The Family Girl Blogs (aka "The New Working Girl Blogs") Blog #35: Imitation of a Regular Life (2 of 2) To see all of my Family Girl Blogs, click on this link: http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/28818/family-girl-blogs

I am a post-op TG girl, as many know, and I have had to make adjustments over the years - from the simpler, visible side of things, like the way I dress and act and sound (and even smell heehee), to more complicated things like learning new ways to live, to relate to others, and to be happy.   No choice, really, especially after I had changed what my therapist calls my "basic physical parameters," which is 21st century doctor-speak for HRT, SRS and the other plastic surgeries.

It's real difficult adjusting to a feminine life.   That's not to say it's unwanted - after all, these are the things I needed to do to accomplish the magical transition that I had desperately wanted, and eventually  have the life I have dreamed about - to have my imitation regular life.

In my last blog, I talked about more zen-like "what is life" kinds of things.   Pretty heavy stuff. But having made the commitment and having pushed on with the change, one needs to get past the fundamental sense-of-self questions like "who am I," et cetera, and adjust to the idea that this change is forever whatever comes my way (a pretty scary idea for post-ops, coz, what if life isn't any better, especially since there is no way to go back if it turns out to be as bad or worse.   Did I make a mistake and ruined my life?)

But not all of it is gloom-and-doom.   There are lots of fun aspects to the change.

Like, have you ever thought of dressing without consequences?   Of what it's like to put on makeup, of freely going into exclusively-female places, or of doing things that you couldn't do before?   I have to say, though, that it is wonderful , but not in the way pre-transition folks imagine it to be.   After a while, it becomes normal.   Almost.   Lemme give you an example: before the change, I would never have thought that putting on a pair of pants was an event, nor was going to the men's room a big deal.   It was just a guy thing.   But, during my "honeymoon phase" immediately after the transition, when everything was still new, putting on a skirt, or wearing a form-fitting outfit was an event, and going to the ladies was like a kid going into a toy shop or a candy store (I know, I know - comparing the bathroom to a candy store... ugh... but you know what I mean).

As the novelty of all the new things fade with time, wearing dresses becomes as non-event-like as putting on pants used to be, and going to the ladies becomes just a thing that one needs to do in order to pee.

But there will always be a touch of that new-wonderfulness, even if just a little.   Some days there's more, sometimes there's less.   I find if I am in a good mood, or have had a good day, there's more of it.   But there is always some of it.   I guess one of the things that differentiates post-op tg girls like me from born girls is that I will always have that "new-wonderfulness," and, because of it, I will never take any of this for granted.

For example, wearing a feminine outfit - always a treat.   There are things, though, little things mostly - the nuances of dressing - that one learns as time goes by, that can either lessen or enhance the experience.

Things like avoiding a badly-tucked blouse, for example.   Such a small thing, really...   When I was a guy, tucking a shirt requires that the tuck be even but not necessarily neat, so one can afford a crumpled tuck. But girls should try to avoid that - a smooth line is always the rule.   So that means, your top should fit you as exactly as it can, so that there is no extra material that will crease when you tuck.   Just one of the reasons for trying on stuff before buying them.

However, tucking seems to be the trend today, and the crumpled tuck seems the thing now, but mostly for casual/semi-casual outfits only.   And there's a specific way to tuck now - tuck the shirt or blouse real well just at the pants button (for guys, that'd be at the belt-buckle area) and keep the rest of the tuck loose, even untucked a little bit.   (That's another thing that one needs to do more than guys - be hyper-aware of trends... although today's metrosexual guy is probably as fashion-aware as women...)

