Life of Avery 3

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I knew it was going to be bad. They never call us into the living room this late. It’s their television time together they call it. This time the television was off though. Definitely something bad, and were part of it. I don't think we did anything. Were we too loud? I was just reading I don't know how that was bad…

“I’m sorry kids.” Mr. Lopez said. “There's really no easy way to say this. I haven't been working for a few weeks now. I was hoping I could find something. It’s just not happening as soon as we wanted.”

As Mr. Lopez trailed off Mrs Stella picked up. “You’re both really good kids. Were happy to have you here.” She said looking at her husband who nodded with wet eyes. “We know some of what you have been through. I’m sure nobody really knows it all. We know it’s been hard for you. You have been perfect children in every way. We just wish we could…” She was crying. Not just a stray tear but really crying.

“We haven't been fair to you two.” Mr. Lopez took over. “You deserve so much better. We can't give you the things you deserve. We haven't even been able to give you enough food.” Mr. Lopez took a long pause as his wife cried. “We can't be your foster parents anymore. We just don’t have the ability to provide for you the way you deserve. When school lets out, the following Monday your caseworker will come and find you better homes.” Mr. Lopez fought back tears. “I’m sorry children. I failed. I pray one day you can forgive us.”

We were both stunned. These were good people. I never really realized it before. They were always kind to us. At first we expected it to change, but it never did. All the times they tried to get close to us went through my mind. Did I push them away? As their words echoed in my head it finally sank in what they were really saying. We had to leave. We can't stay here anymore.

Ashley was already crying. The stun wore off and I burst into tears as well. Mrs. Stella moved next to Ashley and put her arm around my most best true friend ever. Ashley shriveled in on herself and just cried in a half hug from Mrs. Stella. Mr. Lopez started to reach for me too. I stood in a flash releasing a gasp. Running to my room I didn’t realise that I slammed the door but I was already in the air flying onto my bed where I collapsed into a sobbing mess. There were only a couple days of school left. Then the long weekend and then… We wouldn't see Sofi and Mary anymore. We would have to leave and what kind of place would we be in next. Just when this place started to feel safe.. Is it our fault, is it my fault. My fault for not trusting them. Sometime later sleep came. Pillow soaked with tears. The first place that started to feel like I thought a home might, was almost gone.

Sometime in the night I woke up and almost jumped out of bed until I realised it was Ashley laying behind me with her arm over me pulling me close. I pulled her arm close to my chest and it felt like I never stopped crying.

“I’m sorry Avery.” Ashley whispered. “We might not be able to stay together either.” The moment she said it I knew it was true. We were not related in any way. It was just luck we both got this place together. It’s not likely it can happen again, if I learned anything it’s that I’m all out of luck. We have to though. What am I going to do without Ashley…

The last couple days of school were a blur. It was end of the year testing and I really try to do well most of the time. I just didn't care anymore. I don't think I did too bad but honestly I just wasn’t paying attention. I just felt hollow. Like my life was being sucked away. It never felt like this before. I was happy to leave the other places. This time. Well I guess I never really tried to get close to the Lopez family. Normally there's no point. Now I regret it though. Like a great story I left on the shelf. Only another hour left till I can go home and...pack I guess.

Sitting in my room. I did nothing all weekend. Just staring at the wall. I really needed to pack. Tomorrow morning some time our case worker would show up and take us....somewhere else. Not like I had a lot to pack. It wasn't likely I would go back to the same school anyway and those uniforms were already a little short. Mrs. Stella says that if I stand tall and proper I am 4 feet tall now. I’m still only 40 pounds but Mrs. Stella says I might be hitting a growth spurt. All I really have to pack is just my casual clothes I mostly got from Ashley. The ones that didn't look too girly anyway. A couple pairs of stretchy jeans and a few tops that mostly just pulled over my head. Good thing we both like long sleeves. Why boys don't wear stretchy jeans I don't know, they are really comfortable it's like a second skin. Almost like a superhero costume in a way.

