Stage 11
Inside Sighs

I still adore Amber.
Even after everything that happened between us…and that being almost nothing. Yes,s he talked to me, a but more so after what had happened to Scott. I stood by as a shoulder to cry on. To be honest, I should have been the one crying on her shoulder due to the situations in my life and the fact that I couldn’t tell who liberated her from the hands of the person who I once counted as my friend.

I walked Amber back to her apartment building and we stood next to a phone booth. The thought of touching her shoulder and telling here how I felt was so strong but the fear of what she would say terrified me. I wouldn’t want her to shy away or just run away totally from me. I would probably never leave “the friend zone” but I had to give it a shot. We walked across the street and went into the building.

She lived in apartment 12-C, on the east side of the building.
“Thank for walking with me, Stephen.”
“You’re welcome. I’ll be there for you.”
“You’re a great friend.”
“You too,” I said as I looked into her eyes. “See you tomorrow in class?
“Yeah, sure.”
“Goodnight,” I replied with a wave. So my Jedi powers were lackluster, but I had another ability: romance.

“What are you doing?” Skully asked as I picked up the phone book.
“I’m looking up florists.”
“Why?”
“To send a bouquet of roses to Amber.”
“Who?”
“Amber. We saved her from Scott.”
“Oh,” Skully replied as he sat down at the dinette.
“What the about Amber?” Aylese asked as she stepped into kitchen.
“He’s calling as florist.”
“You’re giving her flowers? What kind?”
“Roses.”
“Blood orchids would be a better choice.” Aylese said as she stood next to me.
“I’d say a big handful of dandelions. I mean, they grow everywhere and they’re free.”
“I’m going to walk down to the shop, order a bouquet and have them delivered too her at school.”
“You may want to be careful, Stephen. She may not see you as the one for her.”
“I thought that,” I replied as I closed the phone book and walked out of the kitchen.
“Not hard enough I’m afraid!” Skully called out.

I ran down the street to the florist and purchased a multi-colored arrangement of flowers and had them set to be delivered the next day at school. I would have to hang out near the office or at least be near Amber when she received them so I could see the expression on her face and, somehow, let her know that I sent them.
That I thought of her more than a friend.
That I would always be there for her.

Skully and Aylese were not pleased with my decision.
“She’s important to me.”
“And you’re important to us.”
“I’ll accept any answer she gives. I’m going to hope that this gets my foot in the door.”
“You’re going to get that foot amputated.” Aylese said with a scoff.
“We shall call you Pegleg Stevie,” Skully replied.
“That’s not funny.”
“Would you prefer the word ‘gimpy’?”
“She’s going to love them,” I replied.

Aylese and Skully went to school with me in the morning. They hung out near the office door as I watched and waited for Amber.
“I should have gone to apartment and walked her to school.”
“Not a good idea to smother her,” Aylese commented.
“Depends on what you’re doing,” Skully replied as he he shook a bony finger at her
“Shut up.”
“She’s here. Do I go up and talk to her?”
“Let’s just go to your locker like it’s a normal day, Romeo.”

For every five steps I took, I would take a look back as she went into the office to read the morning announcements. If the flowers had arrived, they would be there for her. If they took a few more minutes then she would see them delivered.

“I should have signed the card,” I said as I opened my locker.
“Women love surprises,” Skully replied.
“No, they love romantic gestures. Allowing it to be a surprise was a good idea,” Aylese said as she looked down the hall. “We won’t know until after she reads the announcements.”
“How so?”
“We should be able to head the happiness in her voice. I mean, I doubt reading today’s lunch menu will make giddy all over. It will have to be the flowers.”
“I don’t know, people really love the cafeteria’s pizza and chocolate milk.”

I went on to first period and tried to pay attention to my work but the love story playing in my head forced everything aside as I envisioned how I would meet up with Amber and tell her that I sent the flowers. She would ask why and I’d tell her that I wanted her to feel happy for the day since she had gone through all of that horrible stuff with Scott and the aftermath. I’d avoid mentioning Skully or Aylese’s involvement, of course. I would then await to see how she would respond. Maybe she’d think higher of me and I would be elevated beyond the friend zone On the other hand, she could just thank me for being a friend to her and as kind of saddening that would be, at least I could still be a part of her world. Maybe a small part, like the hand sticking out of the right corner of a group photograph but I could at least say I was included.
We ran out into the hall to see if we could find Amber. I saw her walking down the hall next to some guy I had never before seen in my life.
“Must be a new transfer student,” I mused.
“Let’s go kick his ass.” Skully said as he he took out his scythe.
“No, he may be a cousin,” Aylese replied.
We watched as true guy leaned in and kissed Amber on the each.
“Awfully friendly cousin. Is she from Arkansas?” Skully asked.
Amber then turned and kissed him on the lips.
“Alabama?”
“Why is he holding the flowers? Aylese asked.
We walked the other way down the hall to my locker. I opened it and slowly placed my books in. If I could time it right, I could retrieve my books and folders for my next class without turning around and looking at her again for at least another hour or so. I could get my thoughts in order and wonder if I had missed something. I mean, we talked often and she never mentioned she was dating, seeing or talking to anyone else. One would assumed that it would be slow to start up and she would gradually move up to PDA at school with some strange guy.
“Sorry, Stephen,” Aylese replied.
“About what?” I asked while finally gathering my stuff for the next class.
“It’s hard to read emotions sometime.”
“Maybe they should be movies that we can watch. Even better, commercials!” Skully replied as he looked down the hallway at Amber and the mystery man. “We need to find lout who this guy is.”
“I need to at least ask if she liked the flowers. So she’ll know he didn’t send them.”
“Now?” Aylese asked.
“No, after school.”
“No. We need to do it earlier or you will build up a wall around reality and create something in your head that never occurred and we will regret everything that happens afterward.”
“”Build. The. Wall, Stephen!” Skully yelled as I closed my locker.

