Kelly was extra perky this morning for breakfast. I almost think she’s keeping a secret or something. Super perky Kelly who couldn’t even stop smiling to chew her food told me she might miss lunch because she had an important phone call. I nodded, it was kind of good because this new level of perky was starting to creep me out a little. I still liked her. Well, I decided I liked her a day or two ago. Until she crossed some line somewhere she keeps that status. Not many make it there. Had you asked me even two weeks ago if being too perky would cross that line I likely would have snorted with laughter. Now however I’m wondering if it is in fact possible to be just too perky.

This place has its downside no doubt. All the people, no place to take a private shower to name a few. However it has many books I have not yet read. Until the day comes in which I know them all, I think I just might be able to like it here. The library is quiet and not only does nobody bother me but nobody even comes in here. Other than the random person coming in just to see what’s in here only one other person even bothered to look at all the wonderful books. Even then they only stayed for less than a half hour. The shower thing though. Kelly even stopped saying nice things about my hair in the mornings the last two days. Today I even used a braid she never seen me do but nothing. I really need a shower.

When Kelly came in more than half an hour before lunch I raised an eyebrow. “I know it's not lunch time yet dear.” Kelly said and it seems her prefered name for me is either dear or sweetheart. I thought Avery was easy enough but I suppose it's just not perky enough. “I'm sorry sweetheart but there's something I would like to show you before lunch. It might be something you would like to do after you eat perhaps.”

With a sigh I nodded as I placed my book on the table to keep my place. If I thought I could protest and win I would have. Sadly the most likely outcome would be wasting time I could have spent reading, trying to object just to be forced to see what ever amazing thing she decided was better for me to look at than my book. Following her down the hall I wasn’t even paying attention.

The only thing I want to do after lunch is read more. Was this new super perky Kelly trying to tell me I read too much? I was waiting for the day she told me I needed to do more than just sit around all day reading. Why go do silly things when a story can take you to amazing places and adventures. I’ve heard it before from teachers who would try to stop me from reading thru recess. Even yesterday I spent at least twenty minutes on one of the swings outside when I knew she would see me. The book was just getting to the good part. You know the big finish, the top of the arch where all the problems get fixed in one gigantic move. The stuff that leaves you satisfied as you read the last bit that tells you “Yes” all the great stuff that was just a possibility is now coming to pass. Now everything is better. Kelly is taking that from …. Why are we in the nursery?

At the back of the nursery was a wider part of the room. “Hi Patty” Kelly says to the attendant. I never bothered coming back here because it's where the really little kids play. When we get to the back she turns and there is a door. Okay not exactly a big reveal but this door had a sign on it. The one indicating a family restroom. I always keep my eyes open for these. Somehow I missed this. I also missed the library too. How many critical places does this place have that I don't know about.

Family restrooms are the best. They always have locks on the doors and are just for one, well one family. She opened it up and gestured for me to go inside which I did. Like most it had a baby changing station. This one also had a very large sink next to a normal sink. A flotation thing hung on the wall and my guess is the big sink is so people can give their babies a bath. There was a small footstool so little kids could wash their hands by themselves. The best part, the most amazing part. In the back was a huge shower. Yes a shower with a curtain and even a bench to sit down and just enjoy the wonderfulness of the shower. The shower in a big room with a lock on the door.

Alright super perky Kelly. You win, not only are you staying on the like list but I think you just got a lot more points too. ...Points for the imaginary like system I'm kind of making up on the spot. Anyway, the important thing is this awesome place is here and, I can use it? I turn to Kelly and close my mouth. How long has that been open…

Kelly’s permagrin for the day upgraded itself a couple clicks. “I was talking to Patty a little bit ago.” Kelly started speaking, much slower than normal. Was she teasing me? This infernal super perky Kelly is frustrating.

“It turns out that most of the day.” She stopped for too long a moment. She has to know that's not even a complete sentence. “Nobody really uses this bathroom.” Another pause, she was teasing me.

I shot a scowl. Oh my god did she just eye roll me?

“I may have mentioned that a certain friend of mine enjoys their space.” She paused again but I gave my best puppy dog eyes. That always worked on everyone, except maybe Ashley.

She gave a sigh, score, I won. “Patty says you can use this bathroom any day after lunch for as long as you want, within reason. I think if you stayed in here for like two hours someone would find the keys. A long private shower is completely fine. Patty will leave a note too so no matter who is on duty they will all know that you're completely free to shower here.” Kelly said somehow not only holding her smile, it got bigger. Maybe she’s not human. “Oh and you might want these.” She finished taking four small bottles out of her pockets. Shampoo and conditioner. Two travel size bottles of each.

