Three Girls Book One Chapter Six Stravinsky and Surprises! by Andrea Lena DiMaggio

Previously...at the Perth Amboy High School baseball field...

“I’m proud of all of you…you hung in there and if we hadn’t run up against the best pitcher in the conference, we might have won this one.

“Yeah…practice,” she said once again, trying without success to hold back the most painful tears she had ever shed.

The following Tuesday at Caryn's...

“I think I made a mistake.” Yuki sat on the couch with a toy dog from Caryn’s collection sitting on her lap.

“How so?”

“I came out before school’s end. I could have graduated as Luke and …” she sighed with a huff and shook her head.

“I’m so stupid…I am so stupid.”

“Now that’s someone else talking, isn’t it?” Caryn could have made the identification herself, but it was important to for Yuki to make the connection.

“Dad? Yeah…I guess so…yeah…but I still think I made a mistake.” She sighed again and looked around the room until Caryn handed her the box of tissues.

“Well, I understand how you might feel that way, but what can you do now to make it better for you? Can you un-tell everyone? Is there any way to turn back time?” Caryn braced herself for the inevitable flow of tears.

“Nnnoooo.”

“So, we have to go with what you have right now. What’s the worst part of it…what hurts the most, Yuki?”

“I….I don’t….don’t knoooowwww.” She burst out crying, burying her face in the stuffed dog.

“You don’t expect me to believe that, do you?” Caryn touched the girl’s knee to get her attention.

“Seriously, Yuki….we both know what really hurts..it hurts just to talk about it. But it hurts too much not to talk, right? You told everybody you were a girl…but that means everybody…everybody knows, right?”

“Yes..yyyeesssss.” She shook her head, as if she could indeed turn back time.

“I can…I can change my mind…that’s it…I’ll just go back to being a boy.” Her words were clear for only a moment until Caryn raised an eyebrow, almost as if ask, ‘really?’

“No….noooo….I can’t ever go back…”

“Why Yuki…is it possible…have you made any decisions that can’t be changed? Is it too late?”

“Nooo…oooo…noooo.” Yuki looked out the window; it had begun to rain.

“So why not just change back…what’s to stop you?” Caryn smiled warmly.

“Do you think I should change back?” Yuki’s eyes seemed to beg forgiveness for her decision.

“I can’t tell you what you should do…what do you think, Yuki…If you had never changed…what would you have done?” She tilted her head and widened her eyes in a welcoming question.

“I could have stayed a boy…I wouldn’t have to be hurt…I wouldn’t have lost some..some of my teammates…” Her voice cracked.

“Teammates…oh…yes…I know how important baseball is to you.” Caryn reflected what the girl had said, but her face was almost a mask of irony as she raised her eyebrows.

“I should never have changed…I’m so stupid.” She repeated it as if Caryn hadn’t heard her minutes ago.

“We went over that, didn’t we…you have changed. What’s the worst that happened, Yuki…What hurts the most? You’re crying harder than I’ve seen you cry in a bit…what hurts so much?”

“He….he said he wants to be my friend again.” She struggled to speak.

“Isn’t that what you want? Isn’t his friendship important to you?” The answer was almost painful, even if it was true.

“Yes…yess….no….” She sobbed. When she realized what she had said, she struggled to speak, and finally got out…

“I don’t want him….to be my friend….no more…no more…..” She picked up the toy dog and sobbed into it once again.

“Why Yuki…why don’t you want him as a friend?” Caryn knew, of course, but it was necessary for Yuki to verbalize her disappointment.

“Bee….be…cawwwsssee.” Caryn waited.

“He dusssss….nnnnntt…..waaaawwwwnnnt…..to…he doesn’t want…..to be my……boy friend.”

“I know, Yuki…and that hurts…..like it won’t ever stop…right?

“Ri…right…yeassss.” Her sobs began to subside. “Yes.”

“Okay…now we have something we can work with…okay? Can I ask you something?” Caryn tapped the girl on the knee and she looked up and nodded as she wiped her eyes.

“If you hadn’t told…if you stayed Luke…you’d still have told eventually, right?” The girl nodded.

“And he still might have said the same thing to you? That waiting…it might have been easier in some ways, but wouldn’t it be just as hard? And would it be any less painful?”

“Nnnnoooo….nooooo.” The girl began to cry again.

“So you didn’t do anything wrong, did you?” Caryn shrugged her shoulders in question.

“Nooooo…nooo.”

“And you’re not stupid…are you?”

“Nnnooo.” She shook her head no.

“Okay…so how do we get the toothpaste back in the tube?” She laughed softly which cause the girl to tilt her head.

“Can we go back and un-say every word? Can you change things? Do you even want to…How do you feel about Yuki? Do you even want to go back to being Luke?”

“No…no.” Caryn nodded and smiled.

“Caryn? I don’t…how is this so easy for you…asking all these questions….like you know how I feel…how much it hurts?” The girl shrugged her shoulders as if to apologize.

“Honey…it’s okay to ask…that’s what I’m here for…you can ask me anything. And it’s okay…yes; I know exactly how you feel because I wasn’t always a doctor, of course….” Caryn resisted the urge to tear up; it wouldn’t do for the girl to focus on her…she needed to focus on coming to her own conclusions, but she deserved the truth.

“Yes…you had to go to college…but before that…were you always a good listener? Did it come easy?”