I never really got odd looks wearing them, Ashley would say it's because they thought I was a girl. She likes to tease me like that sometimes. I’m a boy. Wearing girls clothes won't make me a girl. I see a boy in the mirror. So I don’t like people I don't know cutting my hair and it got a little long...or a lot long. Like the samurai Mary told me about. Or some of those animated, no anime characters they showed me when they brought over their comics.. They all got super powers and fight the bad guys. Not much girly about that.

Ashley says I’m genetically related to her. She is half chinese. She says that a really long time ago there were a bunch of chinese where my parents came from in Indonesia and so were sort of related. My skin is way darker than hers though but our hair is very similar. She also said it's not the same as the african kids at school it's a bit more olive like hers. I don’t really understand that. Olive is green and she’s not green. She is way better with the science stuff and body things, she is really smart too I think. I wonder if were related enough to stay in the same foster home again.

I need to toss my not school cloths in a bag. My books, hair stuff and few random trinkets I actually own into a box. I guess that's it. No point in rushing it. I brushed out my hair out of habit now. Just kind of stopped there. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. I almost made more friends and now that’s all going away. I must look kind of funny sitting here on a stool with long wild hair flowing around me. I wasn’t crying any more I think I’m all cried out. I heard Ashley come to my doorway but then she just walked away.

Avery hadn't moved in the minut it took me to come back from my room. Or in the twenty minutes since the last time I walked past his door. I took my matching stool Mrs. Stella got us when we kept braiding our hair on their footrests. I wonder if we can take these with us… Setting the chair down directly in front of Avery I parted the hair from his face and made him look at me. He has these amazingly deep black eyes that just swallow you whole. His eyelashes trap you like a fly each time he blinks. I always like looking into his eyes but he usually looks away or at the floor. Not this time. I put my fingers under his chin and made him look at me.

“You have to stop this Avery.” I said in a soft gentle voice. “I know it sucks, I don’t like it either. That’s just how it is. We both know that by now.” The hurt on his face mirrored my own. We both felt it. I won’t, can’t let it break me. I can’t hang on like Avery. If I break I know I’ll turn into one of those bad people we have been hiding from our whole lives. I was so close that day Avery showed up at that house. I think those eyes saved me honestly. He was so lost. Only the smallest shred of hope still lingered in those beautiful black eyes. I couldn’t let him break like was. So I did what I could to protect him. I couldn’t fight off the big kids. I could make it loud enough for someone to stop it though. So I did. I tried to save myself by saving him. It didn’t always work. I’m not as strong as he thinks I am. Despite everything. He never went bad. Sometimes it made me mad, how could he not hate after everything. I would have, I wanted too. I really did. It would have made things so much easier. Because he didn’t, I couldn’t.

“It's not the end of the world Avery. Even if we don't end up in the same place again, we can still wright. Our caseworker can give us our addresses. We might even be able to go to the same school.” Ashley said. “Whatever happens. We will still be friends. I need you Avery. I need you so much.” I could feel the tears start to run down my face. I can’t look away from him. Until he leaned in and hugged me. He never did that before. We both cried and held each other. I never cared about anyone as much as I did Avery. For a moment, it was just right. I never wanted it to end. Until my leg started getting a cramp. It was a bit awkward balancing on the stool but neither of us wanted it to end.

A minute or two later we broke the hug. After a long pause looking at those big eyes again I moved the stool behind him and grabbed his brush and hair stuff off his dresser. For a long while I just brushed his hair. Slow gentile long strokes. I was just thinking. Brushing his hair was almost as relaxing to me as it was to him. It is just so long thick and beautiful. Mary always says how unfair it is for a boy to have such thick hair when hers which was nice and healthy in it's own right, would never be as thick and long as Avery’s hair. “Promise me. No matter what happens you will keep taking care of your hair Avery. It’s just too perfect to go to waste.” A long moment passed again. I just kept slowly brushing. “I’m serious. Take care of your hair and yourself. Please, no matter what. You have to make it through this. Promise, for me.” I felt a little bad about the for me part but I meant it. I need him to make it past this because if not, I know I won’t.

