Providence - Beginnings Part 5 by Andrea DiMaggio

What's in a Name?

April and Lainey sat on the couch. Erica had some errands to run and Mark was still at the studio going over arrangements with the band for the second CD. Diane had invited the couple to dinner along with her daughter and son-in-law; ostensibly for a nice evening in. It would be a nice evening, but not at all how they expected. A knock came at the door, followed by Erica's voice,

"Hey, Mommy, we're here," She poked her head in, Marie asleep in her car carrier behind her on the front step. April got up and opened the door wider and gave Erica a nice hug. Displays of affection, while still unfamiliar for April; were becoming at least more frequent and comfortable. She had been under some impressions about how a girl like her should behave, and much of what she thought she had to do was no longer an issue of "have to" and more of what she actually wanted or preferred. "Mark got held up at the studio, but he'll be here later for desert." Erica said and smiled at her mother with a conspiratorial grin. April noticed the expression, but just figured it was something they did; daughter to mother. She regretted having little relationship with her own mother despite the reconciliation that had taken place months before. Her mother and father loved her and had grown to accept Lainey, albeit awkwardly, and they were still working on displays of affection like their daughter. Lainey stood up and walked over and hugged Erica and moved Marie's car carrier to where she had been seated on the couch.

April was about to close the door when she realized she was at the risk of being rude by closing the door in someone's face.

"Oh, gosh, I'm sorry." April said as she widened the gap to allow the woman on the front step to enter. She didn't know the woman, but she looked familiar. "Are you Maired? Mark's sister, right?"

The attractive redhead smiled and said softly, "Yes." She held out her hand and shook April's hand while saying, “You’re the "tall" one, so you must be April; that means the "short" one must be Lainey. I'm glad to finally meet you." She wasn't being rude; she and Lainey kidded each other about their decided difference in height, and Diane must have told Maired about their banter. You may recall that April resembled Kerri Walsh and Lainey favored Ally Sheedy.

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm so glad you could come; I don't see you that often, and I've missed you ever so," Diane called out from the kitchen. Dinner's just about ready, so why don't you ladies have a seat. Erica, honey, would you come help?"

"That's okay, Mrs. M. I'm already up," April said and walked into the kitchen. Diane had wanted to talk with Erica alone for a minute to "finalize" the evening, but no matter, she already had in mind what she wanted to say.

"I'm sure he'll be here any second," Diane said. Mark was expected for desert, but would have a hard time attending on such short notice considering he was already at the table drinking tea. You do recall that Maired and Mark are the same person, dear reader? She usually didn't venture out often for social events, but her presence was needed this evening if Diane's plans for a great evening were to come to pass.

"Mommy, you are just the best cook in the universe," Erica said. She called her mother Mommy all the time; a habit born in childhood that happily transitioned to the present. April and Lainey had become adopted daughters in a sense by Diane, and while they felt accepted, neither could bring themselves to use the endearing term. Lainey called Diane Mom once and a while, but April still had trouble with the term, using "Mrs. M." or the occasional "Diane." Years of neglect and rejection by both sets of parents had hurt them to the point where they still felt tentative about their acceptance; like a dog or a cat that's been abused but still skittish even after being adopted by a nice family. April still felt the hurt of rejection of her former girlfriend by her parents, and the implied rejection of her as well. Her mom and dad finally had a change of heart and asked for and received forgiveness. But April still functioned as a rejected child; she still had a hard time accepting hugs and kisses from loving friends and her new family. And Lainey, God bless her, had no one in her own family to turn to. You may recall that she came to live with Diane because she had been ostracized by her own family; her brother actually talked her grandma into kicking her out. Her parents never acknowledged her marriage to April; bad enough that their only son "insisted" on living as a girl, but to marry a lesbian on top of it. Lainey, unlike April, accepted affection wholeheartedly. She clung to folks nice enough to hug her, and a kiss on the forehead or cheek would evoke tears; she wasn't "weepy" as some might say; years of rejection caused her to relish acceptance with utter and joyful abandon, and her tears were those of happiness and peace. Nevertheless, both women were struggling with their new-found acceptance, and happily were about to gain an opportunity to be thankful once again.

