Previously...

“Jimmy McCarthy? Your brother is a fool and a coward, and I’m not in the mood.”

“I wanted….I’m sorry, Mr. Kennedy….Timmy brings my mother a lot of sorrow, and I canna say I’m sad you tossed him out on his arse.” He avoided grinning, but Seamus knew Jim McCarthy was telling the truth, having known the boy since he was small.

“I’ll convey your apologies to the girl.” He turned around and looked at Judy and Maggie. Judy had stopped crying and was leaning close to Maggie. The young man sighed and nodded once before putting his head down.

“That’s all I can ask, Mr. Kennedy. I’ll be thankin’ you and takin’ your leave.” He nodded again and walked quickly out of the tavern.

“Are you alright, darlin’?” Seamus asked. Judy nodded slowly and wiped her face with her sleeve. The man smiled and walked back behind the bar. Maggie squeezed the girl’s shoulder; a gesture of understanding. But Judy’s attention was squarely on the back swing of the door through which the young man had just departed. Something familiar seemed to grab the girl and shake her to her core. Something that frightened and soothed her soul at the same time.

Maggie followed Judy’s gaze to the doorway and tilted her head in question. A moment later, her eyes widened in realization and she breathed out a long, drawn out sigh followed by,

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph….”

---

But this I know for certain: you'll come back again
You'll come back again
And even as I promised you'll find me waiting then
You'll find me waiting then

Very early the next morning; the McCarthy walk-up….

Jimmy sat at the kitchen table; head resting against folded arms. The front door creaked open and he sat up to find his brother Tim stepping lightly, shoes in hand.

“You needn’t worry, Tim. Mum is over at Aunt Kate’s helping with Moira’s new son. Kenny. We’ve got a new cousin; not that it matters any to you.” Jimmy glared at his brother, evoking a loud sigh and a glare back at Jimmy.

“Don’t get all high and mighty with me, brother darlin’. An while we’re at it, don’t you go stickin’ yer nose in my business. I can handle myself good and proper.”

“Maybe I will, Tim. I’m sure Seamus Kennedy would be happy to throw you out of his bar on a regular basis? Gamblin’ and drinkin’ ‘til you can’t stand up. You’re hurtin’ Mum and your hurtin’ me, but mostly you’re hurtin’ yourself. “

“Go ahead and say it, Jimmy boy. And that girl. At Kennedy’s. Ahhhhhhghhh….” Tim shook his head and Jimmy put his head down, leaving Tim to continue.

“You’re such a pansy, brother mine. At least I know what to do with woman. You? Books and readin’ and such. You’re hardly a man to teach me what’s what.”

“I am what I am, Tim. You’re like Da in so many ways. I guess I take after Mum, and more’s the pity, I guess. “ Jimmy put his head down.

“You guess? I know. I’ve seen you around girls, lad. I know what you’re all about, and I’m…”

“Ashamed of me, Tim? Go ahead. Say it. Do you think I like being what I am? All the teasin’ growin’ up. All the times you had to pull the bullies off me? All the times….” Jimmy looked away, feeling alone. He sighed and spoke.

“Don’t I know it? You think I like bein’ this way?

“I’m not ashamed of you. And….” Tim looked away and sighed in response.

“I’m not happy with the way I am, Jim. But you got to know I’m tryin’….hard. It’s just not ….

“I know. Maybe we have to lean on each other? You’re my brother. I love you. Mum loves you. Maybe you just have to learn to love yourself?”

“Aye….aye….”

---

Maggie’s walk up, a few days later...

“You seem to be a bit distracted, darlin’….. “ Maggie grinned and went to say something to tease, but pulled back as the girl looked at her and frowned.

“It’s hard…very…difficult,” Maggie and Judy were still in a place of finding a common ground where both of them were understood.

“Difficult….yes.” Judy put her head down.

“You’ve taken to him, darlin,’ and there’s no mistakin’ that.” Maggie put her hand on the girl’s shoulder but she pulled away. She turned toward the wall and hugged her shoulders. Maggie stepped closer and placed her hand on Judy’s and held fast.

