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The causes for my C-PTSD can be separated into 2 groups. being repeatedly raped, and suffering both physical and emotionally abused by my stepfather.
Well, I dreamed about my stepfather last night. I was at a family gathering, and his name came up, and I started unleashing every bit of anger I had ever felt towards him. I woke feeling shaken, and depressed.
Hugs appreciated.
Comments
Big hugs!
Just your post's title filled me with dread; and I hate that the man gets to run around in your head. But as awful as this dream left you feeling it might've been cathartic for you to be able to tell the truth about him, holding nothing back, especially if your family is in denial or tends to minimize about him being an abuser. Let's hope tonight you have one of your Dot-the-Superhero dreams.
~hugs, Veronica
And remember...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifLqzLEB3E0
Your Blog Sends Chills
We had a predatory priest in our parish when I was in high school.
Thankfully he didn't target me. He asked me to stay overnight in his rectory but I declined and he didn't push the issue.
My cousin (first cousin who grew up a quarter mile away from me) was one of those who did go to the rectory overnight and he was rape. His parents refused to believe him. Fifteen years later he committed suicide.
A brother of a friend of mine also was molested by that same priest. No one would believe him either and he committed suicide about ten years later.
During that period of time I started to lose interest in the Catholic church.
About thirty years ago I was falsely accused of incompetence and embezzlement. The story was several times a front page expose. Both accusations were false and I sued for libel and slander and won a very large settlement. Twenty years later I found out that the lawyer who was in on the conspiracy to steal my business tried to recruit one of my employees. To assure her silence he raped her. She worked for me for thirty years and was a friend for fifteen years before that. I felt that I had been raped when she finally told me what happened. They got my business for much, much less than what it was worth -- but I fought them with everything I had. I decided not to let the bastards get me. Three years later I was walking across the stage of a Hollywood hotel (the one in Pretty Woman) excepting an award as the top agency in the nation for one of the largest insurance companies. So much for incompetence.
I'm not in any way trying to minimize your experience. What was done to you was horrible. I'm just saying that your attitude is largely within your control.
Good luck to you.
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Big Hugs
And loads of prayers. I had a dream last night about talking to my friend from kindergarten who was suffering from PTSD from the military.
I can't begin to imagine what you've been through, but I can certainly say that I am praying that God will light a way through this for you. :-)
Hugs!
Rosemary
We'll let any asshole be a parent
Please take my virtual hug. I hope it helps.
Your friend
Crash
Huggles Dot
Sorry to hear that you dreamed about him again, it sucks that he still has that kind of power over you. I could say something like 'the only power he has over you is what you let him', but I'm familiar enough with PTSD myself to know how hollow that rings. So I'll just keep giving you what I usually do; my friendship, support and understanding.
Seems like last night was a night for PTSD dreams though. I had a really horrible one too and couldn't get back to sleep afterwards, so I'm probably going to have insomnia again for a while. I hate waking up feeling scared, powerless, and dirty. Just remember that you're not alone Dot and you have people around you who care about you.
*big hugs*
Amethyst
Don't take me too seriously. I'm just kitten around. :3
I'm sorry you had rotten dreams
but you aren't powerless and you certainly aren't dirty, any more than I am
My Heart Goes Out To You.
Many here are aware of my own rotten history with my own Stepfather. Did it play a role in my rejection of the male role? I think so.
I hope that your PTSD will eventually ease.
Peace.
Gwen
Exorcising Demons
While your dream may not have been a happy one, in my opinion it was you hitting back. You're overcoming his lingering influence on you in an unconscious rebellion. Dreams like that loosen his grip and help your sanity.