Providence - Beginnings Part 1 by Andrea DiMaggio

There’s a suburb of the greater West Chester/Philadelphia area; you may have a similar town near where you live.

It’s called — Providence

“I’m so sorry Elaine, but we can’t keep you.”

“I thought business was getting better?” she said, trying to blink back tears.

“In some ways, yes, but more people are leaving and Greg didn’t like the trade-off.” Her dismissal was blatantly illegal, but she still had no recourse because of lack of proof. Her termination would read, “Failure to adhere to company policy,” or “Unable to acclimate to work expectations.” Lainey had been working at the store for six months and had her own loyal customers; mostly grand moms and moms. The guys stopped coming altogether save for only a few men who had no problem with the TG salesgirl. If she had been a girl or a boy, even a gay boy or girl, surprisingly, she would have been accepted. She was, however, a non-op TG, for those who enjoy terse stereotypes.

For those of you who prefer the English language instead (or any other language without super-secret codes), Elaine Esposito was a sweet, caring pretty girl with long brown hair, dark blue eyes and dreams and hopes of her own and a completely non-supportive family. Her boyfriend left her after she told him about her “condition.” This was the real world, where not all transitioning girls have sex before marriage, and she did want to be honest before he made a commitment. She had hoped he would accept her, which he didn’t. She had hoped he wouldn’t hate her, which he did. She was confused and scared already because of all the answers she never got from all of the books that were never published that explained nothing that she never got to read. She never saw the instructional videos that were never produced were extremely non-helpful, as well. So here she was; no money for her side of the crowded apartment in which she was no longer welcome; no job to pay for a new apartment in which to move all of the lovely furniture her great-grandmother had given her in her will, only to have her cruddy ex-boyfriend sell it for drugs. And she came from a family where “he” was no longer welcome.

“It’s not fair,” Lainey said as Diane McPherson came from the back of the shop with a nice wine colored sleeveless calf-length dress, which would have looked lovely on Lainey, but for the negative $12.18 in her bank account. Diane ran a consignment shop that sold nice previously “enjoyed” clothing, as they say. Diane noticed the tears in her eyes; an all-too frequent sight these days. Diane had grown tired of this routine, not with Lainey, of course, but with the absolute lack of caring by her family. After being put out of her own home, she had moved in with her grandmother, only to leave when her older brother convinced Grandma to kick the poor girl out.

“Sweetie, talk to me.” Diane kissed her cheek and handed her a nice lace hankie. Diane was likely the sweetest person you would ever want to meet, but even her sweetness was no match for the bitter and cruel words heaped upon this precious child by her parents ; parents who would have made a stranger seem caring when placed alongside their cold indifference.

Lainey had been prepared to fight off the tears that came quickly, but her preparations went for naught as she buried her head in Diane’s shoulder, who just stroked her hair. Diane looked upward for guidance before saying,

“Sweetheart, why don’t you come live with me? I’ve had no one to take care of for some time, and Erica’s room will probably suit you.” She held Lainey just enough away to face her and she continued,

“And I want you to come to work with me in the store here.”

“Oh, I couldn’t…It…” Lainey tried to speak, but her sobs interrupted her speech, allowing Diane to add,

“I can’t pay you much, but you won’t have to pay me anything to stay with me. I welcome your company, and you can even help me babysit my granddaughter once and a while.” Some of you may know her granddaughter Deedee? Erica is Diane’s daughter, as some of you may recall, and her son-in-law is Mark.

“Oh, Mrs. M…I couldn’t.” Lainey tried not to cry, but couldn’t help herself. This was not only too good to be true, but an answer to her prayers.

“I have three conditions for staying with me, however.” Diane said seriously, but her smile indicated otherwise. “First, you must call me Diane, because all my friends call me Diane. Second, you need to know that God and I love you so very much!” Lainey couldn’t believe her ears.” She had just that moment contained her sobbing only to burst into tears again. Between sobs, she managed to squeak out,

“Wh..aat is the….third thing?”

