Daddy Will Be Here Soon

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A gender-questioning child is apprehensive about meeting with Father after a long separation. The last time they saw each other it was as troubled father and closeted preteen son. How will they relate now?

Jack Wells dragged into the kitchen and plopped down at the breakfast table. The sweat pants and hooded zipper-front sweatshirt, neck-length hair wrapped with a ponytail elastic, and pre-pubescent face created a decidedly gender ambiguous appearance. Outfits like this at school made him subject to a lot of bullying, but his choices were a compromise between who he was on the school records and who he was emotionally.

"Good morning, Jackie. Ready for a big breakfast?"

"No, just some juice and cereal, Mom."

"I know you are upset and scared. Let's talk while you eat. Today isn't going to be easy for me either. It's been a long time, and a lot has changed since either of us saw Pat in person. You are a bright, articulate, middle-school student, and you can handle today's visit."

Jack stared at the wall thinking about how today's situation had come about. It had been nearly three years since Pat Wells had announced that his mundane job, suburban family life, and marriage to Bridget were over. He declared that he was moving to California to become the person he really was meant to be. Bridget's initial reaction was that Pat's behavior was a regression to adolescent irresponsibility combined with a typical mid-life crisis and maybe an attraction to someone younger. Jack's response was confused and troubled. Like most children in similar situations he had deep concern about what he might have done to cause the family breakup.

Jack had never been really close to his father. Pat had been a social activist and political organizer who always was running from campaign meeting to strategy session. On rare quiet weekends he would make attempts to talk to, play with, or just entertain his son. Jack always felt that there was a barrier that kept them from communicating about personal things. Pat would ask about schoolwork or current events, but almost never about Jack's interests and feelings. In a way the superficial small talk had been a relief because there had always been things churning in Jack's mind that he did not want to talk about with his father either.

Mom had been the parent who provided nearly all the supervision and guidance. Jack recalled endless battles with Mom over what he wore, how he played, and the fact that he preferred to play with girls. She never punished him over playing with dolls or running around in a scarf and skirt, but she definitely discouraged it. She repeatedly told him that he mustn't do girlish things in front of his father or even talk to Pat about having such interests. She never explained why these things had to be kept secret, but implied this was something to be ashamed about. The compromise they worked out was that most girl-type play was with cousin Haley at Aunt Brenda's house. Only a few of Jack's favorite dolls and princess outfits were kept hidden in a locked suitcase in Bridget's closet to be taken out when Pat was away for a predictable period of time. Struggling to keep such secrets certainly did not contribute to healthy father-son communication.

"You need to eat and get ready, Daddy is going to be here soon." Bridget's reminder brought Jack back to the present. "What did you decide to wear today?"

As he moved the spoon around the cereal bowl Jack's mind wandered again. He thought back to when Mom first started calling him Jackie. He had been dropped of with Aunt Brenda and cousin Haley while Mom had gone to another post-divorce counseling session. These sessions had been going on for months, and Jack could see that Mom was accepting the recent family changes better. That evening Jack had been hanging out in Haley's room talking, looking at video clips, and pretending to do homework. Haley was someone he could be relaxed with, and she seemed to be totally cool with the fact that his interests were not typical for a boy their age. When Mom came into the room he was wearing Haley's pink ballerina spandex top while the two were imitating some of the dance moves they had been watching on YouTube. In what had become a conditioned response to being caught in the act Jack had grabbed his own shirt. He started to cover up what he was wearing, but Mom had stopped him. His eyes misted as he recalled how Mom gently said, "That's all right Jackie. You can wear pretty things anytime you want from now on."

There had been a long pause as Mom looked into his eyes. Traces of eyeliner and mascara stilled showed even though Haley had used several makeup remover pads to clean Jack's face after she had experimented with one of the stage looks Jack had admired in one of her dance competition magazines.

"Jackie, do you wish you were a girl?"

"As long as I can remember," Jackie answered softly before breaking into tears.