She held them out to me. She could have held them out a little farther and as excited as I was I still paused for half a second. I reached out and took them all. I hugged them close to my chest and gave her the warmest heartfelt smile I could. I wasn’t ready to hug her but I could hug the shampoo and metaphorically hug her. How does her smile keep getting bigger. Are her eyes watering?

“Just give the empty bottles back to me. I bought them from home so don't worry, I have more. With all your hair I’m not sure one bottle would be enough.” Kelly said. “I'll bring two more of each tomorrow and we can swap them out until we find a better solution if we need to.”

***

“Emily Nelson? Hello this is Kelly calling form the foster system. We played a bit of phone tag the last couple days. Did I get the time right, is this a good time?”

“Hello Kelly, Yes this is Emily.” Emily Nelson said as she sat down in her office at work. “Sorry it's taken so long to actually talk to you. We were out of town. We had a death in the family out of state.”

“Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I’m sorry for your loss. I hope that although the trip could have been on better circumstance everything went as planned. I’m truly sorry for your loss.” Kelly replied in a consoling voice.

“Thank you Kelly.” Emily responded somberly. “It was expected. My husbands mothers sister. She was sick for a while now as sad as it is to say it’s likely for the best. She was suffering.” In a slightly more upbeat tone and offering Kelly a courteous change of topic said. “Did we report our time out of state wrong? I thought we notified everyone properly.”

“Oh yes, you did everything correctly. I also need to apologise for calling a little before your stated return date.” Kelly said embracing the topic shift. “As you know things have a way of just happening here and I may have been a little forward in contacting you like I did. I hope you can forgive my zeal.”

“I understand, so I'm assuming this is regarding another child then?” Emily asked.

“Yes it is.” Kelly started, trying to not get too excited just yet. She was new to all of this and Avery would be her first placement of a child with special needs. On top of that she was growing quite fond of Avery these last couple days. Staying late to eat with little Avery was a bit taxing but she was such a good kid and as hard as her young life has been so far Kelly really didn’t want her to feel abandoned.

“We have a wonderful little girl here, Avery.” Kelly continued. “She has had a hard time of things which has left their mark on the child, but she is strong and has a good heart.” Kelly knew it was best to get the basics out of the way quickly so as to not keep tacking things on once she paused for Emily to think on the matter. Before Mrs. Margaret retired for medical reasons Kelly was in training as an assistant. She knew her job just not a lot of practice taking the lead.

Continuing Kelly said. “Avery will be nine this december and will be starting second grade. Her grades are at or above average. She loves reading and is also incredibly skilled at braiding her own hair. Which is remarkably long and beautiful I might add. I don't have her old file here, Mrs. Margaret had an...unusual filing system lets say. Also a lot of her files never seemed to make the transfer to electronic. I do have her complete medical file and while she does qualify for special needs I feel confident in saying they are not overly burdening. That being said they do warrant some thought and consideration.”

“She has not been known to talk to anyone since shortly after entering the foster system. I can’t say for certain but I think she was around four by the date of the physical. She overcomes most of this with a very vivid grasp of expression and gesturing. Her medical file indicates she likely is capable of talking but chooses not to. She has had some rather poor living conditions in the past I'm sorry to say. Doctors suspect it is due to trauma and have labeled it Selective Mutism. Some notes here about Avery being observed sounding out words while reading to herself when she didn’t know she was being seen.”

“She also has a very sensitive personal space. Her medical file says she doesn't like to be touched by anyone. However I have first hand experience seeing Avery not just holding hands with a close friend from her last home but also a very long personal hug as they had their goodbye. So while I am not an authority on her medical condition I personally believe her shyness is a lack of trust and extreme difficulty in establishing that trust.”

“Also she has a problem with incontinence. The medical file is incomplete but does not list a physical cause for the problem. However in my observations she does not seem to be completely aware of it happening. Sadly it does seem to be dual incontinence. She does take care of those matters herself. Obviously it is something a parent needs to be aware of but fortunately she does not need nor want help in cleaning or changing her garments. Most of the medical file talks of nocturnal enuresis but I also have first hand experience that it is both a daytime issue and a duel one as well.”

