"No, sorry, can't." It was just getting harder and harder for Tom to take 'NO' for an answer.

"Oh, come on, then Sandy, why not?" came the plaintive reply.

"Your kidding, right? You know why." This was my argument that I held in reserve.

I was 17 years old and my best friend wanted me to be his date at his cousin's wedding. Tom had always been awkward around girls and except for being with me never dated much. It hadn't always been like this, when we met, we had a terrible fight. Not just words, but each landing several hard blows. I bloodied his nose and had a shiner for my effort. Our parents were beside themselves with laughter. Tom had thought that he was bullying a girl and I took umbrage with his actions. He was a slow learner as we had other fights.

People seeing him hitting me would try to pull us apart, but too often we would gang up on them, chasing them away. They would shout at us and run off. We'd just laugh. We went on like this throughout school. But these fights seemed to bring us closer. As we grew classmates would just tell us to get a room. We'd get even with them at recess or lunch, whenever.

Ya, see, Tom was the only one that knew I realy was a boy. The others just thought that I was a strange girl. In grade school, I was considered a Tomboy and in Junior High, just weird and flat chested. I asked mom what that was, but she just said 'Never mind'. The regular girls would talk about fashion or cooking or boys and I didn't respond. I knew enough about clothes and I could cook, but boys, ha, I was one. Just cause I had to wear dresses they thought I was one of them. Then there was always Tom.

It was 1964 and my grandparents were happy. Their dream of owning a home was at last no longer a dream. They lived in a little community in upstate New York, northeast of Buffalo. A nice summer resort/vacation town, Niagra, NY. Just down river from Niagra falls. A new housing area had opened and nice attractive homes were being sold by local realtors. Several families had already moved in and more were expected.

Love Canal was all they dreamed of with pretty, affordable houses, nice green lawns and a nearby school. It was close to one of those new shopping centers and to grandpa's work. Life was good. It was time to start that family they had always wanted. My mother was born in 1967, a beautiful little girl, 6 pounds 9 ounces and 17 inches long. My grandparents moved in 1977 and prayed that they had heard the last of Love canal. Unfortunately it was to follow them the rest of their lives.

The news stories were released nationwide and everyone learned the story of Love Canal. It and it's residents became famous. And then there were the birth defects. The New York State Health Department had a continuing investigation into a disturbingly high rate of miscarriages, along with five birth-defect cases detected in the area.

Mom was an only child and not for the lack of Grandpa and Gram trying. It's that Gram was diagnosed with cervical cancer after mom was born and one Hysterectomy later, mom was an only child. Her parents showered her with love and affection and spoiled her rotten. Grampa was tested after Gram got cancer and his white blood count was high. The doctor said something about a shift to the left and he rechecked Grampa every 5 or 6 months. Gramps white count did stay high, but he didn't get sick. Mom as tested cause she played outside in all type of weather and if you know about the Canal, the stuff would come up more in the rain. Luckily, she was healthy as a horse. It was amazing.

Gramp took the buyout money and moved to Arizona. They were going to start a new life. No more cold weather and freeging temperatures and NO toxic waste. They didn't even bring their old clothes with them. Everything new!

Mom grew up and got married and two years later I was born. Dad was an architect and had planned, with his father, several of the housing tracts in the Scottsdale area. The area was booming with baby Boomers moving to the Sun Belt and the housing market was booming, too. The loved each other and still do to this day. They were married in 1987 and after a two years, Mom finally got pregnant. I was born in 1989 and we were a happy family. Mom, Dad and me, Lincoln Kelly Sanders, the second. Sandy for short.

