Dear Reader, This is a rough draft of the first chapter of a new Wildcats book. As you read please think about a few things to help me do better. (1.) Is it clear? (2.) What do you like about it? (3.) What don't you like about it? (4.) What would you like to hear more about?

Phil and Richard watched as the four women hugged and kissed. It was the first time they’d all been back together at the band house since the Warner Company jet had dropped them off. Everyone had taken Richard’s advice and taken the week off.
       Terry sat back quietly and listened. He knew he’d felt sorry for himself since his surgery but didn’t want to be a wet blanket by saying anything.
 
       He closed his eyes and remembered coming home from surgery, feeling the painkillers wearing off, lying in bed carefully trying to keep the ice pack firmly lodged between his legs. He ached everywhere and remembered sitting up slowly, trying to keep the cold surface on the incision. As a second set of hands helped him get comfortable, Terry looked over to see Jenn watching and mustered a weak smile.
       She’d been there the whole time and hadn’t left his side.
       Terry looked at her beautiful face and wondered what she was thinking. He took a deep breath and shook his head. “Jenn, everything’s gone. All the choices I thought I’d have all slipped away.” He shook his head. No, he’d never be a man with big muscles. No, he’d never return to being a skinny twelfth-grade guy in high school. Discovering you’re intersex was crazy, but this week closed all the choices he thought he might have down the line.
       Now, all he could do was wipe the tears from his eyes. He didn’t know if he felt anger, frustration, or helplessness. The finality of removing the lumps inside his scrotum forced him to admit just how fooled he’d been by his own body.
       Jenn watched his face and weighed her words carefully. She was determined not to feed the sad side of his brain. She leaned over and whispered in his ear, “How ya’ doin’, Rock Star?”
       Terry couldn’t help but laugh. Jenn always knew the right thing to say. 
       As he kissed her lips, he saw his mom’s head peeking through the doorway.
       She was concerned. “How are you feeling?”
       He knew Amy was thinking about his pain levels, and while he loved her, he didn’t want that kind of attention right now. “I’m a little bit sore inside. Maybe it was from where they made the snips.” 
       She nodded. “Well, let me know if you feel any sudden sharp pains or the area starts to feel hot. I’m here for you.”
       Watching his mom walk away, he shook his head. “Jenn, I know I’m sounding like a broken record, but I’m still hung up about my future.” He kissed her face. “I have to give you props. I mean, the way you’ve kept me smiling is great. You know I want to handle this the right way. But it’s not the physical pain; it’s the broken heart.”
       Jenn shook her head and laughed. Then she struck him hard on the shoulder with a closed fist. “Broken heart? Whatcha doin? Writing a country tune? Lost your huntin’ dog, crashed your pickup truck, and ya got no shells for the gun. Baby, you’re working hard at digging yourself into a hole.” She wiped the tears from his eyes and made a face. She talked in a falsetto. “Oh, Jenn. Feel sorry for me ‘cause I don’t know who I am. Boo hoo.”
       She leaned over and kissed him hard on the lips. “C’mon, Terry. I was there when you talked this out with Grace. And you knew what you had to do. But suddenly, you’re falling apart. Truth, right? Baby, I don’t know who I am either! After being abandoned by my shitty, Russian spy dad, who spent all his time weaving lies that he loved me, I had to face the world alone while my mom worked twice as hard to support me and my sister. Growing up looking all strange with a mix of Serbian and Asian here in Allentown made people turn, wondering what kind of mutant they were looking at.”
      Jenn stepped back and put her hands on her hips. “You need to go back to making lists. You need to start seeing everything that’s ahead of you instead of thinking about what isn’t going to be. Yeah, we need to visit an orthopedic children’s hospital where you can see kids coping after they’ve lost a limb. You need to see bravery as they struggle to recuperate.”
       Terry pretended to pout, then laughed. “Damn, Jenn. You’re mean. I was counting on you for some sympathy.”
       “Nope. We’re moving forward together. I’ve decided to tough love you up. You had an outpatient minor surgery.”
       “But you’re still mean. I want sympathy, and yes, until that point, there was still hope that I would still be a man.”
       “Right. I hear you. But, c’mon. That ship sailed. Your intersex diagnosis changed your future. But you still have lots of choices to make. The world is still yours to have. Maybe if the doctors had recognized your intersex status when you were a baby, you might feel different today. Your mom could have dressed you in your sister’s hand-me-downs and raised you as a little Lisa. But I can see something you should be thankful for.”
       “Thankful. For what?”