Ashley just kept gently brushing my hair. What does it mean when having your hair brushed by someone else feels so good. When I brush my own hair it feels nothing like this. When I do it it’s a task and little more. I like my hair brushed and neat. It makes me feel better about myself, which is most of why I let them talk me into taking such care in my hair.. Just it never feels as soothing and relaxing as when someone else does it. It’s almost like a super power.

Thinking back it’s funny how that all happened. It felt like more school work at first. “Wash your hair with just water first.” They said. “Then put conditioner on the lower half so the shampoo won’t dry it out.” They said. “Wash mostly your scalp with the shampoo.” They said. “Just a gentle rub on the rest is all you need.” They said. “The conditioner is for your hair not your scalp.” They said. How to condition my hair and not get it on my scalp seemed impossible at the time. I got better at it though. Not wrapping my hair in a towel seemed to make the least sense to me. “Just blot out most of the water and cover your head in an old tshirt. Let it air dry, rubbing it will damage it and break it.” They said. I still don't understand how a towel can break hair but I have to admit that my hair never looked better, it’s also getting longer than ever. Thicker too if that's even possible.

Out of all that was going on, Ashley asks me to promise to take care of my hair? Like that was the most important thing going on...my hair? For maybe half a second I was asking myself if all she ever liked about me was my hair but that just fell apart. When she asked again however. “Take care of your hair, and yourself.” she said. Her voice. It was way more than my hair. I could hear her trying to hold back her crying. She was worried, probably as worried as I was. It wasn’t about the hair it was about me. I’ll take care of my hair, so that when we meet again she can know I’m still alright. She was worried about me. I nodded. Slowly at first, when she paused her brushing I nodded again more firmly. It was done, I promised and she knew it.

All this time I have been leaning on her. Not just letting her protect me, literally pushing her as a shield to save myself. I called her my shield. How selfish am I. Watching, letting her get in trouble...even hurt to save myself. Again and again I used her. How could she even look at me after how I’ve treated her. How could I not see it until now. Now, where there is no time, nothing I can possibly do to make it all up. To thank her and show her how sorry I am. I owe her everything. If not for her…

***

“You had the whole weekend.” Ashley said. “They might be here in as little as an hour. So now, now you guess it's a good time to pack?” I struck back with my best glare but she brushed it off effortlessly with a vicious eye roll.

It had only been maybe ten minutes since we started and I tossed the last pile of clothes I got from the laundry room onto the bed. With a gesture to the room and a point at the bed sort of saying in my own way. That’s it. Not a lot to pack why rush into it. My shoulders slumped. This was it. A box, a large duffle bag and...that was it.

Ashley pointedly and slowly picked up a shirt never breaking the icy glare she was burrowing into me. I pouted, I thought I did it well too but she was relentless. Begrudgingly I picked up a pair of pants and started folding them. She cleared her throat. My sigh eye roll was ignored. Flipping the pants over I held the legs and lined up the seams, like she showed me...many many times. I would leave the shirts to her. No matter how many times I could never do it like she did. She folded shirts like they were going on a store shelf. Why it mattered she never really explained. Apparently it was very important however because any time she found an article of clothing not folded to her standards she would either toss it at me or fix it. I think she realized long ago I was severely deficient in shirt folding, or I actually made her give up trying to teach me. If that were the case it must be the only thing I have ever seen her give up on.

Sitting in the living room together like members of a vigil of things lost. I wanted to stay with Ashley and at the same time I just wanted this part to be over. The Lopez’s kept trying to say how sorry they were and how this was for the best and things would be better. I thought they meant it but all I could think of while they were taking is how it’s likely their fault Ashley and I were going to be separated. They just remind me of that. I just wanted Mrs. Margaret our case worker to show up.