As all babies do, I got a diaper rash. The usual creams and ointments were applied, but the pesky rash just stayed. I was getting a raw bottom, so mom took me to the doctor. I was about 4 months old then. The Pediatrician gave mom some prescriptions and she had them filled. That medicine didn't work either and I was back at the doctor's office. This was a serial event lasting over 7 months and finally mom was fed up. The doctor had tried various remedies and nothing worked. In a fit of exasperation, he told mom to just let me go naked. With the diaper removed, there would be nothing to hold urine next to my skin and I might get better. Mom was skeptical, but had tried conventional remdies and they had so far failed. So it was that during the day, I would usually be naked. Mom bought some special blankets for me to lay on to keep the floor clean. This remedy started when I was about 11 months old and never ended. I began to walk and I went naked. It was sunny and I played naked in the back yard. I was a baby what did I care about fashion.

When mom took me to the store, I wore baby dresses and loose diapers. As I got older the diapers were replaced by training panties. My legs were left uncovered as much as possible. The dresses allowed air flow, that seemed to help keep the rash at bay. My hair was longish and most babies look kinda girly. This clothing worked and the rash seemed to go away. Then, when I was three years old the rash came back.

Thinking the rash had cleared up, mom dressed me in training pants and a tailor made suite. We were attending a wedding of one of her friends and had to look good. Little did we know the rash had decided to come back. I was miserable at the wedding and kept pulling at my pants and whining. Mom checked me several times, but didn't see anything unusual. She had to change my training pants, but saw no visible sign of the rash. Still, I continued to whine.

That night at home, mom undressed me and gave me a bath. After the bath I wore a clean pair of training pants. Mom had her bath and soon we were sitting on the couch watching a Disney movie. I fell asleep next to mom and she carried me to bed. Sometime during the night I pulled off the training pants cause they felt scratchy. I fell back asleep.

In the morning, I got out of my bed and used my potty. I used the paper to wipe myself like mommy said and grabbing Arthur, I went in search of mommy. Arthur is my bear. He wears a red vest and I have a matching vest. When I wear my vest, mom says we're twins. Mom's funny.

Mom was in the kitchen and looked up as I entered. I climbed into her lap and hugger her. She noticed I wasn't wearing pants and asked what happened. I told her that they caused me to itch. She made a comment about the doctor and I ran off to play. Later she put a loose dress on me and we went to the doctor. I guess I had forgot some of my lessons cause I was playing with the toys in the doctor's office and another little boy came over to play with the toys. He was shy and just watched as I sat down, then he pointed and laughed. He was pointing to my willie. Mom picked me up and held me till it was time to see the doctor. He looked me over and then asked mom some questions. She explained about the suit I had worn and not having on underpants today. He mentioned that maybe mom should try girls unders in different materials. He thought that the cotton panties may be keeping too much moisture next to my skin and also that some of the girl panties may allow for better air flow. He also sugested that she might want to try a panty liner and if I could tolerate a nice panty and a liner, that should help solve the problem. The doctor also said for me to see a Dermatologist for skin testing and mom agreed.

On the way home we stopped at the store to buy some girls panties and panty liners. I got a set with my favorite cartoon on them. I ask mom if I could wear them home and she said yes. They felt good and didn't itch. Yea! I started to wear girls panties all the time. I saw the dermatologist and he said I had a special rash. My bottom and willie had to have lots of air and vitamin D. He comented on the dress and mom told him how they were about the only clothes I could wear. He agreed that the open skirt of the dress allowed for better ventilation and combined with the panties and panty liner, I stayed covered and dry. Mom made the decision to keep me in dresses. She did let my hair grow out a little and a lot people thought I was a girl. I got used to it. It was better than explaining to everyone why I wore dresses. We still see this doctor to this day.

Grade school started and I was eager to go. Mom had me registered and we had a note from the dermatologist about my 'dresses'. The school didn't put up too much fuss. Good. First grade was ok and I made some friends, more girls that boys. Second grade was ok. Some of the boys became my friends. Everyone just enjoyed being a kid. Third Grade and I met Tom. he laughed at me and called me a name. I hit him in the nose and he started to bleed and cry. He later said it was a lucky punch cause he wasn't expecting a girl to hit him. I hit him again for that crack. That started our friendship.