"How have you been doing?" Erica smiled at April and pointed to her "baby-bump," which was about seven months along.

"Pretty good, actually." I exercise every day, and we go for a walk after dinner every evening." She looked over at Lainey and noticed that she appeared uncomfortable. Lainey was struggling with the absolutely understandable confusion of being a nice lady who was also about to become a father. She was torn about what to do about "herself" despite her long talk with Diane about her own experience with Ronni, her lover and alter-ego of her husband David.

Ronni had come to be such an integral part of David that she was torn in the same manner as Lainey was now. Diane had helped Ronni come to a place where she knew she didn't have to "die," in order to fulfill her obligation as father to her son. Please understand that these words and phrases, as confusing as they may sound, are important as a means of helping explain just where Lainey was at. You may have even felt exactly like Lainey.

Diane had made a point of arranging the dinner table so that Maired was sitting between April and Lainey for a reason, which became apparent after Erica said,

"Lainey, sweetie, Mommy tells me that you're worried about being a good father." Lainey was horrified. Erica and Mark already knew about Lainey's fears; she had shared them after church a few weeks ago. They even prayed about it, asking for peace and discernment. But to say something in front of Maired, whom she had only just met? Her face reddened and she was about to get up and retreat somewhere away from the table when Diane said as she gently grabbed Lainey's arm,

"Sweetie, it's okay, she already knows, and it's okay." She pulled Lainey closer and kissed her cheek. Lainey had already begun to cry and Diane tasted the salt of her tears. Lainey was crying softly but bitterly and out of embarrassment and shame, but that would change. Erica reached across the table and grabbed Lainey's hand.

"Honey, I know you'll make a great Daddy. I just know it because you are brave and kind and tenderhearted and the best friend anyone could ever have. You remind me of Mark a lot, you know. While Eddie no longer existed, so to speak, the part of him that still existed inside needed to hear that it was okay to be Lainey, even as a father, as odd as that sounds. She was anxious and felt that Erica's words weren't for her. She couldn't be a Daddy, much less a good one. April wanted to console her husband, but felt entirely helpless. She reached over, nevertheless and put her hand on top of Erica's, which still held Lainey's hand. Both women were struggling with acceptance as a couple, and were so scared for more than the usual reasons over the impending birth of their daughter. They felt that "they" couldn't be good parents; April hadn't even had the energy to speak about it up till now, but Diane had sensed it. Her next words helped to utterly destroy their fears and doubts.

"I know you'll make a great Mommy, April. And I just know you’ll be an absolutely great Daddy, Lainey, because you are just like Erica said; just like Mark...Isn't that right, Maired?"

April and Lainey looked at Diane and Erica and then turned to the woman between them. Both women bore a look of puzzlement and wonder as their eyes focused and refocused on Maired. April swallowed and put her head down on her arms, weeping softly while desperately hoping that what she just heard was true. Maired leaned over and covered the weeping girl with a warm embrace. She kissed Lainey on the face and her own tears mingled with the frightened child.

"Yes, honey, it's okay...." Maired said softly, over and over, not as a mantra, but as a blessing from someone who knew at least in part how the woman was feeling. April put her head on Maired's shoulder and wept the hardest she had since she was a little girl; a little girl who was never accepted by her own parents. She looked over at Diane who was crying; everyone was crying by now, but they were no longer tears of fear and confusion; doubt and rejection had been banished forever by love and acceptance.

But Diane wasn’t through since she had one more surprise planned for the evening.

“I know you want to take care of your family, sweetheart. I’ve talked it over with Erica and Mark, and we want to help. April was only just then wiping the tears from her eyes. Lainey hadn’t stopped crying, and Diane was rubbing her back.

“You have been such a help to me at the store, and I’m blessed for your friendship. We’ve decided that you and April and the baby need something more secure, now that April can’t work.” Diane related the conversation she had the day before with Erica.