“As far as medical that covers most of it. She has also been diagnosed with Central Precocious Puberty (CPP). Basically that means her body started puberty at a very early age. Fortunately the impact of this on a parent is rather minor. The treatment plan is an injection which she already received that lasts for a month that will delay puberty. She is due for a shot at a clinic in a few days. If there have been no signs of side effects the next injection will last 3 months. At that time they can either continue with the 3 month injections or give her an implant that lasts a year. This would continue until Avery reaches a normal age to begin puberty. Likely 11 or 12 giving her body as much time to grow beforehand as possible without leaving her feeling underdeveloped around the other children. This should be easily arranged at any clinic convenient to you if you make an appointment in advance.”

“Avery is exceptionally small for an eight year old. She stands a little under four feet and just over forty pounds. Likely due to poor diet, CPP, and genetics. Little is documented about her parents but it seems they migrated from Indonesia. Which has a low average height to begin with. She has fairly dark skin and slight asian features. Black hair and black eyes which are full of life, and a smile that can melt rock if you can pry it out of her.”

“Avery has been in this shelter with me for almost a week now. I know that is not a lot of time to really get to know a child when I also have other duties. I have made an effort to have meals with her and let her know she is not alone. She spends most of her time in the library reading. I’ve seen her outside on the swings though. I think most of her self isolation is because of all the strange people here. The report from her previous home which she had to leave due to financial reasons said Avery and another girl at the home were friends with the mother’s nieces.

She was in another long term home before that ended rather badly. As well as some less stellar short term homes. Most of it looks like pier abuse and parental neglect issues. She does have walls around her she uses to protect herself. However I have looked into her eyes and seen her smile. She at no point has done anything close to violent or disruptive. She is cooperative and gentle. I admit I am bias when I say this but I feel she dreams of being loved but is terrified of being hurt again.”

They went on for a little while longer. Emily asked questions and Kelly did her best to answer them. Emily promised to talk things over with her husband and if he agreed they would talk to their children. Kelly was to call again late saturday to see if they could move forward. Two days, two more days and hopefully Avery has a new loving home.

***

Avery found herself walking around outside. He wanted his hair to dry more before fixing it and getting back to the books. Ashley and the girls told him he couldn’t use a towel to dry it however so he figured a bit of sun and breeze would help. The shower was amazing. He likely could have spent half the day in there but he didn't want to take too long and ruin it. He couldn’t risk that bathroom being locked. The shampoo and conditioner Kelly had given him was nice stuff. His hair felt soft and alive again. The flowery scent seemed a little strong but hopefully the outside would let that fade as well.

Now that the shower thing seemed to be settled he was almost starting to like it here. There were lots of people. He had his own room and the library he could hide in though. So far nobody really bothered him except that time in the boys bathroom. He never needed to go back in there and those boys rarely seemed to leave it. How could they live in a bathroom, that's just gross.

I thought about going on the swings but without my hair tied back or braided it would get caught in the chain a lot and that hurts. I was standing off the path just enjoying the breeze that came now and then. There were three kids over by the seesaw. It looked like one was an older boy I hadn’t seen before. He was moving one of the seesaw so it overbalanced on one side. Then he held it sitting on one end and a little boy maybe four or five tried climbing onto the other end. I was startled at first, the big kid would fling the boy over the fence. I could almost hear what they were saying and as I walked closer it sounded like they were brothers. When the little kid was hanging on tight the bigger kid mostly hopped slowly. The little boy was laughing and giggling like he had just discovered the most fun thing in the world. I had to smile a little. I wish I had a family too sometimes, a real family.

I guess I was a little lost in my head because I didn’t see the third kid coming up to me until she was a couple feet away. She stopped when I turned to her with a small startled twitch. The girl looked a little like Sofi. About the same size and her skin was a little lighter but with the dark brown hair Sofi had before she colored it like mine. This girl had bangs over her eyes and two pigtails on the sides of her head. She was wearing a simple little blue dress with white tights and sneakers.

“Can you help me?” The little girl asked. I looked around quickly almost hoping someone else had snuck up on me. No, the girl was talking to me. What can I help her with? She noticed my confusion and clarified. “It takes two, and were almost the same size.” She said as she pointed to the seesaw area. The two boys were still bouncing and the little one was having the time of his life. The older boy was being careful but taking bigger hopps and dropping lower so that the little boy went higher. I could see him making sure to not go too fast though.

I have never actually been on one of those things before, just seen them a few times. Looking again at the girl and back to the two boys. The girl used puppy eyes on me. Ugh, I sent a pout her way.

