*Before…

Pudding cake must be the simplest dessert I know. I mean they taught this to my mom when she was in home ec back in those days. You’d think the way that they reacted that I made a black forest fancy cake.

Molly hugged me because she had a grandmother that used to make this kind of stuff and she never had it since she passed away.

It all really just feels good to have that be another good thing for us and something we shared with my mom and her grandmother.

It just really set the happy feeling as Rayne and I left the others to it and we went and got ready for our date.

*And Now…

We head up and the first thing that we do is get some tunes and take them into the bathroom with us and once those are cranked we’re getting into the shower and getting cleaned up and with plenty of time we’re taking our time.

That’s really nice.

This really good lather, and that almost spa like deal when someone is there with you and they’re getting all those places that you can’t reach with and it’s sensual and kind and caring.

It feels really great just doing that and getting that level of clean too.

Then it’s that washing each other’s hair thing and conditioning and all the rest of the stuff from hair removal and stuff because well we’re both just like that and then it’s lotion and nails and tunes and singing along and just having fun and getting dressed up.

Rayne goes for this hot navy blue lace bra that sort of gets highlighted by her black Misfits sleeveless shirt she’s wearing and she’s going for comfortable in black ripped jeans too.

Of course she’s got her whole Rayne/Raven look that she usually goes with including the semi goth make-up and the lipstick and the eyes and her wristlets, bangles and cuffs.

It’s just her, and I love every bit of it honestly.

I’m going as me of course and while I’m still kind of finding Angel or this side of me as a person there are things that I like and yeah honestly it’s like I’ve this weird theme of myself in some things so I have this soft pink Hubba Bubba gum brand tee-shirt on and matching pink tinted white ripped jeans on and I’m going with sneakers and just my watch and a little make-up.

We grab jackets and we head out from the house and we head to the mall.

It’s nice to go here to look.

I mean just go someplace without any like thing on the agenda and with some time before the movie we windowshop and even stop into a few places looking at things and even picking up a few things.

We flannel up.

Yeah like lesbian stereotype flannel it’s at Forever 21 and Rayne went in for a few things and ended up getting herself a classic red and black I bought a pink and black one and I’m aware of the stereotypes and all but I think it looks cool.

And while we get some looks as we hold hands out in the main part of the malls from some folks there are others that are cool with it.

The freakiest thing is getting waves from folks that we really don’t know.

Three people said “Fisherboy” with thumbs up while we were shopping and looking around.

I mean it wasn’t signing autographs and camera flashes of fame but it’s still pretty cool.

It was that and a little heavier at the movies where some more people recognize us and we have a good time talking while in line for tickets and for our snacks.

I’m a popcorn girl.

Rayne as it turns out likes popcorn just fine but she is way more into the hot fresh pretzels bits that they have there.

Which are good but cooler is that learning something new about her.

Which leads into me talking with her about pretzels and by extension bagels which she likes too.

And me learning about Labelle’s this Indie coffee shop in Winnipeg where she used to ghost around the lesbian community before she was out and listened to her first bit of coffee shop busking and lesbian poetry while having her first taste of a bagel that wasn’t from like Dempsters.

Some early Rayne stuff before her and Summer happened.

I just listen.

Rayne knows most of my stuff she’s been here for most of it.

There’s lots of stuff with her I want to know.

The movie was good.

And part of me was sort of expecting to be making out but Rayne actually like the movies and she likes getting into them and watching.

I have to agree Rose McAdams was pretty cool in the movie.

And RDJ did a better accent than I thought.

And the creepy sort of vibe they had going on was cool too.

God it was nice, a date, me and her.

And even just getting out to watch a movie in the movie theater is a treat.

I never was one of those kids that went all the time to the show really and if I was going to go somewhere that was out it usually was something with music and a live show.

Not that I got out to a lot of those things either since the scene wasn’t something I knew in town.

I really didn’t get around too much honestly.

Too much of a chance of running into people that didn’t like me from Adam’s crew.

We hang around after the movie while talking to a few people while they’re setting up for the late show and most stuff in the mall is closed or closing so we go and do another walk around and holding hands since there’s even less people here to be all judgey and stuff and we’re sort of not the only couples like us to be sort of doing that.

