Another self-contained short story about a gender-fluid boy, his mom, and an understanding hair stylist dealing with contemporary issues. How will Jackie handle an upcoming road trip through a state with bathroom laws?

Jackie sashayed into the salon followed closely by his well-dressed and beautiful mother. Ms. Brown was a long-time customer of mine here at the Tresses and Glamour Salon, and her usual elegant hair and fashionable makeup were largely the ongoing result of the artistry of our staff. Her son Jackie, or Jack as I initially knew him, made his first visit only three months ago, and I had the delightful opportunity of giving him a pixie cut, which was the best I could do with the boyish length of his hair. Even a pixie cut gave his face an androgynous appearance which went well with his preferred nickname and his stated preference for socializing mainly with girls. I had an interesting time learning about this delightful child after his mother said she wanted to do some shopping and left us alone as I worked. I learned that his mother had agreed to bring him to the salon for a "trim" but Jackie made it clear he was ready for more. However, I have written all the details about Jackie's first visit before. Suffice to say that Jackie left the salon with a pair of starter studs in his ears, and his mother laughing about what had happened.

Jackie and his mother came back for a second visit to the salon about two months later. By then his soft hair had grown sufficiently for me to give him a distinctly feminine, trendy, but still short summer-time style which delighted both Jackie and his mother. As they left I joked that by his third visit hew would have grown enough hair for me to make him look like a real teen-age girl. Ms. Brown made a forced smile, but Jackie was almost bouncing with excitement as he headed out the door.

Jackie's enthusiasm on the second visit convinced me that this was a special child who needed love and support and personal mentoring as he explored his identity. His mother was providing the love and support,` and with my lived experiences I could offer him some all-important mentoring. Because of the rapid social changes of the past few decades boys like Jackie have much better options than my generation ever did. I knew I could guide him to professional resources whenever he showed the need and interest.

This morning Jackie checked himself in at the reception desk and then sat down next to his mother in the waiting area. On the first visit I had suspected that Jack, as he had been listed on my schedule, had a slight sway to his walk. Now, I could see that he was really trying to walk like a girl, and also had been practicing feminine posture and hand gestures. He started picking up the magazines and style books that we keep available for our customers. Every few minutes he would show something to his mother who would nod and smile approvingly. Occasionally glancing in their direction I could see that Jackie was sitting properly with his knees together and his ankles crossed. Meanwhile, his mother was stroking his hair in a loving and supportive manner. I could not hear what they were saying as I was finishing a blow dry for the young lady currently in my chair, but I hoped that Jackie was looking forward to my working on his appearance again. After I while I thought that something did not look quite right. Jackie seemed to be swinging from excited to nervous and it seemed his mother needed to keep reassuring him about something.

When Jackie's turn came his mother stood up and held his hand as they approached my styling station. I greeted them by name and complemented Jackie on his outfit. I could see that he had been shopping in the girl's department since the end of the school year. Today he was wearing pastel sneakers, light tan capri pants, and a black and white striped top with cap sleeves and a deeply scooped neck line. His starter ear studs had been replaced by medium hoops the matched the color of the bracelet on his left wrist. This prompted me to ask Jackie when he was going to start using pronouns that matched his appearance.

"Uhh … he/him is OK for now."

His mother leaned toward him. "Jackie, you know how much you enjoy hearing me use she/her/hers when I talk to the neighbors or phone your aunt.

"Yeh, but …"

"Well up in the chair, Jackie," I said as I draped a blue salon cape in place. As I fastened the cape I noticed a thin white spaghetti strap peaking out from under the collar. I wondered what he was wearing underneath.

So, Jackie, it looks like you have been experimenting with your appearance this summer. If you do not mind my saying, you look awesome. You have been taking excellent care of your face and hair and paying attention to your over all presentation."

"Thanks" he said somewhat nervously. "My friends, the girls I hang out with that is, sometimes say the same. They are my friends, not girl friends, if you know what I mean.

