Humor / Jokes / Cuteness

more silliness

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They say that to be forewarned is to be forearmed. But if you're four-armed, doesn't that make you some kind of mutant?

Can a bald man ever have a bad hair day?

Can a blind person ever see the light?

Can a deaf woman hear the news?

Proof carrots are good for you: Have you ever seen a blind rabbit?

Proof rabbit's feet are lucky: I've never seen a 3-legged rabbit.

Why is acting the only entertainment where breaking a leg is actually a good thing?

Looking for some stories

I am looking for some stories and hope some of you can help me.

The first two I think are tied together. One is a story about a lovely lady, who was bringing up three very lovely girls. All of them were blonds and the youngest one wore her hair in curls

The other one was about a single father name who last name begins with a B. He was busy raising three boys on his own. It was sad for even with those four men living all together they still felt all alone.

R.I.P June Foray.

June Foray, the voice of many cartoon characters including The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show, has passed away at the age of 99, just two months short of her 100th Birthday.

She brought a lot of laughs and fun to a lot of people, adults and kids alike and will truly be missed.

God Bless and keep you, June Foray. You will be missed and thank you for all you gave us.

Catherine Linda Michel

Daily Silliness

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1) You know, it's often said that almost EVERYTHING tastes like chicken. If that's truly the case, one has to wonder: Just WHAT does chicken taste like? I mean, you could say it tasted like itself, but that's a poor point of reference, in my opinion, to have something defined recursively like that.

2) Mathematical Proof that Women Are Evil:

OK, most people know that to acquire a good woman takes both time and money. In other words, woman is a PRODUCT of time and money, or mathematically:

WOMAN = TIME x MONEY.

A joke...

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Once upon a time, a mason decided to build himself a house. He set about buying the bricks, the mortar, and all the necessities he thought he would need, then set to work.

The mason toiled night and day on his manse, making sure everything was just right. Finally, after over a month, his dream home was finished and ready for him to move in to.

As he was cleaning up from the construction, he happened to see a lone brick just hiding in the grass. Being meticulous, he thought he had purchased just enough bricks to finish the house, and was surprised to find one left over.

Figure this out (If you can...)

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Once upon a time, three traveling salesmen were walking along a long stretch of road, trying (in vain) to peddle their wares. As the sun began to set, the weary salesmen began to look for a place to rest for the night, when they stumbled upon a hotel.

"How much for a room?" they asked the owner.

"Thirty dollars a night," he replied.

So the salesmen each handed the owner a ten and took the key.

A short time later, the owner had a change of heart. It looks like the salesmen are down on their luck. I'll give them $5 back.

Two of the ABSOLUTE WORST Jokes ever

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Once upon a time, an Egyptian soldier robbed a Pharaoh's tomb to help feed his large family. A search party was quickly formed, and the best general in the army was sent to apprehend the thief. Knowing this, the soldier decided he would be safe in a nearby ziggurat -- a holy temple. Unfortunately, the ziggurat was quite cold, so the soldier decided to build a small fire to warm himself. Alas, there was no where for the smoke to go, and the soldier ran out of the ziggurat choking and sputtering -- right into the hands of the waiting general.

Funny Joke

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I was reading through my comments today on my parable, "True Riches", and something AuPreviner said resonated with me, and reminded me of this joke, which I'm sharing...

Q: What do you get when you play a country song backwards?

A: Sober and pardoned / paroled, plus you get your wife back, your house back, your truck back, your dog back...

Difference between an Optimist, a Pessimist, and a Realist

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OK, try this one on for size:

In a room, on a bar, sits an ice cold cup of soda, half full.

An Optimist walks in, sees it, and thinks, "Aah. The glass is half-full. It has the potential to be quite refreshing."
A Pessimist walks in, sees it, and thinks, "Rats. The glass is half-empty. There's not enough in it to quench my thirst."
A REALIST walks in, takes one look at the glass, and screams out, "OK, who's the wise guy that drank half my pop?"

Used car salesmen

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Was reminded of something that happened to me several years ago and thought I would share it here.

So the girl friend and I were driving down this street when she saw an older XJ6 jaguar in this small used car lot's back lot. Already knowing how much she loved the thought of owning one of those I turned around and went back to talk to them about buying it.

