I have high functioning depression. I didn’t notice it until today, but it all made sense. Especially after I almost killed myself with my dad’s snub nose revolver. Something I’m still ashamed of.
Since I learned that I have high functioning depression. Today, I decided to get out of the house. I put on a graphic tee, my cat converses, skinny jeans, and a jacket. I make my way out to the front yard, freezing from the wind. I first go down the street left of my house. I often went to therapy this way, or go to Jacksonville that is a city not but thirty minutes from my house.
I decided against it because I went that way when I still had Jonathan as a best friend. We became friends after we found out that we have the same name. Though, Jonathan isn’t my name anymore. I fondly remember him as a fun guy who likes to read. I miss him and the lightsaber duels we have.
I went the other way. It headed towards the elementary school and I often use it to go to the ‘city’ of Gadsden. By city, I mean, large town. At least that’s what my dad calls it.
I walk down the road as the gust pieces into my skin making me shiver from the onset of hypothermia. An idea pops my mind. I have a scarf. I got it from France. I often used it as a tail. I ran back to the house and grabbed my scarf and wrapped it around my neck. I head back out and onto the other way of Rocky Ford in which my home resides in.
I pull out my phone and went to Youtube. I type in nightcore and started playing a playlist. After a minute, or so, of walking and listening to nightcore. I found that the music didn’t fit with my walk, so I changed it to lo-fi hip-hop. Lo-fi is a calm music. I use it when I just want to relax.
I walk down Rocky Ford. Something I’ve done before. I see a road named Euclid. A weird name for a road, but all roads have odd names. Of all the times I’ve lived in this town. I have never been down this road. I decided to trek down it to see what I might find.
The road is desolate as it is five, close to six, a.m. on a Sunday morning. It also seemed to be some type of side rode. I passed one or two houses.
I then found a fork in the road. I could either go right or left. Left seemed to head up town and right seemed to go the same direction as before.
I choose the right. As it was still Euclid. I wanted to see what was on this road that I missed. I walk a bit further and found a cotton field.
That isn’t much of a surprise in the south. As the south is known for its cotton picking and enslaving, but this was different. The cotton was neatly planted like I see other farms and normally. They would’ve harvested the cotton as it is November.
“Maybe it’s a wild cotton field?” I muse to myself. I think I could be right, but I have no clue. Instead of thinking about it anymore. I head back on my journey down Euclid road.
I walk and walk and walk. I went to a few houses, but nothing too special. Then I found a neighborhood. Not a wealthy neighborhood, but am alright one.
I stop and think that maybe it would be a good idea to go back. I mean, I would be a bother considering what time it was.
I decide to press on to see the rest of Euclid.
The whole time I walk in this neighborhood. I thought someone was going to come out of their house and yell at me. For what? I’m wearing a black hoodie and a scarf covering my face. I look suspicious. I don’t go out often and I was even more worried that some asshole would know me.
It didn’t happen. When I came out of that neighborhood, I was still half wishing someone would talk to me. That I would make friends again. That I would be human again. Yet, no one did. Instead, I just walk by it all.
I made went down a curve and found myself walking beside a lawnmower junkyard, or at least that’s what I think it was. I stop and stare at it trying to figure out why there were so many lawnmowers. I giggle at the absurdity and continue on.
My peaceful walk was interrupted by a dog barking at me. I turn my head look at it. I walk faster. I do not hate dogs, but last time I found myself on the other side of a dog’s bark. I was treated like a sheep getting herded.
I turn and found another dog behind me. Not wanting to risk disease, I firmly say, “Don’t think about it.” I walk back then when back to forwards walk.
I turn my head for a split second, “Don’t think about it.” I say again. The dog stops in its place and I continue on to the road.
I hit the end of the road. There wasn’t anything special about the end of it or the road itself. It was quite a nice walk. Being around the beautiful scenery of a small town. The road that connected to Euclid was one I normally took the high school, so I know the way back.
“Maybe this town isn’t so bad after all?” I muse as I walk back home.
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