Ever since then Bridget had been more and more supportive of Jack's feminine side. Gone was the disapproval of girl-play that Jack had experienced ever since preschool. In fact, her initial passive acceptance of Jack's dressing-up quickly evolved into outright encouragement on the road to femininity. Over the past two years things had progressed step-by-step from openly borrowing a few clothing items from Haley, to shopping together for a few girl outfits at the mall, to spending every evening and weekend dressed as a girl, to ... , to today.

"Jackie, I was talking to you. Are you going wear the nice dress we bought at Nordstrom's last week? You said you wanted to look good when your father arrives."

OMG! That outfit screamed 'girl' with the fitted waist and short skirt. It had come from the Junior's Department and was cut for a girl who had developed a real figure. Mom had anticipated this situation, and had told Jackie to put on a body shaper undergarment and padded bra before they had headed out dress shopping.

"I'm not sure I'm ready for that. The dress seemed like a good idea at the time, but maybe I could just wear some unisex pants and a pullover shirt like I do at school."

"Dear, we have been talking about this meeting with your father for months now. We agreed long ago that if you are going to continue to be Jackie you need to come out to those closest to you, and that needs to include my ex who happens still to be your father even if he does not have custody anymore.

"Remember that when you last met with the team at the gender clinic? They emphasized that coming out to family and friends was an essential step. You keep talking about wanting to make a social transition and attend school as a girl. How will you present Jackie to your classmates if you hesitate to show what you claim to be your real self to your father? Didn't you tell me recently about dreaming that you were starting to take hormones? You are the one to make dreams into reality."

"But, what if ...?"

"Don't worry. Times have changed, I've changed, you've changed, Pat has changed. Your father and I grew up in an era where being transgender was something between a criminal perversion and a mental illness. The rare people who managed to transition were advised to abandon all their friends and family and move to a new city where their past could be kept a secret. The problem was that living in constant fear of the past being discovered caused tremendous psychological stress; and the effects of this socially imposed stress caused transgender people to be regarded as sick. Finally brave pioneers started openly acknowledging their identity and proclaim that being transgender is no barrier to a successful life. Society started to become accepting. Jackie, nowadays there is no need for you to keep your feminine self a secret. Your being closeted is bad for you and bad for your relationship with your father."

"But, dad and I never talked much about anything personal before he moved out. We certainly did not talk about my being a girl back then. What makes you think he is ready to see me as Jackie now?"

"I was a big part the problem back then, dear. When Pat and I first noticed that you were showing girlish tendencies at age three I panicked and tried to exclude your father. Pat was, and still is, a very strong-willed person who pushes his ideas and values on others. From what I knew about his past I was afraid he would use his influence in ways that could harm you. I had a long conversation with Pat and demanded that he would never, ever discuss gender roles or gender identity with you unless I was in the room. I said that I would do my best to encourage you to act like a normal boy, and did not believe parents should force gender roles on children. That remained my attitude until Pat moved out.

"You remember that I started taking counseling soon after the divorce. Those sessions helped me realize I had conflicting emotions and a lot of prejudice about non-traditional gender behavior. Those conflicting attitudes contributed to the breakup. The counselor convinced me that I had to accept people for what they are, and especially that I had to let you be yourself. Once I saw what had been happening I could see a path ahead. That was when I started letting you be Jackie as much as you wanted."

"I remember how suddenly your attitude changed, Mom. Things between us are much better now."

"Before Pat left our family life was always so awkward. I remember your father struggling to be a male role model."

"Yeah, Dad and I never seemed to have anything in common to talk about. There was so much I couldn't talk about at all because you endlessly warned me to keep my dress-up activities secret. He may have suspected something, but he never asked directly back then. I am not sure what I would have said if he asked about my dolls and scarves." Jackie paused, "and, I am not sure what I want to say to him if he sees me in a dress now either."

