Chapter 1

It’s the first week in April 2015, only a couple more days of spring break left. It was warmer outside than normal for Reno, but we didn’t really do outside too much. Ashley and I are sitting in a corner of the couch. Well I’m mostly hiding behind her not like that really matters. I’m pressed into the corner of the couch and mostly have Ashley pulled on top of me like a shield. She was a few inches taller than me and we’re both about as thick as a match. Ashley acts like a big sister to me even though we were both born in the same year. She thinks just because she is in second grade and I’m in first she is the older smarter one. Okay well she is like six inches taller. But it’s not my fault I was born in december and couldn’t start school the same year she did. I’ll be nine this year too just, not till the end...

“What are they doing?” Ashley whispers.

I just shrugged a little. She can’t see me but it’s not like my answer is going to change all that much since the last two times she asked. Not like I ever did much more than a shrug or sigh or maybe an eyeroll, or the rare combination. Mrs. Stella and Mr. Lopez who are our foster parents for now have two other adults over and two girls. Most of the time the house was quiet which I liked. It was way better than the last place. Still not enough food but they didn’t lock the bathroom and we didn’t get spanked for turning on the faucet or flushing the toilet. Now there are four other people here, and Ashley and I don’t like people.

Besides we could see into the bathroom. The strange lady had the smaller of the girls on the toilet and was clearly dying her hair what looked like a very dark black. I thought her brown looked fine but who wants my opinion. The other girl was sitting across from us on the other couch. She looked almost as uncomfortable as we did. It’s a good size room really. Wood floors two couches with end tables on each side of them. A television we never really used on one end with Mr. and Mrs. Lopez chairs opposite it along with their foot rests. When we got here Mrs. Stella described it as “functional”.

Mrs. Stella is in the kitchen and it smells like she was cooking. Rice most likely, maybe this time there will be meat in it. Mr. Lopez and the other man are also in the kitchen talking. The’re speaking spanish so we can’t tell what they are saying. We kept hearing our names a lot as well as Sofi and Mary. Those must be the other kids. The man sounds like he’s worried and Mr. Lopez is trying to make him feel better. Mr. Lopez takes two of his beers out of the fridge and hands one to the man. Ashley and I both tensed up a little. Mr. Lopez never shares his beer.

“Avery, what are they doing.” Ashley whispers to me again. She lets out a small pout sound as she feels my shrug yet again. “I need to pee.” Ashley whispers to me as if there was some way I could remove the strange people from the house or even the bathroom. A whimper escapes her and she clenches her legs.

Minutes passed and Ashley was all but bouncing. The strange girl was mostly not trying to stare before. There isn’t really much to look at and now it seemed the entertainment was seeing how long it would take for Ashley to pee herself, the couch...and me. With a sigh I gently poked her in the side.

“Your not helping” Ashley scolds, if it’s possible to scold and still whisper.

Something between a sigh and a grunt along with a small push to her shoulder finally conveys my intent as Ashley gets the hint and stands to let me up. Mrs. Stella and the men are still in the kitchen and the lady and shorter girl are still in the bathroom. Which means nobody is in our rooms. As I stand Ashley starts to sit back down. With a stare and eye roll combo only I have the skill to pull off I grab her hand pulling her to her feet. I am positive I was lurking with master stealth as we go to my room. Ashley however, well she was more tiptoeing with her knees locked together. I swear I heard a snicker from the girl.

“Okay, so why did you drag me into your room already.” Ashley said as I mostly closed my door. I would be in trouble if I ever closed it all the way before bedtime, and with Ashley in here I really didn’t want to find out just how mad Mrs. Stella and Mr. Lopez would get. They didn’t seem to get as angry as our last place, at least not yet. I’ve been in enough places though and it never stays as nice as in the beginning. Although it has been most of a year and they haven’t spanked us yet. Or taken our bedroom doors off. Heck we even eat twice a day most of the time. At least on school days.

I walk to my dresser and opened the bottom drawer. Pulled out two of my Goodnights and tossed one to Ashley’s feet. She looked up at me her eyes as big as saucers. “You have to be kidding!” she somehow yelled and whispered at the same time. Her dark brown eyes drilling lasers into me as I walked to the far side of the bed. “I can’t use this” she protests.

I bend a little, she knew what I was doing. A moment later I took the clean Goodnight off the bed and bent once more and a last time as I pull my pants back up. Taking the now completely soaked one from the floor and putting it in the diaper pail next to the closet. I just looked at her. She pouted again. I raised my eyebrows and she whimpered. I raised my hands in exasperation and gestured to the rest of the house. The house with strangers in our bathroom kitchen and living room. Almost daring her to find a better solution.

She somehow manages to be both reluctant yet urgent as I watch her hobbeling to the far side of my bed as she is mostly resigned and extremely disgruntled. “Your a boy, I can’t do this here.” she said. As if I can see thru the bed even when she stands upright. She is tall, but not that tall.

Rolling my eyes I turn to look out the crack in my door as if I were standing guard. I never could have done this at the last place. I need the Goodnights at night. I would only get one a day, if I needed another one I’d get in trouble. Here there is always an extra package unopened, even if half the time they are the ones with princesses and stuff on them. It makes things a lot easier during the day. Using the toilet is best avoided. So many times I must have done it wrong. Or I needed to at the wrong time. These people say it’s fine and all but if I do it wrong again maybe they will lock it like the last place when “He” was working. Even Ashley wont say his name. I don’t want to ruin it for Ashley, she really does not like diapers. If the bathroom gets locked and it's my fault maybe Ashley won’t be my friend anymore. Ashley says those other foster parents were wrong and just mean. That if I wanted to she would help me. Ashley is the only friend I have ever had I just don't want to mess it up. She never once took my food even though she is bigger than me. She would even try to stop Brian from picking on me if it got bad.