Nein…no….p…please?” The girl looked at Maggie’s reflection in the mirror on the wall. The woman’s expression had gone from playful to sad and sympathetic. Judy turned.

“My…besodik….my secret….” Her voice trailed off as she put her head down once again.

“Keepin’ a secret so big is so hard, sweet girl….I’m so sorry.”

“My …my secret….you would not….tell?” Maggie would have been hurt by the girl’s question but for the fact that she knew how frightened and scared the girl still remained even after months with friends like her and Marty.

“Never, Judith McDonough….never.” The mention of the girl’s adoptive name gave more meaning to the words; no one would ever hear from Maggie where and how Judy came to come to this place in time.

“It….It hurts. Marty….never.” The words were short but true; even if English was still difficult, she could speak the truth. It did hurt.

“I know.” Judy had resumed her self-hug. It felt to Maggie also that the girl would never enjoy the warmth than only a hug from a lover could provide. She knew all too well that feeling of loneliness mixed with shame. She nodded at her own reflection and spoke.

“I’ve got my own…besodik. I know.” She eyed the girl up and down.

“You ….know….you always know?” Beyond the words the two had exchanged over the last few months, nothing was spoken about Judy’s secret. But this went beyond mere words. Judy’s eyes widened in shock and question.

“Even before you told me….the day you fell off the boat and into the sea, darlin’. You were soaked to the gills, and you had to get warm. You don’t even remember do you?” She tilted her head and Judy smiled at their reflections but shook her head.

“You had to get warm, and that meant getting those wet clothes off ye and into something dry. I saw you, Judy. I knew then before you even breathed a word, and I’m sorry.”

“You….understand….” Judy’s eyes began to mist.

“More than you know….and I’m sorry but I’m not the only one….” Maggie’s voice trailed off; needless embarrassment over what had been unavoidable.

“Marty…does he know?” Even now, after months of disappointment as Marty O’Phelan was married and now with a baby on the way, Judy’s heart ached over a love that would never be.

“He came up when I was….and he saw. He turned away at once, but I’m sorry, girl. He saw.”

“Oh….no….no…”

“Marty will never tell a soul. He understands.”

“Understands???? Nein….” She pled as she turned to face Maggie. She would have buried her face in her friend’s bosom but Maggie held her arms out to keep the girl apart. She needed to talk and it had to be eye to eye.

“Marty understands because he has always understood.” Maggie continued to hold out her left hand while she unbuttoned her blouse. She beckoned the girl closer. Judy stepped up and Maggie placed the girl’s right hand on her bosom….her mostly flat bosom. The girl pulled her hand away quickly.

“When I was little, my mother called me her treasure. When I was born, the doctor…a heathen that he was, wanted to let me die….But Mum wouldn’t let him. She called me her little pearl. That’s what my name means….pearl.”

“I don’t understand?” Judy’s eyes indicated almost otherwise as she stared at her friend’s face. Maggie’s eyes glanced at her before glancing down.

“I don’t suppose I’ll need to show you? We’re sisters in more than just being friends, darlin’”

“Was…what…..Maggie? I don’t…”

“When I was born I was quite different. But Mum kept it a secret from everybody, includin’ my Da, God rest his soul. But Marty knew. He never said a word to anyone. When we were little, he’d fight my battles for me.

“He’s just a wee bit sick, lads…quit pickin’ on him, or I’ll beat your bloody brains out,” he said to one boy. He kept anyone from hurtin’ me.

“He….him?” Judy was still trying to gain a foothold on learning English, but she understood enough to ask the question.

“We started out from Armagh after our Mum died, and ended up in Belfast, and after a bit, we had enough money to book passage to come here.” She laughed softly even as her eyes teared up.

“Yes….I remember you …told me.”

“What I didn’t tell you is that I left Belfast as Maggie O’Phelan but I came to Belfast as Patrick Sean O’Phelan, first born son of Patrick Sean O’Phelan, Sr.” Maggie put her head down and began to sob. Judy stepped close and pulled her into a hug. She whispered a soft shhh and then an old lullaby she remembered from when she was little. It was the first time she had given comfort to another person. And it was good.