"Well you are not the first boy to discover that girls make great friends. Do you go shopping or to the town park with your friends. What response do you get when people see you mixed in with a bunch of cute girls? Is everyone cool with your appearance?"

"Yeah, real cool, Actually, most of the time strangers just assume I am another girl. I mean, the hair cut you gave me last time does make me look like a girl – at least from a distance."

"Just like I warned you," Ms. Brown added with a wink.

"Warned me? You remember that I was totally excited the first time someone addressed me and my friends as 'girls' and I realized that this included me."

"What do you wear now for everyday clothes, Jackie?"

"Sometimes I still wear my old, drab, boy clothes at home. You know, the ones I had to wear at school. But when I am with my friends I usually dress the same as the other girls. Slacks or shorts with a nice top. Like I am wearing now."

I notice both his tone when referring to boy cloths and the implied identity in his use of 'other girls' wording. "And, you probably go shopping with the other girls almost every day?

Ms. Brown laughed. "Every time I check my credit card balance it seems like there is another charge from H&M, Zara, or a discount store. Fortunately, most of that fast-fashion stuff is not too expensive. Of course, it does not last long either. And some of the clothes look really trashy on someone Jackie's age."

"Yeah, I remember the fit you had when I bought that slinky off-the-shoulder blouse that exposed my midriff.

"Well, at least your two friends who also bought that disgusting top were wearing a bra underneath. I don't think you realized how transparent that cheap fabric was."

I watched Jackie blush at his mother's remark about bras. This conversation was confirming my suspicions about Jackie. He was mentally into femininity, but still had a lot of unresolved issues. I also noticed from his body language that my questions were making him become nervous and uncertain. Today, he was definitely more tense than he had been a month ago. I needed to learn more.

"Have you ever had any bad experiences when dressed like you are now?"

This question seemed to cause a bit of stress. I was sorry to ask, but the issue was important to understanding Jackie. Eventually he replied, "Yes, occasionally I run into someone who knows me as Jack Brown, and I get a mean, disapproving remarks."

"Go on. Like …?"

"Adults say things like 'I can't believe your mother lets you dress like this.' The boys from school call me obscene names and shout insults to my face."

"So the problem has been only what people say?"

"There was the time my friends and I were shopping at a local boutique and I was heading back to the dressing room. The manager roughly grabbed my arm, looked me closely in the face, and sneered, 'You are a boy, aren't you? What do you think you are doing back here. Get out!' My friends heard what she said and they all started dropping their intended purchases right on the floor as they walked out with me."

"Serves the manager right. Confrontations like that are fortunately becoming less common. Nearly all the big chain stores now have national policies and employee training regarding respective treatment of gender non-conforming customers.

"Jackie, from what you are telling me you definitely have been challenging the social conventions that apply to a boy your age. How do you describe your gender identity?"

I could see this was another stressful question. "Take your time, and don't be embarrassed," I added.

I glanced at Ms. Brown and she looked like she was totally unsure how Jackie would answer. "Go ahead, dear, we have talked about this a lot. She is trying to help you."

"It changes from day to day. I guess 'gender fluid' is the most accurate term for me, at least right now."

I was surprised because I had really been expecting him to say he considered himself a girl. He had been showing all the expected signs. I knew I needed to say something supportive right away. "Isn't it wonderful that society has moved beyond the expectations of the strict old-fashioned gender binary?"

I could see I hit another sensitive topic. As soon as I said 'gender binary' Jackie tightened his lips and then started to get misty eyed.

I decided that because he had actually come to the salon for his hair the proper thing for me to do was to get back to business. "Now, how would you like me to make you look today? Did you and your mother find anything in the magazines that you would like me to try on you? Your hair is long enough to have a wide range of styles to choose from. Do you have any big events coming up that I can help you get ready …?"

"I don't know!" Jackie said sharply.

