To be honest my story isn’t going to be for everyone. I wasn’t even sure it’s something I even get. But I guess here it is. My name’s Corey Roberts and I’m a FTM trans guy. The thing is when it came to getting my surgery downstairs I didn’t get it. I didn’t really want them to mess with something I understood and frankly still got a lot of pleasure out of.

Oh yeah that just broke a few brains and I’m getting a few freak comments already.

No, see it’s kind of like I guess some of those she-male types go through. I’m a guy, inside what my brain’s telling me, emotionally, socially I’m a guy. I don’t want breasts and I never wanted the plumbing and when I was really younger and after several suicide attempts and a six week stay in the nut-bar-hotel my parents finally got that I had to be myself.

Back then it was like getting to female puberty was going to be a death sentence. If I dropped that first egg and started bleeding I though my world was going to be over. So after my Aunt Terry convinced my folks I wasn’t a crazy person I was allowed to go home.

And Mom and dad got a divorce soon after. Mom couldn’t understand my trans status and she wanted me to try it; you know being a girl, that I might not know until I did….well that’s went I asked her if she liked eating pussy and she freaked out but I came back with how’d she know if she never tried.

Haven’t really seen Mom since….

Now, I’ve had the surgeries way earlier than in North America mainly because I wasn’t there when I was getting fixed. I had a nice long vacation with my Dad who’s a high end computer nerd and can beam his work anywhere. Aunt Terry went with us and while she’s still my Aunt because she’s Mom’s sister it wasn’t too long into the divorce her and Dad started sleeping together.

And that brings me back to me.

No Breasts, no girly nipples, none of the internal plumbing and I started in on hormones and blockers and stuff. But I didn’t have them try and make me a fake/remodeled penis. I know I’ve gotten some grief in a few places that found out but. I don’t want to be mangled, I don’t want second best? If I’m going to have a penis I’ll have a real one. I’m still young, seventeen and SRS stuff’s coming a long way all the time.

If you could clone/grow organs that’d be huge. But I’m not going to hold my breath on something like that.

Truth is I don’t mind having a vagina. Well I could do without the mess when I get excited and stuff but other than that. I’m not freaking out about it.

The thing is I’m gay? I mean gay, sorta gay? I’m really not sure. Girls don’t do a thing for me that much, I mean the odd one or two…especially the big amazon types and some fitness model types give me the yayness but there’s really nothing like a hot buff guy.

And there’s the rub.
No that’s not a masturbation joke.

I attract the gay guys well enough. They like me and I like them. I’m a bit on the short side but that can’t be helped and I’m not short or too short at five eight, and I’ve got great muscle tone. I’m a swimmer, cyclist, surfer, and played a lot of football…soccer for those in North America I don’t because as much as I was born states side my puberty and formative guy years have been spent in Buenos Aires.

….Anyway. Five eight, a hundred and sixty pounds of pretty good tanned muscle, great ab’s I do work them a lot. Blonde hair that I keep in this short easy style a lot of the guys wear at city college in B.A. I’ve got Grey blue eyes and no body hair. It’s as much a south American thing. I’ve kind of lasered most of them as they were trying to grow in. I just like the smooth look.

I’m a kind of hot guy. I don’t mean to be full of myself but I’m a really good looking guy. But see, once I get the guy’s interest it’s keeping them. There’s a lot of gay guys who look at my innie and get all eeeww about it and there’s a few that I’ve been with that will go all the way with me. They don’t stick around, turns out a lot of gay guys really want someone to fuck them back and after a few dates I’m not as interesting as the guy who is able to have sex with them without a strap on.

And honestly. I’m not that into fucking a guy that way.

I know, I know you’re all thinking what the fuck, he’s a trans guy who didn’t want the dick surgery but he’s a sub too. Why didn’t you stay a girl. There’s times I really wish I could have. But as much as I loved the sports and things I was into I’m the guy that likes good music, dancing, and books.

My favorite thing in the world is to sleep in and then just have my favorite book, some hot fresh bread with butter and a pot of good coffee my music and just be.