I mean we saw two girls inside the mall proper holding hands but there was definitely some more couples outside that were guy and guy and girl and girl and some that might be just other variations off and a bunch of us from high school to college that just didn’t care.

We talked for awhile with people too about the movie and Fall Fair and the upcoming concert at The Cat before we head off to the van.

We definitely get kissing at the van though.

I like that, I like all of it and honestly I don’t mind being the girl leaning back against the van while her girlfriend is all romantic and kinda futch while kissing her.

Futch is sort of that femme sometimes kinda butch thing.

It’s all good and we kiss for quite a little while until it’s cool enough for a shiver to start.

Rayne starts the van and we kiss a little more then we get inside and kiss a little more together as the heater is going and then Rayne and I just go for a drive.

I know gas isn’t cheap but sometimes it’s just a good thing to cruise and drive around town.

I like doing this too it’s something I grew up with Dad taking about with him and his friends and this whole generation or well generations just doing this.

And I get that there are still people that do.

But it really is something that has sort of skipped us out.

So it’s Rayne and I in the van and we’re cruising through town and we’re singing along to music that we’re blasting.

*Edge of Seventeen* By Stevie Nicks a song that’s pretty danged good right from the intro honestly and fit’s Rayne a lot and not just the whole Stevie and the goth thing.

Girl headbanging along to *Baby I Call Hell* By Deap Vally and just loving it. Night driving, the lights, that feeling of being up and just like messing around because we’re young and we’re just messing around.

Doing this as me is new to me and a whole lot of stuff that Rayne had shut down in just trying to live and survive.

Not just dating, not just lovers but we’re doing stuff as friends too.

*Paris* By Grace Potter and The Nocturnals is in the mix and a slamming new track Rayne has downloaded and it reminds me of her with the power vocals and yeah a little like Summer too.

Then there’s some Blondie and Heart and lots of Morrisette because she’s like one of Rayne faves of all time and as a writer her stuff is literally amazing.

And she is hella fun to sing-scream along with.

Like two hours or so we end up doing that until we’re back home just after midnight and while people are still up sort of they’re all in their rooms and doing things.

Some sort of deep latin hip hop coming from Carmen and Molly’s room. Kimmie I can hear talking to Max and I think that Mike and Brooklynn are watching a movie or something in her room with the lights flickering underneath as we slip by everyone and head to our room.

We start kissing deeply over and over making out once we’re inside and lock the door. We leave the lights off letting the light from inside to filter in and highlight our skin.

Rayne puts on a little light music and we dance together, slowly, sensually and then slowly we start taking each others clothes off.

Shirts are well fun in that up and over trapping a kiss sort of way and then there’s jeans which is also fun as we do a little shimmy for each other.

Then there’s more kissing and touching, fingertips tracing over things raising up thrill bumps on the skin, settling it down with kissing, tasting, running lips over places, a graze of teeth.

The bras come off slowly too, sensually just because we’re doing that.

The fun, the reveal even though we’ve seen each other so much.

And lots more touching there, me being taught just exactly how even more in this slow, careful and loving way.

There’s so much ache and so much anticipation of stronger touches, squeezes, feelings blooming as blood flows to nipples and passion grows.

Rayne makes me ache, ache so much for more...for her to do more.

And she does.

Her guiding me to our bed, a towel for us at the ready.

Condoms, lube, her fingers, her touch deep inside finding my spot...making me cry out and shiver and shake as she takes me there.

Again and again before she takes it up further with our love toys.

All of it has changed me.

I never thought that this would be me and I never thought that I’d be the one that’s being made love to like this.

It drives home all of Angel and who I’ve become or more like maybe who I’ve unearthed.

Who Rayne’s unearthed.

And Rayne is so damned beautiful too, the way that she moves, touches, tastes, suckles as she squeezes me just right.

But it’s also this whole sensual femme amazon thing too, all of her taking control of all of me as she sinks into me and finding my bliss spot and more...more and more I cry “More!...Please. Please baby more!”

She has me ride that wave over and over until she’s getting there pressing her self into the harness and grinding and making those sounds.

Then pulling me upright and taking me like that in her arms until we get there again together and this time passionately kissing, arms around each other and our breasts pressed together.

It’s a night of lovemaking that we actually have the time for and are taking back all the time that we miss doing this because we’re busy running or working or playing.