I watched his body go tense as he looked away. Ms. Brown moved up to the chair and gently put a hand on his shoulder. "Women tell their hairdressers everything, and I mean everything. Salons are a great source of advice about the most personal and intimate topics. Tell her what has been bothering you so much. I am sure she can help."

Jackie hesitated and looked down at the floor for a long time. Meanwhile, I recalled what I had gone through when I was his age. I knew I had to be very patient.

"I'm scared," he said quietly.

"Yes, tell me more."

"Mom wants to take me on a road trip to visit my aunt in New Mexico."

"So?" I asked softly.

Ms. Brown spoke up, "Jackie, Albuquerque is a college town and the people in auntie's neighborhood are progressive and accepting."

"But to get there we need to drive through Texas! That state is full of people who hate any male who looks or acts the least bit feminine. I am totally sure we will encounter people who will enjoy harassing me - or worse. I mean, Texas now treats things like Mom is letting me do as child abuse. And …"

"Dear, those stupid Texas rules are about things like hormone treatments for children. There are no laws against having long hair or wearing a pretty blouse," Ms. Brown replied trying to sound reassuring.

"Not yet, anyway! Still we both know what a lot of people in Texas think about people like me. The legislature even passed a law banning local non-discrimination ordinances that protect LGBTQ people. Those rednecks can make traveling through Texas hell for me.

"Look, I am going to have to go to the bathroom when we stop along the way. What then? Maybe if I go into the Ladies' room someone will read me as a boy and call security. Maybe some dude will harass me or even assault me if I go into the Men's room." Jackie drew a deep breath. "And what about eating in restaurants or stopping at tourist attractions? I will be at risk there too. I don't know how I can survive the trip looking the way I am."

Ms. Brown turned to me, "There you have it. What do you recommend?"

Foolishly I answered without thinking. "Well, I could take my clippers and give Jack a boy-style hair cut and then he could dress in a boy's shirt and pants, and …"

"No! No, no no!" Jackie was crying hard. The other stylists had seen emotional situations in the salon before and quickly turned their chairs so the the other customers were looking away.

I had messed up. "Sorry, I did not mean to upset you. Your response to my bad joke told me more than you can ever imagine. I understand now exactly what you are going through. I was in a similar situation once and what I just said reflected how my family dealt with me years and years ago." I turned to Ms. Brown. "This marvelous child really needs to be given the freedom to explore her identity issues. Please forgive my ignorant remark. I will do my best to help the two of you."

"Forgiven." But seriously, what should we do?"

"From personal experience I know that it is terrifying to be dressed femininely and travel in a strange place where you could be assaulted, harassed, or even just laughed at. But, I have learned that the fear is almost always far worse that anything that actually happens. Still, why take unnecessary risks.?

"Although Jackie says she is gender fluid it will be much, much safer to present as a 'normal' girl while traveling through socially conservative areas in a regressive state like Texas. Sometimes the gender binary can be turned to a shield. With your permission, and hers, I can work the magic that has made Tresses and Glamour famous. Our goal will be to make sure that a casual observer will look at Jackie and just see a totally unexceptional girl who is minding her own business."

"And how to you propose to accomplish that?"

"First you many have noticed that I switched to female pronouns for Jackie. That matches her presentation and will reinforce her female identity By always using she/her/hers you will be less likely to make a mistake in public. Between now and the start of your trip Jackie needs to spend full time thinking of herself as a girl and acting accordingly.

"Regarding appearance, less is more in cases like this. A distinctly feminine but subdued look that does not attract attention is exactly what Jackie needs to be safe on the trip while being true to her authentic self. I can give her a nice hair style, nothing overboard, and show her how to apply just a light touch of age-appropriate makeup. We want her to look like a totally conventional female, not like a drag queen, and especially not like a gender non-conforming boy. What do you think about my idea?"

"That sounds reasonable. Thank you," Ms. Brown said to both me and Jackie.

Jackie started to collect herself. "I guess being 100% girl for the trip is not the worst thing in the world." She smiled. "I may even decide I like the idea and toss out my remaining boy stuff when I get home."