       “You got to experience being a boy. You got to bat for the other team, and be one of the bros! If you’d been raised as a girl, this intersex thing would not have been a shock. If you’d been raised as female, you’d have jumped for joy when the estrogen started pumping, curving you all up.”
       Terry grumbled. “I hate it when you’re so right.”
       Jenn grabbed the back of his head and kissed him. “Rock Star, I’ll go get you a fresh ice pack. I’ll rub your back and kiss your ears. Maybe I’m even nuzzling your neck. But you’ve got to find a different mantra than pity me.”
       When Jenn returned, Terry scrunched over until he was snuggled up against her. He was trying to smile.
Twenty minutes later, Amy kissed him goodbye, saying she was headed to Connor’s for the night. After that, Jenn called her mom and told her she’d be coming home. Her mom said to stay the night with Terry and drive back to their house in the morning.
       When she told him the news, he’d laughed. “You’re safe tonight. I’m out of commission.”
       Jenn pushed him back down on his bed and kissed him hard. “Nope. Not all of you is out of commission. There are lots of things you can do to please your queen.”
 
 
       As his memory faded, Terry smiled as he listened to Lisa talk to her bandmates. “Smith and I found time to travel to Austin, Texas, and meet his parents. They couldn’t have been nicer. After that, we enjoyed touring his old stomping grounds and even visited the old teen club where his band started. Then we headed to Nashville and spent time exploring his mountainside home.”
       Terry noticed the grin on her face. It was apparent that her infatuation was getting stronger. He was amazed at how she had changed since being with Smith. His sister had never had time for anything that wasn’t Wildcat-related. He listened with interest.
       “As we headed into Nashville, taking in all its honky tonk glitz, people were stopping me for selfies. But no one seemed to recognize the lead singer of Eaten By Raptors.”
       Later, when we got something to eat, he shook his head and told me that he was too old and the band was forgotten. I just said, “That will all change when you guys get out and start playing for your fans again.”
       “EBR got an amazing reception when they were introduced on the stage in New Orleans.” Zoe nodded. “When the world hears their new music, Eaten will shoot to the top again. Those guys were a worldwide success.” 
       Gina was saying she’d stayed with Grace at her place on Central Park. “And I wanted to buy her a diamond ring, but my psychologist kept turning me down. I finally convinced her to let me buy her earrings from Tiffany’s. I wanted to spend some of my signing money on the woman I love.”
       Tiffany started laughing. “You know, Gina, listening to you babble on reminds me that under that hard surface, you really are a big pussy!” Tiffany gave her a hug.
       Zoe laughed. “Well, gang. I spent all my time at Bruno’s. Since we announced our engagement, Amy has become my wedding advisor. Your mom has vicariously enjoyed planning a wedding she never had. And then and there, I thought my dad was ready to get down on one knee and propose to her. I also heard about you two coming from the same sperm donor.”
       Terry winced, grateful that Jenn wasn’t there, or everyone would have heard about her idea to be impregnated by the same donor so the two of them could have children that would genetically resemble Terry and her.
       Zoe was just finishing up. “I warned the two of them that this wouldn’t happen too soon and that we had our big tour coming up. And I stressed that Bruno and I wouldn't have little boomers appearing for at least a few years.
       Lisa hugged her tightly. “I’m just glad you’re able to enjoy these moments. I knew you’ve been worried you had a dark cloud hanging over you since your mom passed.”
       Zoe nodded. “Yeah, well, I guess I’m growing up.”
       Tiffany looked at each of them, shaking her head. “Well, while all of you were touring the world and making wedding plans, I was slaving over a video editor day and night.”
       Gina chuckled. “Wait, you’re saying that Mike, our video director and producer, has become your video slave. What kind of kinky things were you up to?”
       “You wish, you degenerate moron. No. I sacrificed my time off working on the band’s video.” She pointed to her chest. “This woman spent her time with Mike in his house and at the studio. We watched and edited our Cowtown video until it was ready for Warners. I’d even grown accustomed to watching the barnyard animals from the safety of Mike’s lap. I decided that the true love I was feeling protected me from being eaten or crushed to death.”
       Gina couldn’t help herself. In her best announcer’s voice, chanted, “St. Barbie! Sacrificing herself on her mission to save the Wildcats. Mike’s strong arms sold separately.”
       Richard smiled and turned to Phil. “It’s been less than a week, and everyone’s acting like it’s been a year.”
       Phil nodded. “Pack mentality. They’ve been together for so long…. Like puppies all from the same litter.”
       As they both quietly chuckled, another voice came from behind where they were standing. “Maybe, guys. But I think there’s more to it. They love each other.”
