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 Diane sat at the edge of the bed. Outside the bedroom window, she noticed it had started to snow. Christmas Eve snow…quaint and comforting at another time, but not tonight. Michelle lay resting after a long day.

“What stage of grief am I in today,” Diane asked herself sarcastically. Michelle’s chemo was going as well as could be hoped for. “I don’t really care at this point.” She thought…”what difference does it make as long as she’s okay….How many times do I have to go through this?” Her daughter, her son-in-law, her friends…all had battled cancer. She’d lost her first husband, who was her best girlfriend as well in instant in Iraq years ago. And now to lose another husband? Oh, some might wonder, since Michelle lived as a woman full time, but that was just part of who he was. He hardly had any energy to paint, and several of his pieces languished in the studio, incomplete. The surgery promised hope; nothing was left as far as the doctors could tell, but one never knows.

Diane kissed Michelle on the cheek and whispered softly….”I thank God for you….and I’m not letting go…” She knelt beside the bed and began to pray.

“It’s okay….really honey….oh Joey…don’t cry.” Terri sat on the edge of the bed, trying to console her. Joey was in the midst of HRT…it was actually coming along well. It was what she had noticed the past few days that had her sad. But not for herself.

“I think you look lovely…really, sweetie,” Terri said, stroking Joey’s hair. Joey was inconsolable.

“But what ab….about you, Ter? What about you? This isn’t fair.” Joey burst into tears and fell back onto the bed, burying her face in the pillow.

Terri looked down and her robe was open. She made especially sure to wear the wine colored robe with the soft lace filigree on the bodice. Very pretty…she had hoped it would compensate…. She saw the scars had almost disappeared, finally losing most of their color after five years. She stared her chest and tears came to her eyes…It was almost like The Gift of the Magi, but too ironic again by half. She had forgone the opportunity for breast reconstruction to help pay for the hormones that Joey was now taking in anticipation of her eventual reassignment surgery. And now …after a few months, Joey’s breasts had begun to grow, almost like a girl in puberty, sweet and brand new.

“How can I keep this up when you….” Joey sobbed into the pillow. “This is enough for me…we have to get you…you know I don’t mind …please tell me you know that.”

Terri rubbed Joey’s back and shoulders and said softly through her own tears,

“I know, honey….you just want me to feel better…I do feel better. And it’ll all work out eventually. Everything works out eventually…I’m okay….honey…”

Joey was still weeping when tender hands began to turn her over ….she felt soft lips begin to kiss her breasts…new feelings both inside and out emerged as the two women embraced. Awkwardly and tenderly at first, Joey kissed Terri’s face, her tears mingling with her wife’s to form a bittersweet union of sadness and hope.

Tender, gentle hands caressed Joey’s breasts while their mouths met. A night of passion? Perhaps not…An evening of exploration and sweet love instead. It was ironic but in an absolutely wonderful way. Joey so wanted Terri to be healed completely, and in a way, it was Joey’s love for her that was providing the healing, just as much as if a surgeon were repairing her breasts, Joey’s devotion to her wife had helped to bring Terri’s inner healing to near completion; and who is ever completely healed?

Joey kissed her wife’s breasts…to some they might appear mal-formed or incomplete. She would never suckle the baby that grew inside of her; a miracle of wondrous proportions. The tenderness and sensitivity of the scars had given way to an almost numbness, but Terri had gotten used to that. What remained so special…each time they came together…was the gentle and almost reverent way Joey loved her. She felt the kisses by the scars; the sensation lay in her mind and heart rather than on the skin, although some feeling remained. She felt Joey’s tears wash across her chest, almost like a torrent as Joey continued to kiss her wife’s chest, even as she wept.

