Crisis Time
McKenzie has a double crisis. Harassment at summer cheer camp has left McKenzie injured and on the way to the hospital. There will be no way to avoid a full physical examination by the family doctor, who is also a brother of the Family Court judge who is scheduled to make a final divorce and custody ruling in a few weeks.

**********
Crisis Time

A lot has happened since my first experience as a girl hiking on the Fairyland Trail in Bryce Canyon National Park. Well over a year ago Father asked for a divorce so he could marry his military girlfriend. The more I thought about him the more disgusted I got. Master Sergeant Jared C. Clark was a classic military man, aggressive, gung-ho, tough, and expecting me to grow up to be just like him. While growing up I had wanted no part of this, and had been glad when his short visits home ended with another deployment. The last thing either Mom or I wanted now was for him to have any continued involvement in my life. Mom had expected the divorce to be final sooner, but apparently Father was causing things to slow things down by asking for schedule changes and extensions. All this time Mom’s insecure personality has made her terrified about community gossip causing issues in the divorce and custody process that was pending in Judge Coleman's court. Aunt Karen and Ms. Byland have been far less concerned, and even suggested that I would be better off being open about my femininity.

When signs of puberty emerged I had persuaded Mom to take me to the clinic recommended by StacyLyn's father, Aunt Jessica, and I was now on blocking drugs. My little-boy build, my always hanging out with girls, and my attending summer cheer camp made me the target of a lot jokes and taunting school. Toward the end of the summer I had been assaulted by a group of boys at the edge of the practice field.

**********
As the ambulance headed toward the hospital the EMT explained that I was strapped to a backboard with a foam collar around my neck since the way I hit the ground made a spinal injury possible. That meant that all I could do was stare upward and think. I could now remember being grabbed by the boys and being tossed into the air in an uncontrolled spin. I wondered what kind of undershorts I had put on this morning. For school I wore boy briefs, but sometimes for summer cheer camp I put on a pair of smooth tight-fitting panties with no fly. I was too confused to remember. As my mind cleared I realized there was no way to avoid a physical examination by our family doctor who was totally unaware of my visits to the transgender-care clinic in California.

On arrival at the hospital I was rushed into X-ray then was taken to an examining room where a nurse did a preliminary evaluation. I was told Mom was on her way. In a few minutes Dr. Coleman came in and began a full head-to-toe examination. He was calm and professional and his bedside manner was very reassuring. After a while he looked at the x-rays again and told the nurse that the spinal restraints could come off. He left for a few minutes then came back.

“McKenzie, it appears you have had a mild concussion and some severe bruises, but nothing that won’t heal in a few days. You will be fine for the start of school next week. You know, I haven’t seen you for some time, so I really need to update your medical history. Let’s go over all the prescription drugs and over-the-counter medications you are taking.”

“Do we have to?”

“Yes, before I prescribe anything for your pain I need to be sure there will be no adverse interactions with anything else you are taking. Try to remember everything.”

I mentioned aspirin and a few vitamins.

“McKenzie, it is important for you health and safety that I have complete information. I sense that you are being evasive. There is nothing to be embarrassed about.”

I bit my lip and said nothing.

“I think we need to talk about something. I have noticed that your physical development is not what would be expected for a boy your age. Is this related to what you are concerned about?”

“Would you mind closing the door?”

Dr. Coleman had been our family doctor for years and was someone I had completely trusted when I was younger. Now he was clearly aware that something was wrong and seemed determined to get all the information. Slowly my answers became less evasive and I sensed that talking to him about my gender issues was the right thing to do. He kept reassuring me that whatever I said would be kept confidential and I believed him.

Finally I seemed to have answered all Dr. Coleman's questions to his satisfaction.

"McKenzie, you made the right decision in telling me the truth. I promise to treat this as confidential, but it would be best if you gave me permission to discuss what you told me with your mother."

"Permission?"

"Yes, you are old enough to make certain medical decisions about yourself. Doctors frequently deal with teenage issues related sexuality including venereal disease, need for contraception, and unplanned pregnancy. Many times teenagers are afraid to talk to their parents, and much harm would result if they could not turn to a trusted medical professional. Professional ethics and the patient privacy laws insure that a doctor can act in the patient's best interests even when teenagers do not want to involve their parents.

