Although it was just a code, I still decided to bring two pizzas, just in case anyone would ask…and maybe he would have wanted some anyway. Tony’s house was in an older section of the city with houses that all looked alike except their color and whatever epic landscaping projects the owners would try. His house was a tan color with a meticulously cared for lawn. It may have been November, but the grass was still green and cut like a golf course. Anthony’s car was parked in the driveway and although no other cars were present, I pulled up next to the curb and took a second or two to think if I wanted to go in.
Emotions took control of my hands, and I pulled the brake, placed the car into first, turned the wheel toward the curb and then killed the engine. It felt like an out-of-body experience, and I was not in control of anything except for grabbing my keys and the pizza. The feeling of butterflies and euphoria fought for control as I walked closer to the door. I didn’t even get to knock when the door opened and Tony stood, filling the door frame. He had on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. I was slightly disappointed he didn’t greet me bare-chested but, what if it was a UPS delivery guy or maybe Anna?
“Hey,”
“Pizza delivery,” I responded and held the boxes out to him.
“Come on in,” he motioned for me to step in and then closed the door.
I stopped in the foyer and took a brief look at the living room. It was a lot like my grandmother’s: trapped in a decade that preceded my existence with every piece of furniture made of dark wood with an orange camouflage look.
“Have a seat. We need to talk.”
And as everyone knows, those are the four words no one ever wants to hear in any situation. Tony laid the pizzas on the counter as I ran through numerous scenarios on how this would play out and all of them were bad. All of them dealt with the future trauma of me standing by myself in the middle of a sea of people with only a picture of the Tony I remembered staring back at me.
He sat next to me, and my expression must have been blank.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m good.”
“You look a little spooked.”
“It’s just that you said we need to talk.”
“Yeah, the four words no one ever wants to hear.”
I nodded.
“Sorry, guess I’ve heard that so much from Anna, and here I am saying it. It’s all good.”
“Good?” I asked as I turned to Tony. His eyes sparkled. I mean, use, there was a reflection in his eyes from the sunset but still, they had a mesmerizing glow.
“Very good?” He asked as he took hold of my hands.
“Better.”
“Shall I move on to great or to super-mega-awesome?”
“I’ll take somewhere in the middle.” I replied as I started to feel a little better.
“This is going to sound crazy, but I’d like you to go with me on this.”
“Okay.”
“I want to come out to everyone. I really do, but…”
“You’re afraid.”
“Yeah. I know it’s cowardly. I know it’s unfair to you, to us.”
“I’m not asking you to do that, Tony. We don’t need to announce it to the world.”
“But I want to. You don’t know the thoughts that have been running through my mind.”
“I bet I can guess a few,” I replied as he swung our hands slowly.
“It’s that obvious?”
“Just a bit,” I leaned in and whispered.
“Like this one?” He asked as he kissed my cheek.
“That’s one.”
“Are you making me slowly go up the ladder?”
“Go where you want to,” I replied with a sigh.
“This means so much to me.”
“To me too,” I replied with a stupid grin on my face.
“What would you think if I did?”
“You can do what you want to do, Tony.”
He took a step back and looked into my eyes. “I have another idea.”
“What?”
“If you moved your hair down, then you’d look more like a girl.”
I was taken aback at those words. He had just said he wanted to come out to everyone.
“I don’t understand,” I replied.
“If just for a few days, you could be my girlfriend.”
“But I’m not a girl.”
I had some feelings about being a girl some time ago, but I thought I put those feelings out of my mind. I had looked in the mirror thousands of times and gotten used to the person who looked back at me in the mirror, even though I never liked him.
“I’m sorry, I mean, I’m stupid to ask that of you.”
“I can be your girlfriend if that’s what you want.”
“I don’t want you to change.”
“Not too much of a change for me, Tony,” I replied.
He bit his lip, and I was sure the thought of ‘did I really say that?’ run through his mind. “It won’t be forever, just…”
“Just tell me two things.”
“What?”
“Do you love me?”
“Yes, yes I do.”
“Do you love us?”
“Yes, I do,” he replied as he wrapped his arms around me, and we fell into a deep kiss. The kiss landed us back on the sofa and he pulled at the button on my jeans. I didn’t fight back, in fact I gently glided my hands to his shorts, and he moved it into his shorts, where I discovered he was going commando. I held my breath for a moment, taking in this moment as he continued to remove my pants and threw them to the floor.
“Whatever you wan to do, Tony. Whatever you want,” I nearly panted.
He pulled his shorts off and kissed me again.
We then heard the most frightening sound in the world: the front door opening.