You Might Be A Trans...

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Leila and I were talking last night, and we were discussing what would have happened if Jeff Foxworthy had been transgendered.
Here's some of what we came up with:

And now, without further ado, Ms. Jethrene Foxx, with another installment of "You might Be A Trans Person If..."

If you've ever given makeup advice to a woman, you might be a trans...

If your family didn't know your birth name until you were 27...

If you own a cigarette lighter, and you don't smoke...

Sorta funny I thought I'd share.

I just thought I'd share this. Now I've been singing and playing guitar around my area for the past year but tonight I decided to try something different. I decided to try my hand at stand up, because in my transition there has been some funny instances happen. While I'm not nervous singing and playing guitar at all anymore, tonight I was terrified, I honestly was nervous enough I forgot about 5 minutes of material I had planned but everyone thought it was hilarious anyway. I hope you all get a good giggle at this, I figure it never hurts to share a bit of laughter.

This is Most Flattering

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I was reading (and commenting on) Haylee V's hilarious flash, "The Mandela Shift", and I was flattered to catch this near the bottom:

BCTS-Screen.png

The first sixteen parts (five postings) of my long Bikini Beach story are considered "more like this" even though there's absolutely no resemblance to this story.

Just say no to drugs

I've seen the word drug used as the past tense of drag in several stories in BC, and it jars me everytime. I know that most (some) dictionaries list it as accepted as well as dragged, but in my area it is definitively s sign of lower educational achievement. It makes me think the character saying the words should be saying "youse guys" and "learnt" as a synonym for taught.

Just wanted to get that off my chest (feeble as it is).

Dawn

Sparky Is My Hero

Originally posted February 13, 2000 on Original BigCloset

"Sparky Is My Hero"
by Joyce E. Melton
February 13, 2000

Spelling Checkers o__0

Of all the satiric poems that point out the limitations of spell check software (and volunteer editors, for that matter), this one is the best I’ve seen. Sum tang two reed four yore con sit ration bee four righting Amy sing to pub lash.

Awake at three a.m.

Awake at three in the morning. It's a contradiction of human existence, I guess.

I'm awake right now because I was having a weird dream. In the dream, Mel Brooks asks what if Buddha had been a nice Jewish boy from Queens?

Siddhartha the Buddha, or as his mother called him, Siddhartha the Bum.

She says to him, Sid, Sid, why don't you get a job? Your brother Marty has a nice job on Wall Street and what are you doing? Sitting under a tree eating plums!

I woke up laughing.

I tried to go back to sleep but Mrs. Gautama kept talking.

Interesting idea

Ran across this little tidbit

https://notalwayslearning.com/lower-alert-dress-con-3/43396

It occurs to me that a similar situation could occur with somebody crossdressing at a prom. With many possible outcomes. Some bad for our protagonist, some very silly and many others in-between.

Since I have too many story ideas already, I thought I'd throw it out here for someone else to be inspired by.

Times, they are a-changing

This morning's news from Big Closet members is very uplifting but when I checked Facebook a friend had posted an old downbeat joke. In the mood of the day I decided to update the joke and here it is:-

A group of Hell's Angels in South Carolina are riding east on 378 when they see a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge, so they stop. George, their leader, a big burly man, gets off his Harley, walks through the group of gawkers, past the State Trooper, who is trying to talk her down off the railing, and says,

Cuteness overload

When the human world gets to be too much for me (which is most of the time, these days), I watch this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmf0KAHWlnk

Twenty minutes of pure bliss and contentment. Not a word is spoken, and yet they manage to say it all. If only I’d had parents like these? When my father gave me a licking, it never looked like this. If mom had this sort of patience and affection?

My eternal thanks to the clever folks who write video download software… :}

Found My Brain But can’t find my Sanity,

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Well got the house all unpacked and most of everything put away. Maiha and Sam stopped by the new digs to help out. Thankfully they knew where they packed my brains. It seems the girls thought it would be funny to put them in a box marked Yard Tools. That box wound up in the guest bedroom behind the door. Now if they could only find where I packed my sanity I might just be able to get back to writing.

Help! some one packed away my brain!