We’re a lovely mess when she’s done and sheened in sweat but happy and when my brain settles down from her lifting me into the stars I return the favor and take my time making her moan and gasp and squirm...she’s panting from that and taking over some with her hands on her breasts as I sink down and settle in.

And like this brilliant cliche I’m down there until she gets there several times more and my jaw is sore.

But in the best of ways.

Then she pulls me up and we cuddle and kiss together as our limbs intertwine and sleep takes us.

All of this is so much me.

We sleep late, we sleep really late still taking the time before going back to the grind later tonight.

It’s nice to do that and it’s even nicer to wake Rayne in the same way as we went to sleep.

And that leads to more fun as we sort of repeat last night but in reverse order.

Only uhm...louder.

As in Rayne takes me from behind reaching around to play with my breasts louder as she is really energetic and taking me very powerfully.

As in me with my face planted into the pillow crying out loud.

She left me literally happily stunned, shook and breathless as she passionately kissed me and went and showered.

I hugged the pillows and buried my face and happy cried and squeaked into them.

And after she came back I had caught myself enough to go and get cleaned up and to take a long shower and then take my hormones and vitamins.

Lunch, it’s literally lunch when I come downstairs.

And the house is loud too with Brooklynn and Rayne and Kimmie all in the living room on our practice stage and they’re playing and rocking the heck out of the place.

Even Carmen is there and she’s dancing without a care in the world and Molly passes me a big mug of coffee and she smiles and she leans on me.

“You look happy.”

“I feel happy, I’m out with all of you, I just had a great date and night and…”

“And had one hell of a morning too….”

I blush and she hip bumps me. “Right there with you Angel, Carmen danced for me last night, and not like just danced but like totes unexpected lap dancing and more.”

“More?”

She grins. “Oh yeah she took the next step y’know.”

“With you two I don’t.”

“She decided to taste the waters.”

“Oh...yeah that’s a big step. It was for me.”

“Oh?”

“All of this is big steps for me Molly. The last thing I want to do is do something that will freak Rayne out and drive this whole fucked up wedge in with us.”

“You won’t.”

“I hope not lets just say that I’ll feel a whole lot better after my operation.”

“You think she’ll go there?”

“I don’t care, she never has to, not ever. I just want it gone, I want her to be comfortable with me. And I want to be more comfortable with her. Everything else is fine just the way it is otherwise.”

Molly looks at me and then at the girls and says.

“I think she’s fine Angel, you’re a great person and from what I’ve seen one hell of a girlfriend. And if Carmen and I weren’t us or happened I would be so into you myself.”

I stare at her. “Molly?”

“What? I told you that I don’t give a fuck about trans stuff and you have helped me so much it’s scary. Hell I know I’d have a romantic crush on you because I have a huge platonic crush on you.”

“What about Rayne? I thought you were one of her bigger fans.”

“I will always have a thing for Rayne. Seriously she was my first sort of crush where I actually admitted to myself that I was a Lesbian but it’s a lot different when you get to not just meet that crush but get to know them and live and work with them.”

“And Carmen?”

“Makes me happier than either of you too could.”

We hug again and I finish my coffee pretty quickly and then step onto our living room stage and take up my guitar and as they wrap up I give the stage signal as we start playing and I belt into the mic.

Skateboards and ripped jeans …
Mini-skirts and AC/DC …
Summers of jumping in over my head …
Fireflies and bonfires.
And kissing and your eyes …

I know that want this …
I know who I want.

I don’t wanna give up …!
I don’t wanna stop dreaming …
I don’t wanna give up …!
I don’t want to stop singing …

I want to take your hand …
And shout it out loud …
I want the world to know …
I’ll never let you down …!

I don’t wanna give up …!
I don’t wanna stop dreaming …
I don’t wanna give up …!
I don’t want to stop singing …

I want to take your hand …
And shout it out loud …
I want the world to know …
I’ll never stay down …!

I wanna dance all night …
And hold you tight …
I want to kiss you, love you …
I want kiss you, love you!

I don’t wanna give up …!
I don’t wanna stop dreaming …
I don’t wanna give up …!
I don’t want to stop singing …

I don’t wanna give up …!
I don’t wanna stop dreaming …
I don’t wanna give up …!
I don’t want to stop singing …

I wanna be your Sunday morning smile …