I knew the moment the steering on my car went funny that I was done for. It was Christmas Eve and in a moment of extreme foolishness, I’d gone out for a drive.

I know what you are thinking. “Silly fool” and worse. It was Christmas and I wanted to be myself for a few hours at least.

By myself, I mean Joanne rather than my given name of John.

I’d finished work at lunchtime that day and after a final trip to the supermarket in preparation for Boxing Day lunch, I went home and got changed into Joanne.

Joanne was the reason my ex-wife left and took the children with her. I would get to see them for a few hours on Boxing Day and that would be it for two more weeks. I definitely got the wrong end of the divorce settlement but as she was a QC and I’m a simple Maths Teacher named John the odds were stacked against me from the start. Not only did I get four hours of supervised time with my two sons, David and Peter every two weeks but I had to pay her almost 40% of my take home pay as maintenance despite her income being many times what I earned. That’s what you get for being able to afford or as I found out later, sleep with a decent lawyer.

Natalie, my ex, lived in a big house on the edge of the local Golf Course with her boyfriend and fellow lawyer Duncan Fraser. If she married him then I’d be free of the maintenance but naturally, she would not because she was just vindictive and full of hate. She been like that since the birth of our youngest son, Peter. Not only was he early but he was supposed to be a girl. She blamed me and my occasional dressing as Joanne as the reason for Peter not being a girl. Totally illogical but there was no way of persuading her otherwise.

Looking back at it, breaking up wither was probably inevitable since she was diagnosed with severe PMT. None of the treatments she’d undergone seemed to work. My own view was that her newfound aggression worked very well for her in the Courtroom.

Back to the present, and I’d left home just as it was getting dark. The traffic news on the radio was one tale of woe after another so I took the back roads south and somehow ended up at ‘Old Winchester Hill’ around 7pm. The night was cold and clear so I got out of the car and wrapped my coat a bit tighter around me and walked out of the car park and onto the grassy slope. The lights of Southampton and the Isle of Wight glistened in the distance. The sky was full of stars and a waning moon. I felt at one with the world, at peace.

There was a little breeze and before long, my stocking clad legs began to feel the chill. In the end, I went back to the relative warmth of my car and headed in the general direction of home.

This time, taking the back roads proved my undoing. I was about half a mile from the village of Farleigh Wallop (south of Basingstoke) when my front offside tyre decided that would give up the ghost and deflate.

I found a convenient field entrance and pulled over. Just my luck or was there some greater presence at work that is keeping me down. I did know that I was probably up shit street without a paddle. With a big sigh, I got out of the car and surveyed the damage.

My first bit of luck for the day was that I had a torch in my car. That was there my luck ran out. The tyre was badly damaged. There was no way that the tyre repair aerosol that I had in the back would inflate the tyre and keep it inflated until I could get home. That meant that I’d have to change the tyre.

At least I had a spare. So many cars these days don’t have anywhere to put a spare tyre. My decade old Fiesta had one but getting the wheel off would be another issue altogether.

I found the jack and got it into place. Everything was an effort due to my now stupid choice of clothes for the evening. A waist clincher and a tight pencil skirt are not the easiest thing to try to change a wheel in. I had nothing else so I just hitched up my skirt as far as it would go and tried to get the five-wheel nuts undone. Three of them were no problem but the last two just refused to budge.

I started to swear and then my discomfort got even worse as I heard a car coming up the road towards me.

For a second or two, I froze solid. Do I stay or do I try to hide? A sudden gust of wind made my decision up for me and I carried on with my attempts to undo the last two nuts.

The car passed me and didn’t stop so I breathed a small sigh of relief. This was short-lived as a few seconds later, the car slowed to a stop and reversed up the lane towards me.

“Please god, can you take me now? I promise to be good if you would only give me a second chance…” or words to that effect went through my mind. If the occupants of the car were a bunch of drunken lads then who knows what would happen?

The driver’s door opened and I breathed a sigh of relief. In the light from my headlights, I could see that the driver was a woman.

I stood up and turned to face her as she approached me.

“Hello, got a puncture?” she said cheerily.