“So….you see, Marty will never hurt you….He loves you like his own.” She patted her chest and gasped.

“He and Kate must have been meant to be, darlin.’ Twas nothing about you and everything about them that brought them together.” She smiled weakly. At thirty-three, even as young as that was, for Maggie there was likely no hope that she would ever find love, but maybe…just maybe there would be hope for Judith Sokol McDonough.

As they held each other, something came to Maggie that her mother always said; that God never makes mistakes... and that every single thing happens for a reason.

God help you when wand'ring your way all alone
Your way all alone
God grant to you his strength as you'll kneel at his throne
As you'll kneel at his throne

---

Kennedy's, early August, 1914...

“Hey, McCarthy? Where’s me bleedin’ money?” The tall man stepped out from the alley next to Kennedy’s and pushed Jimmy rudely.

“What are you talkin’ about. “ Jimmy knew Reardon was into book and such, but wasn’t one to steal or extort.

“Yer brother Timothy owes me money…. Seventy-five dollars and interest and he’s been a bit slow in payin,’ so I’m comin’ to his kin to collect.”

“I don’t have but twelve dollars, and that’s for me Mum, Harry.”

“I don’t fookin’ care, Jimmy. It could be for John Fookin’ Mitchel, for all I care. Hand it over.”

“No.” Jimmy stared at Reardon; the man was six-foot-two; taller by a foot and with at least one hundred pounds more than Jimmy as well, but he wasn’t going to give in. He stepped off the curb and into the street, nearly hit by a passing trolley.

“So that’s the way it’s gonna be, aye?” Reardon rolled up his sleeves and spit in each palm before putting up his dukes. Jimmy swallowed hard and waited for the first punch that never arrived as Reardon keeled forward, bouncing off the fender of a delivery van before falling into the gutter, face up. Jimmy looked past Reardon to find Seamus Kennedy slapping a sap in his right hand; grinning ear to ear.

“You best be along, lad. I’ll settle up with the beast here. He owes me as much; I heard him yappin’ his gums loud enough just a while ago. But ye best tell yer brother he owes me seventy-five dollars. I’ll take it out in trade, since I know the idjut doesn’t even have a bleedin’ job. He can stop by tomorrow, seven ay em is fine with me.” Seamus patted the young man on the back and walked into the pub. And two figures stood at the doorway. Maggie and Judy turned to each other; both sad for the younger girl.

---

The next morning...

“And that’s it? I don’t get a say?” Tim looked up at Seamus. The man offered him a hand and he stood up, the sadder but wiser recent recipient of a rude if entirely deserved shove.

“You got a say when you were stupid enough to gamble yer mother’s egg money these past months. Between me and yer brother, you’re square with Reardon, and if you work for me, you’ll be square. Two dollars a week until you’re paid back.” Seamus folded his arms and smiled.

“You can help clean the place and I’ll be needin’ help behind the bar since Ferguson decided to join up with the Brits in the war. You can handle all the deliveries if I’m not around and handle them with me if I am.” Seamus stuck out his hand and Tim took it, shaking it awkwardly, since Tim wasn’t used to keeping promises or even working for a living.

“And lay off my girls, Tim.” Tim was twenty-nine and had never met a girl he didn’t like…at least once. The younger girl intrigued him, but the older woman made him feel very uncomfortable without knowing why. She added to his awkwardness almost immediately.

“So, Tim McCarthy, I see yer on the straight and narrow, aye? And not a moment too soon, since yer Ma has needed yer help since Hector was a Pup, I’ll bet.” Maggie teased. Tim stared at her; for once in his life at a loss for words. She smiled at his uncharacteristic silence.

“Well…. Well….” Tim shook his head, searching for something clever to say. A man can only stand so much. Instead he lowered his head slightly as he walked past the two women, saying at last,

“God bless all here.”

A few minutes later, Jimmy walked into the pub and up to his brother. He shook his hand and smiled. Tim expected gloating but was surprised.

“Thank you. I told Mum you had a job and that you’d be payin’ her back. She just about bawled her head off but she was smilin’ the whole time. I’m right there with ye, Timmy Lad, okay?” It was an odd if welcome sight to find both brothers standing face to face without an argument. Jimmy pulled Tim into an awkward hug and kissed his brother on the cheek.

