(aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2109 by Angharad Copyright © 2013 Angharad
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“I feel like I’m becoming my mother,” I said to Simon when we were cwtching together that night.
“I suppose that’s better than your dad.”
“That’s what I thought,” I agreed.
“Because of Danny or whatever he calls himself.”
“He doesn’t call himself anything, but everyone else calls him Danielle.”
“Should that be him or her?”
“I don’t know.”
“I thought you knew about all this sort of stuff.”
“Simon, I know how I felt, that’s all. I couldn’t even begin to judge what others feel.”
“Isn’t that what you’re doing with Danny, being suspicious of his change of direction?”
“Yes I am, but because he’s always fought against any feminine influences on him. He was worried that I didn’t love him as much because he wasn’t a girl.”
“That I’d have thought was the least viable criticism of you, you’ve at times gone out of your way to spoil him to show him you do care about him. So does that imply he’s only doing it for attention seeking?”
“I asked him that.”
“What’d he say?”
“He agreed he could be. So I upped the ante and told him we’d get him pushed through the system and have him in surgery before the end of the holidays and he could go to St Claire’s like the other girls.”
Simon chuckled, “And he believed you?”
“No, he just went on about how unfair I was being because the others had had the chance to change back if they wanted.”
“That’s true they did–though none of them even considered it, did they?”
“Not to my knowledge.”
“Except you.”
“Meee?”
“Yeah, when you banged your head in the Cayenne, you forgot who you were–thought you were a bloke or something, only you didn’t have a bloke’s body so it was a bit difficult for a day or so.”
“I don’t remember any of that?”
“No you lost your memory, so I suppose you wouldn’t.”
“I remember the deer and swerving to avoid it, but that was it.” We snuggled together. “I’m taking Danielle to Southampton tomorrow to buy a few clothes.”
“What’s wrong with Portsmouth?”
“He might be recognised by schoolmates and given their opinion of him already...”
“They shout loud enough when he scores a goal for them.”
“Well that’s the level of mentality in schools these days.”
“You still don’t think he’s transgender, do you?”
“Simon, I don’t know anything anymore, but no, it doesn’t sit right somehow.”
“What if he’s a cross dresser?”
“Can’t say I’d be over enthused but I’d try to support him.”
“And if he was transsexual?”
“I have doubts that he is, but I was wrong with Billie. I don’t know how I’d feel, sad I suppose.”
“Sad, why?”
“Because it isn’t a good place to be, it makes everything you do that much harder.”
“Well you’ve done alright out of it.”
“On reflection yes I have, but life would have been easier if I’d been normal, either as a girl or a boy.”
“You’d have preferred to have been a boy?”
“A normal boy rather than a transsexual woman, yes.”
“But then I’d never have met you.”
“True but who knows what would have happened?”
“I couldn’t see me fancying another boy–and before you start saying, yes you did, I didn’t. I never saw you in boy mode so as far as I was concerned you were a girl, end of story.”
“But I told you I was.”
“Yeah, my head knew but my heart fell in love with this incredibly attractive woman who was so naíve she didn’t have a clue what she was doing to me and all the other blokes.”
“What blokes?”
“Everyone fancied you.”
“I know Des did but that was it.”
“Gareth did, plus half my office did, my father did and your adoptive father.”
“You trying to tell me that Tom fancied me?”
“Yes, what’s so funny about it?”
“He knew me before I transitioned.”
“If you listen to him telling it, he thought you were a girl pretending to be a boy and in his words, a very pretty girl.”
“I have to get to sleep, darling, busy day tomorrow.”
“What’re you going to buy him/her?”
“Just an outline wardrobe, a couple of skirts and dresses, tops some jeans some shoes, panties, bras. Might get her a nice dress for the formal up in Scotland--oh you realise I can’t come until after the conference?”
“That’s what Tom was wittering on about?”
“Was it? Can we discuss it tomorrow, I’m knackered,” and as if to prove the point, I yawned and nearly swallowed the pillow.
I slept all night and woke feeling quite refreshed until I thought what I had to do that day. I wasn’t in the mood for shopping but that’s what I decided was needed to Danielle to have at least the opportunity for experiencing girldom.
On rising, I showered and dressed and woke Danielle and also Phoebe who agreed to sort her out for a shopping trip, an hour later the two of us were driving west to Southampton and the shops. I’ve done this so often, setting up a basic wardrobe, that I should be able to do it in my sleep. I even remembered to bring along a tape measure in case of doubt.
We started off in some cheaper stores and got some of the basics–panties, some bras and some nighties/pyjamas. Then two skirts which Danni chose and four tops to go with them. A pair of jeans and some shorts followed that with two pairs of shoes, a pair of imitation Ugg boots plus some cheap trainers. I found some silicon bra fillers which would do for breast padding and were at least washable. Then it was time for a snack.