"Seeing you as Jackie today is not going to be a compete surprise to Pat. More than a few of our mutual acquaintances in this town have caught glimpses of you in the back yard or in the car when you were in girl mode. This gossip has undoubtedly been passed on. Besides, Aunt Brenda and I have both dropped strong hints about you to Pat. We have held off saying anything definitive because you have not yet made a commitment to go ahead and transition."

"What do you want me to do?"

"It's not what I want - this is your choice, dear. You have clearly been enjoying your time as Jackie. If you want to put your girl clothes in the charity bin and become Jack again full-time that is perfectly fine with me. But, you know I would be absolutely delighted if you decided to grow up as my charming daughter.

"I guess I need to make that decision soon. Haley keeps teasing me about when I am going to get breasts."

"Remember what the doctor said at your last clinic visit. Your biological clock is ticking, and girls your age are already well into puberty. Successful transitioning is much easier for boys who start hormone treatment before their voice changes and a beard develops. Of course, some men with transgender tendencies wait years or even decades before finally admitting they really want to become women. They end up spending a fortune trying with limited success to undo the awful effects of testosterone.

"So, is your father going to meet Jackie today or not?"

Jack nodded, got up from the table, and headed upstairs to get dressed. He was holding up a pair of white slacks and a fitted purple v-neck pullover top when he heard Haley knock and sweetly ask to come in.

"You aren't going to wear that, are you? That outfit makes you look gay, but not like a girl."

"What are you doing here?"

"My Mom and I are here to support you today. We will stay in the background and won't say anything unless absolutely necessary. We just want to be here in case you need us."

"You know I don't like being called gay."

"Sorry, I meant the term in a positive sense, like saying 'gay pride.' Your mom told me that a goal of this meeting is open a conversation with your father about gender identity. You keep telling us you think of your self as a real girl, not as an effeminate boy."

"So you think I should wear one of my dresses and some makeup instead of these slacks and pullover when I meet my dad?"

"Be yourself, be authentic. You don't want to give a mixed message, do you?"

"By the way, I think of myself as a girl, but I have crushes on girls too."

"I know, but remember we are first cousins," Haley giggled.

Haley started rummaging through Jackie's drawer looking for a pair of panty hose as Jackie took the Nordstrom's dress off the hanger. The dress the Mom had talked Jackie into buying was called a skater dress, and it was cut for a teen girl with an athletic but feminine figure. It had a sheer, gathered front yoke, a textured open-weave outer layer over an opaque lining, sparkling rhinestones at the waist, a short slightly gathered skirt, and a dramatic back cutout. The deep pink, a shade often called rose or coral, complemented Jackie's natural skin tone.

"That dress will look OK with your narrow hips if you play with the belt, but you definitely need to put on one of your padded bras, Jackie. That dress needs to be filled out in front to hang right." Haley pulled a pink lace-trimmed bra and matching panties from the drawer and handed them to Jackie. "Get started while I look through your shoes and accessories so we can complete your outfit."

"And you expect me to change in front of you?"

"I saw 'it' when we were 'playing doctor' years ago. Just turn around. I won't stare."

A while later Jackie was dressed up and sitting pretty and proper as Haley applied a light touch of age-appropriate makeup. From Jackie's collection she selected a natural foundation, a hint of blush, and a pale lipstick. The result was tasteful and nothing like the dramatic dancer's stage makeup they occasionally experimented with. Haley sprayed on some styling conditioner and brushed out Jackie's hair.

"It's great that you have been letting your hair grow out so I have something to work with. Too bad you haven't gotten your ears pierced yet."

Jackie reached into the jewelry box. "These pierced-look hoops will be OK, don't you think?"

"Yes, but I don't know why you keep putting piercing off. At least three boys at school have studs in their ears."

Haley and Jackie debated over choosing shoes with Haley leaning toward ultra-feminine high heels and Jackie wanting something practical to avoid tripping. They compromised on tan medium-heel open-toe shoes with a delicate ankle strap. Finally, Jackie sashayed out to the full-length mirror in the hall and twirled around. "Do you think I pass?"

