Autobiographical

The Truth is

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I wish I was dead! I just read Shalim IV by Casey Brooke. I loved the story though I did have a problem with it. The Earth gets new planetary members by intelligence work first. By swapping bodies with a member of that society to learn the easiest method of getting them to join. If that doesn't work then it's a force of arms.
The issue I have is more the body swapping in other stories where someone switches bodies with someone to take over their life, I have issue with. Oh, in Shalim IV story, I was not rooting for Earth. Though I love the main character.

So, I posted another story

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It's been so long since I posted here, I had to re-learn how!

As my two fans may have heard, I suffered a stroke in Oct 2015, leaving me with limited abilities on my right side. Typing is now limited to my left hand. Since I was a linux and Oracle admin it meant the end of my career, which was pretty hard to accept.

Someone To Just Hold Me

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Read Angela's story about the big juicy Football player and the effeminate boy. Gosh, I hope they get themselves sorted.

Somehow the story hooked me into one of those teary mindsets, you know, the ones you could break out of if you wanted to. It's only about 1:30 AM here and I think I just want to wallow in my misery for a while. Yeah, just be a sloppy, weepy, pathetic old tranny that most just wish you would just shut up or die.

As a new year begins, I'm lost in memories. Please read.

I'm sitting here now, lost in memories of a life changing week at the Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta Georgia in 2009. Having reached the ripe old age of 72, I find myself remembering times and people and events there and in my life.

Update Time

Ok, so not too long ago I made a post on here talking about my struggles i’ve been going through. Since then I’ve built my confidence back up and am doing a lot better. I have some very weird children, they HATE meat. But will eat more fruits and vegetables than I can. I’ve actually given up trying to get them to eat meat and have started giving them other foods to compensate for the lack of vitamins from them not eating meat. They also take vitamins twice a day to supplement their diet.

bad case of the nasties today

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I fight a lot of nasties.

Today's nasty is called "Dorothy, you're a burden - when you aren't an outright hazard - to those who care about you. Best thing you could do for them would be go away or lock yourself up"

So if you got anything nice to say to me, today might be a good day to say it.

Turmoil in progress.....

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Things in my life are a mess and I feel like things just keep adding up. It seems like everything I do just makes things worse. I’m losing everyone that ever cared about me and I’m not too sure how much more I have to endure before things settle. First I lost the one person on here who would even talk to me. Then I lose my husband who decided to cheat on me. Now I’m losing my family because they think I don’t deserve them anymore. I’ve had to move into an apartment with just me and my kids. It’s just awful, my life is just falling apart on me and I just have nothing left.

a profound moment at the pool?

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I went to a local pool today, and they have a "lazy river". It was really nice and kind of fun to let the current take me along, but there was always the security in knowing that if I wasnt happy with where I was going all I had to do was stand up. Gee, there might be something profound in that, dont you think?

Just a moment to be thankful

I just got out of bed this Thankgiving morning. We've had a busy week, and today will be no exception. It would be easy to complain about all the work and all the fuss, the traffic everything else that this season brings. But you know, I'm here in a warm house that I co-own with the bank; out front there's a reliable car, my refrigerator is full of food, so much so it was a chore to find room for the Thanksgiving turkey prior to roasting.

writing update

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wanted to give you guys an update. Now that my new computer is up and running, I am hoping to get back to writing as my spoons allow. unfortunately, as the two projects I have on the go are longer than my usual, including one I hope to make into my entry in the next contest, it will be a while before I have something to share with you all.

But I'll still be my usual comment-happy self, so no worries there ....

I'm Me

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Sometimes I Can't Hold It In Any More

Joannebarbarella

I suppose I am what you can categorise as a frustrated transsexual. I am not a crossdresser although I dress in women's clothes as often as I can. I don't regard this as crossdressing. All I am doing is dressing in the clothes in which I should have been dressing all my life. Circumstances have prevented me from assuming my true sex throughout my life, so that I have had to masquerade as a man for more than sixty years.

November - Sandal's?

Just a quickie - well I got my ride in, 115km (that's @ 75 old fashioned miles I think) and visited the Sandal's up near Wakefield. Had my sandwich and flask of coffee sat overlooking the Castle which, after the 'good ole boys' (aka the Parliamentarians, think Trump but with a more vindictive nature) got done with it in the 1640's is but a shadow of its former self.

Sick

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I'm sick today, apparently the victim of a bad breakfast bar yesterday. This feels like it is going to be a 12-36 hour thing, so I expect to be okay tomorrow evening.

Today is when I meant to send out checks to the DP authors; I may be a day or so late since concentration while throwing up and running for the toilet is difficult.

So sorry. I will try again in an hour or so.

Hugs,
Erin

"Can we have your liver then?"

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The quote is of course, courtesy Monty Python, and fortunately, I'm luckier than the fellow in the sketch. See, I dodged a bullet in terms of my liver. CT scan showed the same level of fatty tissue as before, so for now, its exercise, diet, and keep an eye on things. Also good news, despite the pain I have been feeling in my hip the last while, no signs of further arthritic damage, so my doctor said its most likely a pulled muscle or strained tendon, and again, losing weight would be the best thing I can do for it.