"But, involving parents almost always helps, and is something I recommend except in cases of neglect or abuse. I understand your reasons for keeping this from your father. Your mother already knows about your gender issues, I am only asking your permission to let her know we have had this conversation."

"OK, when she gets here you can talk to her."

Mom nearly fainted when she discovered that I had told Dr. Coleman about my closeted dressing as a girl, my attempts to self-treat with over-the-counter herbals, and my traveling to California to get puberty blockers. "McKenzie, this is awful."

"No, Mrs. Clark, discussing these issues openly with your family doctor is something that is best for McKenzie. I wish you had involved me earlier. I would have been willing to help before, and I am willing to help now. There is no need to drive to ten hours for a monthly blood test and injection. With your permission I can work with the clinic to take care of the routine monthly visits in my office and can exchange information with them so that the gender-care specialists can provide oversight."

"But, what about your brother, Judge Coleman."

"First, I respect patient confidentiality. Second, having psychological tendencies that differ from gender norms is not illegal. I regard McKenzie as having a medical condition that needs to be addressed. Third, my brother and I respect our professional boundaries. I do not discuss patients with him, and he does not discuss pending cases with me."

I don't know if Mom believed Dr. Coleman or not. She did not say a word on the way home. She seemed to be in a daze and driving on autopilot. When we got back home Aunt Karen and Kaylie were already there and they helped me get into bed. The pain reliever that the doctor gave me put me right to sleep.

**************
Mom's concerns increased when she got another call from the court-appointed custody evaluator. It appeared that my father was now raising the issue about my 'proper upbringing' and had asked for an investigation into why I was being harassed at school. The custody social worker would have to do another home-visit report for the judge.

Mom emphasized how important it was to show I was 'normal and healthy' in spite of my recent visit to the hospital after the injury. I carefully checked my room for any stray girl items before the social worker visit. For the interview I put on the most masculine clothes I still owned. To cover up my noticeable gynecomastia I put on a really tight tee shirt the compressed my chest and covered that with a heavy loose-fitting tee shirt, then a heavy outer shirt. I combed my hair into something boyish, and resolved to put on a credible performance. No ankles crossed, no knees together, no hands folded in my lap mistakes this time.

The social worker visit happened without incident, as best as I can tell. She did quick walk though of the house with a checklist that was basically building code and health issues - making sure Mom was housing me in acceptable conditions. Then we went through interviews with me individually and with me and Mom together. She was very reserved and professional in her manner, unlike last time she did not give much of a hint as to her thinking.

Afterwards Mom came out of the bathroom with a padded bra hanging from her finger. "I thought you checked carefully. I hope she did not notice this. She wouldn't have believed it if I said it was something Kaylie had left."

*******
Finally, the family court hearing date arrived. The lawyers had submitted their briefs to the judge, and all the court-requested reports had been filed. I convinced myself everything would work out, but Mom was incredibly worried. She kept thinking of all the things that could go wrong. Everything that could possibly affect Judge Coleman's opinion of her as a parent was cause for concern. Aunt Karen did her best to calm Mom down but it didn't help much.

To go to the courthouse I dressed up in my 'school best' boy clothes. Mom told me that I needed to be well dressed in court, judges expected that. Well outwardly I presented as a boy, but Kaylie convinced me that wearing 'something special' underneath would help my luck. I am not superstitious, but I took her advice anyway. I picked out my prettiest pair of panties, the pink lace-trimmed ones that were cut high on the legs and put them on. Then, just in case, I covered them with a pair of my white boxer shorts. Aunt Karen and Kaylie went with us to the hearing and sat next to me on the hard wooden benches. Mom and her lawyer, a very business-like young woman, were seated at a table up in front of the judge. Father's lawyer was alone at the other table. I was relieved to see that my father had not shown up when the time came for the bailiff to call for all to rise as the judge entered. Not having Father there would certainly not strengthen any arguments on his behalf. I sort of listened as the judge and the lawyers exchanged formal comments that really did not make much sense to me. I guess this is how courts work. Finally Judge Coleman picked up a paper and started to read a long series of legal items one after another. What I remember is when he got to the part about me.

"... and further, I award Carol Clark with sole and exclusive custody of the child, McKenzie Clark, as this court finds maternal custody to be in the best interests ..."