It’d be even better with someone to have moments like that with.

Yeah… My life’s super simple isn’t it.

There’s times it just damned near terminally hurts to be me.

I hate being fucking like this sometimes. And there’s been times I’ve acted out. Mostly sexually….I know gay guys are supposed to be promiscuous but I’m not. Or I’ve never meant to be.

I’ve had a lot of sex actually, well it’s just been gay hook ups but I’ve never got passed date five. Just a lot of hook ups and I’m sick of those. Well not sick of those. I might have an innie but I’ve got a male sex drive and sometimes I get so horny I well…

Last three months I’m starting to worry about carpal tunnel syndrome.

I guess that’s me.


It’s come around almost full circle and I’m back home. Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.

Dad got a really good job offer to come and teach. It’s more than teaching and honestly as much as I loved B.A. I and Aunt Terry were more than ready to come home.

Things weren’t great with mom, but they weren’t screamingly awful either. I’ve learned her and Dad were having problems before I ever came out but me coming out was just the last straw. She’s living in Montreal now and we e-mail and do the snail mail thing and send presents but she’s not coming back, she doesn’t really want to or have us visit.

I guess the point being we moved back to our old house a three story big old Victorian farmhouse with a big yard. And it needs some TLC but we’re so glad to be home that it’s bringing tears to my eyes.

Sometimes it’s true that there’s no place like home. It’s the last bit of August and there’s time to get stuff done before Dad goes back to work and I go in for my graduating year of high school.

I like being a guy. I do, yeah I hardly fit the definition as everyone see’s things but I’m actually a little blissed out in the warm sunshine my shirt off and doing yard work. There’s nothing like this sometimes. Mowing the lawn with the scents of the cut grass and the spruce trees we have along with the cedar bushes and that scent on the wind of the Pacific ocean.

I like the feel of sun on my skin. I like the work even, it’s meditative to me. I’m out here most of the day mowing and scraping the boards on the side of the house and then using the pressure washer to peal off the rest. It’s an all day job and Aunt Terry helps but she’s mostly doing the inside of the house.

Dad comes home with a mess of king crabs cooked and we eat those and have a few beers with us dipping the crab in Aunt Terry’s Chimichuri sauce. (It’s lime juice and zest, mint, cilantro, parsley, finely dice chives and lots of olive oil in her recipe.) it’s really good stuff.

Yeah Dad let’s me drink. There’s a different sense of things in South America and I don’t drink to get a drunk going or a buzz but because in B.C. beer and crab goes together like beer and lobster do on the east coast.

I love our back deck. It’s an add on from the people that had bought the house and was living here while we lived away. Dad though had always had our realtor looking to see if it was going to come back on the market.

Anyway…It’s about twelve feet long and about twenty feet wide pond stone in concrete floored but what I like is the sides are benches with almost window seat corners and four foot high walls just made of lattice but there’s climbing beans and peas planted that have made walls of green around us and there’s lattice on these studwork beams over us too that have pot planted strawberry plants that have taken over above us.

It smells fresh and it’s just perfect…well I love it and I think it’s kind of perfect.


It was the next day about ten or so in the morning and I was just getting done sanding the boards on the side of the house. It you have wooden siding on the outside of your house before you go to primer or stain it’s a good idea to tease out the wood grain with a light sanding.

I was just coming down off the ladder when I here. “Hey…nice ass.” It’s a girls voice. I look over seeing this sandy blonde in sandals and a bikini and a open shirt. I’ll admit she’s a hell of a good looking girl but soooo not my flavor. It’s a bit funny as she’s doing that girl pose, flirt, but I’m not flirting or posing thing.

It’s one of the things I like about being a guy. None of those things going on with me.

“Hi, thank you I guess.” she’s looking me over checking me out. I’m in sneakers and long basketball shorts with a bandana on. She girl steps shimmy glides over extending her hand. “I’m Amanda, you’re new here right?”

