Autobiographical

More Changes

So my life continues to change. I am far enough in my transition to finally accept what others have told me all along, I'm cute, I'm pretty. I'm no longer self conscious, I have friends and family who accept me. I get correctly gendered as I'm out and about. even in male clothing. I have so much going for me. I'm also however moving back home. Whether this is a good or bad thing I do not know. Money is an issue so I can no longer attempt to live on my own. Dad has agreed. So long as I present myself as "normal". He's the only one who's had a problem so far with me being transgendered.

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The Family Girl #071: About loneliness and other things

The Family Girl Blogs
(aka "The New Working Girl Blogs")

Blog #71: About loneliness
and other things: checking out
the chatroom

To see all of Bobbie's Family Girl Blogs, click on this link:
http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/book/28818/family-girl-blogs

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A bit of stress all around here.

Things are a little stressed around here. My mom is sick, my dog is sick, and I had a tough moment with Sharon. See, the other night I took my daughter and her mother out for groceries and mentioned I had just written a story and was pretty happy with it. My daughter, who loves stories, wanted to know what I named it, and Sharon butted in and told her "You don't want to know that stuff. It isnt for kids."

So apparently, I cant share the one part of my life I'm actually proud of with my daughter, and it hurts ...

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I keep on messing up

I just got back from vacation last night. I retrieved all of my held mail. Over $1000 in bills were waiting for me. Some of these are for things I paid off months ago or they're on closed accounts. Now I have to backtrack and see if these were just the last bill that was sent out before I paid it off, or if they're new and whether they should or shouldn't be. I'm so sick of this.

This year has been the worst year for me as far as finances are concerned. I keep on thinking I'm staying on top of things and keep on getting slapped in the face.

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Changing tides

It's amazing how much life can change when you're not paying attention. Yesterday was my birthday and I spent it with my sister, first time in 5 years someone even remembered when I was born. It was a, good feeling honestly. Even more so when I'm a year and a half into my transition, and my sister has accepted it. A while back I spent Easter with her, as a sort of...trial run to see if I wanted to risk bringing her back into my life. So I put on a dress grabbed my purse and headed out to her apartment. I had fun. Fast forward to August 13th, and I was invited over to her place again.

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Back home, and glad to be

Well, my adventures in dog-sitting is over, and I'm glad to be home. I was happy to find out I would have Wi-Fi there, so I was able to peek in on you guys to see if you were behaving, and most of you were ...

Now, I would take a moment to be serious, and talk about putting yourself down.

I have been very guilty of it over the years, but finally, someone managed to make me see that in calling myself down I make it true. Every time I call myself stupid, or ugly, or whatever, I help make that the reality.

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No Bike tonight

It was my son's funeral today. I didn't attend because I knew I'd not be welcome and might have said or done something. According to my ex, some dickhead of a Baptist minister did quite a religious service and didn't mention our family once. It's not just me who is non-religious, my son was as well. One of my daughter's friends told him so afterwards. Again good job I wasn't there or he might still be picking bits of the Old testament from a very tender place.

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"By George, I think she's got it!"

Since I figured you folks needed a break from yet another blog post detailing the myriad reasons I don't have the talent to write, the courage to write, or the experience to write, I thought I'd talk about my trip a week ago to Green Bay to see a speech pathologist (hey, it ain't a trip to Lambeau Field, but I at least got a chance to get out of the apartment).

No, no. I'm not going to replace 500 words of whining about my writing or lack of same with 500 words of whining about my voice.

Well...maybe a little whining, but for the most part this is good news. It might not seem like it at first, but...well, just read on:

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Fight or Flight is stuck on

I've discovered that I can't write effectively with my flight or fight instinct broken and on. It's been a while since it was this bad. My writing is suffering. I'm here with my limited work area, setup in the room I'm sleeping in at my mothers house. My brain screams at me that there is danger, and I know that there isn't, but it won't shut up. Not easy to write when that's ongoing. I had high hopes that my vacation would be a lot of writing, and it's been the opposite.

At least my mood stabilizer is keeping me stable in regards to moods.

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Living the dream - almost

As long as I could remember I have wanted to be an author. This was before wanting to be a teacher or wanting to be an Olympic wrestler. Ever since the third grade I knew I wanted to see my name in print, I wanted to tell stories and I wanted to write books. Are there any out there that had his desire for so long?

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Coming out of the closet

There was an interesting article in a local paper yesterday about a woman who had lost her hair due to an autoimmune disease, and for the last 3 years refused to be seen in public without a wig, until she finally decided to "come out of the hair closet" by letting herself be photographed without it.

In some ways, my transition has been like her story - years of hiding and self-hate, then coming out and discovering just a big a relief it is to be honest, and then finding out that most people ignore me, some accept me, and some love me regardless.

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Bike puncture

Hi folks, after such touching commentaries concerning Seven years of Bike (perhaps we could get John Williams to do the soundtrack?)I hate to say I probably won't write one tonight. Been a bit of a busy day driving up to Wales to take my ex to Cardiff to buy a new suite, cooking lunch for her(my suggestion)and then going to see my daughter and doing a ride with her in the afternoon. She's still not back to her old self so I really appreciated her giving her time and energy to indulge me a ride. Then driving back and sorting out two rapacious moggies.

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Doctors report

after 3 months in wheelchair I can put full weight on the leg/ankle I broke on April 12 . I can now walk with a walker short distances , it's hard and I get tired fast but going in the right direction . Small baby steps next step will be using a cane . The doctor said 6 month and I told him Labor Day 4 & 1/2 months I am on track for the Labor Day date WOO-HOO
Thanks to everybody who has sent me get well wishes HUGS RICHIE

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LIGHTENING!!!

So, we had a few nasty thunderstorms recently. Well 3 days ago me and my dad where sitting on the couch debating politics when our house is struc by lightening. The lights went crazy and it was really loud when it struck. I nearly peed my pants and jumped up from the couch and ran out onto the front porch :3. Well everything is on surge protectors except for one thing.... the magical internet box( the router) so it got fried and I was without internet for like 3 days, it was terrible!

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Child support (again)

I last wrote two years ago about my quest for my ex partner to pay maintenance for our daughter, who lives solely with me. In the past two years several calls have been made to the Child Support Agency but the situation remains the same. Today's call confirmed that there are no employment/tax records nor current benefits claims, so she has no liability to pay until one of these conditions is met.

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