Adventures in Obstetrics 1951

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A recently discovered transcript from 1951

Voiceover: It's two o'clock, and time for the All Our Tomorrows Radio Program, courtesy of the Mutual Broadcasting System and sponsored by Oxydol Laundry Detergent. Remember, ladies - it's not clean until it's Oxydol clean!


Today's episode: Surprise, Mommy

It's a mid August afternoon at the Appio household at 22 Nicolas Avenue, Morristown, New Jersey. Let's listen in...

Fetal Danny: Mommy? I'm thirsty.

Mommy: Here, baby? Have some in-utero diethylstilbestrol.

Fetal Danny: Did Vinnie and Louise and Mario and Jackie like Di. di..

Mommy: Diethylstilbestrol. Well, no. Vinnie and Louise...I didn't have it for them, and besides, they came along sort of by surprise. Mario didn't make it past the second month. Jackie isn't in the picture yet, honey. But I guess the doctor figured I need help with you. so here you are.

Fetal Danny: But Mommy? Won't that make me....you know? And what if I need… you know….

Mommy: Uh... No... Well, maybe, but by the time you figure it out I'll be gone and it may be too late to help Little Andrea.

Fetal Danny: Thank you, Mommy. You won’t tell Daddy, will you?

Mommy: I’m sorry, baby, but he’ll probably figure it out anyway and beat the holy fuck out of you when you're nine. Now settle down and ease up on the kicking for a bit, okay sweetie?

Fetal Danny: Okay, Mommy. Can I at least wear that gold pants-suit when I’m 15?

Mommy: Sure. Why not. Be careful, though You'll KNOW by then how your father can be. Just don’t wear any of ‘those’ clothes again until you turn…Seventy? Seventy - One? Oh you’ll figure it out. Okay Baby?

Fetal Danny: I love you Mommy.

Mommy:I love you too. Baby…Boy?

Fetal Danny: But Mommy? I think I already am a GIRL.

Mommy: I know, my sweet child…I know…I am so, so sorry (sob)


Tune in next time when Vinnie Senior spends all night at Pellegrino's Tavern.

This has been a Mutual Broadcast Production... Up next, Lux Radio Theater...

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Comedy of Pain

laika's picture

It's uncanny that you can remember so far back, Drea!
Funny stuff ("Call the Midwife a Taxi!") but parts of that I couldn't smile at,
like that toss off gag about how daddy would beat the shit out of little Danny for
having a girl inside him (Reminded me of some of those awkwardly autobiographical
jokes Deniro's would-be-standup-comic character told in The King of Comedy....).

If you'd ever told me you were a DES baby I must've forgotten it.
But however she came about Andrea Lena is one talented author,
a truly good person + an amazing woman that I'm proud to call friend...
(Neener, neener! Ha ha, I made you cry!)
~hugs, Veronica

A heartbreaking story

I was always wondering if finding a reason I'm the way I am is really a relief?

I Don't Think So

joannebarbarella's picture

You were always meant to be a girl. It's nothing to do with diethylsilbestrol.

I was

NoraAdrienne's picture

I was 40 years old when my Dear Mother told me I need to start having yearly mammos.. She had taken DES while preggers with me.. The upshot is... DES Males are more prone to breast cancer and testicular cancer... The girls are also at higher risk for not only breast cancer but uterine cancer.... It wasn't till many years later the medical industry realized what they'd done to at least 2 generations of kids.

Cancer

Andrea Lena's picture

My sister died of uterine cancer. As opposed to Danny's sister, my mom was probably on DES when she had my sister since that's what they did.

  

To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L'Engle
Love, Andrea Lena

Not a pretty picture

Thanks for posting this. Clever usage of format.
My better half is a DES baby. It definitely has had effects. All 3 of our kids have various medical issues. They are able to lead relatively normal lives but it is important they keep good insurance, they all have higher than normal Dr visits for people not yet 30. My heart aches for those moms who thought they were doing the right thing.

>>> Kay

Ohhh...

If my father had lived and my mother had died, I would have been in the same condition...only several years sooner. He always thought of me as his 'other daughter' and never treated me otherwise. I still miss him dearly. But I've been blessed enough to have strong and thoughtful men in my life (as well as two very strong women). Yet another excellent piece Drea!!!

It's only that little Irish...

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrat

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