       Phil and Richard were surprised to hear that familiar voice so close by. Both turned to see Terry curled in the corner in a big, stuffed chair. While everyone had been talking away, he hadn’t made a peep.
       Laughing aloud as he turned, Phil said, “Hey, Terry! When you have a chance, let me show you our new studio. Warners installed this whole setup. Amazing stuff. It took me a while to get the hang of it.”
       Terry was grinning. “Yeah, cool. I could use some geeking out time. I never watched the magic behind the scenes when we recorded in Philly.”
       Phil nodded and gave him a thumbs-up. “Soon.”
       Richard cleared his throat and started talking. He watched everyone turn to listen. “Hello, Angels.”
       The four women turned, smiled, and replied in unison, “Hello, Charlie.” 
       All the Wildcats had watched Charlie’s Angels on the classic TV channel, teasing Phil and Richard that they were old enough to have watched it as kids. But everyone enjoyed pretending they were part of the late seventies crime-fighting show.
       “Well, Angels, you’ll be pleased to hear that we’ve planned an easy May for us. I’m going over a few details to firm everything up. But I need to hear everyone’s opinions on what we should do besides working downstairs in the new studio that Warners gifted us. If the gods are smiling and everything falls into place, we should be able to present Warners the second half of your album by June 1st. They’ve got your live material from New Orleans, and their people have been getting that ready this week.”
       Lisa raised her hand. “Richard, will we hear it before it’s released?”
       Phil nodded and smiled. “Certainly. Part of your contract with the record company reads that you have the final say before releasing anything. But I can tell you now that you will all be pleased. The live recording is clean and pure. All the instruments, vocals and even the live audience response were captured perfectly. Everything sounds wonderful. And it’s all because the Wildcats presented Warner with a tight forty-five-minute set to record. They had a pretty easy job.”
       Zoe smiled. “It was Terry’s idea to use what we rehearsed when we did the Chances movie. It was great to play that as our opening set in New Orleans. After all, we played it at least a dozen times for their club scene.”
       “More. I counted sixteen times, eight in the morning and eight after lunch.” Terry nodded as he spoke.
       Tiffany looked at Lisa and then at Phil. “I don’t get it. If it’s so perfect, why can’t we just release the live side and call it our first album? That way, we’ve saved all those extra songs we can use for our second.”
       Richard looked at Phil as if asking permission to answer. “Sure, Tiffany, we could do that. But if you choose songs that keep the same tempo and go one after another for the movie scene. It was great but didn’t show off the band’s range and ability. And the live set you played in New Orleans included a lot of longer solos.”
       Lisa chimed in. “I agree with Phil. We have a lot of other songs we didn’t include in that set. We only presented nine songs.”
       Phil reminded them, “The live side is for the real fans, but a studio side could be full of singles people will pay to download from iTunes. And if things work out, you’ll have “Summer Song” and “Run, Run, Gone” on Billboard’s top single downloads at the same time.”
       Richard added, “Right. If we get the total package to Warners by June, they’ll promote you nationally before you go on tour. You should get lots of airplay. Plus, with the album’s release, you’ll have two videos to add to your YouTube channel.”
       Tiffany looked back at them, then pointed to Terry curled up in the chair. “Okay, I get it. But please don’t remind me about playing in the Cowtown video. I still dream of all those hoofs and thousand-pound horses bearing down straight at me in that dirt area.”
       “See Bronco Barbie in her pink glitter cowgirl outfit, charging horses sold separately.” Gina grinned at her best friend while sticking her tongue out. 
       Tiffany shook her head and laughed. “Oh, my sweet lovable moron. It’s so easy for you to say. You were safely up on a riser while I stood ankle-deep in that disease-infested sand with those cowgirls charging all around me at high-speed barrel racing.” She turned to everyone and shook her head. “You’re lucky your bass player didn’t come down with some lung ailment breathing in bad bacteria.”
       Lisa started thinking. “Well, maybe Tiffany has a point. If we give them everything we’ve perfected in one big shot, it means we won’t have anything left in reserve. And if we release our best work, everything we’ve done encompassing our past four years, we’ll be left with nothing new. That doesn’t leave us much to include in our second album. If the tank’s empty, won’t we fall flat a year from now when everyone’s looking for another release? We’ll be written off as one-hit wonders.”
       Zoe shook her head from side to side, causing her wavy red hair to cascade onto her shoulders. “Nah. Terry and I will have lots of time to develop more material for the band for our second release. By the time we’re ready for our next album, we’ll have had time to play and perform lots of new music.”
       “Zoe’s right. After all, the band will be touring behind the first album for at least a year. No one is looking for a second album in a year. It will be at least eighteen months before they’ll look for another.” Richard spoke from years of experience managing bands.
