Hello my lovelies:

I haven't been spending much time on here lately and expect to be here considerably less in the future. It is not that I have become a snob, or that I am depressed, but am just too busy to breathe any more, and I love what I am doing.

In truth, aside from the sadness of my losses once in a while, these are the happiest days of my life and I am pretty glad that I quit sucking on gun barrels.

So, I have been slaving away for years, secretly writing a romance novel. When I write, sometimes I really get into the story and actually try to live it, mostly to write the realisim. Sometimes I worked so hard that the windows in my office would fog up, depriving me of view of, harbor with huge plastic boat sitting in it. Or maybe I was sitting in steaming tub with rubber ducky and writing with laptop? Man, I got the good stuff this time! Woooeeeee!

So, I called the book "50 Shades", goodness those are a lot of sunglasses to carry around.

Finally I have found an author who writes stories with female protagonists who wear clothing! When I was writing, I wanted some art work with female warrior and all I could find is shapely hot women holding sword like it vegetable chopping knife.

I look forward to seeing this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMXgcS8hvYc

Most of the time I successfully resist my exhibitionistic wanna be stripper inner self with great success. Though several years ago, I did go clubbing in not enough clothing, those days are long over for me and I strive to be as modest as a Nun, or more. It seems my Muslim days left a permanent mark on me.

I seem to have lost track of a story I wrote a few years ago. I think I published it here as "Construction Diva", and it was one of the few stories that I have written that actually attracted negative comments with a few people insisting that it could not happen in real life. LOL Well, I beg to differ, something quite similar DID happen to me.

I see there is no "Bike" tonight. Angharad is usually quite diligent about telling us if she is too knackered to write. I do hope you are OK.

Gwendolyn

I was supposed to start my trip tomorrow on my trip to Provo, but with the snow here in Portland, I plan to leave a day early so I do not have such long days traveling. I plan to take my lap top, but do not know about wifi access. So just checking the roads, they seem to be snowy but open. The Columbia Gorge is known to be treacherous and it is open now so I though it good to get while the getting is good. So, those who check on me, nothing bad going on here, just going to a re-union. Planning to return home Monday or Tuesday, Inshallah.

Much peace

Gwendolyn

Several people from different compartments of my life have asked me to write my autobiography and I am finally feeling well enough to take on such a task. It will be a transgender (inter-sex) story, and it will also include every aspect of my life, including my success, failures and embarrassing moments. It will include all aspects of my spiritual journey.

I still have a lot to think about, but I think if it has to be sugar coated to avoid offending someone, then it is not worth the effort. It will include it all both smelly and fragrant.

It used to be that my internet passwords were simple, something easy to remember. After being victimised by unknown people in the last couple of years, I now have a book where I record my passwords, but in the last few days, something seems to be happening with several of my accounts. It is almost as if someone has gotten into some of my accounts and destroyed their password files, because accounts like Facebook, and several others, my passwords have stopped working.

Most of us, I believe, have very stylized ideas about what it means to be a woman in real life, and I must admit that my idea of a woman's life is vastly different than it was back in 1990, the initial start of my journey to my true self.

The most profoundly thrilling thing in life for me is music and in almost every genre from Apalachian Hill Country, to Tabla Turbo to Kathrine Jenkins to ZZ Top to Queen to Handel and I likes it loud enough for my subwoofer to make nail pops in my walls. My soul soars with the angels.

When I was in Thailand to get my body remodeled, there was a person there who was sort of the coordinator. She was TG,post op, Canadian, and had been a teacher. She drank a lot, a lot! Her job was to insure that we got to the hospital and then to the clinic afterward for thrice daily dilation, and generally see to our welfare. For her it was all about the bars, and male conversations. I could see she was deeply troubled and felt sorry for her, though she resisted any effort to help her to a less destructive life style.

So, I was sitting in a Family Home Evening with 6 other singles and it is about Articles of Faith 13. Then some guy starts going off on Gays and the it is of the devil thing. We've all heard it right. A quick google search should answer the questions you may have.

I finally had enough and he met the BITCH, though I was more gentle and loving and kind than I felt. I knew it would happen sooner or later. The battle is joined. I do not plan to give in lightly and I know several elders and a Bishop who will support me.

Please pray for gentleness to prevale.

Gwendolyn

So, some of the stories here are really long and I can't read them in one setting, so I have been using a marker to mark the position of the slide thingie before I shut down for the night. Before you all laugh at me, how else can I do it? It is really troublesome to find my place again when I come back on line.

I am worried about getting the marks off my screen.

