Dainéal’s Dream

AthrẠ(Change)

Sand as white as snow
swirls like smoke around my feet
And a sky that turns in a moment
from blue to grey
All these things I see
on an Irish day

Somewhere in time...

He looked down, expecting to see his rain slicker and waders and boots, but instead saw his legs covered with some kind of bluish gauze-like fabric. It was then that he noticed it….as he turned his head, he saw….hair…long red hair. He lifted his hands and saw that they wore rings and that his arms were clad in the same fabric as his legs. And he had breasts…. He turned to the woman to ask a question.

“All in due time child; your questions will be answered and more. For now, be at peace and enjoy. Welcome….Seonaid."

“Seonaid?” The girl looked puzzled, but almost serene.

“Yes, child?” Meadhbh said with a gentle touch on the girl’s shoulder; almost as if she was being dubbed a knight in this new and wondrous realm.

“But my name…my name is…Dainéal.” No protest, but a need for clarification; she cocked her head to one side and smiled.

“Yes, it is child; it always has been, and ever shall be, but it is not your only name.”

“I don’t understand. I…I seem to remember it…that I hated it. How can I hate my own name?”

“It has never been respected; the meanings of all our names have importance, child. Your name was never seen in light of what it meant.”

“What does my name mean, Meadhbh? Who am I?” The girl looked down at herself; literally and with too sad a feeling of shame.

“Your name in the ancient tongue means ‘god is my judge.’ You’ve been judged by everyone but the creator since you were born, child.” The girl felt a soft touch on her chin as Meadhbh lifted her face.

“Why…what did I do….who did I hurt?”

“You have been a disappointment to them because they expected what you could not give them.” The girl still felt welcome and alive and free, but part of her wept for the sadness of her loss; the life she had never been free to live.

“You hurt no one and blessed all; hence your new name.”

“Seonaid? What does that mean? Why that name?” She didn’t demand; in fact she gave Meadhbh a reverence that she did not seek.

“In your tongue, it is the same as if you’d been born a boy. In fact, you were going to be named Seonaid if your outside had matched your heart and soul when you were born. Your mother gave you that name, believing she had been blessed, since she’d been told she would have no more children. Her first words were ‘tank ee, lord, for your gift to me. When she realized you had been born…such as you were, she wanted to at least name you Sean, but yer Da would not have it.” To soften that, the woman stroked the girl’s hands with hers.

“But enough of what could have been; you are here now, and you may rest now.” Even as she heard the words, the girl looked up and noticed that the sky had turned to a night filled with stars. Meadhbh walked her over to a bed under a tall tree; the soft starlight peeking through the break in the branches.

“But….”

“Hush, child. Time enough for questions and wonder; rest now until the morn, where all concerns and questions shall be answered.” Meadhbh leaned close and kissed the girl on the forehead, and she sat down on the bed where she fell into a deep slumber.

1958
....the á³ Murchadha fishing boat

“Dainéal! Dainéal!” Má¡irtá­n sat on the deck, his back against the rail with his head in his hands, weeping.

“It be your fault he’s gone, lad!” Da said, his words stinging as evil accusations until he continued,

“An it be mine that you and your bruther hurt the lad with me doin’ nuthin but chimin’ in….” And then Da did something neither son could recall in their lifetime; two things in fact. He admitted being wrong.

“I am so sorry. It is my own fault and not your blame at all.” He put his head down and wept bitterly, hard enough where quickly even no sound escaped him as he fell prostrate before his sons, shaking his head.

“What do we….Ma….she’ll just die….oh, dear god, what the fook did we do?” Liam held his father in his arms and rocked him gently as they both wept. Má¡irtá­n just stood up and leaned against the railing besides the two, looking out on a calm sea that would not ever give up his brother in their lifetimes.

Some other when and where...

Here I kneel upon this ground
Love can heal
when truth is found

“Seonaid? Seonaid? My child?” The girl sat up at the sound of her name; the first time she had ever heard that name called out. Her mother’s face appeared before her like a vision until it faded away as the morning fog dissipates at the warmth of the morning sun. She looked around frantically.

“Ma? Ma?” Maithair, it was in a way, and a mother did come to her at break of day as Meadhbh appeared before her.

“Child, rest in the present, aye? Trouble not yourself with dreams of what cannot be. Be content in the moment and rest. I have someone here who will answer all your questions, for she had many of the same and will yet be able to teach you of your mission.”

“My mission?” The girl looked down at herself once again.

“Never mind being worthy, child.” Meadhbh said, anticipating the girl’s concerns.

“None of us is worthy, so to speak, but all of us are called for a purpose. You may learn of your purpose in life, for you were born for just such as that.” She nodded and swept her arm toward the shore where a girl stood. She began to walk closer to Meadhbh and Seonaid, and her face grew more distinct and familiar with each step.

“Moira?” The girl stepped closer and it indeed was her friend, and yet was someone she had never known. Gone was the oft displayed near dread that her neighbor showed almost every day. Gone was the sadness behind the soft green eyes; replaced with a peace and joy as never either of them had known back ‘there.’

“I have been called that, aye. But here I am Alannah, for I am a child once more.” She sighed in relief and smiled a knowing smile. Seonaid closed her eyes momentarily and a flash of fear and sadness crossed in front of her as she recalled the times that Moira and Dainéal had talked. Both almost wished for each other’s life until they realized just what that meant. Seonaid put her head down and began to weep.

“None of that, dear one!” The girl remembered all the cruel words that told her never to weep, but this time it was for comfort and not rebuke.

