There comes some point in teaching, where I have to introduce Coulomb's law in electricity. Here's where I always hit a dilemma: I give a series of sentences describing the properties of the Coulomb force. One sentence goes:

The force is inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them.

The issue: should I underline (or otherwise emphasize) "inversely" and "square"? Or should I underline "to" and "the"? In other words,

Since 2004, life has been unimaginably hard at times but over the last 5 or so years it has gotten much easier. Being the odd sort that I am, I never really engaged with the LGBT folk's political agenda, choosing to simply be a woman. I've learned a lot about writing, but lack the talent to ever be a star. I'll likely be increasingly absent because, for now at least, I have lost interest in the whole male to female thing, and never had any interest in the female to male one.

I got a super compliment today.

I was on Facebook and talking about feeling frustrated with my transition progress, and this is what I was told by Brianna:

" I have to tell you that on BCTS you are an inspiration to a lot of us who transitioned after you did."

That's ... amazing.

Me, an inspiration?

Wow ...

So as everyone probably remembers the last blog post I did was a real hard one for me to write and I've gone to a few doctors over the last few days and had tests done and had a psychological examination done. The test results came back today and let's just say I thank whoever told me to have tests done in my last blog post I would never have found out that I am Anemic and that my vitamin levels were dangerously high. When the doctor called me I was shocked to hear what I did.

Well, I was a busy girl today.

I got my change of address done on my licence

I got my registration for my car renewed

I got a hold of my insurance company and gave them my new address

I'm doing my laundry

and I did a bottle run

so yay for accomplishing things!

I hate to admit this but I think I truely am depressed at this point. I feel hopeless and have nobody to turn to. I haven't written anything in at least 3 weeks because I've lost all sense of myself(if that makes any sense). My fiancé has even took notice and has taken a step at helping me try to feel right again. EVEN MY FUCKING BOSS HAS TAKEN NOTICE! (Cries) I really don't know what to do right now. I'm scared and don't know where to turn to. I refuse to go inpatient at a hospital unless it's a last resort. (Sobbing)

...Sergeant Pepper told the band... whoops, and who said modern culture isn't pervasive?

These are the comments one of my cousins sent me on facebook. I am having trouble deciding whether she doesn't understand or is letting religion color her thoughts too much she is very religious. Here it is

I don't know how to respond to this without getting angry

Let me tell you, I wish I could borrow Doc Brown's DeLorean for about five minutes. I'd go back to last Friday and persuade myself not to go out for coffee. Or anywhere else for the next seven days.

As I left, I failed to notice that my chair was drifting off the sidewalk--with motorized chairs, there are unfortunately some blind spots. Consequently, it's hard to see in front of me in those areas. Anyway, when my chair went over the edge of the sidewalk, it landed sideways and dumped me out on the asphalt.

You ever want to cry but be unable to?

I had that experience last night.

I was in pain and struggling with both PTSD and my gender issues, and I snuck into the bathroom to let loose, and I found myself ... blocked. I simply couldn't cry.

I kinda find that a little scary ...

I quite like Sherlock. Not only is Benedict Cumberbatch a great choice for the role, but the individual cases are usually interesting, if not quite as complicated as I'd like at times. Then again, I've only made it through the first and second seasons, so I may be missing some of the best.

Back on point, the series has a lot of great elements, but one of the ones I've found most attractive is the concept of the Mind Palace. I loved the concept from the show, and after doing some (very superficial) research into the ins and outs of its purpose and the method of using such, I decided I should have one of my own.

A few of you have met me and know that I pride myself on being energetic, sassy and snotty, but fun. LOL. Though the last one of you to visit here saw me not feeling that well. I'm going to beat this fat butt into submission yet !!!

My mother gave me a beautiful card for my birthday.

It starts with, "For you, Daughter, on your birthday." and end with "You're beautiful inside and out"

I'm gonna cry some happy tears now.

I am overwhelmed by the number of people who took the time to wish me a happy birthday.

Bless all of you, and huggles!

Well, I have somehow managed to survive to see my 50th birthday, and I'd like to take the opportunity to thank a few people who have helped me live this long.

First, my mom, who loves me unconditionally.

My brother and sister, who have done so much for me.

Jaci, who is a wonderful online big sister.

My friend Erin.

All my online friends.

All my readers, especially those who have left comments on my stories.

Erin and her elves, for giving me a place to post my stuff.

Well it seems I'm going on to the second year at the start of September. Results are 76% (Maintenance and Repair), 83%,(Networktechnology) 90% (Basic Network theory) and 91% (OS2: intro to Linux).

Next year it's 'Wireless Networks, 'Basic Networksecurity', 'CO/NT project (internship)' and 'Client / Server 1' for the first semester which gets me a 'Computertechnician' certificate. This is followed by 'WAN and VLAN's', 'Switches and Routers', 'Internet networks' and Client / Server 2' for the second semester which gets me a 'Networktechnician' certificate.

New bedroom is basically set up, just have to move my stuff over there.

So yay for accomplishing things!

The latest bits in my life, I'm currently dealing with a throat infection ( clarithromycin antibiotics, 500 mg twice a day ) and an exasperation of my copd ( Prednisone, foul tasting steroidal anti inflammatory pills, 50 mg a day ).

Not really unexpected, since the stress of being homeless for a month was almost a guarantee of it happening. At least I'm in a new place, and paying $324/mo less in rent.

I was told that it was not possible for my pelvis to change, for me to grow wider hips, my pelvis to tilted or wider like it should be. It will just be reallocation of fat. This on top of everything else not listed here make me not care anymore. I don't care that I am about to graduate college, it just doesn't matter that much to me and nothing else really ever has. Additionally that means that my pelvis would not be suitable for a transplanted womb. Unless another medical professional tells else tells me different I can't find the motivation to keep going.

I have been distraught for about a week because I did not realize earlier how much it meant to me to have wider hips, hip rotation and pelvic tilt, I am 26 and have been on testosterone suppressants for several years and I am hoping I am not to late because otherwise i don't know if i can take bad news in this regard safely.

hugs:)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna

Anchored 21 is finally finished! I started it a few weeks ago but haven't had any spare time.

In the two weeks + , since we moved in, the place has undergone a transformation and is now properly a home. There are some niggles but they are minor.

Finally on Monday we get our fibre connected and rejoin the online world without fear of using up my phone's data allowance (my daughter managed a month's allowance in 2 days!!)

Shiraz

Here is a weird one for you all.

I helped my brother pack some stuff up in prep of our move, and I should have left feeling good for accomplishing something.

But on the drive home I started crying for no dam reason at all.

My brain is weird ...

tl;dr: dysphoria is not fun.

Content Note: self-loathing

Over the past couple of decades, I've been weeding the men's clothes out of my wardrobe. First went the underwear, then little by little the outer wear was replaced with items from the women's rack. At the present time, I only have one outfit that is strictly men's clothes. I'm hanging on to that as I, twice a year, go drab for my wife. Once on her birthday and again on our anniversary.