“Sort of, this used to be my old house years ago. I’m Corey.” I shake her hand and she’s got the wheels turning and then it clicks.

She stops shaking my hand and stares at me. “Corey…” she’s looking at me and the house then me. “Corey Roberts?”

“Hey…” I’ve got the feeling I knew her back when but there’s just been too much time and too much growing.

“Holyfuck…” She let’s go of my hand and stares at me. “You did it?..Y..You did it…” She steps away from me, stare at my chest and then at my crotch. “You had a sex change…” She’s almost to the sidewalk arm pulling her shirt closed and the other covering her abdomen like I was giving off some kind of effeminizing radiation.

Then she looks pissed off with me. “Wear a sign next time you freak!” she can’t get out of there fast enough. She does go far, two houses down on the other side of the street. I can here her having a fit for awhile.

It stops but about two hours later she’s got company, and there’s people showing up. People pointing at our house and me. Other teens driving past and staring at me getting in their stares and gawks. I can see them trying to puzzle me out, especially the way I’m dressed. The guys in this bunch mostly look confused or mildly wigged out by it but I’m getting these looks from the girls like I’m some kind of thing.

It goes on for about two weeks with a few insults hurled in passing. Some one sprayed “Freak” on my Aunt’s car. The cops arrested Amanda two of her friends and some guy because I mean C’mon. It’s not like we knew things we’re going to get like this at some point. They make webcams really small these days. Charges we’re pressed ay the cops were around enough during that last week before school enough that it really didn’t become much of a bother.

Amanda did try to cyber bash me with her little group of trolls. Dad caught wind of that and I’m not sure what he did but her and her little troll army were soon getting flooded with all sorts of stuff.

I’m not overly computer savvy. I’m actually more into well I’m not into much really right now, I guess job wise I’m sort of looking at maybe getting into nursing? I’ve got good grades but I don’t think I could handle going to be a doctor. It’s too many years of school right now and a lot of debt.



I had people picketing the first day I went in. Amanda and her friends did me the kindness of outing me to the religious bunch and they were waiting for me for three days yelling at me and telling me that I was “Going to hell.” oh and my favorite, the one they trot out for most people out of their little box. The time tested. “Stay away from our children!”

Thankfully this is Canada and it’s also Vancouver and I didn’t really have to do anything before the Davey Town crowd had the rainbow war drums going and that brought the press and that brought the police and the RCMP and the whole thing got squashed by day five.

Turns out my high school has like thirty some openly LGBT students and two faculty. There was a bit of a stink with some of the kids from the whole issue of me and changing rooms and bathrooms. I use the girls ones. Yes I’m a trans-guy and everything but I’ve kept my vag as is and I’m gay like that mattered but they don’t freak out over the Lez’s in the school in the girls bathroom. But they deemed it inappropriate for me and my equipment to be into the guys bathrooms.

It’s not a hit to me rather than a safety issue of a just in case nature. I let all of that go, it’s one of those choose your battles things. It won’t matter really too much once I’ve graduated.


It’s still pretty lonely though.

I take my classes mostly sciences and honors courses but in school I’ve made some friends but I’m not really considered dateable. The gay guys are actually kind of dismissive because I’m not gay, I’m a …..They really don’t know what to say because I don’t fit any of their boxes either.

The same with the lesbians, neither group really gets it and I’m the only trans in school. Or the only one that’s out.

My closest friends are Erica and Nick. Erica is a dyke, and that’s her word not me saying it. She is very aggressive and kind of a bit of a heavy metal chick. She just doesn’t care about my whole issues and we tried the fuckbuddies thing with her actually taping herself down and the whole strap on thing but it didn’t pan out.

We had three dates, she even cross dressed as a guy and took me to my very first school dance and I did have a good time. But after our one night stand that was it for us sexually. It was the mental and emotional thing of the sex.

Thankfully though we still like some of the same things and are friends more than ever. Erica keeps saying that she’ll know when she’ll meet the right guy for me.

