Autobiographical

Wendy's Challenge

BCTS needs our support, Personally I am leaning hard on this site to keep me the living side of sane, even though I can't really afford it I am sending my usual $10 via Paypal. I feel people are taking Big Closet for granted, I don't. I dread the day I click my bookmark and get a site not found message. If that ever happens Big Closet will likely be gone for good, I don't think anyone will step up to replace it.

some good news about Sam's future.

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Okay so I got some good news about Sam's future.

Apparently there is a program offered at NAIT that will allow her to take cooking arts there even if she doesnt have a GED. Not only that, it is specifically set up for people with mental disabilities like Sam, and they will also help her find a job in the field when she's done.

It all sounds fantastic ...

bad head place

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Firstly I should apologise for another whiney post - I'm not in a good place in my head this week.

I guess it's largely my own fault, decisions i've made that have maybe not been the best choices. Every time I think i've got my head and life together another spanner falls into the works and i'm not even back to where I started. Effectively i'm bankrupt - no regular income and bills that need paying has become a repeating cycle of worry.

Head work

So, here we are 3/4's of 2018 has passed and my life has changed even from six months ago. Some things like my fitness and the new grand child have been very positive but it's not all been a bed of roses. Some ancient debts caught up with me which has meant having to borrow a significant amount which in turn has meant that i've been living on beans for much of the year! Then there was all the upheaval with the new kitchen....

any moment now ...

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I am in a weird place at the moment. Its kinda like this: (part of my brain): "Any moment now, my facade of happiness will crack, and I'll tumble into a depression ..... any moment now .... I'm braced, I'm ready, bring on the sad .... any time now ... (taps a foot ) ... yeah, it will sure will be awful .... when that big downer hits .... any time now ..."

and on and on like that ...

Guten Tag

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News from Maddy!

So here I am - sat outside a restaurant in Nordlingen eating Gnochi Gorgonzola and drinking beer, wearing shorts and sandals as it's into the 20's c!

My stint as Nena, tour guide is 80% over as we fly home tomorrow. We've had a day doing the Roman Limes (think Hadrian's Wall but longer) around Aalen, yesterday we went down to the Donau for a Keltische visit and today has been the hillfort of Ipf before an afternoon here in the Ries crater at Nordlingen.

I would say that stories about growing up are pretty close to being real

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I have just returned from my forty-fifth high school reunion and I would like to tell you about a lesson I learned. (Yes, I can still be taught at my age). I had not managed to attend many reunions over the years and I went to this one to see if any of the people I knew would be there. I wanted to find out if they behaved any differently from our time in high school.

okay this is getting ridiculous

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Okay so this is getting ridiculous.

Last night I again dreamed of being an actress, this time with a guest role on Buffy the Vampire Slayer as a mystic healer who also worked as a nurse at Sunnydale hospital and helped Buffy and the gang, and then had to treat Spike who had been hurt during a battle.

Help!

sorry

That I wasn't able to post a new chapter today - my day trip was something i'd pretty much forgotten about but I really wanted to do.

What was it I hear you ask? Well for those who do history, specifically English history, I spent the day doing Richard III, Bosworth Battlefield, the Greyfriars excavation site and visitor centre and his last resting place, Leicester Cathedral. Just because it was there I visited the medieval Guildhall too - quite a full day!

my brain, she is weird

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Remember how the other day I talked about dreaming I was an actress on TV shows? Well, last night, I dreamed I was in a B movie, playing a scientist who was stuck in a groundhog day style time loop by a nuclear explosion, trying to use what they learned every "day" to get closer to stopping it. But to make things weirder, I also played the coo coo for coco-puffs head of the military base who set off the explosion, which gave me an opportunity to ham it up, especially at the end when the scientist found a way to stop the explosion, leaving the head of the base babbling about "But I won!

two very strange dreams

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okay for someone who doesnt actually watch that much TV anymore, other than sports and Dr. Who. (and Agents of Shield), my subconscious seems to have been infected by TV shows.

Twice in the last week or so I have had dreams of being an actress on TV shows. The first time I played a young woman who had been a pioneer in getting an education in the early 1900's, and returned home to her small town in Eastern Canada, faced people who dismissed her because of her youth and gender, and helped solve a mystery.

Life-style change

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Ok, it is time for some major explanations.

Let me commence by saying that I have a new birthday - 18th September.

For about the billionth time this year, I drove (this time accompanied by my beloved) from the UK to Switzerland. As we left the house in England I thought; "That's funny. The left side of my mouth is all tingly." We drove on and then I got a tingly sensation in my left hand, outside fingers.

Madeline rides again!

I've now got my head a bit sorted and the time to post more than a couple of sentences.