“Please.”

That's all she said and her look moved into a puppy pout. It was quite impressive really. I looked back at the two boys. It didn't look all that bad really. Even if they tried they couldn't go too high. Not as high as the swings and I liked swings. The girl would be at the other end of the thing too. I looked around again and nobody was here really. There was a girl on the swings and another boy trying to use the Merry-Go-Round thing by himself. The girl’s look was unyielding. With a sigh, I nodded slightly. I think I could try this, I was sure I could run away if I needed too. Why was I doing this? As we got closer that question kept playing in my head. Why why why… It did look like it might be a little fun.

The girl replaced her puppy eyes with a huge grin as she got on one side and held the board parallel for me to get on the other end. There was no malice in that smile either, I’ve seen enough of those to tell. Just the expectation of something fun.

I got near my end trying to see if there was some trick to how this worked. Looking at how the girl was sitting there didn't seem to be one though. I slowly got on my end and grabbed the bar. I looked up uncertainly at the girl on the other end.

“Ready” She asked still with that smile. I don't know if I'm ready, why am I doing this. How do I know if I'm ready I thought. I may have twitched a nod I'm not really sure. She gave a small drop in her legs and as I rose up in the air my heart leapt into my throat. I clamped onto the bar with a death grip I thought might bend the steel.

“Sorry.” The girl said. “We can go slow.” She started hopping her feet just a little and I bobbed down a bit. “Hop your feet like me.” I did so just a little. We were doing it. If just a little.

The two boys were going way higher and faster than we were but I was still white knuckling the bar. This was scary. I looked at the girl and her small smile. She was trying to let me get use to it. She looked a lot more like Sofi with that smile. I remembered the first time Sofi braided my hair and I looked across to Ashley. I took a deep breath, and another. Just like Ashley taught me. She is still helping me. I miss her so much.

As I calmed down a bit it started to actually be as fun as it looked. Soon we were gently hopping back and forth. Not too high because we quickly learned that if the board hits the ground it kinda hurts. We found our rhythm though and soon both of us were smiling. The wind was blowing at my face and I could feel my hair fluttering behind me. I closed my eyes like I did when someone was brushing my hair and it felt really nice. I was just enjoying it for a bit. This might be the most fun I’ve had here. I wonder if maybe this girl is stuck here like I am and maybe we can do this again.

When I opened my eyes super perky Kelly was standing off to the side behind the girl. Her smile as big as ever. She had her phone out, was she taking pictures? For a moment I wanted to stop. It wasn’t good for parent people to see you having too much fun or they would use it against you. The girl noticed my frown and looked back to see Kelly then she giggled at me. I tried to scowl but her laughter was infectious and my smile betrayed me.

“It looks really cool with your hair blowing like that, I wish my hair would get that long.” The little girl said. I just smiled back at her. “Your quiet aren't you.” She asked. When a moment passed and I didn’t answer she just added “That's okay, you don't need to talk for us to be friends.”

The two boys were off their seesaw now and the older one said “Come on Mandy, it's been a while and we should find mom.”

They started walking off Mandy holding what I think was her big brothers hand. She turned to me before they got too far away. “Bye cool hair girl, I hope we can play more later.”

So she thought I was a girl too. I really need some boy clothes. Maybe that's why the boys laughed when I went in that bathroom and the girls didn’t say anything when I went in there. Everyone just thinks I’m a girl because of the clothes. I even heard Kelly use she when she introduced me to some of the staff. Ashley said it's best to just go with it. She says girls are better anyway and I should be happy. I’m not sure about any of that but it's really not worth making a big deal of anyway. Besides Kelly said I would only be here a couple days. It has been almost a week though.

At the house before the Lopez house I at least had boy clothes for school, but the public school near the Lopez house made us use uniforms. Ashley said there was no point in taking them since we were not going back to that school anyway. I almost missed the uniform honestly. They were boy clothes, and I was getting tired of reusing the three skinny jeans I have and two of the five shirts have spots on them I couldn't get out. My shoes were starting to fall apart too. Maybe Kelly would help me find better ones soon. I could show her how bad they were and…

“Well sweetheart you sure looked like you were having fun” Kelly smiled the words out somehow as she walked up to me. She turned her phone to show me the picture. “Take a look, swipe right and you can see them all.” she added as she handed the phone towards me. There I was on the screen. Swiping back and forth she had me in a couple from the side and the front. Sitting upright with a smile much bigger than I remember having on my face. Eyes closed shoulders back like a warrior from some of my books on his noble steed.