Turns out she never showed up. Our new case worker Kelly, not Mrs. Kelly just Kelly. Ashley was kindly scolded for making this much much younger Kelly a Mrs. She said Margaret got sick and likely wasn't coming back. Kelly might have expected us to feel bad about that but nothing good really happened when she was around. She took us to all the places we lived at and other than here, they were not good memories. Kelly talked to the Lopez’s for a bit. A driver packed our meager possessions, had our goodbyes and packed into our van we drove out of the Lopez’s life forever.

***

Kelly took us to a restaurant for an early lunch which was really nice. I think I’ve only been in a restaurant a couple times and it's just cool to eat something different from everyone else if I want too. Kelly sure liked to talk. She was really happy and tried to get us excited about our new homes. She inherited the caseload from Mrs. Margaret just days before.

“Trust me, I might not have the experience that Margaret had but I’ll make up for it with energy and positive thinking. Were going to find great homes for both of you, you’ll see.” Kelly said.

When Ashley asked if we could stay together we both almost lost our appetite. She did promise that she would make sure we had each other's addresses so we could wright and maybe even phone numbers if she could. That was something I guess.

“When we finish here we can get Ashley settled in at her new home. The Erickson family is waiting to meet you as we speak.” Kelly continued. “Joan and David Erickson have a nice home. They also have a son. He’s Cory and a little older than you, 13 if I remember right. They live a bit away from here so you will be going to a different school, but I’m sure you’ll make lots of new wonderful friends. They even live near a park and, they have a pool.” Kelly drug out the they have a pool part, hoping for a reaction that didn’t come. “Doesn’t that sound wonderful?”

She went on well past when everyone was finished eating. Talking about how great the Erickson’s everything was. When she finally seemed to wind down Ashley asked the question we were both thinking for the last 20 minutes. “I’m sorry Mrs. Kelly, I mean, Kelly. The Erickson’s sound like nice people and I’m really grateful for all the time it must have taken to find them for me. I just have to ask, Where is Avery going?”

For the first time Kelly’s face lost that permanent smile. “Well dear.” Kelly started. Then looked at me. She hid it well but I could see something there. It wasn’t excitement. “With Avery’s special needs it's taking a little longer.” Kelly paused then tried to recover. “I’m holding out on a wonderful family. It’s not the same as what we have for you Ashley, but it's just as good in it's own way. Their out of town though and we can't confirm things just yet.” Kelly looked genuinely sorry as she reached out to try and take Avery’s hand which quickly vanished. The sudden action looked like it hurt Kelly’s feelings. Maybe she really does care. “Avery will stay in the shelter for a day or two, just until we're sure we find the best possible place.”

“What special needs?” Ashley asked. She seemed really mad. It kind of startled me. “Avery is a great person. The only real friend I’ve ever had.”

“I know Avery is a good person. Everything I’ve read about her says that.” Kelly replied. With a sigh she continued. “Ashley, you know Avery doesn’t talk though.” Kelly continued in a lower voice.” There’s also the bed wetting, and the fear of being touched by people.”

Ashley winced a little and I sank a little lower into my chair, It’s really hard to slouch in a booster seat. Ashley reached over and took my other hand. I didn’t flinch at all. In fact I held hers too. Kelly noticed the contact and it seemed to trip her up a little. If Kelly only knew how badly we wanted to stay together maybe she could make it happen. It was too late for that now though. Ashley already has a place and that's that.

“I want to find the perfect loving family for Avery, just like I hope I’ve done with you.” Kelly said. “It’s all going to work out wonderfully, you’ll both see soon enough. Now let’s get those gloomy looks put away and go meet the Erickson’s. You're going to be so happy there I just know it.”

