In which Cathy gets a plateful and Simon gets the bill.

Easy As Falling Off A Bike.
by Angharad & Rin Tin Tin.
part 41.

I staggered out on the heels and saw Simon's car drawing up at the roadside. He leant over and opened the door. "My God," he said looking at his watch, "pretty and punctual. Are you sure you're a woman?"

My stomach jumped from where it usually resides up to my throat via my sinuses, or that's what it felt like. "Do you think I'm not?" I asked cautiously.

"Think you're not what?" he asked as he drove away.

"A woman?"

"What are you on about, if I didn't think you were female you wouldn't be here now, would you?"

"Well you seemed to imply because I was on time that I....."

"Oh for Pete's sake, why do you women do this to me every time. It was a joke, next time I'll give you advanced notice, all right?" He shook his head as we drove along.

I sat quietly with my hands demurely in my lap, I almost felt like asking him to take me back home, but I thought he was cross enough already. I should have ignored his remark, it looked as though I had a lot to learn.

He didn't speak to me for several minutes, then he said, "Look I'm sorry I snapped at you. I don't know why girls can't seem to take jokes as well as blokes do, but they always seem to backfire on me. I didn't mean to be grumpy but it's been a tough day, my bank lost a few million and no matter how clever I am, I couldn't get it all back for them."

"A few million?" I gasped, it was a sum beyond my comprehension and in some ways I was quite happy to keep it that way.

"Yeah somebody in Paris caused a run on the pound, so our shares dropped and so did our profits."

"Oh," I said. As far as this was concerned I was a total bimbo, if we got into rat embryos or the breeding habits of harvest mice, then I felt I could contribute to the conversation, otherwise it was a question of keeping him talking about himself.

"Did you collect that bike afterwards,"

"The litespeed, yes that afternoon."

"What sort of ride is it?"

That he could ask an intelligent question about bikes showed that he had some experience of them. It was a little encouraging, although part of me knew there was no future in the relationship because he would eventually want something I couldn't give him, and of course if and when he found out that would be the end. I tried not to think that far ahead, just go with the day.

I wondered what he was getting out of it, presumably he thought he was going out with a girl. What was I getting out of it? A chance to be myself in a new environment, an opportunity to practise my socialising skills as a woman and to learn a bit about going out with men. I suppose it was a training exercise for me and for him a vague chance he might get his leg over.

Re the beautiful escort, I can't see that myself, but if he cares to see me as such, that's his problem. For my part, I could have ended up with that bit of rough from the garage, although thinking about him still makes my toes tingle all the way to my throat!

Back to the bike, "Ride, erm yeah, it's okay. I haven't had a chance to go far on it yet, but it feels a bit more forgiving than the carbon but I doubt it'll be as fast."

He turned the car into a car park attached to an Italian restaurant which pleased me, I love pasta. On stopping the car, he nipped out and opened my door for me, and offered his arm, so we walked into the place arm in arm. Actually, that bit felt quite good, dunno why, but it did.

He'd booked a table and we were shown to it, the waiter presenting me with a red rose when we got to it. I blushed almost the same shade as my botanical acquisition.

"Is this from you?" I asked Simon.

"I suppose so," he sighed, "it's an optional extra and I took it."

My blush continued unabated as I said, "Well I think it's rather lovely, thank you very much."

"You're welcome," then shrugged as if to say, 'no big deal' or 'don't get any ideas.'I felt like saying the same to him, but then that would sound ungrateful and I was intent on having a nice evening if I could.

"Did they fix the car alright?" I asked as we were waiting for our order.

"Yeah, it's okay but I think I'll change it soon anyway."

"Ashtrays are full eh?" I offered flippantly.

"Ashtrays? Eh, I don't smoke, what are you on about?"

"It's an old joke which fell rather flat, so shall we leave it?" I felt about two inches tall and wished the ground would open and swallow me.

He sat looking thoughtful for a few minutes, then a big grin broke out on his face. "I've just got your joke," he said.

"It's not very good," I suggested wanting to move on to my next social gaff as quickly as possible.

"Au contraire," he said and was about to explain why when I interrupted him.

"Simon this is an Italian restaurant not French."

He looked at me puzzled again, "What! I'm well aware that this is an Italian place, they do do better food than Spaghetti Houses, you know?"

"I'm sure they do Simon, I was making a joke, erm never mind."

Maybe girls aren't supposed to do that, which could be why it's fooling him. Perhaps I should sit quietly and look decorous or something? Probably something, but he wouldn't get that either.

The food was excellent, I had a pasta bake which filled me before I'd half cleared the plate. It grieved me that I had to leave some. My starter was melon, and I declined the sweet, feeling too full. We had a nice bottle of wine between us, and my two glasses meant I was feeling quite mellow, any more and I'd be ill. Simon offered a brandy as before and I asked for a coffee instead. He reluctantly agreed when I pouted at him.

While he sipped his brandy he said, " I can't believe you're not in a relationship."

"Why?" I asked embarrassed but intrigued.

"Well, to start with you're quite a looker, and you ride with a bike club, you're meeting with loads of young men all the time, so how come you haven't got a steady?"

"I haven't met anyone I fancy yet," I answered casually.

"You prefer a bit more maturity and class?" he suggested.

"Maybe," I replied trying not to let him build himself up, he could be pompous and I wasn't going to play that game.

"Oh," he said like a little boy whose balloon has just burst, "So what do you look for in a man?"

It was at this point I began to wish I'd spent more time reading those questionnaire things they have in Cosmo and Marie Claire, then I'd have some answers. Now I'd have to wing it, and also allow him to recognise some of the qualities in himself to keep him happy. I hadn't got my bike back yet, so I had to keep him on board. That might sound a bit ruthless, but it was the bottom line for me.

"You tell me what you like in a girl and I'll tell you about men," I suggested, hoping he'd make some comments I could use back on him.

"I asked you first," he grumbled.

"Okay, I'll do one, then you do one, okay?"

He wasn't entirely happy but my smile charmed away his resistance, I'd have to remember that for future reference.

"A good sense of humour," I said getting the first one out before he said it.

"That was going to be my first," he complained.

"I think it's pretty well universal, most people like to go out with someone who makes them smile or laugh or appreciates their jokes," it occurred to me as I spoke that was something we weren't doing.

"Honesty," said Simon, "I like women who mean what they say, and there aren't too many of them around.

"I think the same might be said for men, Simon."

"Generosity," I volunteered, "I like people who give of themselves not necessarily a money thing. I thought I saw a look of relief before he nodded.

"Fidelity, I believe in only one relationship at a time."

I couldn't argue with that, "Kindness. It's our ability for compassion and empathy which lifts us above our animal cousins."

"I have some cousins like that, did Stella tell you about them?"

"What compassionate?" I asked.

"No, bloody animals and I don't mean four legged or furry either."

"That's a pity," I sighed, " I would probably know more about them."

He chuckled at that and I did the same, at last we were laughing at the same thing.