The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike) Part 1057 by Angharad Copyright © 2010 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

“This is all owned by the bank?” I asked as he pointed out a significant swathe of farmland and what looked like woodland attached.

“Yes, least I think so, I’ll get them to send you a list, then if you want to start exploring to see where you might find harvest mice, we’ll write to the tenants and ask for their cooperation.

“Where is it?” I asked.

“Sussex, I think, you looking for more dormice?”

“If it hasn’t been surveyed I might run my eye over the woodland.”

“How long would that take?”

“The official Mammal Society guide, is to look for the most promising parts and give them twenty minutes each, if you find discarded hazel shells or acorns with the dormouse trademark hole, then you know you have a strong likelihood of them being there. Then you put up long boxes, and if there’s nest material in them after a month or two, it gives more likelihood, then you do nest boxes.”

“What about harvest mice?”

“They make nests in corn and in the under-layer of woodland, such as brambles. The mice are smaller than dormice and are in fact, the smallest rodents in Britain.”

“What; smaller than shrews?”

“Shrews aren’t rodents, they’re insectivores.”

“They’re all little furry things to me.”

“Each to his own, darling; all stocks and shares look the same to me.”

“If you say so,” then he made some improper suggestions and we went to bed. I fell asleep before he finished which annoyed him more than a little. I woke as he was making a withdrawal and he dripped some goo down my leg. I know, we’re not supposed to talk about these things, but they do happen–like when you turn over and it all runs out of you–all good fun.

I was very sore the next morning. Simon had an early start and I’m not sure he’d actually forgiven me although he did kiss me before he left. I showered and very gingerly dried myself, then after dressing and doing my hair, got the kids up for their final week of school.

I took Billie with me when I transported the three mouseketeers to school, I had some food shopping to do and thought the exposure to the public would do her good. Because she’s quite delicately built, she looks the part, especially since Stella cut her hair in a more feminine style, also her voice is quite squeaky as boys are frequently at that age.

After wandering around the supermarket, we had a drink and a biscuit in the cafeteria and then popped the shopping in the car. I really like the new Mercedes, and while my favourite mode of transport will always be a bike, this car was fast moving into second place.

Back at home, I was surprised to hear that Henry had phoned and I was to call him back. When I did he was in a meeting but his secretary told me she’d get him to call me as soon as he came back to the office.

I’d set Billie and Julie some chores to do and was busy looking over survey entries when the phone rang. I picked it up to find as expected, that it was Henry.

“Cathy?”

“Hi, pa in law.”

“Simon told me about the UN job.”

“I didn’t really want it in the first place.”

“That’s beside the point; you’re the best person for it.”

“I doubt it, there’s no shortage of ecologists these days.”

“There are with your pedigree.”

“Oh come off it, Henry, you do tend to overestimate my very modest experience.”

“I speak my mind, and you’d be good at the job.”

“Well they’ve offered it to someone else, so stop worrying about it. I’ve decided that I’m going to make the harvest mouse film and do a few papers on the early survey results. Much more kosher in academic circles than being tosser in chief in an antiquated and much loathed organisation.”

“It’s still an upward step for you, young lady.”

“I’m not so sure, now what’s this about the bank buying up agricultural land?”

“It’s been good investment recently, why?”

“Because I think you should be taking advantage of having an ecologist on the staff to get it looked at and seeing where you might offer grants towards things like hedge laying and tree planting.”

“Good idea, what’s it going to cost?”

“Dunno, I’d need to see the land and what was needed where. There might be grants available from Defra or Natural England, so you could possibly use those or improve them–make a competition with cash prizes, plenty of options. You can use it then as your green credentials or even on your advertising as the greenest bank.”

“I like having you as my ecology adviser, Cathy, you are always full of good ideas.”

“So is Simon, but you don’t always listen.”

“It’s nice to hear you defend your husband, Cathy, but he’s wrong quite often too.”

“He wasn’t with the BP shares, was he?”

“He told me he was looking to set up some trust funds for the kids, so I didn’t insist he did it for the bank.”

“Oh, you let him do the deal privately?”

“Yes, I want my grandchildren to prosper.”

“I’m delighted the way that you and Tom have taken my assorted waifs and strays to your bosoms and called them family.”

“I’ll leave the bosom bit to you, Cathy, you’re somewhat better equipped in that department. As for adopting them as my grandchildren–of course I did, I feel as much for them as I do for Desiree.”

“I also think you’re absolutely brilliant with accepting the gender variant ones.”

“Cathy, they are kids–full stop. I’d love ‘em if they had one leg and two heads...”

“Oh good because I was called by a children’s home where they had a child just like that...”

“I was being metaphorical, Cathy. Don’t take me so literally.”

“So you aren’t completely open to children?”

“Never mind your hypothetical moral questions, what about the UN job–no one has been appointed yet.”

“I don’t care, I’ve decided what I’m doing and that’s an end to it as far as I’m concerned.”

“We’ll see about that, if it’s still vacant, I want your arse behind that desk.”

“Henry, I’m too busy.”

“No you aren’t kid–everything else can wait, if that seat’s still empty.”

“You’re not listening, Henry, I am very busy and I don’t want the job.”

“We’ll see, gotta go, ‘nother meeting.”

“Bye,” I said to an empty line, then muttered to myself, “Henry, I don’t care what you think, I know what I’m doing and it ain’t that stupid job, as Trish called it.”

“We’ve finished, Mummy,” Billie came to tell me that they had finished the ironing.

“Did you get to have a go?”

“Yes, Mummy, it was great fun.” We all think that the first time we do it, it palls after a few hundred hours have been spent taking the creases out of something which as soon as it’s worn will have just as many creases as it did before you ironed it.

“Okay, take it up to the various bedrooms and lay it carefully on the beds. They can each put it away later.”

“Okay, Mummy.” She trotted off like a pixie in a trance, give it a few more days and she’ll be as sick of housework as the rest of us.