***

When we arrived at the Erickson’s home it was nice to look at. A large house with expensive cars and a perfect lawn. If everything Kelly said was true than living in a home like this might really be nice. If this had been the first time I moved to a new home I might have envied Ashley. It wasn’t my first time nor Ashley’s. Just because it looks nice it might not be. I really hope everything is as good as Kelly says. Ashley deserves it. It could be really great. I could see that wish in Ashley’s eyes. I had it too. It’s hard to see though. All those memories of all the other places. Sometimes there’s nothing left to do but hope.

“This is the place.” Kelly announced after a few moments. A bit late to set the big reveal but she had her perky on. “I’m sure you two want to say goodbye for now, so we can give you a couple minutes while we check in with the Erickson’s. John (our driver) will get Ashley’s things up to the house and you two can be alone.

We stood next to the van for a moment just looking into eachothers watery eyes. John tossed Ashley’s backpack over his shoulder then set the first box down on the ground. He was about to pick up the second box when Ashley stopped him. “Wait.” Ashley said. She went up to the back of the van and rummaged around a moment. Turned to John with a “Thank you I’m done”. John stacked the boxes and picking up everything Ashley had carried it up to the porch where Kelly was talking to I assume were the Erickson’s.

“I guess this is really it.” Ashley said. We both started to cry. It was really happening. We knew it would but now that it was here. “I’m going to miss you so much.” Then she turned and took a book out of the back of the van. It was the hair braiding book. “I want you to have this.”

I looked at her and managed a scowl through my tears. We went through this already. Ashley was keeping the book. It was decided. She liked it way more than me. I never would have done any of this hair stuff without her. She deserved the book. It belonged with her. No way I can take it.

“I know.” Ashley said. “It’s my book. So, I’m going to loan it to you. This way you can...This way you’ll know how to take care of your beautiful hair like you promised.” Ashley said in between sniffs and tears with a smile. “Your only borrowing it though. I expect it back next time we can see each other.” I tried to protest but she would have none of it. “That’s final Avery.” She tried to be firm but actually failed. “Please Avery I want you to have it, really.”

Taking the book in my hand I looked at the cover. It wasn’t anything special really. The back of some girls head with what I now know is a dutch braid. The same kind my hair was in now. The girl on the cover had left out the sides and added two pigtail braids just above her temples then had them join up in the back falling down on the main braid. Mary would call the side braids Lord Of The Rings style from some movie but we never seen it. Then I remembered my gift. I looked up from our book and cracked a small smile. Tucking the book under my arm I reached into my pocket and pulled out a plastic sandwich bag and handed it to Ashley.

She looked confused at first. She gives me our most favorite book, the thing that brought us so much closer together. The book that almost got us two more friends. While I give her a baggie that has… “Your hair” Ashley exclaimes. “Oh my god Avery you cut your hair for me?” It was just a thin braid. I did a small piece from the back late last night. “Avery, thank you so much. I love it.” She said now with different tears. “You better not go thinking it's alright to start lopping off chunks of your hair now though.” She said with a mock scold. We both kind of laughed but it’s hard with the huge lumps we had in our throats. “I’ll try and make a necklace or something.”

We just stood there for a long moment looking into eachothers eyes smiling. Then I stepped to her and hugged her. We held each other close just crying on eachother. We both hoped we would meet again. Maybe we really could wright. A big part of us thought it was a strong possibility that this was goodbye. Not just for now but forever.

“Where ever you go Avery.” Ashley said. “Find the good people. Find the good ones and trust them Avery. You can’t trust everyone, but you have to let the good ones in.”

I tilted my head up to her face still holding tight. A rasp escaped my throat. Then I coughed and cleared it. Ashley tried to pull back thinking I was choking or something but I tightened my grip. A moment later, I said slowly, just above a whisper. “I’ll always remember you Ashley.”

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Comments

Very Good So Far

So sad though. Thanks for sharing.

Thank you. I hated breaking

Thank you. I hated breaking them up but it needed to happen. I was sad writing that and it makes me happy to see that some of that carried into the story.

I'm sure you cried

erin's picture

I've written a story about a foster child, too, and it made me cry several times. This is good.

Hugs,
Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.