“I love you so much, Ter….You are my life…you rescued me…I was lost…you found me…I was broken…dear God you saved me…”

Joey moved up and began to kiss her wife’s neck and shoulders, biting and nudging and kissing softly. Tenderly, with so much love and wonder and thanksgiving, Joey turned her attention to pleasuring her wife. Soft, gentle hands caressed Terri’s body, once again touching her chest as if it were made out of fragile crystal, wanting so much to love and afraid of hurting or leaving her uncomfortable. Her hand moved further down until it found the soft mound. She softly ran her fingers through the hair, almost combing it with her nails. Gently she massaged her, touching carefully at first, then with increased but still gentle attention. Her head slowly lifted away from her lover’s face as she brought herself lower….kisses brought sensitive areas awake as she moved down Terri’s body. A small patch of skin, awash in feeling amidst the numbness, came to life with an almost spark…Terri moaned as her lovers hands gave way to kisses and licks…a tenderness of a different kind; responsive, eager, ready…she stroked her lover’s cheeks as tears flowed like a cleansing river after a storm as tension and worry and sadness vanished in a final, wonderful moment…

Another time, perhaps, and Terri would have felt guilty and even selfish. Joey was no longer responsive…she was sensitive in areas she had never really taken note of before, while old familiarity gave way to indifference as she moved closer to the final change. But here and now, Terri knew that what they just experienced was for Joey’s benefit as much as her own…Joey needed to feel important and that she was unselfish and loving and caring. Just like a birthday rather than Christmas Eve, only one would receive a gift that night, but the giver felt alive and happy and whole for the giving, as much as if witnessing a friend open a pretty package and being overjoyed at the look on their face.

Terri held Joey in her arms as the girl wept out of relief, the tension of the day melted as she kissed away Joey’s tears. Years of feeling unimportant and insignificant were replaced by feelings of belonging…and that Joey was discovering that she could love just as much as be loved. Terri wasn’t much of a singer in her own eyes, but her voice was sweet and kind and gentle and loving. She sang softly…”you are so beautiful…to me”

The Espositos had looked forward to this Christmas…April was in her fourth month…a boy this time. It would have been wondrous and special but for the fever DeeDee had, which was thankfully coming down and the house hold was awake even at two am. Lainey sat on the couch, holding her daughter, waiting for her to fall asleep. Not a nice way to greet Christmas, but that’s the way it goes.

DeeDee finally drifted off, her temperature finally under control. At least they were spared a trip to the ER on Christmas Eve. Lainey walked over to the recliner where April had finally fallen asleep as well. She looked forward to tomorrow, if nervously. Her sister Taryn and her brother Robert were coming over for dinner. Taryn was on winter break after her third semester at college. Her girlfriend had her own family in Scranton to visit, so Taryn would be coming alone. Robert had called at the last minute. He would be coming after all, and he had a mysterious announcement to make. Lainey was exhausted, but the presents still had to be put under the tree. Time enough to rest tomorrow afternoon, but for now….She leaned over and kissed April on the lips, which caused a soft purr from her wife.

“Merry Christmas,” Lainey whispered softly as she covered April with a comforter before turning her attention to assembling a cute pink tricycle.

Colleen McGuire sat across from her boyfriend at the diner. They had already talked for about an hour, and it was past midnight, so Christmas had come, and still was nervous and scary.

“Bobby, please, would you stop talking for just a moment”

At any other time, likely with anyone else, hearing her boyfriend list her qualities one by one would have been wonderful. But she needed to tell Bobby what was weighing heavy on her heart. She stared at him, wondering how God could bless her with such a man. He was open and honest…he was not shy about admitting his failures. She knew everything about his family, their struggles; their heartaches.

Bobby had finally been reconciled to his sisters after years of estrangement, and his relationship, while growing closer every day, still remained tentative, despite their complete forgiveness.. Colleen was absolutely sure that Lainey and Taryn would accept her after what she had to say. She wasn’t sure at all about her boyfriend.

“Bobby…honey…I love you so much. The last few weeks have been so special. You’ve been patient with me…and I love you all the more for that. But we have to talk…you have to hear what I have to say.”

Tears began to fall as she tried to continue. She looked out the window of the diner and noticed it was snowing. Christmas Snow…she thought of Suzanne Somers’ character on “Three’s Company”… how odd that would come to mind. She wiped her face with a napkin, took a deep breath and continued.

“I’m not who you think I am….I’m so sorry, I didn’t want it to get this far without telling you about me. I love you more than anyone I’ve ever known, but it’s too much to continue. I want to love you, no matter what, and it might mean giving you up.”

Bobby looked at her and smiled softly, his own eyes beginning to mist.

“Colleen…there is absolutely nothing you could say to me that would change how I feel about you…nothing. In fact, I had something I wanted to tell you, and I think now is as good a time as any.”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small jewelry box. Standing up, he walked around the table and knelt on one knee. He looked up at her and smiled, but his gesture was met with more tears.

“Oh God, Bobby…I’m so sorry…”

Colleen got up and ran out the door to her car. She was so nervous, that she couldn’t find the slot for her key. She fumbled for a moment until she felt a hand touch her shoulder gently. She turned around and Bobby was standing there, tears in his eyes.

“Colleen….honey…I love you.”

Tenderly he brushed the snowflakes from her face. He drew her into himself and kissed her gently, as if to make the unknown pain go away. She felt herself let go; she wanted to resist for his sake but for hers as well. She dare not allow this to go any further, but his kisses only made her plight more difficult as she gave into his tender attention and kissed back. Their tears mingled as they held tight, neither wanting to let go for fear of having to face what Colleen would say.

Colleen pulled away from him and finally got her car door open. Before she could act, Bobby reached in and grabbed the keys from her hand. He flipped the electric lock, walked over to the passenger side and got in the car. Handing the keys back to her, he said.

“If you want to go anywhere, you’ll have me along as company …You’re not going to leave me without an explanation. I love you…I’ve loved you since the second date, when you got ice cream on your nose and you let me wipe it off with my sleeve. Whatever it is, it can’t be all that bad…talk to me, honey…you can count on me…whatever it is…I’m here for you.”

Colleen had never felt so hopeless in her life. She put her head down on the steering wheel and began to weep. Years of frustration and doubt poured out as if a dam had burst. After a few minutes, she lifted her head. Bobby sat there, quietly, with the most loving expression she had ever seen. That might not have given her enough courage to bear any response he might have, but it was at least enough to help her say what she needed to tell him.

“I’m thirty years old, Bobby, and I was born in Austin, Texas.”

“You’ve told me that…so you’re thirty…what dif…”

She cut him off,

“My name is Colleen Mary McGuire, but it wasn’t always that….”

She saw his face hadn’t changed, still displaying acceptance and love like she had never known. Her tears had returned, but flowed gently down her face.

“My mom and dad…so wonderful…we had a period of adjustment when I was in my teens, but after a while they came to understand me…who I was…what I needed.”

“That’s great honey. Compared to my parents the Borgia’s would seem sweet and kind, but after talking to your mom….”

“Bobby…oh God this is so…Bobby….my birth certificate….baby boy McGuire…Francis James McGuire…” Her voice trailed off and she began to sob once again, her shoulders convulsing and her hands gripping the steering wheel like a vise.

She felt his hand reach over and gently grab her chin. She looked up to see that his face hadn’t changed at all. He still smiled at her with the same love and acceptance that met her moments ago.

“I don’t care, Colleen…I told you…there’s nothing that would ever change how I feel about you.”

He leaned over and began to kiss her cheek, his lips savoring the salt of her tears. Gently, his hand turned her face to his and he kissed her once again. As passionate as two lovers can, as gentle and renewing as two souls ever could, they kissed. She was surprised to feel him pull away abruptly. His hands grabbed her left hand. She felt the ring slip on her finger as he said simply,

“Colleen Mary McGuire…would you bless my life and heart and consent to be my wife?”

She held back her tears long enough to say yes as he kissed her again…and again.

The DiMaggio household was quiet after a few hours of hurried preparation. Joshua finally fell asleep at about midnight, and their work was done finally by three am. A Michael Buble’ CD finished as the couple finally retired for the night.

Andrea lay flat on her back, her robe open to expose her bare breasts. Betty was stroking Andrea's shaft softly while cooing in her ear. They had contemplated a full change some time ago, but while Betty loved her wife's femme persona, she still enjoyed the part of Andrea that remained decidedly male.

"Mmmm....that's nice,"

Andrea said as her lover's kisses caressed her neck. She never got tired of cuddling and the sweet soft caress of her wife's lips brushing against her ear lobe.

"Have I told you lately just how much I love you, my dear?"

Betty said as she moved her attention to her lover's breasts. She brushed her teeth against Andrea's nipples, causing her to arch her back in response, as if to move closer to Betty's lips. Betty continued to move down, kissing her lover's navel. She pushed Andrea to one side and began to kiss the outside of her thighs and rear, causing more cooing and a soft moan to escape from Andrea's lips.

Andrea put her hand on her wife's cheek, caressing it softly and she sat up, gathering her wife in her arms. She kissed Betty; first on the forehead. She turned her attention to Betty's eyes, where her lips caressed Betty's lashes. She kissed her on the corner of her eye, almost tickling her. The bridge of the nose gained special attention, as Andrea kissed her wife softly and gently. She finally turned her attention to Betty's inviting lips. Passionately, almost forcefully, she massaged her wife's lips with her own, while her hands sought comfort in the warmth of Betty's breasts.

Their tongues danced together, pushing, biting, playfully nibbling on each other's lips. Betty mounted her lover, settling down carefully, almost gently...not in a hurry, but to unite as one. No music was heard, but a symphony played nonetheless. Their ebb and flow was like the melody and harmony of a fine sweet ballad. Slowly, their movements became as one...tender yet powerful; sweet and almost aggressive at the same time. Point to counterpoint; each movement bringing the two closer, physically, their souls and spirits uniting as well, until the crescendo. Not loud and brash like cymbals, but sweet and comforting and warm, cello to violin in a blend of forte and piano. The denouement was just as wonderful; tender caress after sweet tender caress, embracing each like they wanted the moment to never end...

Betty sighed, while tears came to her eyes.

“I just love you so much…you’re such a blessing to me…I don’t deserve you.” Betty still struggled with issues of guilt and shame…she and Andrea were both victims…no…survivors of sexual abuse as children, and both fought every day to overcome the burden of self-doubt.

“It anyone deserves me…I suppose it would be you, “Andrea teased as she nibbled once again on her wife’s neck. “I’m not sure how much of a blessing I am to you, but I love you more than my own life, honey…please don’t put yourself down…you have been everything I could ever have hoped for…everything that my heart has longed for since I can remember. If anyone is blessed, it’s me, but I suspect God gave us each other for a reason…we fit…we suit each other…”

Andrea’s voice trailed off as she moved her way down to kiss Betty’s breasts. Softly, almost tentatively, she caressed each nipple with her tongue, but just hard enough not to tickle. Betty felt a strange sensation and she realized Andrea’s tears were rolling down her side, almost anointing their tender moment.

Andrea moved further down, using her tongue to softly caress Betty’s clit…slowly, very tenderly and without hurry…Betty grabbed Andrea’s hair and pushed her fingers through it. Andrea moved her attention momentarily to Betty’s thighs, where she kissed and bit ever so slightly before returning her attention to Betty’s clit once again. Her tongue moved in and out of Betty’s vagina slowly... methodically and she once again licked, quicker but not fast at all. Betty’s own back arched to greet the movement, and she began to cry, ever so softly. The nervous tension of the day was playing out even as it was being relieved by her lover’s attention to her soft welcoming mound….moments later she climaxed, weeping and laughing almost together. Her sobs were met with her lover’s own weeping as she collapsed in Betty’s arms, filled with love and compassion for her wife.

They lay side by side. Andrea held Betty in her arms as they started to drift off to a nice slumber before the night would quickly end. Their two cats, Daniel and Henrietta, had both settled down at the foot of the bed, almost spooning as well, purring quietly.

“Merry Christmas my sweet darling wife,” Andrea said quietly.

“Merry Christmas to you too…I love you”

A soft knock came at the door. Betty sat up and noticed the light streaming through the bedroom window.

A little voice accompanied another knock on the door

“Momma Betty…Momma ‘drea…Santa been here…come see.”

Merry Christmas from Providence

Happy Christmas (War is Over)
Words and Music by John Lennon
as sung by Rebecca St.James
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtRr4PqaQM0