“Yes, and the last two nuts won’t budge,” I replied.

To my surprise, she switched on a torch and shone it at me.

“Oh!”

“I’ll get it done eventually. Thanks for stopping.”

“Don’t be silly. Can I have a go?”

“Eh?”

“I can’t let a damsel in distress be stranded by the side of the road on a night like this, now can I?” she replied with a little hint of a laugh.

“Are you sure you want to help? I could be a murderer?”

She laughed.

“Not in that skirt you aren’t,” she replied half-jokingly.

She was right. I had been a complete fool in so many ways today.

“Ok, if you are sure?”

“Yes. Let me give it a kick.”

She tried but the nuts failed to move.

“I don’t suppose you have a phone with a signal? I’d like to call a tow?”

She laughed.

“You won’t get one to come out here until tomorrow. There has been a big pile-up on the M4 just outside Reading. Twenty-five cars I heard. They’ll need clearing away ASAP.”

My heart sank.

“Put those things in your car and come back to my place. We can take a look in the daylight.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to put you to any trouble?”

“Trouble? I think you are the one in trouble and it is my job to help people in trouble.”

“Your job?”

She smiled.

“Staff Nurse Poppy at your service,” she replied with a small curtsey.

I tried to stifle a small chuckle but failed miserably. To her credit, Poppy laughed as well.

Five minutes later I got into her nice warm car and she drove the short distance to her home. Even in the darkness, I could see that it was a pretty big house but she didn’t act at all snobbishly. I’d seen far too many parents change beyond all recognition once they came into a bit of money.

“Come on in. We don’t stand on ceremony here. Hang your coat up and go through to the kitchen. There should be some Scotch on the table. Can you pour me one and one for yourself?”

I hung up my coat and went into the kitchen. It was nice and warm. The heat was obviously coming from a wood fired Aga. On the table was a jug of water, a glass and three bottles of Scotch.

I’m not a huge fan of Scotch so there was only one brand that I recognised, Talisker. I poured what I hoped was a measure for Poppy and sat down to wait for her to finish whatever it was that she was doing.

A couple of minutes later, she appeared.

“You didn’t pour one for yourself?”

“I’m not a huge scotch fan and besides I didn’t want to start nosing around in your cupboards for a glass.”

Then I added,

“I’m Joanna or John by the way.”

Poppy poured some water into the glass and passed it to me.

“I’ll get another glass,” she said reassuringly.

As Poppy turned back to me, I saw her nametag and froze solid.

When I’d recovered sufficiently to speak, I asked,

“Are you related to David Sillett of Doyle, Houseman and Sillett the Lawyers?”

“Yes why?”

“Oh Fuck. I’m is deep shit now. I need to leave right now.”

“What do you mean?”

“My former wife Natalie, works for that company. If she finds out that I’ve been out looking like this she will file for sole custody of our children. As it is, I only get to see them for two hours once a month.”

“It sounds like you got the wrong end of a bad divorce?”

“I did and I’m paying almost half my salary in maintenance. Being a lawyer and a QC, she held all the aces. I had to represent myself so I lost big time.”

Poppy smiled at me. When she did that, I was suddenly eighteen again and in love for the first time.

“In case you hadn’t noticed, it is now Christmas Day. Where do you live by the way?”

“I have a one-bedroom flat in Reading.”

“East or West?”

“East or West what?”

“Reading? Which side of Reading do you live?”

“Neither, I live in Caversham. Why are you asking?”

“My guess is that a cab home at this time of night on Christmas Day would cost you at least eighty quid. As I didn’t see a purse or a wallet with you I don’t think you would have that amount on you. Am I right?”

She was perfectly correct.

“Ok. So, I’ll walk. I can’t stay here. As I said, if my ex finds out about me looking like this then I’m done for.”

I got and began to walk towards the door. I’d gone two steps when I felt a grab on my arm.

I turned around and Poppy was standing close to me.

“You are not going anywhere tonight. Tomorrow, I will introduce you to my Parents. Then we can have Christmas Lunch together and don’t worry, Dad won’t bite and he won’t tell your ex about you, he’s basically retired from the law now.”