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Well I finally got into my new home. Very little problems with the move. Now I only have to deal with finding where everything is packed. At this point I think someone packed up my mind and I am drowning in a Sea of BOXES. If anyone has seen my mind and know what box it is in PLEASE tell this poor author where it is at. The good news is now that the move is over I should be posting new chapters here shortly.

Things I think about when falling asleep...

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It was the summer of 1940. In order to celebrate the progress made in Spain under Fascism, Francisco Franco decided to hold a grand exposition in Madrid, that would be as big and impressive as any world's fair, but it would be an all-Spanish affair, highlighting progress and prosperity and culture from every city and province.

But the dictator's timetable for the construction and opening of his exposition was hopelessly optimistic, and rumors began circulating of workers dying on the job, and that some of the pavilions seemed like they wouldn't hold together for the two months that the thing was supposed to last. The Department of Public Safety got wind of these rumors, and they sent a building inspector down to the exposition grounds to see what was going on.

lol

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Sirius:We have already been to five doctors. I had my ankles microwaved -
James:X-rayed.
Sirius:They took my blood away to use for science!
James:Cholesterol test.
Sirius:James had his sinuses… removed?
James:Looked at.
Sirius:Some guy looked at my wiener. Touched it – that was weird.
James:And that guy wasn’t even a doctor.
Sirius:...
Sirius:....
Sirius:What?

Pharmacist Baffler

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Andrew O'Neill is an 'alternative' comedian in the UK. He has a two part comedy slot on BBC Radio 4 at 11:00 pm which started on Tuesday and concludes next Tuesday at the same time. The subject of the first week was on his gender identity, the second will be on sexuality.

As I Age

AS I AGE - FOOD FOR THOUGHT?

1. I talk to myself, because sometimes I need expert advice.

2. Sometimes I roll my eyes out loud.

3. I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.

4. My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance of idiots that needs work.

5. The biggest lie I tell myself is "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

6. When I was a child I thought nap time was punishment. Now it's like a mini-vacation.

Small fire almost destroys Big Closet

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While lighting the candles for a certain someones birthday, a small blaze ensued. Luckily, no stories or authors were hurt. After firefighter from 3 counties were called in to control the blaze and extinguish the fire, our hostess was unfortunately unable to make a wish. However, upon seeing the firefighters remove their jackets and reveal their rippling pecs, Erin said it was better than what she would have asked for.

That said.

Happy Birthday Erin Half-Elvin, Joyce, and the symphony of pseudonyms you write under.

I certainly was expecting this

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The last couple of days my dog has been trying to play with one of my cats. But every time the dog wanted to play, the cat would jump behind the couch. The dog would just stand that at the edge of the couch, wagging its tail stupidly and being all hot and bothered. It was weird, but I figured the dog had pent up energy and the cats were the only animals around that it could socialize with but the cats wanted none of it.

"Last Week Tonight" with John Oliver reposted

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You have got to check out the episode of this show that airs this week.

Its on HBO Sundays at 8pm Pacific Time. It also repeats a bunch of times during the coming week.

He does a nearly 30 minute RANT on the overlooked rights of transgender people.

Its entirely in favour of us. It even has a few moments that make you laugh at the absurdity of it.

An interview with Trans Comedianne Julia Scotti

Julia says some very interesting things about her life and her transition as well as being trans and open about it.

http://theheroines.blogspot.com/2014/05/interview-with-julia...

Catherine Linda Michel

Free Comic Book Day

Today is a fun and free Holiday to those that enjoy Graphic novels and Pictorial Books.

In other words it is "Free Comic Book Day"
How does this holiday work you ask?
It is easy you go to a comic or one of many hobby stores and ask for a copy of a Free pre-approved comic book.

Bathroom solutions a.k.a. Flushgate

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I think I figured out what the outcome of the great bathroom debate will be (to be referred to as Flushgate from here on out).

In the future there will be a wall of doors leading to bathroom stalls. Signs for 'Men' and 'Women' will be replaced with Cis Men, Cis Women, Transmen, Transwomen, Agender, Polygender, Androgynous, gay man, gay women, bi men, bi women, furry - canine male, furry - canine female, furry feline male.... etc.

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