The weekend after our fight, his mom brought him to our house to appologize for hitting me. His mom was mad that he had hit a girl and wanted to see the girl that could fight so good. She said I was a nice girl and would be a pretty young lady. Looking back I realize how prophetic those words were. Tom and I became best friends and even defended each other. Course we still fought between ourselves.

We entered the same junior high and had the same classes. Tom had seperate friends and I had mine. One of Tom's friends tried to ask me to a dance, but I said no. He walked away sad. Tom and I went to the movies one Saturday and some classmates saw us and said we were boyfriend and girlfriend. When our moms heard that they laughed. Seventh grade was fun, but during the Summer, my chest started to hurt and itch. When I mentioned the itching, mom took me back to the doctor's.

The doctor examined me and then told mom he wanted to get a blood sample. He prescribed some cream for my chest and mom scheduled a follow-up. Mom got the cream for my chest and I rubbed it in every day, but my chest was still sore and itchy. At the follow-up with the doctor, he said that my blood was ok. He asked if the cream was wotking and I said yes, it made the itching go away for a while. He was happy about that and said that we should just wait and see what happened next.

Mom and dad got a above ground pool and I loved it. I spent a lot of time in the backyard swimming. I didn't wear clothes if I didn't have to and I had a complete tan. Tom came over one day to swim and mom told him to go ahead. She said I'd be out in a few minutes. We had been to the store and I had to hang up my dress and change my panties. I undresed and put the dirty panties in the laundry. I just grabbed a towel and went to the pool. Tom was swimming underwater and I climbed the ladder and dove in. The water was great. I like to swim underwater and I came up next to Tom. Boy did we get a suprise. I was looking up at him and he was looking down at me and the he just turned bright red.

His mom and dad had taken him to stay with his Grandparents, so he hadn't been around for about 5 weeks.He didn't know I had been to the doctor about my chest. I guess that cause I didn't pay too much attention to my chest, I didn't see that I had developed small mounds. I just knew that my nipples didn't itch like before and my chest didn't hurt. But Tom just looked at me and then when I got out of the pool naked, he said he had to go home. I didn't know he could run that fast.

Mom came out in her bathing suit and when she saw me she pulled me inside. I was mad. Tom ran home and now I couldn't be outside. What had I done wrong? Sheesh! Mom told me to put on a pair of panties and she'd be right back. She came back holding her old bathing suit. She told me to hold still, then tied it around my chest and put the triangle pieces over my nipples and mounds. Mom called them breast. She handed me the bikini bottom and after telling me to take off my panties to put the bottom on. Once that as done, she said "Better". Now, I looked like a girl in a bathing suit. But my chest felt better. Mom said we'd go shopping later for necessary items. Also go see the doctor.

Turned out that some of the medicine I had taken for the rash had supressed my production of Testosterone. Cause of the imbalance my body started to produce more Estrogen. That's why I started to grow breasts. Mom also told the doctor about me wearing her bathing suit and how good it had fit. She thought that my bottom had gotten bigger too. I was only 13 and this was scary. I still had my 'Willie' but 'Willie' didn't seem to get excited too much. I didn't tell anyone about that.

I spent the rest of the Summer wearing a bikini when outside or when dad was home. Tom and I hung out and did things together. We'd go bike riding or to the movies. Our friends thought we were a cute couple. We just smiled. Tom liked girls and so did I, but he was usually tongue tied and most of the girls thought I was one and they wanted a boyfriend. What a mess. My boobs continued to grow, I was just past an A cup when school started again. Yea Eighth Grade.

It was a repeat of last year, except now the older boys wanted go go on dates. I was still a boy and still said no. Course, there was Tom. We spent a lot of time together. We were what was called an 'Item'. The girls aksed me if he kissed me and I turned red at the thought. They, of course, thought I had been kissed by Tom and teased us both. When news got back to Tom, he got mad. We had another fight.

