My Super Secret Life…Diamond-7.

Chapter 7

It’s been a couple days since the Jakeisode.

It was a bit upsetting at fist but sitting with Parvati while doing my practices and talking about stuff like dealing with being a woman, and being aware of sexism and the whole meta backlash thing and the other complex stuff about being a woman and Mom’s there too which brings two lifetimes of real life experience and dealing with things like…well Jake.

Women deal with guys like him all the time in various ways and varying degrees. I’m really taking these things to heart actually because there’s a huge parallel between the feelings you have as a woman and the stuff you deal with and the things you deal with as an overweight outcast.

I cried over it, I soaked in their support and honestly I like being me now and I like being a girl. There’s a definite change in me wired in by whatever The Alchemist’s symbiotic thing has wrought in me. All the still ongoing tests and stuff say my brain is definitely female now. And maybe the change has helped me make peace with it all.

I really enjoy my training too, not just the working out and stuff but my other training too over the last few days. Sitting, walking, learning how to move and hold myself and make and serve tea. And learning about make up and clothes. I’ve actually been really busy just adjusting to being me.

Today I’m taking some time to just relax and be me.

I get my things and I head down to my new pride and joy. I have an Anti-grav black VW-Bug all set up for weight compensation and with a hardtop convertible package and it’s girl and not at the same time. It’s a hover model so no big ceiling just about two feet but it’s very cool really.

And courtesy of the contract I just signed with The Champions. Yep I’m official and I’m getting a full ride to a college degree here and getting paid a small salary too. More once I’m officially on the team since I’m a reserve member but I’m living rent free, and a lot of my regular future life is secure.

So me time now.

I’ve my bikini with me and all the stuff a girl needs to head out to the beach and I sort of wish there was someone to go with me but Alexis is out with Tyler on a big date and Shane’s been busy with Kyle and when not with him she’s been training or spending time with the Champions.

So I’m sort of flying solo.

It’s a bit unnerving going to the beach as a girl alone but I’m going to Dallas beach which Tyler recommended and it’s a protected pay-beach. Valet parking, life guards beach security but really decent if you want to just have a good time at the beach without the assholes that come with it.

It sounds all elitist but when I get there it’s busy and packed. The guy takes my car and I thumbprint scan in and I get the private lot for the day. He calls a girl in a bathing suit uniform over and then it’s me heading across this lawn like bit of park and food court until I hit the beach and it’s actually amazing…they have the regular beach but there’s a whole landscaped section of these small grassy dunes with sand in the centre of them and these are the private areas. Okay it’s expensive like eighty bucks for this spot for the day but wow getting my beach blanket set out and my radio, towels and other stuff…it’s all mine and at the top of each spot there’s a little changing booth/bathroom stall unit.

Okay it’s like a really advanced porta john but it’s really clean and smells clean and decorated like it’s for the beach. This is expensive like I said but to have this to myself? It’s so worth it. Besides I can tan in peace and with or without clothes if I want. I want to actually do some girl-sun worshipping before I’m in Ark City and Halo.

Though I’m not sure about stuff up there I’m actually interested in all the things that I’ve heard and I want to see snow. I know we have mountains relatively close by here but I’ve never been able to go to any of the ski places.

I get myself changed into my bikini and I’m going with a classic cut French style. It’s a nice sort of black with these embedded metallic sparkles and yes I like black and sort of the super hero like shiny stuff too.

I like the look and I pony tail my hair and after a lot of sunscreen I head out and I go for a walk and just enjoy myself as I just wander the beach just walking even through the public spots and I get watched and stared at and there’s a lot of the looks that are the jealous sort of ones and there’s some that are lusty looks as I just walk and de-stress.

I know I’m getting more “Me” as I actually like the feelings of getting seen, being invisible really wasn’t fun and while I’m not going to be one of the girls I hated because they abused their gift of good looks I’m taking it in as part of being a girl. The way my hips move feels natural and the sway of my bottom and the bounce sway of my breasts it all feels just right.

It feels good to feel sexy…just not being egotistical about it but It does even if I’m not ready to get into things with anyone right now.

It go for a swim once I’m back close to my spot and well despite the fantastic fours…I don’t float. I sink like a stone. I can swim if I tread water really hard using my enhanced strength. But I can hold my breath a good long time and I get to see stuff under the water in a really cool way and hearing…wow hearing things with my upper and low ranges is…I can hear not just like some distant dolphin sounds but buoy pings and then tune into the sub-sonic com channels the P’hari use?

Wow…it’s way busier down here than anyone thinks, or the regular people think. The P’hari are one of the big races here that New Haven has treaties with like the Vishanti. They’re tall well long legged and humanoid with like a varied amount of supple fins on their head and ears that are also their gill areas too and are finlike they have a sort of nasal bump and really thin lips but their pretty human after all of that.

They are here in big numbers really with undersea bases and cities and such and are masters at sea-farming. They raise these gardens and schools of fish that feed millions of people everyday. Not super tech in a way like the Vishanti or Avari but they’re really good at what they do…farming, growing coral like it’s a crop, and water clean up. They have dabbled in medicines too like there are these saline/water fluid mixes that are really body specific and work in people a lot better and other stuff.

I swim up every once in awhile to make sure people think I’m not drowning and head in after awhile and wash off the salt and head into my spot and tan.

I fall deeply asleep in the sunshine just…wow it feels so good …the heat running through my veins and my bones and just all melty and stuff. I wake up and no tan…well there’s a bit of one and it fades away to my very white complexion. “Frakkin healing factor.”

I head up the beach to the food court and I’m feeling hungry so I get some stuff there actually trying a few new things. I’ve never has seviche before and it’s good like a kind of seafood salsa with a side of noodle sized cut kelp on the side. A mango slush and I’m back to my spot and end up sipping at it while listening to the radios and reading. I’m reading more girl stuff, several romance novels the cheap ones, and some magazines about fashion and just well femi-culture stuff like Vogue and stuff but also like some of the Good Housekeeping stuff.

I’m not studying really but more like making up for lost time. I get really into some of the romance books sort of putting myself in the girl’s part and getting into the scene of lovemaking…god I get teamed up too and thankfully since I’m tougher than the standard girl I roll onto my chest and press my aching boobs into my beach blanket.

I’m still a teenager and have all the hormones going on and after ripping through the first book I’m more than ready for another swim.

I’m cooling my need off in the water for awhile then get my things and head to get my car. And there’s all these people together either dating or married and stuff and I’m kind of feeling left out seeing how happy everyone is and everything together.

“Not that I’d have an idea of how to really be with anyone or anything even if I met someone.”

I get my car and drive around after using my debit card to pay for the stuff at the beach and tip the valet guy five dollars. I’m driving and really trying to not go into a drive thru and just…It’s like this hurt that kind of sinks into that craving rush you get when you ear something good.

That something you like’s rush is what you use to replace the empty spot inside that I’m trying to fill.

I know all of this and yet.

Yeah…I’m pulled off in a spot by myself trying to kill the lonely hurt and the guilty from even doing this with a bunch of fries and a shake and a bucket of fried chicken…

I feel so sick with myself for doing this afterwards….I can’t take it anymore and crawl into the backseat and curl up and cry.

Dammit, just dammit.