Still, as a rule, if a girl's not in casual, its best to have smooth lines.   For me, the easiest way to have smooth lines is to wear bodysuits   (I used to worry too much about bodysuits.   Used to be, when I needed to pee and I was wearing a bodysuit, I had to practically disassemble everything: unclip my skirt, unsnap the suit, pull down my underwear, and then, when reassembling everything afterwards, being careful my suit was straight and smooth. But I have learned that, if your skirt has some stretch to it, or is loose enough, no need to disassemble anything - just raise your skirt and pull the gusset of your underwear and/or bodysuit to the side without unbuttoning or unsnapping anything.   Hey - a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, especially when she needs to go. :)

The advantage of a smooth line is that a girl with modest curves can make her booty look great.   But, for the front - well, truth is, with today's fashions, less up top is not a problem, at least for the kinds of outfits I like, and for corporate-style outfits that I have to wear for work.

- - -

Prior to HRT, I never dressed (out of fear and shame) and, as a consequence, during RLT/RLE, when I did dress, I Iooked like a tranny with a bad fashion sense.   You know what I mean - high necklines, long sleeves, low shoes, and long & shapeless skirts in brown, paisley cetera.   I didn't have the confidence (and flamboyance) of many of my TS and gay acquaintances, nor a lot of experience like those that have been dressing for a while.   In fact I never did shuck my bad-tranny look all throughout my RLT/RLE.   But when I had to go back to work after the surgeries (I worked as a cashier at a fancy uptown restaurant for a few months - it was the only work I could find at the time), I developed a bunch of fashion "theories" in order to slough off this image of a fashion-don't.   See  
http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/blog/20137/working-girl-blog-3...

At the heart of it all, in order to be real, you have to think real.   What I mean to say is that, If you are preoccupied with trying to hide the fact, and you fill your mind with questions like "will they know" or "do I look like a guy" or "are they laughing at me," you are being a guy trying to look like a girl, and not being a girl.   A girl wouldn't worry about being found out, or looking like a guy, or if people are laughing at her.   And once you start being a girl in your head, those questions will disappear, and you will act and dress more naturally.   A girl doesn't have those concerns.   But she does have different ones, like - "does my dress make me look fat" et cetera.   So, apparently, you are just changing your old neuroses for a new set...

Okay, back to the fun part of the blog.   

- - -

So, let's talk underwear, and let's start with bras.

Maximizer bras and push-ups are sometimes the only choice to wear underneath. Outfits with low necklines, even if you have minimal boobage, is the rule. Not plunging, perhaps, but low enough. So pad it out.

But the supermodel-waif look can also work.   Look at Gwyneth Paltrow, Kiera Knightly, Kate Hudson, Selma Blair and their low-cut outfits despite their having modest assets. But I don't want to experiment with that.   I think, if you don't have the looks of a  Gwyneth Paltrow, a Kiera Knightly, a Kate Hudson, or a Selma Blair, it ain't worth the risk, and just pad it out instead.

Still, I found out from my own experience that you tend to stand out more if your wardrobe features mostly high necklines or covered-up fronts.   You'll stand out, but not in a good way.   In fact, even if you're in corporate, it's best to keep the top button (or buttons - depends on you) of your shirt undone, and if you still want to wear a covered up ruffly front or perhaps wear a ribbon or a tie, you have to match your high neckline with a short skirt.   Seems to me, if you want to cover up your chest, you have to wear something that bears your arms and shoulders, or partner it with a short skirt, or make sure your high-neckline outfit is extra-form-fitting.   It's sorta like you have to look like you aren't covering up deliberately.   My best friend Nikki showed me a style that works for me that has a low-cut neckline - try looking for a low-cut top that's form-fitting, but with a cowl neck.

Now, back to bras.

If you're wearing something plain and smooth and tight, there's really nothing for it but to wear a t-shirt bra.   I have lots in several colors so I can pick one that'll match whatever I'm wearing and it'll be as invisible as possible.   There are times, though, that an outfit looks sexier when the bra can be seen through your top in silhouette.   That trend is over ten years old, though, and I'm not sure if that particular trend's coming back, or if it already has and I just haven't become fully aware of it.   Still, I don't wanna be styling that and come off as a bit, I don't know, too desperate or attention-starved? Sigh... not the first time I've made that sort of mistake.   Thank God Moe keeps me straight about these things most of the time.

