The Family Girl #67: In Remembrance

The Family Girl Blogs
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Blog #67: In Remembrance

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As many of you know, Holly Hart passed away recently. 40 days ago, to be exact.

I don't really know about others, but among traditional Catholics, we usually hold a requiem mass forty days after a loved one's passing. I was not a relative of Holly's IRL, so I did not think it proper to arrange for such a mass. So all I did was to include Holly's name (both as Holly Logan and Holly Hart) in the list of mass intentions for yesterday's regular service (people can ask a priest to offer a Mass for several reasons, like for example, in thanksgiving, for the intentions of someone else, like a birthday, or for the repose of the soul of someone who has died).

I am not a "real" relative, nor do I think Holly was Catholic, nor particularly religious. I guess this is more for me more than anything, to declare my wishes for her, and to declare my sadness that she's gone.

As I have gotten older, I have often wondered what purpose ceremonies like funerals, requiems, or things like that really have. It cannot be for the deceased since they're gone already. I could only conclude it's for those of us who are still here.

Music that has been termed as "requiems" were originally made for requiem masses, but in recent times, they've been elevated to a musical genre on their own. But such somber, melancholy music, such as Mozart's Requiem - why can they be beautiful, if the feelings that they evoke are, well, feelings of sadness?

I guess it's because they make you feel, and any kind of music which has that kind of power can be beautiful.

I guess, if I was being brutally truthful, I would admit that my commemorating Holly's 40th day is about that. I feel sad, and I want other people to know why. I can always say that it's just tradition to commemorate the 40th day since someone's passing, but that would not be the truth, or rather not the whole truth. I am sad, and I want people to know why.

Holly's death had a larger impact on me than most others here, I think, since three days before she died, I had lost my baby girl And I suppose that's why I didn't post about it when I heard, like a lot of people did here in BC. Few can know how it feels to lose one's first baby. And Holly passing away almost at the same time - it just made it all the more painful.

People say girls feel their emotions more than men. Maybe that's true. I cannot say since I cannot offer an "empirical" yardstick, given I am no natural-born girl. All I can say is that I am sad.

But I am happy that I was able to help show Holly our appreciation for her before she passed away: knowing the graveness of her situation, two months before her death I organized a kind of "thank you" post for her.

When I heard she had Stage 4 Cancer, I knew that her recovery was a long shot at best, and aside from a miracle, nothing could be done anymore. Hence I organized that little post, so that at least Holly would have known how many of us felt about her. I thank the following who publicly sent messages in that post: Annette, Angharad, Arecee, Bailey, D.A.W., Dorothy Colleen, Drea, Joanne, Kris, Lonewolf, Melanie E, Melodie T, Ole, Portia, Richie, Sephy, Stanman, Suzi J and T.J. I also thank them for exercising forebearance, and did not comment about her condition nor about the graveness of her situation.

At least Holly had a little bit of consolation when she read our words before she died.

I suppose that is what's important, that we let our feelings for a person be known when it would have mattered to that person, and not when it's too late. In that respect, girls got it right, I think - to not hide your emotions, and to let people know how you feel about them. Especially if you love them.


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