Bridget and Brenda came out of the kitchen to admire the fashion show. "Jackie, you look marvelous," they exclaimed in unison. "Pat will be delighted to see what his new daughter looks like."

Jackie cringed. "Are you sure that he is going to accept me dressed as a girl?"

"Pat today is not the father you remember. We have discussed this time and time again. Keep a open mind and everything will be all right."

"We still have some time. Can I do your nails?" begged Haley.

"Sure," said Jackie looking at the back of her hands. "Might as well be as much of a girl as possible."

"Lets get started, I think your pink coral polish will look great with that dress color."

Bridget glanced at the time "Don't take too long, girls."

Bridget and Brenda where waiting in the living room as Haley and Jackie returned. Jackie gracefully smoothed out the dress underneath as she sat down on the couch and then crossed her ankles.

"Looks like you have been practicing," Brenda remarked approvingly.

"Is my father coming alone or will he be with his new partner?"

"They both came on the drive here from San Francisco. The last time we talked Pat said it was important for you to see them as a couple today."

Jackie fidgeted on the couch. "I'm scared."

"Jackie, accepting change in people is hard, especially when they are close to you. We all need to be loving, open-minded, and empathetic. Biological family relationships are important no matter how people choose to live. I am sure you and Pat will get along just fine."

Just then they heard a car pull into the driveway. Two heads were visible behind the windshield, but the glare of the sun prevented distinguishing the faces. Three years of major changes is a long time to be separated, Jackie thought as the doorbell rang. Jackie remembered Mom commenting to Brenda that Jack and Pat would barely recognize each other if they passed on the street now.

"Jackie, get the door and welcome our guests."

Reluctantly Jackie opened the front door. Standing outside was a solidly built, medium tall woman in an elegant crimson dress, high heels, shoulder-length flowing hair, and bright lipstick that matched her long fingernails. Her necklace called attention to the distinct cleavage between her well-shaped breasts. Jackie instinctively stepped back as the woman came through the door with a sexy stride and then placed her hand on her hip.

"Hello Jackie."

"Uhh ... Hello Dad?"

As they embraced Jackie heard a whisper in her ear. "My charming little Jackie and I can finally have the girl-to-girl talk I wanted so much for so many years. Darling, you never realized how much we have in common."

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Comments

Had a feeling that this was

Had a feeling that this was going to happen, but I am truly glad it did for Jackie's sake. Wonderful.

nice twist

Good twist at the end. At least we know why Pat was so distant with Jackie, she was projecting some of her own frustrations on Jackie unintentionally hurting her.

I hope they are able to patch things up, Jackie has a role model and someone who understands her in ways her mom, aunt, and cousin can't. Hopefully Pat will able to have a better relationship as mother/daughter than as father/son.

I'm told STFU more times in a day than most people get told in a lifetime

cool!

they can do girl talk!

DogSig.png

I wonder if...

That story is great, however, I wonder if transgenderism is in the genes. I mean, since this is almost new, I wonder if it is genetics.

Nice story...any additions? If Pat is politically active (in gay and transgender rights?), I wonder what she would say about stem cell eggs and seem and stem cell uterus... :)

TGSine --958

Neat story

Jamie Lee's picture

Mom is right, others accepting change in someone can be hard. But who is the one accepting the change? And does their opinion really matter?

The ending was a nice twist, though it was suspected. Perhaps now that Jackie sees Pat she'll be less reluctant to come out to others. After all, if dad can do it so can her daughter.

Others have feelings too.

I wonder....

....How often this scenario has played out in real life?

I suppose I should have

I suppose I should have expected the ending, but I didn't.
I had expected Pat to have transitioned but I ignored the point about Mum's difficulties with non-traditional gender and had expected Pat to be single.

It may be important that Jackie sees Pat's partner, but we don't get to know what gender they present.