Nick….Nick’s great and I’d have a serious crush on him if her wasn’t in this committed online long distance relationship with this girl in Scotland. He works his ass off saving up money to go see her as much as possible. I met Nick in auto shop, which I’m taking because one it’s good to know and two I like cars.

He has his own kinda sorta garage where he does repairs on the cheap compared to the licensed places and saves it towards going to Scotland and seeing Harry. Yeah, don’t get confused it’s short for Harriet and the looks don’t fit the name. I’ve Skyped with her at his place and she’s one of those willowy Scotch blondes that has no clue that she’s as pretty as she really is. She’s from some place called Bohenie and I might not be into girls but I love her accent, unless she talks fast then I just can’t understand her and I’ll switch to Spanish or Portuguese. …Which usually earns me her giving me the peace sign with her palm facing out which just cracks Nick up.

Took me awhile to get the joke.

I hang with Nick because he simply doesn’t give a shit, he’s so laid back and mellow that he’s just good with me being me.

I was at Nick’s in the garage when Ryan moved in next door to Nick’s place.


Ryan Cross…..

I was having a can of Coke when the moving trucks pulled in next door to Nicks place. From the first minute I saw him I was just mesmerized…like the hand of god reached down and whacked me behind my head and said “Pay attention.”

He’s huge really first of all and he’s part Native American…six foot four, two hundred and fifty pounds of drop dead gorgeous guy. I mean gorgeous, he’s got that built body carved from solid rock and long black hair that’s native shiny blue black but just enough of whatever else to make it naturally messy…in just the right way.

He’s got that native smoother that average skin too, baby faced…I bet his ass is smooth too. I hope it’s smooth.

“Shit Corey, drooling much. C’mon dude lets give them a hand.” I mean I heard Nick talking but I just sort of nodded and followed. “Yeah…sure…”

We get closer and he’s in these grey urban combat pants and an old black T-shirt with letters about some band called Jethro Tull? But it’s on him like somebody air brushed it. Then I see he’s got ink, these Native totem pictogram things on each of his wrists about three inches wide and a set of razor wire bands around his biceps.

Nick says something….

“Excuse me? What?” I ask looking at Nick but wanting to look back at this guy. God I’m so hard and wet already.

“I said this is my bud Corey. Corey this is Ryan.” Nick sounds bemused like he’s having fun.

I turn to shake him hand and I fall head long, soul first into the greenest jade eyes I’ve ever seen framed by these lashes that are long, thick, and midnight black and there’s these slow motion blinks happening that feel like I’m being hit by Ocean waves…have you ever seen or met or though or someone so beautiful that it’s almost like a tangible force? It’s hard to breathe for a few minutes.

Actually all afternoon.

I knew in my head, in my heart I was totally screwed, head over heels in deep gay boy love when he pulled off his t-shirt after awhile and there was this great big celtic cross on his back with the word “Loyal” written in the upper part of the circle…the rest of it was this mix of climbing ivy and white and red roses.


It damned near fucking broke my heart when the next time I saw him was at school and he was being sort of cornered by the pretty girls and…..Amanda.

I saw her talking and they both looked at me at the same time.

It felt like someone lined me up somewhere and said “Pull!” and I got to watch her smile as my heart flew out of my chest and he blew it to pieces.

I left taking off from school and kind of locked myself away for two days.

Erica dragged me out of bed and over to Nick’s.

Helping wetsand down a couple of fenders helped me unwind and so did the company.

Then I hear from behind me. “Coke right?”

I turn and Ryan’s there.

“Uhm Yeah…” I take the can drink about half of it letting the combination of cold and fizz to clear out the lump in my throat. “So are you here to check out the odd ball?”

“Yeah, I think you’re…cute, interesting?”

“Huh?” Suave, real Suave.

“I’m Bi, Corey, I mean it, you’re cute.” he smiled at me and I swear it came right out of his heart…it had to, I mean what kind a guy has Loyal written on his back and is a lying douche…I felt that smile reach right into my chest.