I continued to grow and 'bloom'. Tom and I were the best of friends and even I noticed that he was treating me differently. Finally, he said that he had asked a girl to go to the movies with him on the weekend. He said that she said yes and that I shouldn't be mad at him. When I asked why I should be mad at him, he just shut up. That was his first real date and I wanted him to have a good time. I wished I could do that, but with my problem, it was not gonna happen. I was jealous of her. I told mom about his date saturday and she held me tight as I cried. I hugged Arthur that night in bed.

Monday in school, Tom was his old self. The girl, Cindy, that he took to the movies said that she just wanted to get another boy jealous and that's why she went to the movies with Tom. I saw Cindy in the 'Girls Room' and she said different. She said that he called her 'Sandy' all night. She said she didn't stand a chance against me cause Tom loved me, alot. Boy, that caught me by suprise. She hugged me and told me to 'Take care of my man cause he's one in a million'. We became friends after that.

Days and weeks passed and we went into the next grade. Still Tom and I were unseperable. Rumor had it that we were joined at the hip and for Halloween, we went as a Siamese Twin. We had mom sew one of my dresses to Tom's pants. Course, we could only dance with each other, but we had conquered that fear long ago. It was nothing for him to treat me like a real girl and I reacted the same.

Tenth grade and eleventh were repeats of past grades. Oh, the classes were different, but the people were the same. Then came the invitation for Tom to attend his cousins formal wedding. He was encouraged to bring a date. A real date. We were 17 years old and had been friends forever and although we had often been seen in public together, we had never been on a real date, date. Him and I. Me and Him. Whatever.

Mom knew about the invitation and asked to talk to me as I came in the house. She fixed me a cup of tea and we sat on the patio quietly drinking our tea. Finally she asked "Sandy are you going to the wedding with Tom?" I just stared straight ahead. She moved closer and put her hand on my cheek, saying "Honey, it's all right. There's nothing to be ashamed of or be embarassed about." I thought about this as she dropped the bomb on me. "We all know how much you love him, and he loves you, too." I started to cry. "But, but, I'm a boy." I stammered.

Mom stood me up and pulled me close and hugged me. The "No you're not, at least not to Tom. He sees a pretty young lady. Why do you think he doesn't date?" I was confused. I thought he was awkward around girls, but mom said different. Mom said that Jane, Tom's mother, told her about how much he loves me, but is afraid to say. Afraid that I'd reject him. I was overwhelmed by this confession. I admitted that I loved him, but I, too, was afraid of him running from me. Mom said that her and Jane would fix it. Then she told me to go wash my face and put on some make-up. And Hurry. I hurried.

Mom drove to Jane's huse and we went in. Tom and his dad were there and even my dad. I guess I was confused. Mom told me to sit next to Tom and I sat. Then the moms began. The dads just kept grinning and nodding their heads. Our parents were in on it from the start. It ended with Tom holding my hand. I felt like I was on cloud nine. The moms agreed that I needed a special dress and we would go shopping in a few days. Then they told Tom to take me out to Dinner. There were smiles a plenty as we stood to leave.

In the car, I asked Tom "So, do you really love me or were you just saying that?" The answer might be different and I had to know. Tom smiled and squeezed my hand. "Sandy, not a day goes by that I don't want you in my life. I have talked to mom and dad about it and they know I love you. Look, I mean, I still know that you're a boy, but you're also the girl of my dreams. I haven't seen you as a boy since the swimming pool thing a few years ago."

I felt foolish. I had tried to talk him out of loving me. It was hard to think. There had always been Tom in my life. I felt good when he was near and when he had gone out on those few dates, I had been jealous. I still thought of myself as a boy and that was the problem. Maybe I should ask myself, 'What would a girl do?', so I did and smiled at the answer. My girl friends had said that they had kissed their boyfriends when the fell in love and I thought I should give it a try. Looking at Tom, I formulated my plan. "Tom" I said and as he looked at me I leaned across the space seperating us and kissed him. I was pleased to feel his tongue probe my mouth and our kiss deepen.

I went to the wedding with Tom. I caught the bouguet, too. What's next for us, well we'll just have to finish high school and see. Till them, I'm going to be the best fiancee that I can be. Oh, did I use the word fiancee.