“You must pay me back ten dollars whenever you can for this dress,” Diane said as she pointed to the counter.

“If you don’t mind, I’m going to go to bed now,” Lainey said as she excused herself after the movie on TV finished. She walked over to the fridge and retrieved a can of Diet Pepsi.

“Go right ahead, sweetheart,” I’m really tired myself. I’ll get you up at 8:30 so we can have breakfast before we go over to the store.”

Lainey had been living with Diane for a week, and was thrilled to have someone who cared about her. She walked over to her bed and sat down. She took the soda can and placed it on her forehead as a makeshift cold compress for her migraine. Four extra-strength Excedrine barely took the edge off the headache. She had been having the migraines about two to three times weekly for the last six months, owing mostly to tension and poor diet. She stared blankly, trying hard to fulfill the vow she made to not feel sorry for herself, but she failed, and who could blame her.

While she was accepted into Diane’s “family,” her own family rejected her. And she felt like a woman who’s lost a child that’s been told that she could have more children, as if the second could take away painful loss of the first. Someone had said something similar to Lainey about her family, and while it was well-meant, it missed the mark entirely. The absolute acceptance and love of her new “mother” did little to mitigate or remove the pain of rejection from her own mother. And her boyfriend Al did not take her “confession” well; he pushed her away hard enough to bruise her. And while he “sincerely” apologized for his reaction, the loss of his friendship hurt badly enough to cause physical pain. She lay down on her bed on top of the covers, even though there was a slight chill in the room. She put her head down and held the can of soda against her forehead and cried into her pillow until she fell asleep.

“Hey, Diane! How are you?” April Colavito said as she walked in the store. April drove for UPS; a time-honored tradition passed down by her Dad, who drove with Diane’s husband David back in the day. Both dads were Desert Storm veterans; Tony Colavito came home to his family; David McPherson came home “A hero who gave his life above and beyond the call of duty in the meritorious service of his country,” the letter had said. You may read about his and Ronni’s sacrifice in “Another Secret.”

“Hey, April, I saw your team won the tournament last week. Good Job, girl.”

“Three for five with two RBI, Mrs. M.” April said proudly. To say that April was a tomboy would have been an understatement. She was very athletic, and could probably out throw and outhit most guys her age (twenty-six, but don’t tell anyone.)

“Business still good?” April asked as she put the package on the counter.

“I think the economy has actually helped me; people will buy the same dress here at 50% retail because they’re looking for a bargain. Thank God.” As you may already know, her last expression was entirely sincere and not at all a throw-away phrase. Her faith saw her through her husband’s death and her daughter’s miscarriage and cancer.

Diane was just signing for the package when Lainey came from the back room with a pile of dresses she had just tagged.

“Lainey, come meet April.” She said as she turned to accept the dresses from Lainey’s outstretched arms.

“Nice to meet you, April,” Lainey said softly. She quickly excused herself and went back to her work in the rear of the shop.

“Nice to meet you, too, Lainey.” April said. She smiled once again and said,

“There’s something else I wanted to ask you, but I forgot. I’ll give you a call, ‘kay?” With that, April smiled and walked out. Lainey stood at the back of the store. I can’t remember which she felt; uncomfortably odd or oddly uncomfortable. And April drove off, wondering just what intrigued her about the twentyish girl she just met.

The following day, Lainey was busy putting some blouses on a clothes rack when April came into the store. She had opened up because Diane had a dental appointment, and probably wouldn’t be in all day.

“Oh, hi, Lainey. How are you?”

“Mrs. M isn’t here.” Lainey actually didn’t try to evade the simple question, but her insecurity made her feel uncomfortable about her own presence in the store, and her answer was her way of explanation.

“That’s okay, you can sign for it.” She handed the package to Lainey, who signed the electronic pad and placed the package on the stool behind the counter. She noticed that April was wearing shorts, which delivery drivers often do. She also noticed that she noticed April’s shorts, and that made her uncomfortable and confused.

