I stare at the phallus and its package between my legs. It’s tiny and weird. It doesn’t belong between a girl’s legs, yet it’s there. I poke and prod at it. Like it was about to explode.
I take a knife and gently stab the phallus’s package just enough to cause some pain. I stop before the knife breaks the skin. I hate pain as much as I hate my disgusting testosterone balls. I wish I didn’t feel pain. I wish I could just be numb. I also wish I had a scalpel. I could give myself an orchidectomy.
I pull up my panties. Then tuck my disgusting package making anything my panties flat like the in-between of a girl’s legs should be. I pull up my skinny jeans and walk outside to the porch. The nice cool air of spring caresses my body. I take a deep breath. Taking in the smells of spring.
“Let me guess. You were playing with it again.” A soft boy’s voice came from behind me. I turn around and find my little brother, Darrell, with two cups of tea in hand.
I sigh, “How did you know?” Darrell hands me my cup with cats frolicking around.
He gives me a knowing smile, “Because every time you do. You come out here to clear your mind. I watch you when you aren’t looking. You know.” He takes a sip keeping eyes on me.
“Oh…” I take a sip of the hot beverage.
“That and I read your diary.”
I punch him playfully on the arm, causing Darrell to give a little chuckle. I shout in a serious tone, “You aren’t supposed to read that!”
He looks me straight in the eye and apologizes, “Sorry, I know I shouldn’t read it, but I'm so worried about you. Reading your diary is a way to know what you’re thinking. Plus,” Darrell stops to take a sip. “It’s what little brothers do to their big sisters.”
That causes me to giggle. My thoughts turn me back to my phallic package. I sigh thinking about how long until it goes away. Darrell notices this and grabs my hand.
“Don’t worry. Remember what Karen talked when she manifested?” I nod and smile while thinking about meeting another changeling. “It’ll happen, just give it time.”
Tears escape my face, “I c-can’t help it (hic). It’s just disgusting (hic).”
Darrell sets down his tea and takes mine out of my hands. He grabs me and pulls me into a loving embrace. He whispers, “It’s okay, big sis. Just let it out.” I bawl my eyes out.
After my moment of crying, I calm down and Darrel moves back on one knee still holding my hands. “Thank you, Darrell.”
He bows and says, “Anything for my dear princess, my sister.” He looks back up and giggles, “What shall this knight cook for his fair lady today?”
In a royal tone, I say, “I feel a pizza is in order.” I couldn’t hold it anymore and giggle. Darrell giggles along with me. Then he burst into a full-on laugh. Penises aside, I want pizza.
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