“Here I am whole, a child once more, even if for a time. Come, let’s walk and speak of this place; you will come to love it. You will learn to be at peace and wholeness, no matter what may have been before. Do not weep for me; time enough in a lifetime for tears, my dear.” She squeezed Seonaid’s hand as they walked back down toward the beach.

“Time enough? I don’t understand. Why make room for time in such a timeless place?” The girl asked her friend.

“Because it is timeless, but it is not forever.” Allannah sighed as she looked out over the calm sea.

“All must return from whence they came, dear sweet sister.” At the word ‘sister,’ Soenaid felt both comfort and sadness, realizing just what the word might mean.

“I must return to my home,” Allannah said, her eyes filled with tears, but with a smile on her face.

“I have hope and I have strength. I have a new name, even if it is one that only I know, and I have a mission. A mission for which I was created and chosen and I look forward to fulfilling it.” She nodded at Sinead and smiled once again.

“I….I must return also.” Seonaid spoke softly, her head down. She didn’t weep, but tears still fell from her face.

“I have a mission. Don’t I?” She was almost afraid to ask; part of her was afraid that she wouldn’t be up to any task, having no confidence in herself despite the life and love infused into her being by merely being alive in Meadhbh’ realm. And part of her was afraid because by admitting a purpose in that world, it meant giving up a life of peace and joy such as she had never known in this one.

“As Meadhbh has said, we all have a mission. A mission of purpose for which each of us was designed and born to. I know mine, and I believe you already know yours.” Allanah said with a wry smile, as if both had discovered the answer to a very tough riddle. Seonaid nodded.

“Let’s pick some flowers….just over there,” Allanah smiled as they walked back toward the woods and stepped into a glade filled with lush green grass and flowers that filled the clearing.

“Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,” Meadhbh said as she spread her arms. A line in an old poem perhaps, but an idea as new as life and as ancient as Meadhbh’s realm. Advice that both girls embraced immediately, but held onto like buried treasure to be discovered later on. How soon they would discover that treasure was not yet known, but it would be soon enough for both.

As they walked in the glade they noticed Meadhbh hold her arms apart in welcome, but not for them. A troop of fairies walked through the glade, singing and talking in merriment in joy; the daoine sá­dhe; gentle good neighbors as they were known. They waved at the girls and seemed to bestow a blessing upon them as they departed. Alannah looked at Seonaid and smiled, but shook her head as if she was disappointed. She stepped closed to the girl and bowed her head before grasping the girl’s hand.

“Be at peace, Seonaid á³ Murchadha, and know that you have a future and a purpose and a mission.” She smiled again and she began to glow and shimmer even as the substance of her being seemed to fade, almost like a wisp of smoke being carried away by a gentle breeze. And then she was gone.

“Alannah? Alannah?” The girl shouted but soon she began to cry out, “Moira….where are you? Where did you go?” She turned and saw Meadhbh shake her head no. Sinead rushed to her and threw herself at the Queen’s feet.

“Please….make her come back….I can’t ….please….I want someone to….” The girl wrapped her arms around Meadhbh’s legs and wept; her sobs shaking her body.

“I cannot bring back one who has chosen to depart, dear child. Once they leave, they depart forever.”

“But why….why would she leave? Why would anyone leave?” The girl’s eyes were pleading for an answer that didn’t hurt; that would not leave her sad and despairing.

“She knows she has a purpose; a mission, child, just as you do.”

“Must I go…why do you hate me so? Why must I depart?” Eyes that wept frightened tears; feeling already abandoned, as much as she ever had felt.

“You may stay or go; it is your choice to make and no one will think less of you if you stay. But it is because we love you that we …yes we all send you back to be and do who you were meant to be, and that cannot happen if you remain here. Long life awaits you where ere you go, child, but who you were meant to be can only be found among your own kith and kin. It is to that purpose you were born, and that purpose to which we release you.

“Must I decide now?”

“It is given to you to decide as you will; no time has been placed upon you. If you wait, dear one, the choice will be hard and the longer you wait to choose the less you will find for your purpose at your return. Only one caution I put upon you. You must know that your life is not merely yours alone, but you were made for the sake of others as well, and in that knowledge you will find your purpose. And in that you must know that one will greatly rejoice and benefit at your return, but you also must know that you will return as you departed your own world, and once you return, you cannot return here, nor shall you be as you are now.” Meadhbh squeezed the girl’s hands as she saw the grief in the girl’s face.

“I cannot be Seonaid? Please tell me anything else but not that. I couldn’t bear to change back. I cannot.”

“Child, you cannot remain as you are now but that you remain here. There you will be as you always were; every part of your life will return as it was. But if you do return, you will save another. You must decide; choose what is more important to you. But choose you must.”

Seonaid looked into Meadhbh’s face and saw no judgment…no condemnation. God alone and perhaps Seonaid herself were her only judges. She closed her eyes and saw the life she had left. Each hurt and each disappointment and every heartache and every bit of shame came back in a rush. But she also saw her purpose; the mission of her life that she had been called to before her birth. It would be a hard choice where her choices were measured on a scale of her own choosing and design; fit for what she held to be true and dear.

And she would choose….

Here before my time
walked men of faith and truth
In a land that was dark
they followed the way
Bringing sweet light
on an Irish day

It is here that time has granted
that the light
should still burn on
It was here a seed was planted
in the brave heart of an Irish son

Next: an Cinneadh (the Decision)

Gather Ye Rosebuds While Ye May
1909 by John Willam Waterhouse

Irish Day
words and music by the performers
Iona
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iW5XNyXevM