“God bless you.”

And off to the side, the two women smiled.

---

Maggie’s walk-up, a few weeks later….

Maggie heard a brisk rap on the front door. She walked over and opened it to find Jimmy McCarthy standing on the landing; hat in hand.

“Is Judith…Is Miss McDonough at home?”

“May I ask who’s callin’,” Maggie laughed and ushered him in.

“She’s in the other room. I’ll go fetch her.” Maggie walked over and entered the bedroom without knocking. Judy was sitting on the bed, her face pale and her hands shaking.

“Steady, Lass. It’s only him callin’. Ye don’t know what he’s here for.” Maggie had no doubt what Jimmy was there for, but it was not going to be an easy visit, no matter how it turned out. She lifted Judy to her feet. Grabbing a comb off the dresser, she ran it through the girl’s hair quickly before shoving her out into the outer room. The girl stood back and put her head down; her chin quivering from fear. Jimmy smiled.

“Miss McDonough? I’ve come to ask if I may call on you on a regular basis, if that’s alright with you and your kin.” It was alright and horrible for Judy at the same time. She had no idea what Maggie thought, but if she could see her friend standing on the other side of the bedroom door with fingers crossed she could have guessed.

“I….you….” She stammered. Jimmy seemed to rise up; standing only a bit taller than his five foot three. He smiled and stepped closer, leaving the girl more anxious than ever.

“I know I’m not much to look at, and I …I’m not ….like my brother.” He meant it as a compliment to Tim rather than an insult; the past several weeks had brought out the best in Tim and Jimmy meant only to compare how much more of a man he felt Tim was.

“Ich…I …think you’re….nice.” Jimmy was never one for words about himself, but nice actually was a good word for him. He was pretty much like what many of his brother’s lads believed and then some, but he would never be able to say that to a woman. That and still be thought of as someone to like. He did the stepping back, and knocked a vase of the small table next to the door. It fell to the floor, but landed with a clunk; the water spilling out onto a throw rug.

Judy got a towel from the kitchen and knelt down and wiped up the water. She looked up into Jimmy’s eyes and saw something she had only seen twice before. It both encouraged her and frightened her. She stood up quickly and retreated into the kitchen.

“I’m sorry. I’m usually not so clumsy. “ Truth was, Jimmy McCarthy was far from clumsy. He had learned at a very early age, however, to hide the way he really was. Something in his eyes completely disarmed the girl’s defenses; so much so as to leave her very vulnerable with only the hope that what she would say would never leave the room. She bit her lip and tears came to her eyes.

“Maggie? Maggie?” Her call was only a bit louder than a whisper but urgent enough that her friend came rushing to her side.

“What’s wrong darlin’ this boy hasn’t…” Maggie glared at Jimmy but Judy put her hand on Maggie’s arm.

“Nein…no, no….not bad…” She turned to Jimmy and half frowned; the expression of a someone whose next few words would likely consign her to a future of loneliness and heartache, but she could not keep quiet for both their sakes. She stepped closer to Jimmy as tears began to stream down her cheeks. Lowering her gaze, she placed her hand on her chest and patted it once.

“I… I’m sorry, Mmmm Mister Mc….Carthy….” She shook her head as the tears fell freely. He tilted his head slightly and squinted; wanting to hear what she had to say that had to be so horrible as to cause her so much sadness.

“Meine namen….My name…..nichs….not Judith….” She turned to Maggie and Maggie was speechless. She wanted to stop the girl, but her words seem to be stuck in the back of her throat. The girl turned around and faced Jimmy and spoke slowly and carefully.

“Ikh heys….Aram Sokol” She spun quickly and ran into the bedroom, closing the door with a slow quiet thunk.. In a moment she was on the bed, weeping almost silently into a pillow.

A few minutes later she heard a knock at the door. She didn’t even have strength to answer. A moment later she heard the sound of the door opening and the creak of floorboards.