“There's even a video” Kelly happly added as she turned her phone sideways and played a short clip of mostly the same thing as my pictures.

This showed my hair moving in all its glory and she even panned it starting from the side moving to the front. I decided she had spent way too much time on this. I wasn’t sure if I liked her taking my picture but it's not like it hurt or anything. It was sort of like proof I could have fun and it made me feel vulnerable somehow. I know that makes no sense but it's how a part of me felt.

“Are you ready to come in?” Kelly asked. Taking my shrug as affirmation we started walking into the center.

We started walking toward my room. Now that my hair was mostly dry I needed to brush it out and fix it so it didn't blow around so much. When we walked in the shampoo bottles were on the dresser and I pointed to them. She picked them up and put them in her purse.

“I’ll have to miss dinner tonight.” Kelly said. I nodded and started tossing my hair stuff onto the bed. “Is there anything you need? I’ll have to leave in a few minutes.”

I thought about asking her for shoes but she didn’t seem to have a lot of time. I thought of asking her for more clothes too. Was I trying to stop her from leaving? I picked up the empty bag of diapers from the garbage and showed it to Kelly. I had just over half another pack left but it's all I could think of that likely wouldn't take a lot of time. They only came in bags of ten so half a pack really wasn’t a lot anyway.

“Alright.” Kelly said with a nod.

As she started to walk to the door for some reason I took a step toward her. When she told me to come with her I just followed along. Why did I want her to stay so much. I guess this place even with all the people is the most I’ve been alone in a long time. Nobody comes to my room but Kelly and nobody goes to the library either. I either eat alone or with Kelly. As much as I don't like being around people maybe I miss not liking them? That makes no sense. Was I lonely? Was that why I went outside and started watching the people? No, it was just so my hair could dry that's it.

Looking around Kelly was leading me to the offices and near the back was a large supply room. Only people that worked here were allowed in this part of the center. Kelly needed a key to open the door. “Wait here sweety.” Kelly said and I stood off to the side as she went into the room. She came back less than a moment later with a pack of my diapers tucked under one arm and relocked the door.

Why did I want to come here for this. Now I have to walk all the way back to my room with Kelly displaying my diapers to everyone in the center. Once the door was locked she just grabbed a loose part of the plastic and held it in her hand. I know she wasn’t trying to but to me it looked like she was practically putting them on display for everyone to see. Waving them around as if to say “Here are the giant baby diapers Avery needs”. I wanted to either run ahead or fall behind. I fear that if I were to do either however it would just draw more attention as she tried to stop me or at least figure out where I was going. My heartbeat sped up and my eyes darted around. Waiting to see people snickering or pointing. People noticed.

We had to pass through the television room and I even seen that Mandy girl with her brothers and what must be her mother. She bounced a little on the couch when she noticed me. She didn’t laugh like I feared. She just smiled and waved. All I could do was give a nervous smile and wave back. Really, nobody that looked at us seemed to care what Kelly was holding. Maybe they just thought Kelly was taking them to someone else. After all Kelly has lots of people to take care of. People noticed, but nobody cared.

We got back to my room and I quickly made my diapers vanish onto the far side of the dresser. Kelly said goodnight and I began undoing the wind tangles from my hair. When I finished I could go to the library and read some more before dinner. On the other hand maybe I could go find that Mandy girl. She seemed safe.

I did go back to the library but I just couldn’t get into the book I was trying to read. After maybe a half hour I gave up. I ended up walking around outside again. I think I was hoping to find Mandy and go on the seesaw again. I did find her but she was on the big climbing thing. It was a huge wooden thing. It had a couple slides and polls. Even had monkey bars and ropes to get to other areas. It was a good size and seemed like it might be fun but this is where all the kids seemed to hang out and there were just way too many people on it.

Mandy was there and her big brother. I didn’t see the little boy though. They seemed to be playing a kind of tag with the other kids. Everyone was running around yelling. Doing really crazy things. Like they weren't allowed to touch the ground. After a time Mandy came over and tried to get me to play but I just sat on a bench watching. There were too many people and the last thing I wanted to do was to play a game where the point was to touch people or get touched. Also I’d likely fall off and look silly.

Odd. I never really watched people like this before. Dinner came and went and I did manage to finish the book I tried to read earlier before bed that night.