A few whimpers later and I heard her moving from behind my bed. She drops the now soaked Goodnight into the pail with a thud. When she looks up at me I’m shocked. She’s crying. There's a couple tears running down her cheek and her eyes are all red. Ohh no, did I hurt her? The thought terrifies, I take a tentative step towards her. If she hit me, that’s fine, I don't know how but I must have messed up something. I wanted to run, or curl up into a ball, if only I could become invisible. I froze. I don’t think I could have moved even if “He” was coming up behind me.

Ashley came closer and with a small burst of speed she wrapped her arms around me...and just...hugged me. With her chin on my head she just hugged me and cried. “Thank you Avery. I’m sorry I’m crying. I try to be big, to be strong, it’s just. It made me feel helpless again, I’m sorry. You really did help and thank you.” She said as she softly, quietly, cried.

I don’t really understand. She is big and strong. At least to me. I don’t understand how using a diaper makes her feel helpless. To me it’s safer. I can’t get in trouble this way and I don’t have to worry if I forget I need to pee. As long as she’s not mad at me, nothing else matters. I can’t remember the last time someone hugged me. With Ashley it feels kind of nice. Thinking of doing this with anyone else however. I don’t know what I would do. Too many people touch too much. It’s just not normal. When people touch you it’s to take, or tell you that you went to far, or too close, or, or...not this. Sure I know what a hug is heck I’ve even seen kissing on television a few times. But movies are pretend, everyone knows that.

***

“I don’t like it either Jose, but it’s our best bad option” Pedro Lopez said as he took two beers out of the fridge handing one to Jose. “You’re family, and this is the best we have come up with. Stella’s cousin can check her in with Avery’s medicaid, you get the tests for Sofi and we find out whats wrong. Then we go from there, figure out what she needs and how to help her.”

Cracking the beer Jose takes a long drink. “But Avery is a boy, how can my Sofi pretend to be a boy for this?” Jose replies.

“Because my cousin said it’s going to work.” Stella interjects from the stove. “She said it’s simple blood work, at most they will xray her hands and feet. Once we get Sofi’s diagnosis we can take Avery back for a second opinion, where they will find nothing wrong. Nobody gets hurt and we find out how to help Sofi.”

“I still don’t like it.” Jose says. “It seems too complicated, were dying my baby’s hair so she can pretend to be a boy for Christ sake.”

“You don’t even have a green card. Or the money to get these tests done. You know no hospital will help her unless she is about to die, right before they send you all back to Mexico.” Pedro replies. “Look, it makes sense to be worried. It’s your girl. That’s why we need to help her. Sofi just turned six and she is growing breasts. You know that’s not right. It could be something really bad. We need to know. Once we find out, if it will cost too much maybe you will have to go back to Mexico to get help. But, if it’s just a pill or some small thing. Your family can stay here.”

Jose started to look defeated as he finished his beer. “It’s mostly Avery being a boy. Why can’t Sofi be Ashley? At least then I won’t be so worried about getting caught. You know how big of a deal they will make this. Wanting to help my Sofi won’t matter to ICE. They might even lock us up before they deport us.”

“If it were Mary than yeah we could use Ashley.” Stella says. “Ashley is way too tall, When they measure Sofi being off an inch or so won't really matter. Being off like seven inches, no way that won’t raise a red flag and make people start wondering how a kid changed that much. It might get us caught. Also, Ashley and Avery get a checkup every year. If Sofi were taller maybe we could make it work. How do we explain a kid getting six or eight inches shorter? They might call the police on the spot. No, it only works with Avery. Yes he is a boy but he is the right height. Also his skin is dark enough. Ashley is olive, and she looks about as mexican as Connie Chung. Avery is actually a little darker than Sofi. They said his parents came over from Indonesia. I’m guessing that’s most of why he is so short. People just don’t get that tall over there. With the hair they should be close enough. Just be glad Avery has long thick hair too. I keep wanting to cut it for him but he gets terrified being close to people, and with scissors in my hand I don’t even dare. I’d feel horrible if we had to cut Sofi’s hair. The black won’t look bad, she might even like it.”

“Indonesians and Mexicans don’t look the same.” Jose said. Mostly arguing for the sake of it.

“So you want Sofi to pretend to be a seven inch taller half Asian kid?” Stella bit back. ”Come on. I get you’re nervous. I am to. Hell, if you weren’t family no way I would risk this. We have a lot to lose getting caught too you know. Were not going to keep doing this. Just get the bloodwork, find out what’s wrong and go from there. It’s a one time thing. Sofi doesn’t even have to pretend to be anything. We’re just using Avery’s card to get some blood work.” Gesturing to the kids in the living room. Just as Avery and Ashley were oddly moving to Avery’s room. “When I check in with Sofi, I’ll wait until my cousin is there. She can mislog the referral so it looks like it was for Avery the whole time. All the tests are ordered already. Nobody is going to bother following up on the details of a referral as long as the Medicaid pays out anyway. A doctor isn’t even really going to look at Sofi. Just the test results that they get and send to us. Sofi can be Sofi as long as she responds to the name Avery. Any of the people doing the tests just see a test ordered and a kid to do them on.” Placing a hand Jose’s shoulder. “Sofi is my niece. I want to protect her just as much as you do.” Looking up into Jose’s eyes for a long moment. “Now help Pedro set the table dinner is almost done.”