Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 25

*Before…

“You don’t seem like the sort of girl that’d be a fake friend even in stealth mode. This is why we still need to work Sarah…it’s still there, it surfaced in medical Imaging at least partway in a flashback.”

(Sniffle.) “This sucks.”

“Yeah, it does but you’re going to get through it.”

(Sniffle.) “I am?”

She points past my shoulder and Dad’s there in his jeans and his jacket and he’s giving me this look, it’s that kind of sort of look that you’d honestly only get if you were someone’s kid.

Yep more tears.

He comes over and he slides onto the bed and he puts his arm around my shoulder and he pulls me close and I sort of turn so I can hug him and hold onto him and start to cry.

“I love you Sarah, honestly and truly kiddo…and I will get you through this.”

His arms tighten and it’s suddenly me safe with my Dad.

Yep…sooo crying right now.

*And Now…

Hopscotch… A Jump Through Life 23

*Before…

I hear some clapping from the doorway and I look up to see Danny and Jo-Beth with some bags of stuff. And Danny’s grinning and he looks different than his pictures but not, he’s beefed up some since a lot of them by like maybe ten or fifteen pounds of like muscle by the looks of his arms and he’s got a haircut too.

And Jo-Beth who’s clapping all happy like is well…she’s short like five four but she’s got longer hair than her pictures sort of show on her Facebook page and she’s really curvy too like with the sexy hips and she has these really huge boobs.

And I’m kind of feeling a little shy and stuff and I’m biting my lower lip a little and stuff.

“Hey…you guys came.”

Danny grins holding up a big take out bag from MacDonald’s. “And I brought ice cream.”

Kaitlyn squees. “Yay Ice Cream!”

Wow Danny…he looks at her and he looks like he was kind of just hit by a truck.

(Giggles)

*And Now…

Hopscotch… A Jump in Life 21

*Before…

It was sort of scary dealing with them and at the same time it was just all sorts of cool.

He has Mom sign the stuff for charges to be pressed if and when they can and he leaves with the police officer.

The town police officer was kind of quiet, I’m not sure what he was thinking or if it was like about me or me being trans or not. I really couldn’t tell and I don’t know if that’s just me in my head or it’s just a police thing.

I sigh and double hand hold my coffee as they’re done and Mom and Dr. Johansson are looking at me. “You want to go for a walk and clear out the ughs from all of this?”

I take a breath and a sip then nod. “I think so, okay let’s go.”

Mom slips her arm around my back and we head out to do a few rounds round the hospital with her and my therapist.

*And Now…

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 19

*Before…

“Yes, if that’s the rumors that you’ve been hearing then it’s true. I’m transgender. I always have been but with most of everything that was Shawn kind of broken and gone now there was all of this stuff that I was hiding from all of you and my family and yeah really likely myself.”

Well that’s done.

I go back to looking through my Facebook and going through old posts and shares and even looking into the accounts of the people that I have on my friends lists and what they’ve been acting like or saying and stuff.

Maybe there’s some people that I can talk to, some that might talk to me.

But those other three…they’re not friends so yeah…Blocking…Banhammer time.

*And Now…

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 17

*Before…

We eat and watch Stardust on my laptop since apparently it was in the DVD drive as if that wasn’t like telling and even the parents raised an eyebrow at that and made me blush and soon after that they have to head home with their actual RL stuff going on and everything like work and Dad has a long drive to go and get Nova…Uhm Kaitlyn tomorrow and me…well I start going through my laptop trying to figure out just exactly what Shawn was like and where Sarah was hiding in all of the stuff here.

It’s thanks to password saves on my Firefox that I get into Shawn’s Facebook and E-mails.

Oh…that was a mistake.

*And Now…

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 15

*Before…
She heads back into the office and I look at Mom and Dad. “One of my friends wants to come here and visit and that might mean that she’ll be staying at our place if she’s allowed to…so…can she come over?”
Dad and Mom look at each other and Dad says. “We need to talk to her parent’s first kiddo.”
I nod. “I have their contact info here.”
I bring it up and show Dad who writes it down and he smiles. “Going to Tim’s you want anything?”
“A double-double?”
“Okay.”
He leaves and Mom stays and I hug her then I knock on the Doc’s office door then head inside to set her up with her own LJ account.

*And Now…

Hopscotch… A Jump in Life 13

*Before…

Dad comes in and to the rescue with two of those flannel sheets from the heated thing he wraps one around Mom and he does this big hug and hold thing for her like he’s squeezing her back together and she grips his forearm like she’s hanging onto him…(Sniffle-wow…) and he unfolds it and sets it on the back of my chair and the heat…oh god it feels so good and there’s this relief-care-sob that comes out and Dad gives me this big hug not a hard one but just big and he holds me a few moments before kissing the top of my head.

“Breathe Kiddo, Breathe…it’s just a test, just an arbitrary thing it’s not you. It’s not a big thing.”

Breathe and breathe…oh…I can seriously breathe now…

(Sniffle.) “Thanks Dad, Thanks for the spoons.”

*And Now…

Hopscotch… A Jump in Life 11

*Before…

“Yeah it’s pretty much all gone and I’ve found myself here in this journal and with all of you…and even with my memory gone…guess what? I’m still trans. So I guess I’m still Sarah. And I’m like out to my folks.”

“I sort of had a major PTSD freak out inside the Scanner-coffin thing and I…Sarah came out during my panic attack. Thankfully my folks seem to be cool about it. The whole thing though is really scary and really messed up. I think so for all of us.”

“Well that’s about it for now, I really can’t think of much else to say or cover right now.”

I read it twice and then I hit post and I sit back and switch over to my You Tube to watch some videos and as I’m doing so I’m getting pings to my g-mail with replies to my post.