I spent the rest of the day trying not to visualize the flowers rotting away in trash can or in the hands of who must be the greatest boyfriend of modern time! Failing that, I tried to eliminate any feelings of Amber I had whatsoever. No such luck with that either and as the school day came to an end I was near tears with no one else to talk about the situation except for Aylese and Skully.
“I’m going to her house. I have to tell her who gave her the flowers.”
“We should wait until tomorrow,” Skully said as we walked out of the school.
“I’m impressed, bonehead,” Aylese replied with a smile on her face. “You’re thinking rationally.”
“Yes. Yes I am.”
“You see, Stephen? Calmness wins in situations like this.”
“Because we can come up with a battle plan to get ride of whoever the guy is.”
“Seriously?”
“Okay, Amber then. Maybe the guy has no idea who Stephen is and how he feels about Amber.”
“Amber doesn’t even know how he feels!” Aylese screamed back.
“I’ll tell her now,” I replied as I ran ahead of them.

I want to say I had a plan for the rest of day and my mind once again ran through all of the dark and foreboding scenarios that would probably come up. I felt a steady anger at these imaginary vignettes and that anger changed to sadness at about the he time I reached the pay phone on the other side of the street from her apartment.
“We should go home,” Aylese said as she stepped up to my left side.
Skully floated next to me on my right.
“No, I need to know the truth.”
Aylese nodded and we walked across the street.

The sun bathed the apartment complex in an amber glow. I found it funny on my choice of words to describe the setting sun with the same of the girl I had just spent an MMMbop of time thinking about—but in my mind it was like an eternity and every step I took towards the building I felt a deep-seated pain in my body.
We rode the elevator up to her apartment floor in silence. The doors opened and we stepped out into the hallway. I looked back to the elevator and felt that at that moment we should take the stairs and just go home.
“Does it really matter now?” I whispered.
“You need closure, dude,” Skully replied,
“I have to agree with him,” Aylese said and then waved me on to Amber’s apartment door.

I knocked on the door and looked back at them.
Skully gave a thumbs up.
Aylese only nodded.

The door opened after a few seconds with Amber blocking the way until she saw my face.
“Stephen. What’s up?”
“I just wanted to know if you liked the flowers.”
“You sent them?” She didn’t smile or show really any emotion and turned her head back into the apartment. “They were very nice,” she replied with a slight annoyance to her voice.
“What?” A voice said from within the apartment.
“Did you buy those?” Amber asked the voice.
“Yes, bought them last night, why?”
Amber opened the door to reveal the guy from the hall earlier. “Cory, this is Stephen.”
“The crazy guy you were talking about?”
Amber’s face changed to a contorted and twisted, tinted in bright red as I took a step back in shock.
I didn’t want to think that she said anything like that to this Cory guy, but the way he said it meant that either she said one thing and he took it out of context or she said a lot of things and he decided to give the Wikipedia version of the details.
I closed my eyes and backed up against the fall wall of the hallway.
“Nothing personal, guy.”
Aylese and Skully walked up and stood between Cory and myself.
“Stay right there, Stephen,” Aylese stated as they walked past Cory and Amber and into the apartment. Amber closed the door as I allowed myself to slide down the wall and onto the floor with a thud.
I probably looked like a mess with tears and snot running down my face. I genuinely felt distressed at what had occurred. Maybe I should have taken it slower. Maybe I should have actually told Amber how I felt but then it would have hurt even more to have her tell me we had nothing in common—that we even breathed different air and that are lives were parallel lines that would never intersect.

“I was going to tell her,” I whispered. “I was going to tell her that-”
An alarm sounded and lights strobed through the hallway.
I ran down the hall and into the stairwell as the noise was so deafening I felt sick.
The screeching was even louder in the stairwell as I jumped down the dozen or so flights of stairs to the ground floor. There was a strong and acrid smell of smoke and fire.

I ran out the front door and across the street next to a pay phone to see the building in flames.