look at the bastard that’s threatened Nin and her mom. The lot of us are seriously angry and feeling defensive about the whole situation.

But with the bad there’s some good. I’m pressing into Taylor and he’s holding me extra tightly and secure, Davey’s doing the same for Njinda and Billy’s picked Kendal up to put her on his lap in front of the computer. He holds her as tight as Taylor’s holding me and you can here him whispering. “I’m so proud of you beautiful…you’re amazing…” in her ear.

It’s something girls like me and Kendal seriously doubt that we’ll ever have.