Finally! What Mom and her lawyer had been advocating for months was now approved by the judge. Kaylie put her arm around me in congratulations, and Aunt Karen whispered that she had never doubted that this would happen in the end. Mom had her back to me but I could feel the happiness radiating from her posture.

The judge concluded the official hearing. He stated we were now off the record but that he had some personal remarks to make to us. Father's lawyer asked if he could be excused, then packed up his papers and headed out without even looking at us. Judge Coleman watched him leave.

"I make these remarks in open court so neither party can accuse me of favoritism. Mr. Clark's lawyer chose to leave, and that probably makes things more comfortable for you anyway."

He continued by telling us how he felt it was really important for judges to make contribution to society by helping people deal with difficult issues in their lives. He remarked that he felt he had been able to make a difference today and wished us all well. All this seemed like polite, patriarchal advice. But what came next was totally unexpected.

"I went to a law school at a very liberal university and always have considered myself to have progressive attitudes. Judges and lawyers need to take continuing education, and this year I attended a session organized by the Lambda Defense Fund. That session really opened my eyes to contemporary issues of gender diversity and the legal needs of sexual minorities.

"As you may already know, the issue of McKenzie's feminine behaviors was brought up both in the brief submitted by Jared Clark's lawyer and by the social worker reports. Actually, in a small town like Santa Carla everyone has known about this for a long time."

I noticed that Mom's lawyer nodded in agreement. Mom looked surprised by the judge's remarks. I wondered where this was all leading and what it meant for me.

"The brief filed by Sergeant Clark read like a selfish tirade about traditional roles and said nothing expressing concern about McKenzie's well-being. I would not have given much weight to Mr. Clark's claim that McKenzie was being unduly influenced even before the gender law seminar. But now I understand, better than ever, that personality is a complex thing -- influenced by both genetics and environment. McKenzie needs to grow up to be the person he is comfortable being, nothing else.

"McKenzie, if you feel you need to express your feminine side I want you to do it openly and with confidence. I do not know if you will ultimately consider yourself straight or gay. You may grow up to be stereotypically male, a heterosexual cross-dresser, or you may decide you are transgendered and chose to become a woman. Yes, I said 'transgendered', because that is what actually I suspect from the social worker reports. No one actually put that in writing, but I can read between the lines. Whatever you become, I want society and the courts to protect your legal rights.

"Alternative forms of gender expression are not illegal, even if they sometimes disturb more traditional members of the community.

"What happened to you at cheer camp was totally unacceptable. Since the perpetrators are legal minors the school officials and juvenile court will need to sort out what happened and what needs to be done in response. However, if you ever find yourself threatened, harassed, or denied your civil rights, especially by any adult, you are encouraged to petition this court for judicial relief. I am proud that this court can serve as a protector of diversity in the Santa Carla community."

I was speechless. Mom's lawyer spoke up. "Thank you, Your Honor."

With that Judge Coleman got up and left.

This was unbelievable. The judge had known about me all along and was not disturbed about the very things that Mom had tried so hard to keep secret! Mom, Aunt Karen, Kaylie, and I rushed into a group hug as soon as Judge Coleman closed the door to his chambers. The bailiff reminded us to be quiet so we would not disturb proceedings in the adjacent rooms, but we were all so excited that we had a hard time controlling ourselves. We headed out to the courthouse parking lot that was blistering hot from the desert sun. As we started the car to get the air conditioner running we saw Judge Coleman heading to his car in a sport shirt and the over-the-knee shorts that are popular with men in Utah. I guess this is how he kept from overheating under that heavy black robe.

"You see Carol, there was nothing to worry about after all. Judge Coleman seems to have known more about McKenzie than I ever expected, but he did not consider McKenzie's femininity a problem."

"How was I to know?"

"Mom, does this mean I can come out of the closet finally?"

"It's wonderful that Judge Coleman is so open minded. Now we have to see how the rest of the community reacts to your feminine side, McKenzie."

"Let's go to the mall. It's air conditioned there and we can have lunch then do some shopping for the new girl in the family. I can't wait to see everyone's face when McKenzie and I show up at school in matching skirts."

"Quit teasing, Kaylie. Let me just enjoy what has happened."