“I can’t. I’m sorry.”

Poppy grabbed my other arm, looked me right in the eye and said,

“You won’t get home in those shoes and I’m not going to let you go. To be honest, I nearly didn’t stop earlier but I’m glad I did. Joanne, I rather like you. You are different and if you’d let me, I’d like to help you be yourself. How about it?”

I was a bit stunned by her directness.

“Why? Why would you be interested in a loser like me?”

“You are not a loser. Well, that’s my opinion anyway.”

Then she kissed me. At first, I didn’t respond. I did by pulling away.

“I can’t do this. I’m sorry. You are wrong, I am a loser. Everything I touch goes wrong.”
Poppy looked at me with sadness in her eyes.

“I’m sorry for that. I should not have been so forthright.”

I didn’t answer.

“Please stay the night. Then we can try to get your car working again in the morning. It will only take me a few minutes to make up a bed in the spare room.”

I could not understand why she was wanting to help me like this but I could see that I would not get home for a while.

“Ok, but I have to leave first thing in the morning.”

Poppy just smiled at me. Her lovely brown eyes made me go weak at the knees. I’d never felt like that before.

“Very well,” I said slightly reluctantly.

---

The smell of fresh brewed coffee drew me out of bed. I got a bit of a shock when I saw the time. It was just before 10:00am.

I almost didn’t go downstairs as tempting as the coffee smell was once I’d seen myself in a mirror. I looked even more like a man in drag and where the makeup had been applied by a five-year old.

Slightly nervously, I cracked open the door to my bedroom hoping to spot Poppy. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a piece of paper stuck to the door.

“Just get cleaned up and come down.
Everyone is cool with you being here,
Poppy”

Oh well, I thought. At least that saves me the trouble of … what? I’d have to face whoever was downstairs sooner or later so I had better get it over with.

After getting washed and mentally thanking Poppy for providing a hair brush and some makeup remover I checked my appearance yet again and went downstairs.

My impression that the house was large was an underestimate. The place was huge and the curved staircase only seemed to emphasise the grandness of the place.

I walked up to the door to the kitchen and hesitated. I felt that I was about to be humiliated despite Poppy’s note to the contrary. With a deep breath, I walked into the kitchen.

There were three people present. Poppy, and an older couple. I took them to be her parents.

“Hello?” I said timidly.

“Come on in Joanne. We don’t stand on ceremonies here,” said the older woman.

“Happy Christmas Joanne,” said Poppy with a beaming smile on her face.

“Thank you, but I really need to get back to my car and get the wheel changed.”

“Already being done. A friend of mine is doing it now. He’ll deliver it when he’s done,” said the older man.

“Please sit down and have some breakfast,” said Poppy.

I just stood there unable to comprehend what was going on. I was being treated as if I were… a normal person instead of a bloke in a dress.

Still in a bit of a daze I sat down at the 4th place that had been set out on the large round table.

“Thank you,” I muttered.

“I’m Miranda and this is David or Dave to his friends,” said Poppy’s mother.

“Pleased to meet you.”

Poppy poured some coffee into a mug and handed it to me.

“There is milk and sugar on the table if you need them.”

“Thanks, but you really didn’t have to bother,” I said and then regretted it.

“Sorry, I’m a bit out of my comfort zone at the moment,” I quickly added.

“Don’t worry about that,” said David.

I took a drink of the excellent coffee.

It was David who broke the silence.

“I understand from my daughter that your former wife works for my old employers?”

“Yes. She does.”

“From what Poppy said, you don’t have a very good opinion of my old company?”

“Yes. When it came to the divorce hearing, I couldn’t afford a solicitor let alone the two QC’s she had batting for her side. I was made out to be Satan in disguise and frankly, I got taken to the cleaners in the divorce. I have to pay my ex more than half my take-home pay each month. Last week, I got notice that she wants another £50 a month. That’s more than I got before tax in my recent cost of living rise. I went to see a councillor a couple of days ago. All they could suggest is that I declare myself bankrupt. So, yes I have a very low opinion of lawyers.”

“No one should be treated like that,” said Miranda.