Where to start? I've given little snippets about my recent trip to Germania but not much real insight. The more nerdy readers may recall that the main focus of the road trip was to ride the Eddy Merckx Classic event in the Salzkammergut east of Salzburg. It was a significant step on my recovery from last year's medical issues and on that score it was certainly revealing.

probably wont be on tomorrow, or the weekend

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Tomorrow will be a busy day.

I am expecting to have to run to Sam's school and the morning, because the disabled transport will probably drop her off early again.

Then I got to come home, find time to get some groceries done, go back and take Sam home, and then go to my friend and pick up a key to their place so I can dog sit this weekend, and probably wont be on during the weekend either.

so have a couple of extra huggles each to tide you all over till I'm back.

stressful day

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Well, had a stressful afternoon.

I had to get a sticker so I can park on my street during stadium events, which requires my car registration. and then I discovered that my registration had lapsed in July. Not only that my insurance card was not up to date either.

I was starting to do the beat myself up stuff, but I was able to get a hold of my insurance company and they sent a copy of my updated insurance to the registry office, and with that, I was able to get my registry updated.

Health update & Story help.

Just a quick update on me and me asking you guys to help me find new stories to read that I can get into. My health is improving although I’m still in the hospital, I was in the midst of a very severe Anorexia episode and now I’m improving although it hasn’t come easy. As for the stories I like, it varies. I love Tiffany Shar’s stories, Sue Brown,Torrey,Zoe Taylor, Paula Dillon, Jennifer Sue, Jennifer Brock. I could list at least 20 but I think you guys get the point.

Slow Progress

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It is tough going at the moment. I am still writing, though I seem to keep finding other things that need doing.

Since the original episode, I have been on steroids now for nearly five years. This is making my consultant nervous, so he has decided to do something drastic. Since that time, medical techniques have moved on and there are apparently new ways of dealing with my condition.

Basically, it amounts to chemotherapy.

I am ashamed

I haven't posted in a while because I am ashamed of myself. When my internet went out mid July I thought it was going to be a month or so to get it fixed. My roommate would not hear of using my phone to tether the net to my computer to my phone (in her world the phone is better) I snapped I tried to hurt myself with a fork in what amounts to a temper tantrum. It shocked me to something closer to sanity. I didn't succeed because I was not serous, like I said it was a temper tantrum, pure and simple.

A New Profile Photo

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I do not believe that this really reaches a level that needs to be announced... and it doesn't. But if you have been used to seeing my deceivingly dated profile photo alongside reviews and messages and such, I have decided to correct that deception with something more current.

The photo (a poor selfie) and my makeup were both rushed. It shows way too much of my natural color rising through too.

Still... I am a little more... ahem... "mature" now. In spite of liking my old (younger) photo much better, it was long overdue to "get with the times".

I'm still here

I'm still here.

I haven't given up.

I've managed to not give up.

I'm struggling to not give up.

The thing is, I'm a sucker for routine. If there's a break in routine, it messes me. up. If it's a big enough break, it's that much harder for me to get back into it. back in 2015, I had my the last appointment with my psychiatrist. Their scheduling system was down so I couldn't book my next appointment.

I'm really sorry

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I need to apologize. Until I actually posted my entry in the double dip contest, I hadn't really registered just how short it was. Its basically little more than a drabble. I really hope enough people enter the contest that I wont have to worry about winning with such a tiny piece.

I have another piece I'm working on that might be acceptable for the "music" part of the contest, but no guarantees I'll have it ready before the contest closes.

Again, I'm sorry.

The Family Girl #95: Part Seven now 150,000 Words

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The Family Girl Blogs
(aka "The New Working Girl Blogs")

Blog #95: Part Seven now 150,000 Words. But Stuck…

To see all of Bobbie's Family Girl
Blogs,
click on this link:
http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/28818/family-girl-blogs

Hi, everyone!

Still alive. But I’m buried with work…

Festival time

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Well, that is the Shrewsbury festival over for another year; source of so much of my inspiration. Some wonderful music, old friends popping out of the woodwork, and very sore fingertips on my left hand. Last year I played so much and so enthusiastically I snapped a plectrum; this year, I just broke a string on the last evening.

Already planning next year! I will try to remember to print off all my train tickets this time, rather than just the cycle reservations...

went to the dentist today

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So I've been having teeth pain the last couple of days, and finally screwed up my courage and went to a dentist.

Today all I got done was x-rays, so I will have to go back Thursday for the first part of the work that needs done, and chances are it will take 2 visits to get everything accomplished.

So anxiety levels are not going to be lowered for a while, sadly ...