I went into mentor mode. "You are lucky Jackie. At your age your male hormones have not kicked in and you still have a very androgynous body shape. Your height and narrow shoulders will help you pass as a girl for now. Right now I am going to focus on getting you ready to travel through Texas. I agree with your mother's choice of route. A detour though Colorado and Utah would be an environmentally irresponsible waste of gasoline, and frankly some parts of Utah are no better than Texas. This year the Utah legislature prohibited transgender girls from competing in women's high school sports even though there was only one student in the whole state that was currently in that situation. There was no problem to solve. They were just trying to make a transphobic statement.

I looked at the clock, excused myself, and then checked with the receptionist. Fortunately, my next appointment had cancelled. Great. Spending time with Jackie was more important that my earnings and tip from doing one more cut and style today.

"Jackie, I am going to spend as much time as we need getting you prepared for your trip today. But, beyond this summer's trip you need to start thinking about your future. I can see that you are enthusiastic about getting in touch with your feminine side. Is that what you want long-term? The sooner you start transitioning the better the results will be if you eventually want to become a woman. We can talk about all this whenever you are ready, OK?"

My explicit mention of full gender transition must have startled her. She paused and looked thoughtful for a long time. "But what about my friends? I think they think it is neat when a boy dresses and acts like one of their clique. What will they say if I tell them that I am not going to be a boy anymore? And what about going back to school in the fall? Who am I going to be able to date when I get older?

I glanced at Ms. Brown. It was hard to discern what she was thinking. "I am sure your friends will be totally accepting of you as a girl, Jackie. Don't worry. And about school …"

I knew exactly what to say. "If she decides to attend school as a girl I can put the two of you in touch with a local lawyer who has helped other families navigate gender identity issues through the school bureaucracy. Situations like Jackie's are becoming more and more common every year. Once an expert points out the applicable laws and even hints at litigation precedents the administrators usually cooperate and become willing to push back against any parents or community members who object."

"Since you are in the styling chair let's first talk about your hair. I would suggest keeping your hair longer, but subdued. No dyed highlights, no wild colors, not even a fancy permanent. I will give you only a light trim today. On the trip you should keep your hair brushed neatly and pulled back in a pony tail or wound up in a small bun. That way you will not attract unwanted attention. Your hair style should say 'cute girl,' and not suggest that you are sexy or glamorous. "

I continued in mentor mode while I worked on Jackie's hair. "You expressed concern about restroom breaks while on the road. That is a problem for anyone who is transitioning or is just non-binary or non-conforming as you have been the last few months. No one sees anyone else's private parts if the stall door is closed. Something that was never a real issue has been made into national news by Republican-dominated state legislatures that insist on passing discriminatory bathroom bills.

But, social conventions and fear of criticism are a real problem even in places where using the restroom of your choice is legal. It is awkward if you feel people have read you. What have you been doing here in town?"

"Well, I have memorized places that have single-stall or unisex bathrooms for the public. There aren't many so I always use them when I pass nearby.

Once, on a dare from my friends, we all bunched up and I went into the Ladies' room at the department store with them. I was nervous and I hoped no one would notice that one person in the group looked slightly different. My friends were amused when I marched into a stall, sat down, and did my business. But, I did get some kidding while washing my hands because I was the only one not reapplying makeup. Since then I have used the Ladies' room with my friends a few times, but it still makes me uneasy. On the road I will only have Mom for support, not a big crowd of friends to distract any nosey people. "

"Sounds normal for someone in your situation. On the road you will not be familiar with where the safe restrooms are. Fortunately, there is a wonderful phone app called "Refuge Restrooms" that lists locations of safe restrooms. It was developed by a transwoman, and is really helpful for people who do not fit precisely into traditional male and female categories. Unfortunately, many rural areas are totally lacking in suitable facilities. That is why I am encouraging you to plan to present completely as a girl. and become comfortable and confident when using female restrooms."

