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The Family Girl Blogs
(aka "The New Working Girl Blogs") 
Blog #24: Not the Same Anymore To see all of Bobbie's Family Girl Blogs, click on this link:http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/28818/family-girl-blogs |
My housemate is abroad for a couple of weeks. She left early Wednesday morning for some interviews. From our last Skype conversation, she said she finished two of them, and she has one more on Monday, and another Tuesday. Tuesday afternoon, she's flying to her little hometown in Kyoto Japan for a long-scheduled visit. And she'll be back Saturday evening. Which is the problem.
She now has a guaranteed spot at the ADB, provided she accepts, but she's gonna wait to finish her interviews with the TJCC and WHO, before she decides.
Then she's gonna go visit her folks. Though she is late for Oshogatsu (which MoeMoe has explained is somewhat similar to our own Spring Cleaning tradition, except that its highlight is a family gathering at the end), as well as most of the Shinnenkai parties (which I learned are like New Year's Eve parties, but with lots more alcohol), she has decided to visit her family. Just in case there are "problems", she has booked a room at a nearby hotel. I hope everything goes well.
Anyway, I really miss her. Sure she'll be away for just about two weeks - still.
It's been just me for a long time. After my surgeries and my ex-girlfriend decided to leave, I have always relied on myself for everything - an effect of my estrangement from my family, losing touch with old friends, and a limited circle of new ones. I lived for a while bordering on poverty, but made sure I had enough to pay for my place and the monthly payments for my debts (which by then I had transferred them all into one account, making it more simple to pay for them). Being alone was no big deal, it was just how things were. And, truly, it wasn't so bad.
Going on and slogging through life, after a while I came to a sort of equilibrium, which allowed me to take charge, find new work. Life seemed less lonely and more fulfilling - new office-friends and more fulfilling work, more "distractions" - jogging, blogging, writing stories in the web, finishing off my bank payments, shopping. And finding a life partner.
Even a few... bumps in the road weren't too hard to get past now.
But along with all of these things, my armor against loneliness seems to have been... eroded. I find that my independent nature has disappeared and have become dependent on other people. Nights alone are not as easy to endure, and my insomnia has become worse (I'm still awake, as you can see heehee). I sure do miss her. It's not the same anymore.
Those like me find it easy to lapse back into old ways, to wallow in the darkness as before. But I won't. And though I feel very lonely right now, and can't sleep (as per use), I'll try to get some shuteye.
I have a brunch date with my best friend later and then window-shopping with some of the girls from the office, and then dinner. Everything to stop feeling lonely and sad. I won't sit around like before and let things happen to me.
Aldous Huxley once said, “if one's different, one's bound to be lonely.” Perhaps. But, I prefer the quote I googled from writer Darren Shan: “You do not have to be alone. The world never inflicts loneliness upon us. That is something we choose or reject by ourselves.” So I'm choosing to reject it.
I began this blog thinking it's not the same anymore. No, things are not the same anymore. Things are better. And if they're not - I'll find a way to make them better. I guess, mostly, that's what's different now.
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Comments
Everything changes, aye?
...as someone who knows well how things change, I must also say that I would not have the hope in my heart that things would get better but for words of encouragement; many of which were provided by you. For that and for your example to me, I thank you so very much!
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
The Family Girl #24: Not the Same Anymore
Hope you can regain your armor and find a way to overcome your insomnia.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
The only constant
is change. If things don't change they quickly become extinct and the most powerful talent humans have is adaptability. Which is why there are six billion of us on this planet. No wonder they call it the blue planet!
Angharad
Angharad
But you DID survive
... it is always the danger when you finally let other people into ones life. I grew up pretty much by my lonesome. I liked having friends, sure, even if it had to be mostly boys. But for the most part they were not a bad sort and my school friends in middle school were tolerant and likable boys whom I am sure are now gentle and strong men, the best sort of men you want to know.
Anyway, you have friends and apparently family back again and all of us have to struggle the struggle with needing others and finding others to share with. You have a lot even with the difficulties of the unfortunate outing that happened at work. Welcome to life hon and I think you are doing great in it.
Kim
Things Changing
I'm guilty of letting my fears and phobias determine my relations with others, except partner Kim and daughter Hillary because I know both love me. I guess I'm risk adverse and even more so, lazy.
However, in general, I believe that somethings can't be overcome, like dieing in a car crash, and that many things that happen are random, (or chaotic and unpredictable) like out of anyones control. Many died because of hurricane Katrina in New Orleans and surrounds. One could say the Corps of Engineers were at fault for too low, badly constructed and poorly maintained levies. The victims themselves could be blamed for living in a below-sea-level area with bad levies, but very few knew the levies would fail under certain hurricane conditions.
If a flood prevention or similar professional, even days before Katrina hit, had predicted the catastrophe, I think it would be considered an educated but lucky guess. I also guess that even one day before Katrina's damage started, what actually happened would have been considered by officials, professional, etc., to be a low probability outcome.
Someone living very close to one who died, might have survived because of visiting a friend, etc. in another part of the city or being out of town for what ever reason. Some may have saved their lives by evacuating, but old, sick or disabled who were also poor probably saw no way of evacuating.
>> The only constant...Submitted by Angharad on Sun, 2012/01/15 - 4:39am. <<
World population is now over 7 billion, rather than 6G
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee