Angelina Seraphino, Private Eye

Angelina Seraphino, Private Eye

I sat at my desk, wondering where the mortgage money was going to come from. There's only so much a girl can do when the client list is as thin as a Michael Bay script! I was fighting a headache that was playing like a bad Good Charlotte wanabee in my head when the door creaked open. In walks this doll…like out of a movie magazine. She had legs up to there and then some and her face was like an angel. I gave her the once over and nodded as she sidled up to the desk, leaning over with it a view to die for. She had a balcony you could do Shakespeare from and she didn’t mind showing the audience back stage either.

“You Seraphino?” She mewled as she parked her tookus on the desk. She pulled a compact out of her purse and began doing a repair job to her paint, but she didn’t need any repair. Like I said, Angel.

“Yeah, sweetheart,” I said in my best Bacall imitation, right down to the chin pressed against my chest. I would have sweat bullets at that point, but women don’t sweat…they perspire. And we don’t even perspire… we glisten.

“I gotta job for you…” she said….a voice to go with the figure and the face.

“Yeah?” I said, trying to be glib. I don’t do glib, but serious? I’m as serious as they come.

“Heard you’re really good at….locating things.” She smiled, her teeth beamed like pearls, which looked nice surrounded by those ruby lips…If I still had the equipment downstairs I woulda’ had a hard time standing, ya know? But I digress. I reached over and grabbed her wrist.

“You getting’ fresh, sister?” She smiled again and grabbed my chin. Her nails were like steel and scratched my foundation right to the core.

“What of it?” I asked, tryin’ hard not to laugh….like I said…I do serious.

“Well, if that’s part of your weekly expenses, then I’m all in, babe.” She planted one right on me and kissed like it was goin’ outta style. I was ready to forget the cash when she pulls out a wad of bills as thick as my purse and throws it on the desk with a laugh.

“That oughta cover it, dollface!” Imagine…her callin’ me dollface. Maybe the twenty g’s I gave that doc in Beverly Hills was payin’ off after all. I thumbed through the bills like yesterday’s newspaper and tossed the wad into my bag.

“Whatya lookin’ for?” I asked. She leaned closer and whispered in my ear,

“You ever heard of the Jade Firebird?” Her breath was as sweet as a pack of Menthos and twice as nice. I nodded my head yes.

“Sure…but that’s the trick, ain’t it, doll?” Her face turned crimson at the word trick. She leaned closer and stared me in the eyes; her own baby blues big enough to drown in.

“Yeah….so what’s it gonna be? You gonna find it…?”

“I can find anything…holdin’ on is more a problem with me.” I joked.

“Listen sister. I need that Jade Firebird and I need it now. And you gotta have the key to the whole shebang to make it work!” She tried to be angry but she just came off as pouty. I reached into my purse and she thought I was goin’ for my piece.

“Whoa…easy there, babe…I just want the key and I’m outta here…” She hopped off the desk and stood with her hands on her hips….did I mention her figure?

“No problemo,” I laughed. I tossed her the key in my hand and she smiled. Easiest job I ever had…since the key was in my purse all along. She stepped around the desk and planted another one on my kisser and said,

“Okay, honey…you can take the Volvo since Mandy is over at Jocelyn’s house for pizza. Pick her up on the way back from getting Petey from soccer practice, okay? I’ll drop the Firebird off at Nick’s for the tune up and catch a ride with Noreen to Pilates. See you tonight, okay?”

“Okay, Liz…Love you!” I said as she walked out the door.

"Love you, too, Angela. Order Thai, Okay?"


Did I mention she had a voice like an Angel?



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This story is 752 words long.