Flirting

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I go to a place called Religious Forums a lot. It has everyone from Atheists to Baptists there, and for some strange reason, two men, one a Buddhist, and the other a Baha'i are attracted to me, apparently because I'm so obsessive and broad in my research. I don't write worth a hoot, but love research.

What a strange feeling to have a man interested. I've already said there will be no sex.

:)

Gwen

heavy smoke here in Edmonton

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Its been very smoky here in Edmonton this week, as fires rage all across BC and the smoke pours over the mountains into Alberta. Should be good writing weather but I ... just havent had as much writing spoons as I would have liked. Still, I have a couple of pieces more or less ready - one for the September contest, and one for the next "mix tape" if it gets accepted. Plus I have one more that is about a quarter done, my Siege of Fiddler's Vale story which is started but kinda stalled, and a few older pieces I hope I can get wrapped up some day. So as the saying goes, stay tuned !

Had a scare on my morning walk

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While out walking the dog this morning, I experienced very sharp, quick, electric shock-type pain from under my left ribs shooting up my chest and down my left arm, twice. I had similar sharp pains for briefer times more localized in my side last night before I went to bed.

Okay then. I'll be 70 on Sunday and at my age, pain in the chest and left arm immediately suggests one thing.

2018-07-29

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It has been almost 5 months but here's the update I promised.

So in 2016 I posted that I got married and would be losing my house.

The easy part first. I had a medical discharge in 2016 with led to me not having enough income to support myself AND my mortgage/renovation costs. Due to that I had to file for personal bankruptcy or give the bank free rain.I chose personal bankruptcy.

Sorry too tired to write tonight.

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It's been a trying week, far too many hours worked though I did learn that I'd passed my university exam so can proceed to the next level - it's like a very expensive computer game at times. Today, Saturday, is the anniversary of my son's death and I drove up to Wales and back, getting on for three hundred miles with a very early start.

I'm gonna need all you guys to help me

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you may or may not remember that a few years ago there was a documentary called "super size me" in which a man decided to eat nothing but Big Mac hamburgers for a year. In the documentary, the man's doctor begs him to stop half-way through the year because of the damage he was doing to his organs.

Well, I am in basically the same situation as that guy.

I have been told in no uncertain terms I have to change my eating habits and my lifestyle, or I wont have either style or life, or at the least I'll be unable to enjoy what life I have.

I dont know how not to fight

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When I was little, I had this rather bad habit of trying to lecture bullies on why it was bad to bully. Of course, that usually resulted in me getting pounded, me running for my life, or my brother trying his best to protect me.

All these years later, I still jump in when I see people getting hurt, even though there is nothing I can do except lecture people from behind my computer, and it has cost me more than I would like.

But I dont know how not to fight for what I think is right.

In Pathfinder terms, I guess I'm a Paladin, whether I want to be or not ...

Birthdays

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Birthdays have always been a bit strange for me. Growing up, it never worked out for people to be available on the actual day, so if I wanted a party, it would always have to happen a couple of days later, to the point I started joking about "unbirthdays" like in the cartoon version of Alice in Wonderland.

Usually the actual day of my birthday was a quiet one spent alone, and this year is no exception.

I dont mind so much now, especially since I do get nice messages online from friends to keep me company.

Oh, if you havent guessed, today is my birthday ...

Kneeling on the Ground Thankful

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Did one of my evening escapes to try to get my lil ole haid to screw on and went to a Red Robin hamburger joint. Things were busy but I sat with my pin and pad trying to work out a story idea. My food came and I had a bit of Hair of the Dog also.

Finishing up, there was one of those computers on the table to pay with. While I was trying to work out how to badger that thing into responding to me, the waitress came up and said that the people across the way had paid my bill. ??? My first response was, "why would they do that"?

Too many things to move to chase down a BCTS piece of weirdness

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All my stories that I post use exactly the same HTML preamble, with just the changes made to the titles.

Every single other one I have posted displays our "Anmar Grakh" 'logo' we use to alert readers. For some reason my latest (#90) does NOT display this on the Story Teasers page and yet DOES display it when you click on the story title and go there.

who taught me to apologize for liking things?

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I was having a conversation with my brother today and was talking about "life without people" which is this fascinating show, and then I apologized for going on about it.

Now, I'm wondering why I was apologizing.

Who taught me that my interests weren't important enough to share?

Sighs ...

Medical good news, with an exception noted

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I had to go downtown today to see my doctor. It turned out to be a fairly good visit.

A large part of that is the fact that I have a new doctor now, one who has had no issues with listening to what I have to say. Considering that I have had, with more doctors than I care into get into details about, bad history due to them NOT listening, she's a miracle.

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