Speaking of styles coming back, when Princess Kate got married to Prince William last year, she's become the latest fashion icon, and, largely because of her, pantyhose seem to be coming in style.   At least that's what I hear - I haven't seen many women wearing it, except for my eighty-year old nonna and my aunt from Quebec, and she's as stylish as a doily...   Guess I'll start wearing them when Moe does.   That's what's great by having someone else to backstop one's fashion sense, especially if one doesn't have a fashion sense...

Now, let's talk about shoes.   High-heel shoes, specifically. Yayyy!  

Let's not get stuck talking about Christian Louboutins or Jimmy Choos, though, and let's just talk about heels in general.

Wearing heels - ahh, that part of the female arsenal that has held a lot of mystique for people like me.   But wearing them for more than six years has demystified them a lot.

For one thing, walking in heels doesn't really make girls walk sexily.   In fact, if you're new to it, you're liable to look ungainly, gawky... fumbly.   And it's all from the inherent insecurity you feel in walking on a tiny, pointy heel. Because it feels a little unsafe to step on the heel first, most girls tend to step toe first and then heel second, instead of heel first then toe second, or to walk flat-footed because of a fear of a mis-step or the heel breaking, and then falling.   What one needs is to be brave snd to step heel first and then toe second.   But the problem with this is that if you step wrongly, you'rs liable to unblalance or even break the heel altogether.   Just one of the dangers of being a girl.

You can opt to wear thick high heels, though, and it'll be (and feel) safer to do the heel-toe thing. It might look less  sexy than a stiletto, but not by much.   I think what really makes heels sexy is that they make legs look slimmer and longer, and I think that's inherently sexy.   One can have a long-and-leggy look even if the heel is chunky, although a stiletto or other slim heel can make a girl's legs look long and slim.   

Heels do not really make one walk sexy, with the bump-and-grind that Marylin Monroe had all but patented.   Heels don't really give you that.    Heels actually make girls walk more awkwardly, and it's an effort to have that slinky walk.   The technique to do it has been quoted to death but let's repeat it here just one more time:   first, you have to walk a straight line, and place the back of the heel  of one foot in front of the toe of the other foot, and then the next foot, and so on.   Thing is, you can do that with or without heels.   You can therefore be a Marylin in flats!   And you can even hyperdrive the look by moving the heel past the toe and more to the outer side of the foot, and actually walk in a kind of scissor-walk.   And when you do, watch out guys!

- - -  

'Kay, it's one AM over here and I do have to leave early tomorrow. (Moe n I are flying back home for my two weeks, and then flying back here for another four weeks   and so on.)   So I'll end here for now.

Apologies, though.   I tried to make a light-hearted blog to sorta counteract the heavy blog before, and I just end up rambling about dressing... I'm sorry to go on and on about these things. For born-girls, such things are learned gradually over the course of a lifetime.   Those like me have to learn these things real quick, and there are no crash courses available that can teach me all of this.   So I try to get info wherever I can get it, and consequently I may have gotten most of these things wrong.   But as I learn, I can't help feeling that I am getting closer to my goal, and besides, on the whole, it's fun.   The things I need to do to make my imitation life...

Of course, it's a forgone assumption that physically passing is essential.   I do not claim any special skills or beauty to pass easily myself.   I know that my ease comes not from me but from the surgeon's scalpel, so please know I am NOT putting on airs - just makin' conversation, 'kay?

Also...

To my BC friends, specifically those that chide me (in the friendliest ways possible) when I say things like I don't feel like a "real girl" et cetera - know that I am happy.   For now.   But being honest is important.   And knowing that whatever I will ever have in this world will always be a dodge of some kind, that even if my inner self is true, my physical self is less than true, at best an imitation, and that what I have  will always be less than what it could be if I was natural-born.   But what I have - my imitation life - can be good enough for me to find my place and be happy. Smile for me. 'kay?
     
     

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