       Terry hadn’t moved from his chair. “I agree with Zoe and Richard. We’re just starting to find our groove writing together. You’ll see how we’ll be bringing plenty of good stuff for the band to work with. And another point: we’re only planning on recording the songs we know well. There are still lots of songs to come. At my last count, we had forty Wildcat songs and are only giving up twenty-two for the album.”
       Tiffany stared back at him. “Honey, if you’re talking about being around for our second album in eighteen months, will you be okay? I mean, after what just happened this week? Eighteen months is a long time. Are you going to be Tasha forever?”
       Terry looked around the room at everyone staring straight at him. He turned and stared at his sister. Then he swiveled his head to look at the band. “They all know? All of you know?”
       Lisa turned and nodded. “I told them. It was more of a discussion about whether your lump was benign or cancerous.”
       Terry felt tears welling up in his eyes. He used the sleeve of his long-sleeved tee to wipe his eyes. “So you know about everything?”
       Everyone turned and looked at him. He realized that Richard and Phil were still looking. “Yeah, well, now it’s just a thing. Jenn noticed I had a lump on one of my testicles when we were headed back from North Carolina. I saw my doctor after New York, and it turned out it was benign. But, surprise, surprise, my testicles weren’t real. They were just fibrous masses that my intersex body had created long ago to kinda balance out my feeble boy parts. The specialists knew these masses would continue to create more errant cells that could become a problem. The decision was made to have them removed.” He looked the men straight in the eyes. “So now my ever-changing body is one step closer to tumbling down the cliff into womanhood. I’m still producing crazy amounts of estrogen, and my female curves are still fleshing out. Even my Jersey Girl outfits are getting too tight. I have to call Barbara Olson and go into Philly for adjustments.”
       The four Wildcats hadn’t seen him all week and only wanted to console him. Gina came over and squeezed into his chair. She held him tightly, nuzzling his neck and whispering dirty offers in his ear until they were both laughing.
“So, to answer your question, Tiffany. Whether you call me Tasha or Terry, this is who I have become. There’s no going back, only forward.”
       Richard and Phil grew quiet. They were at a loss for words until Richard spoke up. “I’ll handle it with Barbara. We’ll have them send someone out here to measure you. You don’t need to waste your time going into Philly.”
       “Thanks, Richard. But that’ll be fine. I'll stop at  Jersey Girl next Thursday when I see Grace for my session in Philly.”
       Tiffany crossed her arms. “Okay, Little. We need some rules if you plan on traveling. No more train rides by yourself. You use our limo service to drive you back and forth from the big city. And no more Ubers, sailors, or crazy perverts. We’re not risking our Hunny Bunny.”
 
 
       Terry smiled and reflected on his discussion with Jenn. He leaned back into her body and let her hold him. He curled up and purred. He loved being held tightly as she wrapped herself around him. “Oh, that feels so good,” he said.
       “Yep, you like being held.”
       “Well, you do, too.”
       “I do. But it’s different with you. You like being held and dominated. It turns you on.”
       “Yeah. I really am such a sad, needy guy. But it feels so good.”
       “Uh-huh. I get it, and it turns me on to dominate you. But I think it's ironic. You hate the girl label, but you like being my girl. You get angry about turning female, but you love it, too.”
       Terry pouted. “Some stuff is okay, but some of it’s hard to swallow.”
       Jenn smiled. “You’ll always have the right to choose what kind of girl you want to be. You don’t have to wear dresses and  do all the flouncy stuff just to find a man to care for you.”
       “Man, never! But that’s what Grace said. So now it’s time to forget my troubles and make my wonderful woman scream joyfully. That will be good therapy for both of us.
       After they played around, Jenn made Terry get up and out of bed. She told him he needed to move slowly and eliminate the built-up energy. They took a shower together and then climbed under the covers.
       They held each other together tightly until they both fell asleep. 
 
 
       Terry stopped fantasizing and focused back in on what Richard was saying. 
       “So we have choices. We’ll be in Allentown in May, but we’ve already heard about some offers for live performances. Of course, Robert would love us back at the Rendezvous. He’s offered us any weekend we want. And Sid Mack hopes we'll do another concert on the roof downtown. And I’ve already heard from Gimli. He wants us in downtown Atlanta for one night. He says he’ll put us in a ten thousand seat arena.”
       Lisa nodded. She liked the idea of a big show to pump them up. And they’d be getting a significant cash infusion for a big show. In her mind, she wasn’t interested in tapping into the $200,00 advance she’d just deposited.