“But Amanda and the others…”

“I wouldn’t touch them with someone else’s dick. There’s not a real hard way to tell someone’s a real piece of shit when they come over and start flirting with you while bagging on everyone else and spreading hate like a toxic spill. I’m not really into anyone like that.”

“But…but.. You’re into me?”

“Not yet.” He says that starting into me with those amazing green eyes of his. But his voice was that sexy smoky kind of husky melt my brain kind of things.

“I meant…” I was going to say something but he steps in close pinning me to the workbench and his left hand cups my chin and he kisses me.

It’s not the kind of kiss where I’m the little girly boy sissy type. I’m nor aggressive, but I don’t giggle, I don’t mince or any of that other stuff. I’ve the quiet loner gay boy who watches other people get to be okay and have their lives and have their relationships…I’m that person so lonely that…that it’s felt like I’d do anything to just have someone…

Ryan’s kiss is that strong, that passionate and at the same time sort of demanding, wanting, taking…and some people might not want like that but I can tell, I can feel it in the way he’s kissing me that I’m the thing, the person he want’s and it feels so good, I sort of fall back into myself and let his kissing push on me, like….god this is nothing like I’ve ever done, felt had before.

Even when he pulls back there’s this whole… come to me…feeling and while he’s recharging to kiss me like that again I sort of surge to him, not aggressive but this passionate return that he wants from me.

We go back and forth I’m not sure how long but he picked me up enough to set my butt on the workbench and he leans in to those kisses with me trapped between the breadth oh his chest, shoulders and arms.

I get to run my hands over body heat temperature sculpted male perfection. I really, really am getting soaked, my Vag is clenching and unclenching so much so hard it feels like it’s bruised and I could cut glass my cock-clit’s that hard. Yes I call it stuff like him, really aside from the inside thing there’s a lot more alike than there is different.

I’ve never really been much of a oral sex person, It was one of those indifferent things. I would be more into it if they were more into me and I did end up using it to try and salvage a few kinda sort of relationships.

I’d likely be more into it if it wasn’t for that making the guy illusion more to their tastes.

But Ryan…God, I’m actually craving what he tastes like.

He breaks the kiss and looks at me. Like that really seeing me looking at me.

Maybe it’s some mystical Shamany thing.

“I want you.”


“Corey I want you. I need to have you but I don’t want to be just one of those bother assholes. I wanted this to be something more, something decent…not just me and you hooking up…I wanted to ask you out.”

“Yes, Uh-huh, yes…” I look back and tilt my head moving close an invitation for him to kiss me again. Which he does.

“Yes to what?”

“Yes, yes to both, yes…”

He kisses me again and he pulls me off the bench. “Come with me.” He pulls me along through the gap in the hedge between his house and Nicks in through the back porch and up the back stairs to him bedroom.

It’s nice, a lot more metal furniture than I thought and a lot less Indian stuff, more sports, trophies, work out stuff, it smells good in here in a way that is familiar but new to me. Metal, leather, sweat, mixed in with lingering incense and sweet grass smoke and candles he‘s got lots of those around here all of that and a fresh tinge of Right Guard spray and Old Spice.

Ryan pulls me to him and kisses me harder and I’m fumbling with his belt and getting his pants off and his boxers pulled down to show me the most biggest, handsomest uncut cock that I’ve ever seen in person.

I move to start to give him a blowjob and Ryan’s hand touches my chest and he pushes me onto my back with this I’m in charge “No.”

I think it made me nearly cum a little.

He stands over me and he undresses me, well my pants. “Get the shirt off Corey, I want to see you.”

I peel it off or I’m in the middle of it when my legs get pushed open and I go with it and then his hands slide over my lean yet muscular body. Erica calls me Anime boy, I’m a boy but kind of almost too pretty, but definitely not a girl….and Ryan’s not touching me like one as he runs his huge hands over my body with the fucking sexy purr of “Nice, of fuck Corey…you’re fucking perfect.”