Is there some sort of book mark thingie I can use so I can come back to the right place?

Thank you.

Gwendolyn

There are so many things that I do not get about the whole gay/lesbian thing, but I know it is a personal choice and should remain so.

http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/02/07/us-usa-gaymarriage...

In some areas of my life I am unapologetically weird. Pantyhose make me feel claustrophobic, so I always wore gartered stockings, which I gave up on when I was Muslim, because with floor length skirts, who needs anything but cotton anklets? So, now that I have rejoined a wider community, I can wear skirts up to my knees, so in more formal situations, I need to wear stockings again.

Since I began to seriously began to address my different-ness in 2001 the good folks at this site have carried me through crisis after crisis; 5 hospitalizations for mental breakdown, a SRS operation, the loss of my family and everything I cared about in life. I was three days from living on the street before things slowly began to turn around. It took years, 10 of them to finally feel like I really wanted to live again, and that did not begin to happen until early last March.

Hey, I noticed that there was no Bike last night. Is everything OK?

Gwendolyn

Ok, girls take out a pen and paper and be sure to jot down notes. Test to follow.

So, I spent a delightful morning at the Gyno docs while she taught he how I might get myself out of my pruned up Vagina problem. You see, I have been a bad little girl and stopped dilating about 2 years ago, and now I don't think a rabbit could do me.

Our life experiences give us all sorts of story ideas. It is just amazing.

Tonight I watched, "The Help", and I have no doubts in my mind that if the story is not literally true, it is in substance. Oddly, it took me back to my time with my family, and as I watched it, I realized that I had about the same status in my home as one of "them coloreds", and when they could no longer use me, I was fired. It was a dark, bleak realization but now I feel empowered.

Through the years, I have talked to other T folk who related the same sort of thing to me, it is not an uncommon experience

I'm quite sorry, but I am feeling a bit off, but please no cause for alarm. I promise not to do anything I shouldn't OK? I just need to emote a little here. If I do not feel better by Monday, I will seek to get back under care again.

I mean, I'm not complaining because I have several stories that just sort of remain unfinished, and I think people like that are bloody awful. So, I resolve not to do that any more.

Anyhow, I was wondering what happened to Ice Tiger and the story called Anari something...can't exactly remember who the authors are, so I just can't bug them directily. There is another one about people being on a slave ship and escaping...

My stars and garters, I never ever thought that I would be writing a blog like this one!

So, um... I never ever thought that I'd ever use my little hot dog wrapper, so I have been really lax about dilating and last month noticed that it has narrowed to far less than the size of a hot dog. When I got it, the thing would take a polish sausage, but due to my own negligence, well you know.

Information for a story is what I need. I don't want to talk about IED's, guns, bombs or anything like that.

What I need is information about the living conditions of mountain country Afghan people who are touched by the Taliban. We can talk a little about the Burqua, but having worn one, I am pretty much up on that.

OK folks, listen up. This is really good video series by ABC and I think it is important enough that I wrote them to thank them for running such a complete and caring series. The world is getting better for us. Be brave.

There are I think 6 videos in this series.

Gwendolyn

http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/video/jackie-transgender-kid...

Before you start reading this article, just remember that we are winning this battle that has taken us so long and caused many of us to shed so many tears.

http://thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/will-the-sissy-boy-expe...

This is something that I thought I would never see.

http://inamerica.blogs.cnn.com/2011/12/26/after-years-long-l...

I am reading Julie Cole's, "A Change In Lifestyle", and though I am pretty certain where it is going, it makes me feel really unsteady and um odd. I'll likely keep reading it.

Christmas has, in the last 6 years been really hard because it was 7 years ago, on the 18th that my whole world exploded; having been outed, thrown out and all that dreadful stuff. Now, finally I am able to say that life is treating me really well and I am fulfilled.

So, I see in the news this morning that the roll out for the XXX web sites is today. I wonder, with some trepidation, who gets to choose who gets that designation? Fro those with that designation, will it be like a dead albatross around the neck of the hapless sailor, or will it be like honey for ants?

I don't plan to let my virus guard regulate my contact with those sites; it is for me to decide.

Much to my astonishment, I have been invited to a muggle writer's group through my church. I am frankly astonished and wonder how long this will last. The word from a friend of mine who secured the invitation for me is that if these people like your work, it will go to print.

So, now is the time to see if I have real talent, and am I up to writing withing the constraints of what adults see as proper spelling and sentence construction? Up until now, I have written for fun, and have ignored the rules of most of the editor mongers. I just wanted to have fun! :)