       As if Gina was reading her mind, she added. “It would be great to get some cash rolling in. How much would we make from a show in Atlanta?”
       Richard grinned. “Ten thousand seats at roughly a hundred dollars a ticket is a million dollars. We’d see half of the gate. Of course, we’d have expenses. But you’d each pocket fifty thousand.”
       Tiffany shook her head. “You think people would pay a hundred dollars to hear us play? Could we sell that many tickets?”
       Richard nodded and ticked off his fingers. “Ellen, the Tonight Show, and all the hype. Between Show Us Some Love being played in the dance clubs and your furry animal bit going viral everywhere, you are making a mark. Plus, Summer Song is already playing on the radio. I guess that if we were to do a concert in Atlanta at the end of the month, Gimli would have adequate time to promote it.”  
       Tiffany shook her head. “I don’t know. It would look bad if we couldn’t pack a place.”
       Richard shrugged. “We can always add a group or two of local fan favorites to fill out the bill. You’d just make half the money.”
       They looked at each other and were smiling. Lisa spoke for the group. “Sure. That’s something to consider. I don’t think we have the confidence to fill a big venue yet. Thirty thousand people attended our New Orleans concert, but it was free. Really, the largest place we’ve sold tickets for has been the Underground in Atlanta.”
       Richard nodded. “Yep. A thousand tickets a night, and you sold six nights out over two weeks. The Underground collected money for six thousand people to enter. I think Gimli is confident he will sell out, or he wouldn’t do it. In six weeks, you’re headed out on tour. I think you’ll sell out ten thousand-seat arenas three or four times a week in different towns across America. I know you are insecure about the idea, but it will happen.”
       Phil agreed. “Let's talk to Bill Wiggins and see what he says. He’s going to be the best judge to help plan this tour. After all, it’s his baby. And he wants you to succeed.
 
 
The following day, Terry removed all the bandages in his groin area. It was slightly red and swollen, but there was no sign of infection. He could see his scar and marveled at how he was glued together. He idly fingered his scrotal sack and the skin thinking about all of this being used to form a vagina.
       “Jenn, why do I need a vagina?”
       “Huh?”
       “I mean, I’ve read about this surgery, and it’s pretty complicated. And the recovery takes months, maybe even years. So I go through all of that for what?”
       Jenn thought about it. “You can’t see into your future. You might fall in love and want to appear anatomically perfect for your husband and adopted children. You might want to wear a bikini or be naked in the showers at the country club.”
       “Right. So all of this would be for somebody else. I’d be having this surgery to complete my whole costume. But everyone knows that I’m intersex already.”
       “Uh-huh. But not everyone knows what you look like between your legs.”
       “Would you stay with me if I don’t have a vagina?”
       “Yep. I don’t care what you have going on down there. I can still get a rise out of you. But regardless, those nerve endings would still be the same if it becomes a clitoris. You’re not going to loose anything.”
       “It’s strange. You know, physically, everything is healed up. I look and there’s really not much to see.”
       “Okay, Rock Star. You’re focusing on surgery, but listening to you, it’s obvious there’s much more to it.”
       “Well, yeah. It was all done with a local, so I was conscious and listening to the whole thing. They hung this curtain so I couldn’t see what they were doing. But when it was over, the doctor told me, “We left all the extra tissue behind so we can use it for your transition.”
       “Well, it all struck me. Everyone expects me to schedule a sexual reassignment surgery now. It’s like everyone is assuming that I want a vagina.”
       Jenn squeezed him tighter. She kissed his ears and ran her hand across his breasts.
       “Jenn, it weirded me out. I mean, I had never thought that I’d want a real vagina. I mean, I’ve been gluing on an artificial vagina between my legs ever since Gina’s sister had my forms made for me. But that was simply to cover up my real genitals to fool everyone when I wore skimpy outfits. It was part of my disguise and I never thought past that.”
       “Yeah. I remember the first time I saw you all glued up. It freaked me out cause we’d been padding you up with foam, and suddenly you became real.”
       “Pinocchio. Sure, with the pads, I turned from a puppet into a real girl. But that was just the start. Honestly, I never paid much attention to my body. And it looked like girly puberty started before I noticed. But it didn’t sound any alarms. I never felt any pain or noticed any differences. It crept up on me. I wasn’t looking for it.”
       Jenn squeezed him and kissed his ear. 
       Terry swiveled around and went up to his knees. He looked down at his girlfriend and smiled. “Even with my body changing and well, all the estrogen flowing through me, I wasn’t thinking that I was a real girl.”
       Jenn kissed him. “Agreed. You’ve never been a girl.