The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2192 by Angharad Copyright © 2013 Angharad All Rights Reserved.

At least while the two witches from Macbeth were cackling round me they were leaving other people alone. “Finished?” I asked now tired of the clit jokes.

“Oh don’t be such a bad sport,” said Stella which brought forth further mirth.

“It was only a little joke,” commented Siá¢n and of course they both fell about laughing again.

In the end I decided discretion was the better part of valour and walked away leaving the two loons cackling away in the kitchen. I went to my study and closed the door. I wasn’t sure what I felt other than violated, yes, violated. They could see I was smarting but they continued the abuse. Had they stopped at the first joke, I’d have blushed but accepted it as fair game, but it went on and on and I had to quit the scene or dot one of them or burst into tears or all three.

“Are you all right, Mummy?” asked Danni knocking and entering.

I nodded rather than spoke as my throat felt choked.

“Can I do anything to help?”

“Give me a hug.”

“Course,” she threw her arms round me and hugged me tightly for a few seconds. I admit the odd drip of saline dripped off my face but when she finished I felt better.

“If you behave yourself the rest of tonight, we’ll see if I can find those tablets tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Mummy.”

“I just hope this is your idea not one from Pia or Cindy.”

“Of course it is.”

I still wasn’t convinced but then I wasn’t about Billie for some time and perhaps am still not, even when I appear to see her or one of the others does–usually Trish–and she tells me she was happier than she’d ever been. I might still be imagining it or perhaps they are in order to calm me down–I don’t know.

“Mummy, I was telling you about this delicious skirt that Cindy has,” said a slightly affronted Danni.

“I’m sorry, darling, something went through my mind and I missed what you said.”

She rambled on about some skirt or dress and how she’d like one and I told her she could spend some of her money if it was that important. She flounced off thinking it was my privilege to provide for her. It might be, but she hardly needs any new clothes at the moment and she’s done quite well off me recently.

A while later Siá¢n appeared, “Some tea for you,” she said as she placed a mug on the coaster on my desk. She then took her own and sat on one of the sofas by the window. I wasn’t sure I wanted her with me not having forgiven her yet for her teasing.

“We offended you?” she said after sipping her tea.

“You need me to answer that?”

“No, not really. I’m sorry.”

“So am I. Two of the people I’d have trusted most in this world and you became like a pack of dogs which had scented blood.”

The look she gave me was one of surprise then she looked perplexed. “I’m sorry if it felt like that.”

“It did. I do my best to live successfully as a woman and along comes someone I trust and she humiliates me, hitting me below the belt. I try not to let it get to me, but it does sometimes and when it does it really hurts.”

“I didn’t think.”

“How would you like it if I started making jokes about your lesbianism?”

“I think I’ve heard most of them over the years.”

“Coming from me, they’d hurt, I can guarantee it.”

“How can you know that?”

“Because you wouldn’t be expecting it and I know you quite well, like if I suggested Kirsty went off with someone with a longer clit.”

“Okay, okay you made your point and I’m really sorry.”

“So am I, Siá¢n.”

“You want me to go?”

“That’s up to you.”

“We’ve changed, haven’t we?”

“Everyone does.”

“I suppose so. I’m sorry it’s ended like this.”

“So am I. I have very few real friends and to lose you would leave a real hole in my life.”

She looked away from me and I saw the tear drip off her nose. “I messed up, didn’t I?”

I nodded, I felt choked as well. I didn’t know if we’d ever be friends again–that sounds disproportionate to what appeared to happen but it was the loss of trust which hurt the most. Stella does something stupid like this every so often and I appear to be stuck with her, though one day she’s going to push me too far and I’m either going to walk away for good or deck her. The latter might prove more satisfying.

Part of me felt I ought to be beyond that now, but the little bit of me which never heals and which screams out loud my origins when poked, felt angry and inflamed. The wound would be fresh again and would take weeks to calm down again. The fact that I should have moved on also irked me and added to the general discomfort. Was it always going to be like this? No wonder people top themselves, life is a constant battle to remain sane while the universe empties cart loads of manure on us.

“I think I’ll turn in, if you don’t mind? I’ll go first thing tomorrow.”

“Where will you go?”

“I’ll get a B&B for a few days.”

“You don’t have to, you can stay here for the week like we agreed.”

“Good ol’ Cathy, ever the good Samaritan.”

“The room is free so you might as well stay.”

“I hope this isn’t just...”

“Just what?”

“Nothing. Can we decide how we feel in the morning?”

“If you want.”

“Thank you, night night.” She pecked me on the cheek as she went past and her face felt wet with tears. I wished her goodnight and stared at Mr Whitehead’s journal which she’d left on my desk.

I rose from the desk and shoved it back between two large tomes, one of insect and one of mammalian biology. I’d had them for years. They probably still had my old name in them but I declined the desire to find out. I’d thought too much about the past tonight and it had bitten me quite hard.

When I noticed my tea had gone cold, so I poured it down the sink as I was rinsing the cup Simon came in and stood behind me his arms round my waist. “Well, wee wifey, arrrre ye comin’ tae bed?”

“Aye, I micht,” I replied in an accent worse than his one and we’re both supposed to be Scots. I suspect Dick Van Dyke could have done a better one.

I checked round and locked up and he escorted me up to bed. “Stella told me what happened–I’m sorry I wasn’t here to stop it.”

“You can’t protect me all the time, besides, I’m a big girl now and I should be able to fight my own corner.”

“You’re too nice to do that unless someone targets your kids.”

“I have been known to get aggressive when someone threatened my husband as well.”

“You? Aggressive? Noooo,” he said before I slapped him.