How can I help?

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It is safe to say that without Big Closet. "Dorothy" would not exist. In fact its debatable whether I would even be alive now had I not found this site. Which is why the constant struggles to keep the site financially afloat has me worried, and more than a little frustrated.

See, I am on disability, and once I take care of my rent, car, and food, I might have maybe 20 bucks a month left over, and that's on a good month. Not to mention my mom is covering for me in terms of giving money to my ex and my daughter and that's far from fair.

it feels like I am apologizing a lot lately

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While it feels like I've had to apologize pretty often in this space, I feel like I owe something to the people who have faithfully read my stories, and apologize for the fact that it might be a while before I have anything for you all.

Serious lack of spoons lately, with a lot of things on my plate that I havent been handling as well as i would like. But dont give up on me yet, I'm gonna get through this - I hope ...

Wendy's Challenge

BCTS needs our support, Personally I am leaning hard on this site to keep me the living side of sane, even though I can't really afford it I am sending my usual $10 via Paypal. I feel people are taking Big Closet for granted, I don't. I dread the day I click my bookmark and get a site not found message. If that ever happens Big Closet will likely be gone for good, I don't think anyone will step up to replace it.

some good news about Sam's future.

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Okay so I got some good news about Sam's future.

Apparently there is a program offered at NAIT that will allow her to take cooking arts there even if she doesnt have a GED. Not only that, it is specifically set up for people with mental disabilities like Sam, and they will also help her find a job in the field when she's done.

It all sounds fantastic ...

bad head place

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Firstly I should apologise for another whiney post - I'm not in a good place in my head this week.

I guess it's largely my own fault, decisions i've made that have maybe not been the best choices. Every time I think i've got my head and life together another spanner falls into the works and i'm not even back to where I started. Effectively i'm bankrupt - no regular income and bills that need paying has become a repeating cycle of worry.

Head work

So, here we are 3/4's of 2018 has passed and my life has changed even from six months ago. Some things like my fitness and the new grand child have been very positive but it's not all been a bed of roses. Some ancient debts caught up with me which has meant having to borrow a significant amount which in turn has meant that i've been living on beans for much of the year! Then there was all the upheaval with the new kitchen....

any moment now ...

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I am in a weird place at the moment. Its kinda like this: (part of my brain): "Any moment now, my facade of happiness will crack, and I'll tumble into a depression ..... any moment now .... I'm braced, I'm ready, bring on the sad .... any time now ... (taps a foot ) ... yeah, it will sure will be awful .... when that big downer hits .... any time now ..."

and on and on like that ...

Guten Tag

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News from Maddy!

So here I am - sat outside a restaurant in Nordlingen eating Gnochi Gorgonzola and drinking beer, wearing shorts and sandals as it's into the 20's c!

My stint as Nena, tour guide is 80% over as we fly home tomorrow. We've had a day doing the Roman Limes (think Hadrian's Wall but longer) around Aalen, yesterday we went down to the Donau for a Keltische visit and today has been the hillfort of Ipf before an afternoon here in the Ries crater at Nordlingen.

I would say that stories about growing up are pretty close to being real

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I have just returned from my forty-fifth high school reunion and I would like to tell you about a lesson I learned. (Yes, I can still be taught at my age). I had not managed to attend many reunions over the years and I went to this one to see if any of the people I knew would be there. I wanted to find out if they behaved any differently from our time in high school.

okay this is getting ridiculous

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Okay so this is getting ridiculous.

Last night I again dreamed of being an actress, this time with a guest role on Buffy the Vampire Slayer as a mystic healer who also worked as a nurse at Sunnydale hospital and helped Buffy and the gang, and then had to treat Spike who had been hurt during a battle.

Help!

sorry

That I wasn't able to post a new chapter today - my day trip was something i'd pretty much forgotten about but I really wanted to do.

What was it I hear you ask? Well for those who do history, specifically English history, I spent the day doing Richard III, Bosworth Battlefield, the Greyfriars excavation site and visitor centre and his last resting place, Leicester Cathedral. Just because it was there I visited the medieval Guildhall too - quite a full day!

my brain, she is weird

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Remember how the other day I talked about dreaming I was an actress on TV shows? Well, last night, I dreamed I was in a B movie, playing a scientist who was stuck in a groundhog day style time loop by a nuclear explosion, trying to use what they learned every "day" to get closer to stopping it. But to make things weirder, I also played the coo coo for coco-puffs head of the military base who set off the explosion, which gave me an opportunity to ham it up, especially at the end when the scientist found a way to stop the explosion, leaving the head of the base babbling about "But I won!

two very strange dreams

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okay for someone who doesnt actually watch that much TV anymore, other than sports and Dr. Who. (and Agents of Shield), my subconscious seems to have been infected by TV shows.

Twice in the last week or so I have had dreams of being an actress on TV shows. The first time I played a young woman who had been a pioneer in getting an education in the early 1900's, and returned home to her small town in Eastern Canada, faced people who dismissed her because of her youth and gender, and helped solve a mystery.

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