I’m really nervous as I click it over and start to read them.

*And Now…

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 8

*Before…

No…honey not at all there’s nothing wrong at all about being trans.”
(Sniffle-whine.) “There’s not?”
“No, not at all…you’re a girl. It’s just a pronoun, it’s just one little thing about you.”
(Sniffle.) “But I’m…I’m like…”
She is wiping at my face with a tissue now and that helps and I see this soft concerned but actually caring and maybe even happy? How? How can she be happy about this?
Here hand strokes my face and she kisses my cheek. “You’re alive Sarah. You’re still alive.”
And I start crying all of over again and it feels like this deep aching dam of stuff inside that I couldn’t really articulate like right just kind of breaks in me and lets go with this flood.
………….right now, right friggin now I’m Sarah and i…I really have a Mom.

*And Now…

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 7

*Before…

Though I did read me saying that “I’d love it but I’d never really wear it.”
I said that a lot.
Though I can see why.
I mean there’s a lot of me that I can see as Sarah seeing Shawn never being out of the way and that had to…and does…suck.
I can even sort of feel that much.
…….I want to be pretty, to just kind of walk and feel and be that person that I feel like inside.
I absolutely do not feel like a Shawn.
Actually I feel…I feel.
I feel like I’m going to panic because now I’m inside this thing and it’s small and it’s closed in and it’s making noises and lots of them and all of a sudden I’m not there.
I’m in the car and it’s rolling and it’s rolling and every time it rolls the air is getting redder and redder and I’m screaming and screaming and it won’t move! It won’t give I can’t get out and my back hurts and I can’t get out1 “Lemme go! Lemme out, please, please let me out! Help! I’ll be good! I’ll be a good Girl! I’ll be a good Girl!”

*And Now…

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 5

*Before…

I look at her. “I’m like my Dad?”
“Well with like that temperament and stuff.”
“Oh…”
I…I really don’t know how to deal with that or how to feel about it? I mean I’m Sarah right so I just kind of thought that I’d take after my Mom more or something and not my dad and I really can’t figure out if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
“Surprised?”
“Y...Yeah kind of…it wasn’t what I was expecting to hear.”
“Really?”
“Yeah…I thought I’d be more like you Mom.”
I look at her and she actually has this really sort of surprised look on her face.
And…I’m really surer than ever she doesn’t know.

*And Now…

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 3

*Before…

I…I don’t know what’s wrong but it’s wrong and I know she’s trying her best but I end up crying through the whole thing and even when she’s done I’m still crying and I roll over to my side as best I can and cry into the pillow.

I think she was rubbing my back at one point and trying to comfort me and she was replaced by Mom and there is something that is like maybe visceral there?

I know Mom’s touch, just from the way she was with me before I know the difference and I cry all the harder once it’s her.

*And Now…

Hopscotch…A Jump in Life 1

Chapter 1

Beep…
Beep…
Beep…

My throat hurts…

There’s a flicker in the darkness… a jingle of keys? Seeing them falling slowly into a hand and a feeling of excitement.

I see a blue car, a muscle car and we’re all running towards it.

We…I’m with a bunch of guys getting in the back seat.

I can feel a forward pushing me back feeling going fast.

I don’t think there was any like drinking or stuff but there was yelling.

The screech of tires and a girl screaming.

Me?

SALAMANDER, n. Originally a reptile inhabiting fire; later, an anthropomorphous immortal, but still a pyrophile. Salamanders are now believed to be extinct, the last one of which we have an account having been seen in Carcassonne by the Abbe Belloc, who exorcised it with a bucket of holy water.
~ The Devil's Dictionary, Ambrose Bierce

“I come to play,” he said, holding up the cards and fanning the deck to show the faces. “Do you care for Six-Card Pitch?”

Their faces were suddenly avid. “Nay, Six-Card Pitch is a game for fools. Let’s play a round of Tentstakes,” said the dark-skinned tall woman.

“And the stakes shall be...” the most buxom of the shorter women said, frowning as if she were trying to remember something.

“Ourselves!” another cried.

“I’m not a woman,” he said in a low voice. “I’m a man, but a wicked alchemist did this to me. Can you tell me anything about the sorcerer who did this to you?”

A haunted look came into the eyes of the women for a moment, but quickly passed. “We have ever been thus,” one of them said.

Twenty Three — Part One
Man was making such a mess of the world in 2020, something had to be done, or womankind would be lost forever.

Sunshine…Part 7.

Sunshine…Part Seven.

*Sonya…

We’ve been calling it Déjá -Nostalgia Joel and me. He’s been helping me move in and I’ve been helping him move in too and neither one of us really seem to have an idea of just what to do.

Coming back from what we had come back from scrambled us good but almost deep down neither of us feels like we were the whole skilled decorator types. Me I can probably pin that down to when I was in porn and making tons of money I likely had someone else do it.

Sunshine…Part Six.

*Sonya…………

It was really one of those firefighter right down to his soul things... him coming over to talk to me or rather talk me down out of this funk memory not memory kind of freak out sort of thing.

He calls me Sunshine.

Joel…

He makes me smile when I think smiling is the hardest thing to do in the world.

Sunshine…Part Five.

*** Joel……….

I stop eating and look over at the stunning young lady that’s looking at me and she’s crying. I get up and wipe off my mouth and grab my tray and I walk over to where she’s at and I set my tray down at the table that’s just beside theirs.

“Hey…are you okay?”

She’s still staring at me and it takes a second to have her register that I actually said something to her.

She wipes her eyes with the backs of her hands and nods then looks at me. “Yes sir…they just told me who you were.”

“I…Oh…you’re her?”

A warning this one is a little dark.

"I know I did something wrong" I muttered to myself under my breath. I can't believe...now where did that come from?