As they finished their appointments several of the customers who had been in the salon during Jackie's crying episode came over to my station and offered Jackie love and support. Their kind remarks were great for Jackie and showed her how females naturally help and protect each other. I have read that anthropologists often cite this feminine nurturing instinct as a reason that humans have survived and thrived over thousands of years despite testosterone-fueled male aggressiveness,

After finishing Jackie's hair I turned the discussion to clothes. "One again, less is more when you first start presenting as a girl in public. Select traditional colors and styles. A pink girl's button-up polo shirt or a simple top like you wore here today is safe. Pick things with a loose fit, nothing that would emphasize your boyish figure."

"And never a see-through blouse like the one that gave my mother fits?"

"You've got the idea, girl." I turned to her mother, "Speaking of that blouse, you mentioned wearing a bra, didn't you? Jackie should always wear something like a sports bra, or even a lightly padded regular bra. Girls her age are starting to show a little shape and we want Jackie to blend in. Jackie can present best as a small-breasted, muscular, athletic girl. The outline of a sports bra under her shirt will suggest 'girl' to anyone giving Jackie a casual look."

"So the rule will be: no high heels, fishnet stockings, ultrashort skirts, or revealing tops for you while we drive through Texas."

"Mom, I never wear things like that anywhere!"

"Just don't try to start now. OK?

I changed the subject to makeup. "Girls Jackie's age always want to wear more makeup than is age-appropriate. Again we do not want Jackie to stand out either because she is wearing absolutely no makeup or is applying way too much. I would suggest a cream foundation that matches her natural skin tone like this one." I went over the the customer products display shelves and picked up a few items for them to buy. "You want the foundation to be invisible but still make your skin glow. Watch how I apply it.

"Now I will show you how to use this pencil to give yourself more feminine brows and eye lashes. Not too much or people will notice the makeup instead of your 'natural' face.

"I think a little lipstick and matching nail polish is appropriate for girls your age. But let me suggest this pale' skin tone' shade. It is very close to your natural colors and no one will notice the makeup unless they look really closely.

"There is no problem if you get occasional complements on your appearance from women. What you need to avoid is getting any comments to you mother about how much makeup you are wearing. Even worse is if you start getting leering looks and wolf whistles from boys and men. That sort of attention is a danger sign for any female, but especially someone like you."

We had spent a long time talking and Jackie's appointment had extended through the fortunate cancellation that opened my schedule, and then had continued into my normal lunch hour. I didn't mind in the least. I wanted to give Jackie all the mentoring possible before her physical road trip, and also to build a trusting relationship for her personal and emotional journey ahead.

Finally they were getting ready to leave. Jackie thanked me again and again for being so helpful and understanding. Needless to say this made me very happy.

Ms. Brown took my hand for a last moment before following Jackie out the door. "I was really confused and upset when Jack, I mean Jackie, first told me that he, sorry … I mean she, wanted to grow longer hair and start wearing girly clothes when hanging out with his, … no her, female friends after school and on weekends. I had never imagined the my child wanted to be anything other than a normal masculine boy. When confronted by her gender non-conformity I thought of your salon and our occasional conversations about your background and experiences. Deciding to bring Jackie here to chat with you on that first visit really opened up a new pathway for both of us. Thank you so very much."

I put my hands on the back of the styling chair and meditated for a moment before checking my schedule for my next appointment. Mentoring conversations like the one today with Jackie are the most rewarding part of being a stylist here at Tresses and Glamour Salon. When my partner and I founded this business we chose a name that would suggest being not only for traditional 'high-maintenance' women, but also for members of the trans community. I will be here for Jackie when she returns from the road trip and I expect will be ready for her next steps toward total femininity.

Readers: Share your ideas for future stories about the Jackie and the TG Salon. I like voluntary, sweet/sentimental, realistic stories that incorporate contemporary issues. Love to hear from you.