Sorry about yesterday everybody.

I let Mr. Nasty pin me for a bit, but like Rocky I've gotten off the mat, and feel much better.

Like Superman, I'm in a "never-ending battle" against the bad bits in my brain, but as of today, as the old song says, I'm still standing;

I'm sorry to post again so soon, but I had unfun day, as I got two different moments I could have done without. First, I discovered I have a rather odd PSTD reaction to pain in my leg. It not only sets off my anxiety, I have this terrible sensation that if I looked down at it, it would be a ruin. Then, later I had what I'm gonna refer to as a spontaneous male reaction. If you have (or had) male equipment, you know what I mean. Those always hit me a number of ways - they set off my dysphoria, they set off my PTSD, and they're bloody painful to boot.

Well, I had a rather down day today. It started with a bad dream that left me feeling like I was a pretty horrible person, and I just never really got out of the rut.

Ah, well, tomorrow is another day ...

I'm sorry to say I'm probably 2 weeks away from having anything new up. A number of events in real life have drained my writing spoons, just when I was making some progress on several ideas.

I hope I will still have readers by the time I have something for them to read ...

PTSD guilt is the worst.

I'm struggling with guilt right now for not telling anybody how bad things were at home.

I was too afraid they would blame my mom.

Sighs, hugs appreciated

well, my new computer seems to be working, so I'm gonna give that a tentitive yay. But on the boo side, because how prolific we've all been this last couple of days, my latest story has dropped way down, and its at least possible some of you who would have normally checked it out have missed it. so just in case, here is a link: https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/86208/tinker-tailor-s...

guys, my computer is toast. I'll be back when I can

to say I'm struggling with feeling down right now is an understatement.

Okay so I've mentioned the rash on my belly, and yesterday I was struggling to reach the spot, I asked my mom to help. When she got close to my groin, I experienced something like being ticklish, only instead of wanting to giggle, I wanted to flinch. since then, I've been very shaky, and I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread. Hugs appreciated.

For those who were worried, the red marks on my belly are a fungus infection. A few weeks of a medicated cream should clear it up - I hope.

Edmonton has acquired an online "University" dedicated to writing. The classes are dirt cheap, and the guy running it sounds like he knows what he's doing.

Here's the link: https://pandemicuniversity.com/

Okay, so It's just after 8 in the morning, and I'm shaking.

See, last night I had one of my "searching" dreams. I was on the campus of a university, and was totally lost. But then I found someone in authority, and let loose a stream of anger - anger at being expected to know things I'd never been told, being left to wander around without a guide or a map.

It was the level of anger I displayed that has left me shaking.

hugs appreciated;

In celebration of Canada day, I've published the sequel to "Tinker,Tailor, Solider,Dot".

If you like it, please let me know!

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/85698/tinker-tailor-s...

I've been re-reading my stuff, and realized some of my best work takes place in someone else's sandbox. My Mercy story, my Phoenix story, both (In my humble opinion) really good stories with genuine feels in them.

Now, I'm not sure what this means for me going forward. Can I take something from those stories, and put them into a unique setting, or am I doomed to only be able to do good work inside someone else's universe ?

The causes for my C-PTSD can be separated into 2 groups. being repeatedly raped, and suffering both physical and emotionally abused by my stepfather.

Well, I dreamed about my stepfather last night. I was at a family gathering, and his name came up, and I started unleashing every bit of anger I had ever felt towards him. I woke feeling shaken, and depressed.

Hugs appreciated.

If the prayers and singing at the beginning annoy you, you can fast forward to my amazing interview: https://www.facebook.com/shylo.rosborough/videos/42940947006...

Well I've given myself a project.

I was making another story in my "Superiors" universe (Which I used to call the "E-Girl universe") and went looking at "The Saga of E-girl for some details, and realized that I'd changed a few things in the universe other than the name. Added to that is the fact that "The saga of E-girl" was the very first story I made here, and I'd like to think I'm a slightly better author now, and I think what I need to do is totally revamp it.

Wish me luck ...

Well, my brother went into surgery to remove his prostrate glad, which has stage 2 cancer.

Nothing we can do but wait for word on how it went.

I was fooling around last night, re-reading my old stuff, and I came across "I woke", my first attempt at a longer story. Reading it again, I realized I might be able to make it a little better. So the edited and complete version is up, and you'll have to tell me what you think.

https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/85183/i-woke-edited-a...

I'm having a tough day, so I'm looking for story recommendations. I want some light, fluffy, and happy stories to read, any suggestions?

I got a lovely response to my blog yesterday, including this on Discord: "Every ones hell is their own. The demons we carry are our own. We can not compare our horror to another's for they are each unique. It is not how your pain compares to others, or even that you have or how much pain you are in. It is how you weather it. Dot, you always weather the storms well. Yes, good and bad times. But these are the times that have made us who we are and you are indomitable in your charity, love and caring. Never forget that."

My entry in the "reluctant princess" contest is up: https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/85005/reluctant-birth...