Some sort of weather proof jacket was required and we found one of those for half price in a sale in Millett’s the camping shop. Okay, it was blue with flowers all over it, but it would do as a multipurpose coat cum jacket and could be worn with jeans or skirts. If this got more long term than I thought it would, we’d have to buy something for more formal occasions. For the ball in Scotland, she could borrow one of my crocheted stoles which would do to cover a dress if it got nippy.
We bought tights, socks and a watch a couple of bracelets and a ring while we looked at more earrings. We got some more of those too. Finally, we chose an inexpensive cologne. Thankfully, Julie had supplied makeup and cleanser, so by four o’clock we were pretty well finished. All that remained now was to get the dress for the ball and some shoes. That was going to prove almost as expensive as the rest put together, but at least Stella could loan her the tartan plaid as I wouldn’t now need it–the ball was the same weekend as the conference.
Driving back, Danni yawned. “Tired?” I asked.
“Yeah, it’s quite scary the first few times trying things on in a shop.” I suppose it is, I’d forgotten because to me it was now second nature–only feeling uneasy when something in my dress size didn’t fit and I had to go up a size.
“Enjoy it?”
“Yeah, I think I did, it’s certainly different to shopping for boy clothes.”
“Just a bit,” I agreed thinking for what I’d just spent we could have outfitted Danny twice over for the year.
“You realise you’ll have to do a fashion show when we get home?”
“No way, I’m too tired.”
“Sorry, kiddo, but girls are never too tired to model their clothes for their sisters.”
“This one is,” she said and nodded off to sleep.
Comments
Being trans' ...
Being transgendered certainly makes things harder but when things turn out right, it makes the success doubly enjoyable and rewarding. Being intergendered makes things more complicated because there seem to be no fixed datum points, no baseline from which to measure one's position because much of one's being tends to be in a state of flux. Transsexuals generally have a clearer direction and know where they want to get. It's less certain for intersexuals as they seem to waver or wobble around a vague location somewhere along the gender spectrum. It's frustrating but it also lends the sufferers a variable nature with much variety to explore and indulge. The issue then, is finding the confidence or courage to indulge those variable. Maturity it seems for intergendered is accepting the gender pendulum and learning to live with the frustrations that arise from the body gender being fixed while the mental gender swings back and forth. Here it is dangerous and ultimately destructive to fall into the promiscuity trap by indulging the variations on offer.
It's certainly very different for intergendered people.
This chapter certainly illuminates how even with much personal experience, gender dysphorics can still fail to understand others. If nothing else, this chapter reinforces the fact that there is huge variety in the gender spectrum or spectrums.
Bevs.
Some days yes, others no
Being who you are suppose to be of course is the greatest reward but the effect on those around you is a case of 'not so much' for a lot of us.
I am one of those borderline cases at the beginning of my journey, no doubt, but as that t-woman who detransitioned, it shows that gender is such a complicated thing for even the surest of us and needs change with age. We need to be as sure as possible before we transition. Sadly the window of opportunity is narrower than people realize if one wants an ideal physical transition that some folks never truly explore everything before taking the plunge and it can be a crap shoot as to whether it was the right choice or not.
Danny at least is prepubescent and has time to figure it out. However I do not peg him as TS but more somewhere in between. Cathy will just have to be strong about it.
Kim
Ahh that's better
Now that I understand Cathy's motivation. Great episode, thank you so very much for sharing.
Goddess Bless you
Love Desiree
Pulling my hair out.
I think the lad is still not dealing with the original assault. Peter is even worse off. In my opinion, both boys, in the real world, will go back to being boys. I don't think either should be on any hormones, even Peter, save for a very slight dose of Testosterone, consistent with a per-pubescent boy his age, and that demands an Endocrinologist.
I think that both boys, perhaps together should be in counseling, paid for by the school officials that should have been watching them. They are going to need a lot of reassurance, and poor, well meaning Cathy should be exerting pressure on Danny to resume his old life. I think she has a valid concern, and realizes that the presence of so many T girls in a population of Phenotypically normal male and female population could possibly cause Danny to feel unreal pressure.
Simon and Thom should be stepping up to be more involved with Danny, even at the cost of some hours that Simon feels he needs to spend at work. I consider Danny's situation to be an emergent psychological situation, especially at his age. I hit male puberty at age 9, which is early. I think that when Danny's natural puberty starts, it will help pull him through full stop.
Gwendolyn
I'm not yet sure what to make of Danny (Danni)
Has Danny's rape changed him into a girl? Is it because he thinks he was neglected to be the only boy in the house? Is it because all the other boys in the house transitioned into girls? Is it peer pressure that he thinks he must be a girl too? Is Danny a transgendered girl or is he a crossdresser? I really don't know at this point, so I guess all I can do is keep reading.