I feel his hands touch my labia and open me up…Then lips…

“Ugh…!” in a good way is my first words. “Ryan…Ry…what are you doing…?”

“Corey…what does it look like I’m doing, I’m giving you a blowjob.” He buries his face, mouth and tongue into me and I’m instantly his…He might as well have me made out of felt and shoved his hand up my ass because I so became his little fuck puppet.

Ryan Cross didn’t eat me out, he didn’t eat my pussy so much as he sucked my little cock as hard as any gay guy’d go down on another guy her was into…it wasn’t getting fingered, it was getting stroked off. He didn’t touch some girl no he ran his hands over muscle and pushed in to feel them just a little hard.

I screamed…thrashed on the bed squirted when I came because my insides tightened like they never had before.

Ryan stood and pulled me to him as he leaned down to kiss me. We shared that moment awhile before he straightened and took my face in one hand to guide me and slid shoved his beautiful cock past my lips…there was no talk, sweet nothings bullshit he wanted me to do this and I’m more than willing…at this one point I’m doing things I’ve never been that into and he says something that actually twistedly means something to me al least.

“Oh…Oh…Yeah, deep Corey, deeper…Oh, no girl sucks cock like this…”

It’s something people always say, it like some gay and lez testament that because you’ve got the same thing you’re better at it. I just got this whole justification of…well of me. I’m a gay trans gendered boy who….

“Oh Ryaaaaan…, Oh my Jesus christ!…” I say that and moan and cry out as He enters me and he takes me. But Ryan let's out his own groan as he bottoms out inside of me and my muscles grab and seize around him from that first slide in. "Ugh...Oh...Fuck Corey..." It's so strange and painful but good. I'm squeezing him so tight in those first few moments that I feel him inside me like no other guy. Molded so tight I can't feel the shape of his cock inside me.

I say a lot of things as Ryan turns me out as they say. Takes something I though was the best choice for me and turns it even better…It's slow at first but withing twenty strokes I'm teetering over the edge of my first orgasm and it just get's more...just more from there. I've got that testosterone fuel running through me for sex but I've got a female response....slow to get going but once I'm warmed up I want more...need more...My brain mixes that wanting more girl biology bit with my Vag and that re-occuring orgasm and blends it with terminal teenaged boy horny.

I’m a trans-boy, and I’m gay and I love having my pussy...With Ryan It’s better than anything I’ve ever done before. It goes from hot and dirty and hard and loud sex like some of us gay guys are into. Then to this slow kissing and fucking. To this time...the best of the whole night... Ryan set his palms on my pubic bone and ab’s looking me it the eyes and saying in that sexy smoky voice.

“I’m inside you Corey, can you feel it?”


“No…not that, this….” I ach and stiffen as he grinds his cock into me.

“Uh-hu….h” Yeah I’m verbose aren’t I?

“Me, my cock sliding and grinding against yours.”

He grinds into me again and again and that image gets stronger and stronger in my mind as I can’t help but picture inside of me not really the usual stuff but this whole thing of my cock locked inside me sliding and grinding against Ryan’s and I screamed, It more than anything else drove me deeper and deeper over the edge and it still does to this day.


Yeah to this day.

It’s actually not all that far in the future from the main body of this recollection of how I found myself. How Ryan found me and we’ve been steady dating for four months now and I’m in the first real relationship of my life.

We didn’t go out that night, we fucked most of it but it was still special. He cooks, it’s just him and his mom so…

He made us a roast of beef and scalloped potatoes on the BBQ with some wood chips to give this touch of smoke to the food while we swam naked and made love in the pool and watch a Netflicks movie on his laptop.

That was our first night.

We’ve had a lot of nights like that actually.
He hasn’t left me.

He Makes Me Happy.

I’m not a that gay simpering type but I’m his, all the same. It’s a bit out of character for me but I’m trying to learn how to bake from Aunt Terry, It’s his birthday next week and I am gay enough I really want to bake him a cake.

Oh shit I gotta go guys I think it’s burning!

Kisses Dudes, Girls;

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