“No, Judith….Judith Sokol, “ she heard her name past the sobs. The voice was familiar, but not just from the moment. She turned and struggled to sit up, A hand reached down and helped her; a soft, gentle hand that seemed to bless her merely by the grasp. She peered through eyes puffy from crying to see Jimmy McCarthy smiling through his own tears. He knelt on one knee at the edge of the bed’ almost a genuflect of unexpected understanding.

“Before you speak, you have to know that no man has spoken to me, Judith, but I know,” Judy’s eyes widened in horror, but he patted her hand softly.

“I’ve never been much…” he gasped at his own shame before collecting himself.

“I’ll never be a father….I am sorry for that, but maybe that’s why God in his mercy has brought us together, I hope.” She put her head down, but he lifted her chin with that same soft hand.

“But that’s just it, Judith Sokol. We aren’t his second best, but his first. You and me? I think you’re just about the sweetest girl I’ve ever met.”

“No…Pʼalş! No, Jimmy….” Judy swung her legs off the bed and stood up. She went to step past him, but stumbled into his arms. He held her at arm’s length and spoke.

“I don’t understand what you said, but I got your meanin’. You’re as real as ever was, and you’re just fine by me.” She shook her head no, but he pulled her close.

“If you weren’t real could I do this?” He kissed her on the bridge of her nose, savoring her tears.

“Or this,” he laughed softly, kissing her chin.”

“N…No…” She whispered, not in argument but in that she could not argue. He smiled and drew her close and kissed her’ gently and tentatively on the lips. She kissed back only for a moment before nestling in his arms as gentled sobs soothed her heart.

---

A few months later, on the Staten Island Ferry….

Jimmy pulled Judy close to him; even with the warmth of her coat, it felt good to be close. The future was theirs, as the old saying goes and they were going to live it in enjoyment for as long as they could. A cold wind seemed to bite through her to her skin, but he pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her small frame.

“Now don’t go gettin’ ahead of me now,” a voice called from down the deck a bit. Tim was waving at his brother. A beer in one hand was no surprise. That he held the hand of Maggie O’Phelan might have been a complete surprise for many, but she was a good woman, and he came to appreciate that because they kept no secrets from the start.

“It’s not where you got on the train that counts so much as where yer gettin’ off, aye?” A saying that made little sense to his friends but complete sense to the couple. The hardest part for him was admitting he was bein’ kept by an older woman, which suited him just fine.

A short while later a fog seem to rush up and surround the boat, leaving the harbor obscure except for the tall statue that towered over the low clouds. And words were spoken….familiar words…comforting words…. There may be as a testament to the grace of their god, but maybe also as a reminder of something that Judy’s mother said when she was growing up….

Mackrae

ironic in that it sounded Irish as well, but it was Yiddish, and it means,

Nothing happens by accident.

Whatever the reason, the words cut through the fog like a hot wind in August. Judy looked at Jimmy and spoke haltingly

“I am not ready. I fear I will never be ready.” She looked around and found she was standing on the deck of a ship. The fog was thick, but noises in the near distance told her that the ship was near land. She could almost make out lights in the darkness and a very large object seemed to jut straight out of the water and tower over the ship; dimly lit and barely visible as it disappeared back into the fog.

“You’ve been ready all your life,” another voice spoke; closer and more real; it sounded almost melodic but strong and masculine at the same time. She looked up to see a very handsome red-haired young man standing against the deck rail next to her; his smile invasive and inviting at the same time. And she felt safe.

“I don’t know why, but something is telling me to let you know that dreams do come true. Take it for what it’s worth.” He reached over and pulled her closer. She saw strength and kindness and sadness and joy in the man’s eyes, and she shook her head; fearing it was all just a dream. He smiled and spoke,

“Yehudit?”

Judy stared into Jimmy’s eyes and he smiled as he said at last,

“Yehudit Sokol McDonough McCarthy….I love you!”

The winter may pass and the spring disappear
The spring disappear
The summer too will vanish and then the year
And then the year
But this I know for certain: you'll come back again
You'll come back again
And even as I promised you'll find me waiting then
You'll find me waiting then

---

Solveig’s Song
From Peer Gynt, Opus 23
As Sung by Meav Ni Mhaolchatha
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abKRLpKyFFI