“Would you mind passing along a message to Mrs. M? I remembered that I’m having a picnic at my house…actually I already knew I had a picnic, I just remembered I wanted to invite Diane. It’s this Sunday. Oh, and Lainey? You’re welcome to come. After all, any friend of Diane’s is a friend of mine.” April walked out of the store, leaving Lainey alone with her understandable confusion. She had been in a relationship with a guy for three months, albeit with no “action,” and she was under the impression that dating Al was what she was supposed to do, being a boy transitioning to a girl. But she wasn’t “supposed” to do anything. If she wanted to, it would probably been alright, depending upon what she really wanted or not. And if she even wanted to remain unattached, that would have been okay, since it was her life we’re talking about. But she was confused about “roles” and “clothing;” rejection by family and friends, coupled with expectations and demands by others, can lead to confusing and altogether hasty choices. Once she was able to slow down and actually decide what she wanted out of life, her decisions would become better for her because they would be her decisions and no one else’s. And as she sorted the clothes, she remembered what April had said. “Any friend of Diane is a friend of mine.” Two words stuck out that made her day go that much better. First, “friend;” it was good to have a new friend. And second, “mine;” she didn’t quite understand it, but it felt even more special to be considered a friend of April.

“Glad you could make it, Diane,” April said as she opened the door. April was dressed in a nice sky blue halter top with khaki shorts, which set off her muscular legs nicely; almost anyone would see her and say, what a girl!” Her long blond hair was pulled back in a ponytail, revealing cute adorable ears and a slender neck featuring a nearly invisible scar from an old softball injury. She smiled as she looked over Diane’s shoulder.

“Where’s Lainey, couldn’t she come?” April said with a disappointed frown.

“I think she’s too uncomfortable; she’s shy and she’s still dealing with some family issues.” Diane said with a frown of her own.

“Her family can’t handle that she’s TG?” April said unexpectedly. Diane looked at her and her eyes widened, hoping she hadn’t said anything to embarrass Lainey when April continued.

“I noticed her Adam’s apple; so don’t worry, it’ll be our secret,” April said as if there were others present.

“She’s just been so fragile since her parents and her grandmother kicked her out of their homes. And she just broke up with her boyfriend.” Diane said.

“Tell her I’m sorry she couldn’t come. I know just how she feels, Diane.” April said as she nodded and frowned again. Diane looked at her with a questioning expression and April continued.

“It was rough going for a while with me and the ‘rents, Diane. I came home from college a few years back, and Terry, my date for the evening, seemed to displease Mom and Dad; I guess that Theresa isn’t a good name for a date when your parents are expecting Terence?” She blew out a frustrated breath. “We eventually broke up, but not before Mom and Dad apologized and accepted Terry. We just weren’t going anywhere. So here I am, free as the proverbial bird. Anyway, tell Lainey she’s welcome any time.” April paused again in thought. She walked back into her house and grabbed a post-it off her kitchen counter, scribbled something on it, and pasted it on the front door before saying,

“Hell, let’s just go tell her ourselves!”

The next guest to arrive found this message,

“Running a quick errand, back in 10, let yourself in, drinks in fridge — April”

The deck was filled with people. April’s cousin Connie was there with her husband Kenny (see “Truth”) along with her twin cousins on her mother’s side, Marie and Toni. And some new friends from church she met through Connie and Kenny; Dr. Gina and Dr. Ben Kelly, along with their bull terrier, Rocco. Diane stood at one corner of the deck, keeping Lainey company. April walked over to the pair with Connie and Kenny and said,

“You’ve met Diane.” Diane stepped closer to Connie and said,

“I just loved your singing this morning at church.” Connie smiled in appreciation.

“And this is our new friend, Lainey Esposito.” Lainey would have backed away, but she was already leaning against the deck railing. April leaned closer and uncharacteristically gave Lainey a hug. She went to separate but found herself kissing the girl on the cheek. Lainey’s southern Sicilian heritage had blessed her with a dark complexion that did much to mask her understandable embarrassment. April’s mixed Northern Italian and Danish heritage blessed her with an almost alabaster complexion that did little to mask the growing redness on her face.