“I think it’s a great idea. Mark is back full-time at school, and we’re okay. Marie will never want for anything, and our house is paid off, so I say go for it. We’ll pray about it, of course, but I know what Mark will say. Please, Mommy, go ahead.” Erica did talk and pray about Diane’s plan, and they came to the conclusion that it was the best thing they could do.

“Sweetheart, would you reach over on the buffet and hand me those,” Diane said, pointing to some manila envelopes. Like another mother you may remember, Diane had labeled the envelopes in order. She took the envelopes and handed them to April, and asked for them one at a time.

“Lainey, April, we’ve prayed about this and we want to help you and the baby in every way we can. I don’t have much money, and that would only help for a while, anyway. What I do have I want to share.” With that, Diane pointed to the first envelope which read, not surprisingly, “Open me first!” She took the envelope from April and handed it to Lainey, motioning for her to open it. It contained some legal papers completed by their friend Gina’s uncle. Tony Sorrento was a lawyer, and had completed the documents on behalf of Lainey. The papers were a petition to the court to have Lainey’s name legally changed to Elaine Marie Esposito. Lainey looked at the documents and then at Diane who just nodded and smiled.

The second document emended their marriage certificate to read the same. Almost like a lovely Christmas, April and Lainey would have been completely satisfied with the thoughtful gift, which not only addressed a legal matter but recognized and stated once and for all for everyone that April was married to Lainey. She began to tear up, but Diane put her hand on Lainey’s arm and simply said,

“You haven’t finished opening your gifts, sweetheart.” She pointed to the next envelope in the sequence, which she had April open up. In it, the title to Diane’s house had been amended to include April and Lainey’s names. She smiled as the couple looked at her and each other and then at Erica and Maired, who both nodded and smiled.

“I’ve got plenty of room, and there are enough bedrooms for the baby and any other Esposito that may come our way.”
And even that would have been enough for Lainey and April until Diane finally said,

“We still have a small mortgage on the property, and I know how hard it is to pay for something that is so expensive with a retail job.” She smiled once again and opened the last envelope herself and handed the papers to Lainey. The document was a change in her corporation, and included a new partner, Elaine Marie Esposito. Erica held Maired’s arm and reached over to pat April on the hand.

“Mark and I have relinquished all claims to Mom’s estate regarding the business and the house. We want you to consider it a belated wedding present and a down payment on our shower gift. To say that they all cried would be an understatement. Surprisingly at first glance, but not really surprising at all, the one who cried the most was the one who had cried the least in her lifetime. Everything she thought she knew about others and herself vanished in an instant as April finally got to the place of believing in herself. No more guilt, no more condemnation; nothing to hinder her relationship with Lainey

April’s Mom and Dad completed their reconciliation with April by throwing the couple a belated bridal shower, and it was awkward for her Dad especially seeing how there were two brides. In the end though, forgiveness and acceptance from and to each other brought peace to April’s family.

It would have been wonderful to report that Lainey’s family reconciled with April and her, but sadly, they never did, and they deprived themselves of the company of two of the sweetest women you’d ever want to meet. Their bitterness kept them from enjoying the love of their daughter and daughter-in-law even as they withheld their own love. They felt they were right, but what did that gain them? And apart from the occasional photo once and a while, they never got to know their granddaughters and grandson. Sad, but their choice, so mores’ the pity.

And one last thing; loving mothers often bestow upon their children written blessings, as we have seen with other loving parents. April learned that her friends and family considered her a valuable friend and daughter and worth more than any fortune. She was a blessing to everyone but especially a blessing to her spouse and child, according to her Mommy Diane. And Lainey also received a card that unforgettable afternoon. It was a few months premature, but we’ll forgive her friends that mistake. It was a lovely card with a picture of a baby’s hand in the hand of a parent, and on the inside it simply read,

“God bless you, Elaine, dear child. Happy father’s Day!”

More about the Esposito family very soon!