“Yes…but that’s not why I do what I do, Yuki. You see…before I went to college, I attended a small high school upstate in Sussex County…you know…up by High Point by the New York border….as Carlo Bisceglia.”

Perth Amboy High School baseball field...the following afternoon...

The rain, gentle to begin with, had almost let up, and the sun began to peek out from behind a cloud.

“Come on…put it in here, she can’t hit!” Metuchen’s catcher snorted as he threw the ball back to the pitcher, nearly hitting Yuki in the ear. She tapped the bat on the plate and got back in her stance, waiting for the next pitch. She already had a strike on her. The pitcher threw the ball high and inside, knocking her down, but missing her elbow.

“Hey, ump…watch the brushback.” Coach King glared at the umpire who just shrugged his shoulder. Billy Calabrese took his lead at second. The score was tied in the bottom of the sixth and there was only one out.

“Hey…dickhead…like pickin’ on girls, you fucking asshole?” Billy shouted as he danced toward third. His taunting worked and the pitcher lost his concentration; the curve ball hit Yuki in the thigh. She ran to first, putting two runners on. The next batter, Davey Singh, lined a ball over the third baseman’s head and the left fielder misplayed the ball off the wall. Billy scored easily and Yuki ran through all the way from first, sliding under the tag and scoring…but at a price. She screamed as she felt a pop in her left leg.

“Time,” Danny King was on the field almost as fast as the trainer. The girl lay on the ground, trying to reach back to her ankle and crying. The umpire and Metuchen’s coach kept the crowd of boys back as the trainer examined the injured girl.

“Oh shit….” He turned to Danny and shook his head. Danny punched in 911 even as the girl tried to stand. She put weight on her foot and started to fall. Two big arms caught her and picked her up.

“It’s okay…I got you….you’ll be okay.” Teddy Dudek walked toward the dugout, occasionally glancing at the girl in his arms. He looked away, embarrassed that it took the girl being hurt for him to care again as a friend. She buried her face in his chest and wept; almost as much over the gesture as for the pain in her ankle.

“Ted…take her over to my pickup…I’ll put a blanket down on the bed and she can lie down. Don’t worry kid…you’re going to be okay.” Danny pulled the blanket off the front seat and spread it out. Yuki continued to weep, and became almost hysterical; the emotion of the moment went way beyond her physical pain. As Teddy placed the girl on the truck bed the catcher for Metuchen started to laugh. His own pitcher walked up calmly and punched him hard in the chest protector, knocking him down. He went to stand up but his coach grabbed the bat lying next to the plate and pushed the boy down gently and said,

“Stay down, son, or I’ll forget my job and let him hit you again.”

A moment later one of the Arguillo brothers started shouting ‘Yuki, Yuki,” while clapping his hands. Soon his shout was repeated by both teams and the handful of students in the stands.

“I’m so sorry. Yuki…I’m so sorry.” Teddy sat on the lift gate of the truck and shook his head.

The girl looked up at him and continued to cry, more out of relief than pain at that point. Whether it was the emotion of the moment or guilt or shame or conviction or even friendship or….love? Teddy leaned over, trying to comfort the crying girl. He started stroking her hair and he went to kiss her on the cheek…friend to friend he thought.

“I’m so sorry…you’re my best friend and I let you down.” Teddy wasn’t a stranger to crying, but he wasn’t an emotional kid either. But at that moment his conscience overtook his pride and he began to cry. His tears fell from his face and mixed with the girl’s as they ran down her cheek. He stared at her face and saw her for the first time. She was no longer the boy he knew all along. She wasn’t the boy who was pretending to be a girl. And in that instant, not only was his perception changed, but his heart as well.

“I love you. I’m sorry…I should just….I’m so sorry…” Yuki said and began to weep harder.

Teddy's heart melted as he realized that things change; boys sometimes don’t stay the same, but that friends are always friends. Fear reverted to friendship and friendship turned to love. He leaned closer and kissed the girl as only boyfriends kiss girlfriends…a true friend kissing her to heal and value and treasure and care. And Yuki lifted up to meet his kiss. The boy took her in his arms and held her tight as they both cried. By then the cheering had quieted down and the clapping had ceased.

The ambulance pulled up, lights flashing but siren off as an almost eerie quiet was accompanied by a soft patter of raindrops hitting the field. And soft raindrops were joined by the sound of hands clapping once again along with a shout by Billy Calabrese.

“Teddy…Teddy…Teddy….Yuki…Yuki…Yuki…” He laughed loudly and soon his shouts were joined by the voices of the teams and the fans.

“Teddy…Yuki…Teddy…Yuki…”

At the school grand piano the following Monday...

The girl sat at the piano, stretching her fingers. Her left foot was in a walking cast; her season effectively over with a slight tear of the Achille’s tendon. She sighed, tears streaming down her cheeks, but the anger and sadness of the previous weeks had been replaced by a calm joy and peace. The music was full of life and promise; Stravinsky's Music to the Ballet, Petruska..a puppet...come to life...almost ironic as her life had changed from being driven by expectations and the past to dreams and wishes and the future...

More of Yuki's story in Book Four, but next: Three Girls, Book Two, Lainie's Hope

Petrushka
Music for the Ballet composed by
Igor Stravinsky
solo by Yuja Wang
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=yuja+wang+stravi...