I have highlighted the major bits of my college years, but I have to back track a little and tell of some of my experiences when I lived in the college dorms.
To begin with I had to fight my whole Senior year of High School to be able to live in the dorms. I lived within the 10 mile radius and the college was denying me the right to live on campus because of that. Meanwhile they also guaranteed Freshmen housing. See the conundrum.
It was a great battle with government at its best. There were many times I was ready to give it up, because it was never ending, but my guidance counselor told me to keep at. And she was so right. By the time I was ready to graduate, I was told that I could stay in the lounge until I had a room assignment. Then about a month or two after that I had a roommate assignment.
My first roommate was very active sexually and this cause a lot of problems in that some of the guys would like to get even with him. I remember one time waking up to see a clay penis on the room door. I left it up hoping that he would take care of it, but he didn't. I guess he thought it was a compliment. I had to remove it and felt disgusted at the time.
At this time, I was very inactive sexually. Just pleasured my self. I guess I am what you might call asexual as I really don't have real strong desires for sex. I love cuddling and that sort of stuff, but I can take or leave the sexual intercourse part.
On my dorm floor were two brawny football players, (American Football). They were bigger than me and loved to render me helpless especially after they found out I am very ticklish especially the soles of my feet. The two of them would love to get me on their laps and take my shoes off so that they could get to my feet. They loved to make me laugh so hard. To describe how I was at the time, 5'7” and about 140 pounds. I was very scrawny at the time.
As for my gender issues, I was back to trying to force myself to accept being born male. I still thought of myself as female, but decided that since I was born male I should try to accept it. Big mistake as it led to many years of misery.
I have always imagined myself in female roles. For example if I was in a scary situation, I would pretend to be Nancy Drew working on a mystery. When I was younger, my mother tried to get me into the Hardy Boys, but I did not like them, but fell in love with Nancy Drew books. I loved how she used her wits to get out of situations instead of physical force.
Comments
My Journey Through Life, So Far Part 6
Nancy Drrw, eh? What about Agatha Christie?
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Agatha Christie
I love Agatha Christie books. My mother turned me onto them. My mother never finished school but she loved to read, a passion that I inherited.
In her place...
I have always imagined myself in female roles. For example if I was in a scary situation, I would pretend to be Nancy Drew working on a mystery... Not only do I recall the books and the TV show, but I remember the movies from the 40s. Fun to be transported to another time and place to be someone else, yes? Role models or even just nice girls we identified with?
It's so nice to see another installment of this candid story of your life. I know I certainly identify with you; if not with every detail, then surely the emotions. Self-denial, guilt, perhaps shame? Doubt. Fear? Loneliness, even in the midst of company? I am so glad that you're doing better and that you've returned here. Thank you!
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
Drea, thanks for the kind
Drea, thanks for the kind words. I agree it is fun to live in the imagination, especially as sometimes that is the only source of an outlet for our desires. As you know to well, growing up in an Italian family, even though my dad was Hungarian, we were around my mother's family more, that the male is dominant and if you are not manly enough there is more pressure put on you to be a man. Growing up I heard about Christine Jorgenson and Renee Richards, but never fully connected them to me. I wish that I had a better understanding of them other than the whole derogatory man becomes a woman thing. I feel that telling my story may help someone accept him/herself and get the help they need. Growing up, I felt alone and also wondered why I couldn't be who I wanted to be or accept the body I had and go on.