“Yes darling, I agree. That’s why I got ousted. I was regarded as being too soft on victims,” said David with more than a tinge of regret in his voice.

“You mean to say that you are longer part of Doyle, Houseman and Sillett?”

“Well I’m on what is called gardening leave until the end of the month. Then the company will drop the Sillett part of the name from the company.”

I breathed an audible sigh of relief.

“Sorry for that. But the fact remains that if she finds out that I’ve been out like this, then she’ll start proceedings to stop me seeing my children. I only get a four hours a month as it is. I could not live with that.”

“Four hours a month?”

“Yes. Usually two hours every two weeks and supervised as well.”

“What did you do wrong?”

“As far as I can tell nothing. She had the affairs, I didn’t. I guess that I was just not ambitious enough for her,” I replied after deciding not to mention the PMT.

“That sounds like Natalie all right,” said Dave.
“She is a real Tiger when she gets her teeth into a case.”

“Daddy, no shop talk on Christmas day remember!”

“Yes darling. Your friend needs my help but nothing can be achieved today so let us just enjoy it eh?”

“Thanks for the offer David but I can’t pay for your services and I’m not a charity case.”

David laughed.

“Good to hear it.”

Miranda then asked,

“You will stay for Lunch? Please say yes?”

I sat back and looked at the six enquiring eyes.

“I’d love to but I have to go home. I have to get ready for my children coming tomorrow. As I said, I’ll only get them for two hours tomorrow and I have to get lunch ready and the place clean and well, all of Joanne locked away from sight. Thank you very much for the very kind offer. Any other time and I’ll be very happy to accept your invitation.”

Then I added,

“I’d better stop before I dig myself even deeper into a hole.”

Just as I’d said it, the front door bell rang.

‘Saved by the bell,’ I thought to myself.

“That will be your car,” said David.

---

Five minutes later, I was on my way home. Home was a cold drab and slightly damp one bed flat above a fast food shop in Caversham. At least for the time being it was mine. There was no way I could afford the extra maintenance payments that I was being asked for. ‘She’ had even talked about sending the boys away to Public School. There was no way that I could even begin to afford that.

I soon put all those silly thoughts behind me and got everything ready for the visit of Peter and Duncan the following day. Joanne had to be locked away for the time being. I’d made a promise to Natalie that I’d never let our children see her. If it meant putting her away so that I could see my sons then so be it.

Everything was ready for them to arrive but the allotted time went by and there was no sign of Natalie and her big black tank of a car delivering the boys. Normally, she was a stickler for keeping our visits to the agreed two hours and not a minute more.

In the end, I tried calling her. Her mobile went straight to voicemail as did her home number. Feeling slightly annoyed, I called the number of her partner, Duncan.

It too went straight to Voicemail but I did find out that he and his family were ‘away’ until 2nd January. Didn’t he know that it was stupid to announce an absence from the home.

What was I thinking? They were away for the holidays and Natalie had not told me nor had she asked my permission to take them out of the country. I felt… empty, used, despoiled. This can’t be happening to me again!

I sat down holding the phone and stared into space. What else could go wrong with this Christmas? What with my children not coming for lunch and the episode with the tyre I wondered what else could go wrong?

I didn’t have long to wait to find out. As they say, bat luck comes in threes… or is that good luck?

---

A little after three pm, there were all sorts of sirens and flashing lights in the street outside. I watched the Fire Brigade and the Police and then the Gas people arrive. If it was a gas leak then that was bad news.

Ten minutes later, there was a banging at my front door. I knew that it could only be bad news.

“Hello. Can I help?” I asked the person standing at my front door.

“I’m afraid that you will have to evacuate. There is a major gas leak and the road outside needs to be dug up so that it can be repaired.”

“How long do I have?”

“Is ten minutes ok? They can’t start digging until everyone is out of the area.”

“How long will I have to stay away?”

“At least until tomorrow.

The day just went from bad to worse.

[to be continued]

[Authors Note]
This is a story that I started in 2011 but didn't finish at the time. I'm posting it as the main action takes place over Christmas/New Year so slightly topical. I will be a posting of the final part of this early in the new year.